Disclaimer:We do not own or profit from Gundam Wing. For who could love Dorothy's eyebrows?
Warnings: Quatre and Duo both have there share of being an asshole this chapter. Future warning, this fic will get dark as they both get a lot worse, but don't you worry, fluff will be here, too.
Authors:Foxy Mcgee and Cltcmistress
He was nameless again, but this time he welcomed it, like the warmth that surrounded him. Here there was no pain, no memories, just warmth and acceptance. He wanted to stay here forever, stay and sink into it. He could let go and just rest.
A voice pierced the darkness and he could feel it... it was sad, familiar. He'd heard it call him before, was he the cause of this sadness? There was something he'd left behind, something to take care of... He wanted to hear the voice again...
Quatre watched the monitors. Did the heart rate just pick up a bit? "Trowa? Do you hear me?" He glanced at the monitor and looked back at the pilot. Leaning over him again he spoke into his ear a little louder. "You fight this. You've survived worse before. You're going to survive this. So don't you dare quit breathing on me now. Not ever. You keep breathing. Understand that?" He stopped when his voice broke on the tears still streaming down his face. Sitting up again, he dropped his feet to the floor and pushed the others' hands away. Wufei scowled at him, but bit back his words at the look of determination on the blonde's face. Quatre grit his teeth and made his way around the end of the bed to behind Trowa's back. Climbing up he sat on the bed and placed one hand on the sleeping pilot's shoulder.
Duo got an odd look on his face, then turned to look at the door. "I'm gonna go get coffee... I'll be back." He was out the door before anyone could say something to him.
Quatre glanced at Wufei before resuming his watch on the comatose Trowa. The Chinese pilot watched Duo leave the room. "I'll go with him. We'll be back in a few." His eyes rested on the back of Quatre's head for a moment, then turned and left, pulling the door shut behind him.
Wufei slipped into the waiting room where Duo was flopped in a chair next to the coffee pot. "Mind if I join you?"
"I don't care." Duo leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.
He took a seat across from the braided pilot and poured himself a cup of coffee. "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing." He shifted enough to stretch his feet out in front of him, tapping one foot on the floor.
He noted Duo's empty hands as he took a sip of the drink. "I thought you were getting some coffee."
He opened one eye to stare at Wufei before closing it again. "Aren't you just observant?" He crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot a little harder.
"And you're upset." Wufei took another sip then put the cup down on the table. "Talk."
Duo lifted his head from the back of the chair to look at Wufei. "Why do you care if I'm upset or not?"
"Because just this morning you were happy to have finally found Quatre and Trowa. You were ecstatic they were alive. Now you look like you spent the day at a funeral."
"I almost did." He looked at the coffee pot and sighed. "It's nothing."
"Nothing doesn't walk out of the room like hell was on his heels." Wufei folded his arms across his chest and studied the braided pilot. "I think you were easier to deal with when you were frenzied and digging."
"Maybe I was." Duo sat up and leaned towards Wufei. "You wouldn't want to know what's bothering me."
He leaned forward, dark eyes meeting violet. "Perhaps. Perhaps not. But if it makes you feel better to talk rather than keeping it bottled in, then I will listen."
"If your phone display is any indication, it's a topic you'd rather not discuss." Duo was studying the floor again.
"If my phone display was an indication of anything, it would be that I'm concerned and willing to hear you out." He stood and refilled his cup. "I'm going to go back and check on Quatre and Trowa."
"You see it to, you just won't say anything until I do."
He paused at the door and looked back. "I see you tearing yourself to pieces over something you haven't discussed with him yet. I'm in no position to say anything until you two have talked."
"I've kept a secret since the war." He turned to look back at Wufei.
"And I suppose you'll continue to keep it for some time. You've already indicated I'm not the one you want to share with."
"I'm not so stupid I can't see where someones heart lies." He dropped his eyes back to the floor.
Wufei stepped back into the room and took his seat again. "Whose heart are we talking about?"
"Pick one."
"There are a number I can choose from at the moment. But you are the one talking and I'm the one listening. Why don't you tell me what you feel like talking about?"
"I don't know, I'm confused. Who knew so much could happen in a week? Or even a day?" He ran a hand though his bangs.
"I'll make the assumption at this point you're referring to Quatre." He leaned forward and looked at Duo closely. "Are you so sure things have changed? They were each totally dependent on the other for survival and companionship for five days. In a hole much smaller than any solitary cell we've been in. That's bound to create a connection. Particularly with someone as sensitive as Quatre is to the needs of those around him. They've been out of that hole for less than 24 hours at this point. Did you expect him to wrap his arms around your neck and swoon like some damsel in distress?"
