Adam sat in the plastic chair in the waiting room. He was, for the moment, alone. Sheriff Hawkins had sat with him. Doctors had sat with him. He remembered a nurse sitting beside him, holding his hand. For now, though, he was alone. He waited. He rose stiffly and watched the sunrise outside the window, and knew they would be here soon.
"Can I get you anything?" A voice behind him said.
He turned and saw the doctor who had spoken to him earlier.
"No, sir." He said.
"They said you had no one to contact."
"No." He sat down in the chair. "We don't have any living grandparents."
"No aunts or uncles?" He asked.
Adam shook his head. "My father is . . ." He swallowed. "was, an only child. And my mother's sister died last year." He looked down at his feet.
"You have six brothers?"
"Yeah. I'm the oldest. I just graduated high school last month. I am supposed to leave for college in five weeks. I'm going to be a doctor."
"I'm really sorry." The doctor said.
"Yeah." Adam said looking at his feet.
***7***
"We have your brothers in a private waiting room." Sheriff Hawkins told him. "Listen, Adam, I can do this. You don't have too."
"No, I know them and it'd be better from me." He sighed. "Will you come with me, though?"
"Of course." He followed Sheriff Hawkins down a hallway and he stopped just outside a closed door.
Adam reached out with his hand, and paused before opening the door. He felt his legs shake, and for a second he thought he would fall to the ground. He leaned his forehead against the door and drawing in a deep breath, he stood with shoulders straight, and opened the door.
"Adam!" Brian ran to him. "What's going on?"
"Where's Dad?" Crane asked. He held Guthrie in his arms, but seeing Adam, Guthrie stretched out to him.
He lifted his baby brother into his arms, and hugged him tightly.
"Everybody sit down." He said. "Listen, something happened tonight. Something bad." He looked at their faces. They were frightened.
"What do you mean?" Brian asked.
"Mom and Dad were heading home, but this big truck swerved across the road, and hit the truck." He swallowed. "It was a really bad accident." The only sound in the room was Guthrie who hummed quietly. "They brought them here, and the doctors tried really hard to fix things." He swallowed trying to avoid the upturned faces of his brothers. He glanced at Evan who watched him with wide, blue eyes.
"Did they fix them?" Daniel asked quietly, already beginning to cry.
Unable to speak, Adam shook his head slowly, biting the inside of his lip.
"Are they dead?" Crane asked standing with his fists clenched.
"Yes." Adam said quietly. He turned towards Brian who had risen, cursing and punched his fist against a chair, sending it spinning across the floor. He turned seething, looking for something else to hit or kick.
"Hey, you are scaring the little guys." He said crossing to him.
"Who's gonna look after us?" Brian said, his eyes wide. "There's no one left."
"I know." He put a hand on his shoulder. "You and me, we gotta take care of things, Bri. Come on, man. They need us." He gestured towards the brothers who all sat crying. Sheriff Hawkins had an arm around Daniel who wept into his shoulder. He had pulled Evan onto his lap.
"Where's Mama?" Ford asked. "I want Mama."
"Ford, Mama won't come home anymore. She died." Adam said softly turning towards the six year old.
"But she promised." He whispered.
"I know she did." Adam said, and he put an arm around Ford who clung to him sobbing.
Later, Adam could remember little of talking with his brothers. He only remembered his feeling of desperate longing for someone to come and take care of him, but there was no one left. He remembered the sound, though, of his brothers weeping. It was seared into him.
***7***
Ford peered out from underneath the dining room table. He nudged his older brother, Daniel who sat beside him.
"I don't know any of those people." Ford said. Daniel looked out.
"Sure you do. See, there's Mrs. Sharon, Mama's friend, and Mike, and Rob. They help Dad sometimes. You know all these people. They came to say good-bye to Mom and Dad."
"I don't want them here. I want it to be just us."
"What are you guys doing?" Crane said crawling under the table with them.
"I don't like all these people here." Ford said.
Crane sighed, "I know." He sat crossed legged and Ford climbed into his lap.
They sat together saying nothing, until Adam knelt down by the table.
"There you are." He said peering under the table. "Brian and me, been looking all over." He looked at his brothers. "Where's Evan?"
"He's hiding." Ford said. "He says you lied and that Mama is coming home."
Adam sat back on the ground sighing. "Do you know where he's hiding?" He asked Ford.
"Uh huh, but he made me promise not to tell you." Adam sighed frustrated. "Ford, it's important!"
"No. I promised."
"Did you promise not to tell me?" Crane asked, and Adam had to grin.
"No." Ford hesitated. "He just said don't tell Adam."
"Then you can tell me." Crane said looking down at Ford.
***7***
"Hey, Evan." Adam said. He stood in the doorway of his parents bedroom. He hadn't gone anywhere near it in the two days since the accident. It felt sacred somehow. Even from the doorway, he could smell his mother's perfume. Evan's bright blue eyes peered out from underneath their parent's bed.
"Go away!" Evan said and Adam was amazed at how angry he sounded.
He crossed all the way into the room then, and got down on his stomach so he could see Evan's face. It was streaked with tears, and dust.
"Evan, come on out." He said.
"No! I'm not! I'm waiting for Mama." He turned his face away angry.
"Mama can't come home, Evan. She's gone."
"Shut up!" Evan said. "Shut up! I hate you!" Adam sat up, cross-legged, and rubbed his face frustrated. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, and there was no one to ask.
