Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy.

Ch. 12 My Decision

I walked by downstairs, and Lissa looked up from the book she'd been reading. Christian's arms were lightly around her shoulder, but he looked like he'd dozed off. Everything okay?

I nodded, but I couldn't say much more since everyone in the room seemed to have stopped what they were doing to look up.

Tell me later, she added. When it's bedtime maybe, without everyone trying to listen in on us.

I nodded again, and sat down on one of the couches. Unfortunately, I'd taken a seat next to Adrian, and he did not look happy.

"What was going on with you and Belikov upstairs?" he asked in a low voice, taking care to make sure no one else heard his question.

Normally, I would've punched anyone else in the face for asking something so private – with the exception of Lissa – but this was Adrian. He'd comforted me after Dimitri had left me, and had been staunchly against me having contact with him.

"Dimitri told me the real reason he'd left me," I answered, also keeping my voice down.

Adrian looked extremely surprised. "Really? And now what are you going to do?"

"I told him I need to think about it for awhile before I consider getting back into a relationship with him," I said without thinking. It was a mistake.

"What?" Adrian almost yelled. Everyone looked up from what they were doing and stared.

"Dude, what's wrong?" Dash asked.

"Nothing," Adrian muttered, looking at the ground. "It is nothing."

Everyone went back to their things with some glances at him.

Adrian leaned down to my ear and whispered in a very low voice, "You're planning to get back with…Belikov?" I had a feeling that he had been about to say something not very flattering, and then decided to change his word choice at the last second. Nice to know he was supporting my possible choice, I thought bitterly.

"Perhaps," I said coolly. "At any rate, I suppose we'll find out soon." I needed to think a little longer…but my heart knew the choice I would make.

Adrian motioned us towards the dining room. I went with him, and he shut the door behind him.

He looked aghast at my words. "Rose…how could you just take back after what he did to you?"

"He told me why he chose to leave me," I said. "He's telling the truth. I saw it in his eyes."

"People lie. He could've been making something up so you would go back to him," Adrian said darkly, pacing and running his hands through his dark hair, his green eyes unreadable.

"I've lied many times myself," I commented dryly. "But that's not the point. I know he's telling me the truth. I could feel in my heart he was. Why would he lie to the woman he loves?"

"You can't be serious," Adrian whispered, going paler, even for a Moroi.

"Adrian, I'm sorry if this hurts you," I said, truly meaning it. He'd been there so much for me, and had comforted me in the dark days following Dimitri's abandonment. "But…I love him."

"He hurt you. And now you're just going to say, 'Oh, everything's okay now!' and just go back to him?" Adrian demanded, his green eyes tight with anger. I had never seen him show his emotions so openly around me.

"No, everything's not okay. This means that I forgive him of his actions, and perhaps we can truly be together now," I said. I was puzzled at Adrian's anger. Why was he being so angry over this? I knew he'd liked me…but…what was going on?

"This is the most fucked up world ever," he muttered to himself. He now turned and met my eyes. "If you want my frank opinion, I really wish you wouldn't go back to Belikov. After all that he put you through…You should have someone who is much more stable, more constant."

"Do you have a list?" I asked, trying to raise an eyebrow but failing miserably.

"No…I think you should be with me."

I stared at him. I had to be dreaming. I pinched myself to check if I was. Nope, I was still awake. Painfully so.

"You? But…what-"

"Listen to me, please. I have told you numerous times that I love you, but you always couldn't see me because of Dimitri. I have been in love with you since I met you at the ski lodge. I know you don't believe me, because I constantly drink alcohol, sleep around with women, and have no work ethic but I love you, and I wish you wouldn't choose Dimitri."

I was absolutely stunned. I had always known that he'd liked me romantically, but had never taken it seriously. I always regarded him as a friend, and nothing more. But now he'd had to come out and confess his feelings for me? Right when I was contemplating one of the biggest choices of my life, too…

Adrian was admittedly very good looking, with emerald green eyes and stylishly dark brown hair. He was the great-nephew of Queen Tatiana, the ruler of all the Moroi, and thus would always be in a very place in society. Although he often didn't show it, underneath his witty words, he had a deeply caring and sensitive side.