"No, but he hasn't said anything to me. Nothing. He spoke to you two."
"He said he was tired and that he needed help. He spoke openly to the room in that case. Why don't you try initiating the talk?"
"I will, when he's rested." Duo leaned back and studied Wufei. "I just need a break for a while." He looked away.
"A break from what, though?" Wufei watched Duo mull over his thoughts then sighed. "I apologize. It's not my place to pry." After a moment he stood again and returned to the door. "When you're sorted out, come back to the room. Don't forget the coffee."
'A break from seeing him like that with Trowa.' Duo nodded, grabbing some coffee and following Wufei back into the room.
Quatre shifted again. Wufei had found him an extra pillow before he left to help Heero. But he still couldn't get comfortable. Finally, he curled into the fetal position near the head of his bed facing Trowa. His eyes watched the line on the heart monitor blipped across the screen. He watched the shallow rise and fall of the pilot's chest. He watched and waited. His eyes remained locked on Trowa's still body as his hands idly fiddled with his prayer necklace.
Duo glanced at Quatre, then back into his now cold coffee. He hadn't bothered to touch it, he didn't want it anyway. He wanted to say something, anything to the blonde, but the look on Quatre's face kept him silent. He rose slowly and tossed his coffee in the trashcan and considered leaving, not that Quatre would notice if he did.
The nurse entered the room, stepping around Duo and heading for Trowa's bed, stopping when she saw the two occupants. "Mr. Winner! What are youy doing out of bed and off your IV?" She placed both hands on her hips and frowned.
"I'm watching him." He didn't lift his eyes from Trowa, but raised his arm and tugged on the line connecting him to the IV cart. "And I brought my IV with me."
"Well you can march your butt right back over to your bed and park it." She gave him a no nonsense look.
"I'm watching him."
"Well watch him from your own bed or I'll have him moved back to the ICU." She crossed her arms. "Now scoot Mister."
"Hm." He scowled at her for a moment before pushing himself upward and swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. His hand gripped the IV cart and he trudged his way back to his own bed.
Duo started forward to help, but stopped as Quatre stormed past. The nurse smiled and started checking over Trowa's vital signs.
Quatre climbed back into his own bed, resuming the fetal position facing Trowa. His hand returned to his necklace and he mumbled the prayer to himself as he watched the nurse check over everything.
Duo dropped back down into his chair, arms crossed, as he glared at the floor in front of him, ignoring when the nurse passed by him to check on Quatre. Once satisfied she turned and left the room, pausing long enough to give Quatre a look before she left.
The blonde continued to murmur the prayer, still watching Trowa from across the room. His eyes never left the pilot. He didn't even register when the nurse left and the room was quiet, except for the beeping of the monitors and the sound of the respirator pumping.
"Would you prefer I just left?" Duo glanced at the blonde.
"What?" He looked up at the sound of Duo's voice. Hadn't he gone with Wufei earlier?
"Do you want me to go?"
Quatre looked at him confused for a moment. "Why would I want you to leave?"
"Why would you want me to stay?"
"Because I want you here."
"Really?" Duo glanced back down at the floor.
"What's wrong, Duo?" He sat up, glanced at Trowa then watched the braided pilot's face. "Why would you ask that?"
"You didn't notice I was here."
"I'm sorry. I'm just worried. It's my fault he's like this, after all." Quatre flinched and looked over to Trowa again.
"Yeah, but we're all here with you. You don't have to worry alone." He looked back up at Quatre.
His eyes turned to look at Duo again. "I can't help it. I just feel so bad for what I've done to him. It's my fault and there's nothing I can do to fix it."
"Don't beat yourself up over it." Duo walked over to the bed and smiled down at Quatre. "Trowa will pull through. You'll see."
"The doctor didn't seem to think so." He looked up at Duo hesitantly before his eyes drifted once more to Trowa.
"The odds are always against us, it's when we do our best. He looks better than he did when we found him and he's definitely not getting worse. He'll get through this." He looked down at Quatre's hand, but kept his firmly at his side.
"Allah, let it be so." He chewed his lip and shifted to look at Duo again. "Something else is bothering you."
"I just haven't had much sleep, don't worry about it." He smiled. "It's starting to catch up with me."
"You suck at lying, Duo."
Duo gave him a shocked look. "I'm not lying... I'm just burnt out. After I get sleep I'll be better."
"Hmm. You were angry earlier. Your eyes were dark when you asked if I wanted you here." He shook his head. "Maybe I'm just tired."
"I felt like I was in your way... I'm not sure if it was anger or just me being confused." He looked down to his feet. "I still feel like there is a gap between us."