"Evan." Brian said from behind. "Don't be mean. You know what Mama always says." He sat down next to Adam and waited. "Come on, what does Mama tell us?"
"We are brothers, and we stick together first." Evan said softly.
"That's right." Brian said. Adam looked at his sixteen year old brother, amazed. "Now, come on out, so we can talk."
Slowly, Evan crawled out and the three of them sat on the floor together.
Adam looked at his little brother, so small and sad. He wished he were wiser, older. He wished his father was here to tell him what to do. He wished for so many things . . .
"Evan," He began. "I'm really sorry. Mama can't come home to us anymore." Evan crossed his arms turning his back to Adam.
"Evan," Brian said. "Are you angry?"
Evan nodded slowly.
"Me too! I'm really mad. I want Mom and Dad to come home, but they can't. You know nothing would keep them away from us, right? If they could be here, they would be."
"I want Mama and Daddy. Why won't they come back?" He turned back to his older brothers with giant tears in his bright eyes.
"Hey, Evan." Adam said softly. "You remember, Buddy?"
"Yeah, he was a really good dog." Evan said.
"What happened to Buddy?" Adam asked him, inching closer to Evan.
"He got sick and then he died. We buried him under the tree. Daddy put a stone next to it, so we could remember."
"Mom and Dad, are dead just like Buddy." Adam said.
"But they weren't sick." Evan protested.
"No, but they got hurt. A truck hit their truck, only it was a really big truck, and they doctors, well, they just couldn't fix Mama or Daddy." Evan said nothing, but shook with tears, and Adam lifted him into his lap.
"Mama and Daddy are dead?" Evan asked.
"Yeah, buddy. They are." Adam said crying himself. "I'm really sorry, but they are." He rocked Evan back and forth in his arms, and looking up saw Brian sobbing across from them. "Hey!" He said and reached out an arm to include him in their embrace.
"You'll take care of me, won't you, Adam?" Evan said. "Promise! Promise you'll take care of me!" Evan's voice was desperate.
"I'll take care of you pal." Adam said kissing the top of his brother's head.
***7***
Adam and Brian sat alone at the kitchen table. Everyone had finally left a few hours ago, and the boys all stayed together in the livingroom. All of them were asleep at last. They slept together in a clump on the couches, Guthrie's portacrib nearby.
"What's gonna happen?" Brian asked.
"I don't know!" Adam said sharply. "How am I supposed to know?"
"You aren't going to leave us, are you? You can't go to school now." Brian said sounding younger than sixteen.
"I don't know, Brian!" Adam stood. "All I know is, we got to bring in those cows."
"What?"
"Round up." Adam said. "Remember, we are supposed to be leaving for round up tomorrow."
"Cows? Who cares about stupid cows?" Brian said angry.
"Dad cared." Adam said his voice harsh. "You want this ranch to fail? You want his ranch to fail?" Brian shook his head slowly. "Then we gotta bring them in." Adam said.
"We can't do it by ourselves! Are you crazy? I don't know how to do everything." Brian stared open-mouthed at his older brother.
"We know enough, together. This ranch is Dad's dream. What would he say if we just left those cows out there? We've got responsibilities!" Adam turned back to Brian. "We have to do this for them."
"But what about the little ones? There's no one to stay with them."
"Then we'll have to bring them with us." Adam said. "Brian, we need to do this. We need to prove we can take care of ourselves. Do you want them to be split up? Do you want to send Guthrie away to some other family?"
"No." Brian said. "But you and me, were just kids. No one's gonna let them stay here."
"No one's gonna take them." Adam said firmly. "We are brothers. We stick together first."
***7***
Adam rubbed his face, and gathering all his strength and courage went into the livingroom where Guthrie was crying.
"Mama! Mama! Mama!" His baby brother cried over and over. Adam lifted him up out of the porta crib, and into his arms. His brothers stirred briefly, but either they had become accustomed to Guthrie's wails, or they pretended to sleep, unable to face their broken-hearted baby brother.
"Mama!" Guthrie repeated again and again. Adam moved to the armchair with Guthrie in his arms. He tried to keep himself from crying as his baby brother wailed, inconsolable for his mother.
Adam began at first to hum, and then to sing the same lullaby his mother had sung to him, and to all his brothers. It was the only thing, that ever quieted Guthrie.
Hush, my angel
Do not cry
Mama's here
Let eyes be dry
No more weeping
Be at rest
Mama's here
No distress
Close your eyes
and safely sleep
In my arms
And in my keep
He could hear, Crane's voice joining in, as he came to sit beside the two of them, as he did each night. Sometimes Brian and Daniel would join in too. It had become a nighttime tradition forged in brokenness and sorrow. The song ended and Crane lay back down beside Daniel, and Guthrie drifted back to sleep, but Adam rose and stood at the window, watching another sunrise. He found it difficult to lie down and sleep. Every time he tried, he would be flooded with worries, questions; the stress of their uncertain future overwhelming him. His heart pounding he would rise, and pace the house until the dawn. They planned to leave on round up in two days, and the preparations gave him something to think about, so when worry overwhelmed him, he would run down the list of supplies over and over again in his head. He glanced back at his brothers, who even after four days, still slept together in a clump in the front room each night. Sleeping, they all, even Brian looked so small. He glanced at the mirror that hung in the entryway, and almost didn't recognize himself; he looked haggard from lack of sleep, and old. He moved closer, and was surprised to see how old and weary he looked.
He wished someone would sing him a lullaby.