A/N: Usually this chapter would contain bloopers from a show of the Teen Titans. It turns out though that the sight I got the transcripts from so I would know what the characters were saying has shut down. I thought of just making an Author's note here explaining that but instead I will do a little behind the scenes so you guys can still get a good laugh from my writing.
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. Enjoy and review! :D
Announcer: And now... (Drum roll) THE TEEN TITANS!
(The Teen Titans appear out of nowhere ready in their fight stance preparing for, well, a fight.)
Robin: (To all the Titans) Okay Titans, this whole place might be a trap so we have to be on high alert for any movement.
(All of a sudden, bright lights come on and are directed at the five Titans. The lights are so bright that it blinds them and they have to put their hands up to shield their eyes. Ready for a fight, Robin opens his mouth to yell his catch phrase when all of a sudden, booming applause makes them pause.)
Raven: (annoyed) Now what?
Announcer: (At a desk where most talk show hosts are) Here they are, the special guests!
(More applause and some whistling commence.)
Beast Boy: (Whispers to the team) Is that guy behind the desk Dr. Phil?
(Indeed, the guy behind the desk was Dr. Phil. He was partly correct. It was Dr. Phil's clone)
Dr. Phil's Clone/Announcer: Titans, Titans, come and sit down. (He motions towards six chairs in the middle of the studio)
Robin: (To his team) Okay, for now we play along but at the first sign of danger, Raven teleports us back to the tower, okay?
Raven: (Nods her head then starts to go to the chair farthest from Dr. Phil)
(Beast Boy sits next to Raven -of course- and then Cyborg next to Beast Boy while Robin and Starfire take the seats next to Cyborg leaving the chair closet to Dr. Phil empty.)
Robin: (Looks at empty chair next to him than at Dr. Phil) Are you going to take that out?
Dr. Phil: (Laughs in a way that only talk show hosts can laugh and if a normal person tries will just end up coughing) The last member of your team isn't here yet!
Robin: (Confused) Last member…?
Dr. Phil: (Points at random direction) And there she is!
All Titans: Bianca?
Me: Hey guys! (Waves at Titans, then crowd, then Dr. Phil. She notices the camera and starts waving at that too.) Hi Mom, hi Suria, hi Leo!
Suria and Leo: (From in the crowd) We're right here!
Starfire: (Confused) Friend Bianca, were you not supposed to be going on an airplane to a square?
Me: You mean the Bermuda Triangle?
Starfire: (Claps hands) Yes, that is it.
Raven: You were going to the Bermuda Triangle? Are you nuts?
Me: (Smiles) Yep. To both questions.
Raven: (Face palm)
Beast Boy: Wait, if she was going to be over there (points at random direction) then how are you over here? (Points at opposite direction with other arm and ends up tying both arms together)
Me: It's a very long story. (Smiles then sits down in empty chair.)
Dr. Phil: Well we have only an hour-
Me: (Interrupts) Once upon a time, I was going to go to the Bermuda Triangle.
Beast Boy: (Leans in) And then what?
Me: (Smiles evilly) And then I decided not to go.
Cyborg: That's it?
Me: Yeeeeppppppp. (Pops the 'p')
Beast Boy: (In awe) Wow….
Robin: Stories aside, what are you doing here? (Signals to all of them) What are any of us doing here?
Me: (Leans back in chair and puts toothpick in mouth) That is a question I've been trying to figure out my whole life….
Raven: (Annoyed) He didn't mean why are we here on Earth he meant why are we here with Dr. Drew?
Dr. Phil: (Offended) Phil!
Raven: Whatever.
Me: (Pops out of her seat) Oh that's easy. I just called Dr. Phil's clone to ask if we could do a talk show.
Starfire: (Gaps) But friend, Robin strictly said no talk shows. (Looks at Robin and then stage whispers) Not after the time they asked about his relationship to Slade.
Beast Boy and Cyborg: (Snicker)
Robin: (Glare)
Beast Boy and Cyborg: (Stop)
Me: (Openly laughs) Oh yeah! I had forgotten all about that!
Robin: (Crosses arms and pouts. Mumbles)
Dr. Phil: (Clears throat to get everybody's attention) Can we get to the questions already?
Me: (Very business-like) Of course, please proceed.
Dr. Phil: What is it like being a Titan?
Me: (Slumps in seat) Awww, not this crap again! (Goes through Dr. Phil's key cards)
Dr. Phil: This is a family show! And stop going through my things! (Tries getting cards away from me but fails because I'm awesome.)
Me: Hey, here's a good one! (Hands card to Dr. Phil)
Dr. Phil: (Takes card and starts to read out loud) Who is your favorite team member?
Me: (Smiles widely)
Titans: (Look at each other, waiting for somebody to answer)
Robin: Why don't you go first, Bianca?
Me: I'm not on the team!
Dr. Phil: Well then why did you say you were?
Me: (In 'duh' voice) Because I wanted to be on television!
Cyborg: I personally like Silky better because he just sits there and eats with me and doesn't argue.
Me: Good point. Raven?
Raven: (monotone) I hate each and every one of you.
Me: (Laughs) That sounded so much better than I thought it would sound.