Quatre bit his lip. There was some truth to Duo's words, and hearing them was hard to swallow. There was a gap between them. It was one that he himself hadn't been aware of until he'd been trapped down in that hole with Trowa. "Still? You felt one before?"
"Not until after we..." He trailed off and bit his lip.
"But you have since then?" His eyes dropped to his own feet and he shifted them under the cover of the blanket. He rested his hands in his lap and fiddled with a stray thread.
"I didn't really notice it until just now. It was like you were distant then, but once we got here, it was hard to miss." Duo cocked his head to the side. "What happened?"
He flinched again. "Something. Nothing. Whatever, forget it. We're both tired and worried and just need some sleep."
"What is it? Something or nothing?" He looked at the floor before looking up at Quatre. "I won't be mad, just tell me."
"Why did it take you so long to decide how you felt?"
"Answer the question, Quatre." Duo crossed his arms.
"I could tell you the same thing." He tugged again at the string, frowning when he met resistance.
"Then answer mine first and I'll answer yours."
Quatre closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. "Trowa kissed me." He waited for Duo's reaction, not sure if he wanted him to yell or be calm in his response.
Duo closed his eyes and let out the breath he'd been holding. "Okay." He opened his eyes again, looking straight at Quatre. "I'm not mad. I can... understand the circumstances. But I'm not happy about it, either. Was that it?"
"I returned the kiss."
Duo backed away from the bed and fell back into his chair. "Okay." He grabbed the end of his braid and ran it over his other hand as he thought. "I... don't really know what to say."
The blonde looked up and felt his chest twinge at the sight of Duo. "Say something. Anything." His eyes followed the end of the braid, up and to where Duo's eyes were hidden by his bangs.
"I don't know what to say. I can't be mad, I understand, but it really hurts." Duo paused in his actions.
"I'm sorry. He- We- I didn't plan on it. We were talking. And he was so hurt. We didn't think we were going to make it out of that hole, Duo." He watched the pilot, waiting for it to sink in: for the yelling and screaming to start. Truth be told it would be easier if Duo would yell at him. This quiet struggle was harder to handle.
"I know." Duo kept his head down as he thought. "I..." He went back to playing with the braid. "I don't have anything else to say about it."
"Then answer my question."
"It didn't take me all that time to realize it. I knew it for a while, I just needed time to say it."
"How long did you know?"
"Why?"
"I'd like to know. If you don't mind." He watched, waiting. "Please?"
"Before we went camping." He lifted his head a little, staring at the foot of the bed, but not looking at Quatre.
"Hm." And after all the pressure of the trip he still hadn't acted on it. In fact he'd gone so far as to torment Quatre the whole weekend.
He glanced at Quatre then. "You hadn't said anything either, I thought you'd laugh if I told you."
His jaw dropped slightly. "I couldn't laugh at you for that, Duo. I didn't think you wanted me to say it."
"Well, I did." He looked back down at the floor. "That doesn't matter now, it's been said."
He let out an exasperated sigh. "Would you stop it? Just stop with this understanding and calm acceptance. Please. Yell, shout, throw a chair. Do something. Don't just sit there. I can't take it."
"That's a lot of talk." Duo looked up at him. "What do you want me to do? Curse Trowa? Do you want me to act like a child and call you names? Point out the fact that you tried to hide it and lie about it?"
"I didn't lie about it. I just didn't want to hurt you. I don't know what I want. Just not this easy Accepting-of-Everything Duo that's sitting in front of me." He grit his teeth and felt his hands grip the blanket. "I don't know what I want. Forget I said it."
"I can't really forget it." He leaned forward and ran his hands through his hair. "I don't even want to think about it, honestly. What the fuck, Quatre?"
"I'm sorry. Maybe I should just get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow or something." He lay back down and curled up again, facing Trowa's bed. Biting his lip he watched the machines and fiddled with the necklace again.
"I don't even know you any more." Duo stood slowly and headed for the door.
"Don't go."
"Why, so I can sit here and watch you stare at Trowa all night while you question my every movement?"
"Did you even think twice about him when that building blew? Or were you only freaked out by the fact that your supposed curse on people came through and I was dead?" He sat up and glared at Duo. Dropping his feet on the floor he stood and leaned against his bed to steady himself.