Still…I liked him only as a friend, and even if I hadn't loved Dimitri…I honestly didn't think there would be anything between us. His constant drinking and his previous hook-ups with women…I knew he would never cheat on me , and he would stay faithful to me if we were together, but I couldn't. I had a feeling – just a little instinct – that even if we'd gotten together, I wasn't the right girl for him. I was meant for Dimitri.

And there was factoring in that I was only a guardian, and he was the Queen's great-nephew, from one of the prestigious branches of the Ivashkov family. No, there could be nothing between us, even if Dimitri wasn't here.

"I'm so sorry, Adrian," I whispered. I was going to break his heart, and I was pretty sure our friendship would be ruined, or at least, very unstable for awhile. "I can't. I like you as a friend, and you've been so good and caring to me when I was in so much pain…but I just can't return your feelings. I'm sorry, Adrian. I just…I love him." There was no need to say who he was.

Adrian looked absolutely defeated, and I hated for being the cause. He was a smart, handsome, witty guy… "Should've known this was a lost cause from the beginning," he said, with a hint of bitterness. "I'm too much of an alcoholic and a playboy for you, even if Belikov wasn't around, am I right?"

He'd basically voiced my thoughts. Damn him. Did he have a secret mind reading ability from spirit that he'd never told me about?

I knew it would be no use to lie to him, and sighed. "Yeah…you are."

"I guess I always knew that no matter what, you would never reciprocate my feelings," he said, and he took my hand. "But I want you to think about this before you go back to Belikov – even if he's sincere now, what if he's not in the future? Do you really want to go through all that pain again if it happens? It might not…but I want you to consider it before you dive right in, okay?"

"I will," I said with a sigh. Although I loved Dimitri, Adrian had basically voiced all the doubts I'd been carrying so deep within my heart that no one knew about them. "And Adrian…although I don't reciprocate your feelings, I still care about you as a friend. Someday, you'll find someone who is much better for you than I ever was. She'll inspire you to do great things, and bring out the good side of you that you keep hiding. You'll do great things in life."

Adrian scoffed and laughed, a hint of bitterness in his voice. "Right. Like I could find someone who'll inspire me to change the world."

"You will," I said, and believed it with all my heart.

Adrian shrugged. "Well…good luck, I guess." I could only guess at how much it cost him to see those words to me. He wished I would choose him, but knew it would never happen.

I hugged him, and walked away from the dining room.

Adrian POV

I watched her go, and felt like my heart was breaking. She was too in love with Dimitri to see any other guy. I supposed it was a good thing we'd never gone out in the time they'd been apart, or my heart would've been even more hurt than it was now.

Why do I always get to be the one with my heart broken? Will I ever be able to find true love?

I thought back to Rose's last words, her saying that I would find someone who was much better suited for me than she was. It simply wasn't possible. I felt that Rose was supposed to me one, just like how she felt Dimitri was hers. And who would want a drunk, crazy playboy, and who the hell would be crazy enough to fall in love with me?

It had been a hopeless fight from the start…especially when I saw how much their auras reflected their love and synchronicity with each other. I never had a chance to fight for Rose.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. You'll never get through life this way, I scolded myself. Stop moping around, and just get on with it. This is the only time a girl's ever turned you down. There'll be plenty of beautiful women who want you even for a night.

I opened the dining room door and stepped out, shutting it behind me and pulling out a pack of cigarettes from my pocket.

Rose POV

My head was still spinning from how Adrian had confessed his love for me. He knew I loved Dimitri, and this served to only complicate things even more.

On the other hand, he had brought up some legitimate doubts I still held even though I now knew the true reason he'd left me.

I sighed and went back to the room I shared with Lissa. Luckily, Dimitri wasn't there. I needed to think alone in peace.