Beast Boy: (Hurt, turns to Raven) You're serious?
Raven: Of course I'm not! (mumbles) Bianca made me say it…
Dr. Phil: Well Beast Boy, who's your favorite team member?
Beast Boy: (Blushes) A certain person named after a bird….
Raven: (Blushes then starts to say something but is interrupted)
Robin: Awww, Beast Boy, I like you too.
Starfire: (Furious and starts yelling at Beast Boy) You little jaoyei! You are trying to steal what is mine! Get ready for a fight to the death over Robin!
Robin: (Alarmed) Starfire-
Dr. Phil: So you have a love triangle going on?
Crowd: (Gasps)
Suria: (In crowd) I'm surrounded by idiots…
Me: (To Suria) Just like at home!
Dr. Phil: (Annoyed at the interruption) So who is it going to be Robin? Starfire or Beast Boy?
Beast Boy: (Freaking out) I didn't mean-!
Dr. Phil: (Interrupts) Shush Beast Boy let Robin decided.
Robin: (Takes in a huge breath) I choose-
Raven: (Furious) He meant ME dumbass!
Robin: (Turns chibi) Oh…
Crowd: (Silent)
Raven: (Turning back to normal) I'm sorry for the sudden outburst…
Me: I guess we can say who Raven, Robin, Beast Boy, and Starfire like from this little outburst…
All of the people mentioned above: (Blushes)
Dr. Phil: On with the next question!
Me: (Takes cards once again and lands on a good one and gives it to Dr. Phil) Here. Read.
Dr. Phil: Are you all still single?
Cyborg: Well though I've had a few ladies in my time (Winks and raises eyebrow at camera) currently I am single and ready to mingle!
Me: (Rolls eyes) You're such a player…
Cyborg: I am not!
(Cyborg and I start to argue with each other while nobody listens)
Dr. Phil: Robin, any special someone? (Looks at Starfire which causes her to blush then looks at Beast Boy causing him to almost puke.)
Robin: I think that information is confidential.
Cyborg and I: (After coming up with a plan) Robin and Starfire sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Starfire: (To Robin confused) You told them about our encounter?
Crowd: (Whoops and hollers)
Robin: (Turns redder than his uniform) Starfire…
Starfire: (Innocently) What?
Dr. Phil: (Laughs) Oh well I see, a secret relationship with the princess?
(Robin and Starfire blush but don't say anything)
Dr. Phil: (Pushes the subject) Is it because you are secretly trying to hide your relationship with a certain changeling?
Robin: WHAT?
Beast Boy: Dude! We're not gay! And even if I would be, I could totally do so much better than a stop light!
Robin: Yeah! (Does double take) Wait what?
Me: Okay I'm bored with torturing Robin with the fact if he's gay or not. Moving on, Raven!
Raven: (Looks up from book she conjured up) What?
Dr. Phil: Are you single?
Raven: And you are concerned with my relationship status why?
Me: She's dating Goth Boy.
Beast Boy: Wait what? (Gets up from chair) I thought you were dating me!
Raven: (Surprised) I am! I have no idea what Bianca is talking about!
Me: (Laughs evilly) I got you!
Raven: Damn you….
Dr. Phil: (Annoyed at being ignored) Another question!
Me: (Gives him another card)
Dr. Phil: (Accepts it and reads) This one is for Beast Boy.
Beast Boy: (Stands up straighter in his chair)
Dr. Phil: According to thing called a 'Harem' you could easily be evil and one of the strongest members of the team.
Robin: Yeah right.
Beast Boy: (Offended) What do you mean, Robin?
Robin: (Turns towards Beast Boy) Beast Boy, though your shape shifting abilities are powerful, I do not think you could be able to take on all of us if you were to mysteriously turn evil. (Laughs) I think the most reasonable opponent would be Raven.
Raven: (Glares) Are you calling Beast Boy weak?
Crowd: Ohhhhhhhh
Robin: (Retaliating) I'm not saying he's weak, I'm just saying we could take him on.
Me: (Serious) Do we not remember the 'Beast' incident. Beast Boy holds back. He doesn't want anybody to get hurt because of him so he keeps his powers down. Plus, if he were to make people believe he isn't a worthy opponent they will not be expecting him to be better than them.
Everybody: O.O
Raven: Oh my azar, that made sense…
Starfire: And it was 'the deep'.
Beast Boy: And almost true…
Cyborg: (To Robin) You just got pawned!
Robin: (Silent) O.O
Me: I'm not always a stupid little girl who doesn't know what's going on. It's a mask as well.
Leo: (To Suria in crowd) I am so in love with her right now…
Suria: Wait what?
Leo: O.O Nothing!
Robin: Bianca, we had you all-
Me: (Jumps up) The bunny and I have meeting right now! (Runs off stage)
Robin: -.-" Never mind…
Beast Boy: Okay, that's just like if a cute puppy was chasing its tail around which you think is so cute so you pick it up and then it poops in your hands.
(Everybody turns towards Beast Boy the same question in their minds. 'What the hell?'
Beast Boy: What? Hasn't that ever happened to you guys?
Raven: No.