Duo turned so fast his braid whirled in an arch behind him and he stomped towards Quatre, stopping just out of arm's length. "I worried about both of you!" He glared. "I care about Trowa and was just as worried about him, I can't even believe you'd say that!" Duo clenched his fists. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me? What about you? You sit here and just take what I'm saying without a word. No argument whatsoever. Where's your fight? Where's the attitude you normally have waiting on the tip of your tongue. You're just sitting back and letting me tell you Trowa kissed me and that you're not happy. But you can't be mad. Well, you have to be something. So what is it?" Quatre clutched at the the IV cart and took a step forward. "This whole time you hovered over me. You watched me while I was unconscious. But you haven't spared a glance at him. He saved my life, Duo. In more than one way. And you are more worried about me being distant with you? I was trapped in a hole with Trowa impaled on a piece of rebar. His legs were trapped under the debris. We were alone for five days. Five days of nothing but the dark to keep us company. And our thoughts. Forgive me if I'm a bit out of sorts
"Actually, I did see Trowa, while you were sleeping." Duo crossed his arms. "As for you, I have a lot of something. It's called pain and you seem to have fun dragging me through it. What the fuck do you want me to do? Go up against Trowa? Fight you? Done is done, Quatre." He shook his head. "I don't know why you are doing this, dragging this out into some fight... why are you putting us through this? You wanting out of it that bad?I haven't been doting on you! I've spent the last several hours of my life watching you lay with Trowa, you didn't even know I was in the room or what the fuck I was even doing."
"That's not fair." He felt the tears come to the surface, but he blinked them away. "He needs us right now. All of us. And after what he did for me I feel like I owe him at least something." Quatre took two more cautious steps forward till he was right in front of Duo. "I'm not trying to push you away. What if I do want you to fight? What if I want to know what you said before that explosion was true? You told me whatever it took. Well Duo, you've talked the talk. Here's your chance to walk the walk."
Duo's tension drained from him as he stared at Quatre, his face softening. "I meant what I said. Who do you want me to fight Quatre? You? Trowa? Myself? All you have to do is ask and I'd give you anything you want."
He shook his head and looked at his feet. "I'm not going to tell you what to do. That's not my place. That's not what I want anyways. If I wanted someone to bow to my every whim I wouldn't have fallen for you in the first place."
Duo reach out to grab Quatre, but stopped inches from his shoulders. "I could just shake you!" He growled and dropped his arms. "You want me to fight, I agree to fight for you. But I'd give you anything you wanted because that's what I want, not because I want to bow to your whims! Do you have to twist everything I say?" He pressed a hand to his forehead and rubbed. "Dammit, Quatre."
"Who says I have to be twisting it? At least now you're doing more than just moping. Go ahead. Shake me. Hit me." Blue eyes met violet in a challenge. His hand released its grip on the IV cart and he held them to his sides. "Do it."
Duo reach a hand out, pausing right before he touched Quatre, then slowly ran his knuckles down the blonde's cheek. "What happened to my sweet little Quatre? Who are you?" He let his hand drop.
Quatre closed his eyes and leaned his cheek into the touch. "I think he got lost in the rubble. I don't know who I am." Using the IV cart as his crutch he turned and made his way back to his bed. He sat down and stared at his feet. "I don't know."
Duo followed him and grabbed his face, turning it roughly towards him, where he held it still in a tight grip. He studied Quatre's eyes for a minute before leaning close, his lips not quite touching the blonde's. "You love him, don't you?" He stared into the blue eyes before him. "If you want me to fight, I could claim you, I could force my love on you, right here." He tightened his grip even more. "If that's what it takes to claim your heart..." His other hand pulled the necklace off Quatre's neck and he smiled at the fear that passed over the blonde's features. "Then I don't want it." He flung the necklace down as he pressed his lips to Quatre's. "I hate this thing you've become. But I can't stop loving you. If you need to be with him to make a decision, I'll wait. Fuck him, too. Maybe you'll spare Trowa the dagger through the heart." He let go of the stunned blonde and turned away, not looking back as the door closed behind him.
If he thought the small space in the debris has been lonely, he was sadly mistaken. The finality with which Duo walked out that door was like a knife in his gut. After a few shaky breaths, Quatre recovered enough to look where Duo tossed his Christmas present. He wasn't sure which hurt worse. The fact Duo had simply ripped it from him and walked out. Or that he knew with a frightening amount of certainty that the person who walked out that door wasn't Duo. He'd just had a brush with Shinigami. Quatre rubbed his jaw, certain there would be bruises later from where his fingers had gripped his face, and stepped down from the bed. Kneeling, he lifted the silver chain and pendent, watching the prayer turn to reveal the inscription "For Quat" on the other side. He felt his throat close as he stood and placed the necklace on the bedside table before climbing back under the blankets. It took all his energy to steady his breathing and hold back the flood of tears. Curling into himself as small as he could, he rolled over and faced the wall. After some time, he found he couldn't sleep. Rolling again he resumed his earlier position of watching Trowa's monitors. Mercifully, sleep came quickly, and without dreams.