Part 1, Chapter 15, Soldier:
"You're very much loved, and we're here for you," said a disembodied voice. Time dragged.
"I don't deserve this." Shepard was surprised to hear her own voice. Shit, was that out loud?
She looked up to see Kelly Chambers. Fucking Kelly-Bear Chambers is in my house? She placed her hand on Liara's shoulder and said, "It will be ok." Wow Shepard, she thought to herself, you have really fucked up big this time. Victoria wasn't so far gone as to not realize what was happening. Liara obviously understood, at least partially, what she was going through. If not, Kelly wouldn't be standing in her bedroom.
Thoughts arrived in rapid-fire fashion.
What's happening to me? A combination of shell-shock, survivor's guilt, and uncertainty stemming from a fundamental shift in life circumstances, probably.
How is this affecting me? Nightmares, sleepless nights, occasional waking dreams, erratic behavior. For an example, please see current situation.
How is this affecting those around me? Liara is obviously upset. Shepard looked at her beloved, she wore a pained expression. She's beside herself. She doesn't know what to do with me. She's obviously worried.
What can I do about this? Fight, run, surrender.
Fight, I find a way through this. Whatever it takes, whoever I need to lean on for help, I fight. I fight for Liara, I fight for myself. Improvise, adapt, overcome; ooh-rah!
Run, I run away. Leave Liara, leave my friends, keep running, keep busy, keep doing anything that allows me to ignore this shit. I can't run fast enough. I can't run far enough. This is in me, I can't run from myself.
Surrender, I just give up. Kill myself. Just end this painful excuse for a life. No more pain, no more fear, no more fighting. Just peace, rest. What would happen to Liara? She'd be destroyed. My first death nearly killed her, what happens when I die again? Who cares, you'll be dead! said a shouting voice from somewhere in her subconscious. No! I still have things I want to do. I still have promises to keep.
Fuck this! I'm not letting this win! I didn't just save the entire fucking galaxy to keel over and give up. I didn't send Kaidan, or the 5th Fleet, nor anyone else to their deaths so I could just roll over and die!
I'm going to make this happen! I'm doing it for them! I'm doing it for myself. It's my turn to be happy! It's my time to settle down and live my life! She looked at Liara. They locked eyes. I'm doing it for her and me. I'm going to give her everything she's wanted, everything I promised her. I saved the galaxy for her, and I'm going to be there to share it with her!
She stood up suddenly, much to Kelly and Liara's surprise, and spoke.