I closed my eyes, and thought of the bad things that happened in Dimitri's absence. He'd lied to me about why he'd left, caused me an endless amount of heartbreak and sorrow in the time we were separated…and even before that, he'd been considering to go with Tasha, we'd had to stay apart when we were at the Academy…

Good memories then flowed into my mind. When he'd started to train time to ensure I became a better guardian, when he'd brought me lip gloss, when we'd been together under the lust spell (although the lust spell hadn't been a good thing), when he'd chosen to turn down Tasha the first time…

I realized that all the good times we'd spent together outweighed the bad. Despite his actions, he truly loved me. He'd left to try to protect me – a misguided attempt, but out of love for me.

I stretched, and ran a hand through my dark hair. My choice was set now…but I wanted to wait a little longer until I told him that I was willing to be with him again.

Another doubt surged into my mind. If Dimitri wanted to be with me again…then what would we do about Lissa's protection? Dash was Adrian's assigned guardian, after all, so he couldn't be spared. Liam was also assigned specifically to Lissa.

I groaned and gently thumped my head against the pillow. It seemed like there was no choice – we would have to carry on a long-distance relationship until we both got our breaks. Lissa lived at Court in Pennsylvania (so she could attend Leighton, a few miles away from the Royal Moroi Court). And Dimitri guarded Tasha here in California, over two thousand miles away from me…

We'll live through this, I said to myself. We'll get through it. This should be nothing compared to the year and half apart from each other.

I heard a knock on the door, and I sensed Lissa's presence with my bond. "Can I come in?"

"Sure."

She came in and sat down on her bed. "Are you alright?"

"If you mean physically, I'm just great. Pretty good for someone who just got out of the hospital today right?" I said. Hard to believe I'd come out of the hospital just today, with everything that had gone down in the past few hours…

"How'd your talk go with Dimitri?" she asked, making herself comfortable on the bed.

"It would take forever to repeat everything word for word," I said with a sigh. "But basically he told me that he left me because he was worried he was becoming a huge distraction for me, and so he wouldn't put my life in danger."

There was a moment of silence, and then Lissa said, "That is the sweetest, most romantic thing I've ever heard in my life."

"Oh man, don't tell me Christian doesn't say sweet things to you," I grumbled.

"Well…he does, but not as romantic as this! That is so cute," Lissa gushed.

I tried to raise my eyebrow at her but failed. "Wow, Liss. You're even happier about it than me."

"Is there any other reason that he left you?" Lissa asked. Damn her and her uncanny ability to sense when people didn't always tell her everything.

"Well…he also felt unworthy of me and wanted me to find someone who was better than him. And he hoped I would find someone I could have a family with."

There was another moment of stunned silence. "He…he left you so you could love someone you could have a family with?" Lissa managed to sputter out, her green eyes wide with shock. "That is also so-"

"Oh shush," I groaned, holding up my hand.

"Fineee," Lissa groaned, flopping down onto her bed, her long hair spreading out over the covers. "But…you're choosing Dimitri now, right?"

"I guess," I murmured. Adrian's confession weighed heavily on my mind. Now he'd definitely complicated things. The confession of his love echoed in my mind again.

I love you, and I wish you wouldn't choose Dimitri.

Then the doubts he'd voiced – basically my doubts – also echoed in my mind, and I especially remembered these words.

Do you really want to go through all that pain again if it happens?

"Hello? Rose? Are you here?"

I blinked open my eyes to see Lissa waving her hand in front of my face. "You just spaced there for like….a minute. Are you okay?"

"Adrian confessed to me," I blurted out without thinking. "He said he loves me, and he wish I wouldn't choose Dimitri."

Lissa's mouth dropped open and her eyes were wide with shock. Shock radiated through to me from her, magnifying my own feelings. "R-really?"

I nodded.

"Whoa…I never saw that coming. I never would've guessed he really was in love with you…"

"I know," I agreed.

I now looked at the time and saw it was around 1 in the afternoon. "Could you send Dimitri up to me, please?"

Lissa nodded, and left the room. A few minutes later, Dimitri entered the room alone.

His dark brown eyes looked warm and full of love. "What did you choose?" he asked me quietly.

I stood and walked over to him to take his hands in mine. "I wanted to tell you…yes. I want to be with you again, if you'll have me."

His face was lit up by a smile, one of those full genuine smiles. "I'd hoped to hear that," he whispered, and kissed me very softly.