Beast Boy: (Ears drooping) Oh….
Dr. Phil: (Shifting through all the cards but not knowing which one would be good) Ummm, why don't we take questions from the audience.
Crowd: (Starts putting their hands up like crazy and trying to shove each other)
Dr. Phil: No not the crowd (Points at crowd) the audience! (Points at camera) Dial the number at the bottom of the page and we shall hear your questions.
(Dr. Phil clicks a button that makes the caller go on speaker. Literally, speakers all over the studio make the voice of the caller really loud.)
Dr. Phil: Okay caller, you're on with the Titans!
Caller #1: Oh my god! MOM! I'm on television! (Background noises sounding like the mother responding)
Dr. Phil: Yes you are. Now ask your question for the Titans.
Caller #1: The Titans?
Dr. Phil: Yes, the people we are interviewing.
Robin: Hello, I'm Robin from the Teen Titans.
Caller #1: Who from the what? I just called to go on television-
Dr. Phil: (Clicks a button) Oh so sorry, it seems Caller #1 has been disconnected. (Smiles) Any other callers who really do know the Titans?
Caller #2: Oh my God! Tara we're on! Tara come here! (We hear footsteps) Hi Titans! Huge fan!
Dr. Phil: Well she seems to know who you are. (To caller) What's your name?
Caller #2: My name's Stacy! Robin I love you!
Robin: (Blushes) Well okay…
Stacy: (Screams) He talked to me! (More screams) Oh, here's my friend Tara!
Tara: Stacy, they know who I am. (To the Titans) Hey guys, it's me, Terra.
Beast Boy: Terra?
Terra: Hey BB! How you been?
Starfire: But I thought you had died…
Terra: Well you see, right now I'm in town and I was wondering BB if- (Is disconnected)
Raven: (Angrily with her powers booming) I guess she got disconnected.
Dr. Phil: (Glares at Raven) Next caller.
Caller #3: Umm, hey Teen Titans.
Starfire: Hello mysterious voice that is coming from the ceiling.
Caller #3: Oh hey Starfire. One question for you.
Starfire: Yes voice?
Caller #3: WHY AREN'T YOU WITH SLADE YET?
Robin: (Pissed) WHAT? How dare you mention Starfire and Slade in the same sentence?
Caller #3: Oh hey Robin. I didn't know you liked threesome. I guess Star can share Slade with you.
Starfire: Threesome? What is that?
Caller #3: Oh you see it's when three people get together and- (Gets disconnected by Dr. Phil)
Dr. Phil: This is a FAMILY SHOW!
Starfire: But he did not share what a-
Raven: You don't want to know.
Dr. Phil: (Sweat drop) Okay, one more caller, that's it.
Caller #4: Am I on?
Dr. Phil: Yes you are.
Caller #4: Cool. Hey Titans, I have something to say to you.
Cyborg: What's that man?
Caller #4: (Angry tone) You guys are a bunch a pussies! You are just fakes trying to get one fucking minute of spotlight! I swear once my bomb gets to your tower you are so fucking- (Gets disconnected)
Dr. Phil: (Melt down) That is it! What party of FUCKNG FAMILY SHOW do you dumbasses not get?
(Dr. Phil commences to destroy his desk, the empty chair and swear in multiple languages and being very creative with it.)
Dr. Phil: (Points at Beast Boy) And then your dog will start- (Is knocked out by Raven's powers)
(Everybody looks at Raven, expecting an answer to why she did what she did)
Raven: (Shrugs shoulders and stands up while holding her book) He was insulting my boyfriend.
(The crowd, the audience and the Titans are surprised at how nonchalantly Raven called Beast Boy her boyfriend. But out of all of them, Beast Boy is the most surprised with his mouth open.)
Raven: (Goes up to Beast Boy and closes his mouth) Your mouth will catch flies. Now come on, we have a date scheduled. (She summons up a portal that takes her and Beast Boy away to their date.)
Me: (Comes back) Okay the bunny was not there so I decided to come back. (Looks all around) Why are you all frozen in shock? Why is the stage a mess while Dr. Phil's clone is lying unconscious on the floor? And where's Beast Boy and Raven?
Robin: So. Many. Things...
Me: Well how much did I miss?
(All of a sudden a cell phone ring tone blares from somebody's pocket with the 'Jingle Bells' tune while a dead terrorist is talking about killing people. Everybody turns to look at me as I take my cell phone out and open it.)
Me: What? It's Achmed the Dead Terrorist's 'Jingle Bombs'. (Talks into cellphone) Ahem, yeah, I see. (Turns cell phone off then turns to the Titans) The bunny just called, said he was waiting for me and the meeting. Turns out I had the wrong address. (Leaves while yelling) I shall get back my peanut butter!
A:N/ Well, yeah. That's it. Sorry for keeping you guys waiting this long. I had major writers block and every time I started writing something I didn't like it. I strongly believe that if you don't enjoy writing something then you shouldn't expect anybody to enjoy reading it. I owe my liberation of writers block (and the Harem idea) to AkumaKami64. So please Review by typing it in the box below and hopefully the bunny will give me my peanut butter back :D