Part 2, Chapter 6, Matron:
Liara was incandescent with rage. They almost killed my baby girl! A biotic field flickered in and out of sight around her body. My baby! She closed her eyes. She breathed deeply. Calm Liara, calm, she said to herself. My Samara! Unable to control herself Liara formed a biotic field in her hand and threw an end table across the room. It splintered against a wall. Its contents thudded to the floor. Her pounding heart slowed. Calm!
A platinum pocket watch, cover popped open, face cracked, spun to a stop on the hardwood floor. She looked at the broken memento and its poetic inscription. Her anger peaked again. Liara's normal outlets for stress would not do this time. She couldn't corner Victoria and tear her clothes off; I cannot believe she put our little girl in danger! She couldn't immerse herself in Shadow Broker business, I should have seen that trap, it might as well have been me who put our little girl in danger! She couldn't confide in Kelly. Oh Goddess! Kelly's dead! Liara's composure broke. She collapsed. Oh Goddess, my baby nearly died and Kelly's dead!
Her body shuddered. She'd never felt this way before. She'd never felt so much of anything before. No, that's not true. She remembered the day Shepard died. She thought her heart would stop beating the despair was so great. Then Shepard was her whole world. Now she had a daughter who also occupied a large place in her heart. And I almost lost her. I almost lost them both.
She shuddered again. Then there was a presence. A strong set of arms embraced her. Shepard! Liara set her jaw. It was too much, just too much! Liara's thoughts arrived in a rapid staccato. Is this what it's like to have your life flash before your eyes?
Victoria's death had nearly killed her. She didn't think she would ever stop crying, she didn't think she would ever leave her bed. When she finally did, she didn't think she would ever forgive herself for handing Shepard's body over to Cerberus. The only way Liara could live with herself was to throw her entire being into finding and killing the Shadow Broker. He was the embodiment of her loss. Handing Shepard's body to Cerberus just to keep it out of the hands of the Shadow Broker and his Collector compatriots was adding insult to injury.
Then, miraculously, Shepard was alive. Liara's world was upside-down again. The joy of her love returning was greater than the fear that she would lose her again, but only barely so. They had spent a glorious night together and Shepard launched herself into a suicidal mission. More tears. But Shepard returned to her and they were happy for a time. Then the war started. But, miracle of miracles, Shepard survived and returned to her yet again. She had found peace. Victoria had fought her last battle, she was hers now.
Then she gave her a daughter. She was complete. Liara didn't know she could love anyone more than Shepard, not until her daughter Samara was born. Liara could see so much of herself and Victoria in her, and she bore an eerie resemblance to her own mother. All of the past fears and sadness were gone, never to return.
Until now! How could you? Liara's thoughts screamed in her head. You knew how badly your loss hurt me. You know how badly I need you in my life. How could you risk yourself! She sobbed loudly. How could you risk our daughter too! You're both everything to me! I can't lose you! Neither of you!
Liara's body shuddered violently, "I hate you!" She sobbed. Spittle flew from her mouth, "I hate you! How could you?" The arms embracing her tightened. "When you died, I died too! Then you come back and keep risking yourself! I can't take this!"
She shuddered again despite the constrictive embrace. On some intellectual level Liara knew that Victoria hadn't consciously placed their daughter in danger. Samara was always supposed to return to Thessia while Shepard and Kelly took care of business. But Liara was beyond rational thought, she was pure emotion. The biotic field flickered again, "What if our daughter died? How could you? She's not a soldier, she's our baby girl! You tell her all these stories and she wants to be like you. She's not you!" Liara's eyes squeezed shut even more tightly. The tears still streamed through. Her breathing became ragged, she was hyperventilating. "Never again, Shepard! Never! You hear me?" Shepard squeezed tighter. "Never! Or I want you out of our lives!" Shepard's embrace slackened.
The door clicked open and the medical sister entered the room. "She's awake," the tall Matron said, "You can speak with her now if you like."
Liara rubbed what tears she could from her swollen eyes. "Come Victoria," she said coldly as she stood. "Let's go," she looked into Shepard's flat lifeless expression and stopped.
Samara's room was well lit. The Thessian sun shone through large French-door windows. The room's small balcony had a lovely view of Benezia's gardens. Inside, the room was decorated with a mix of human and Asari items. Samara had what her father would call 'eclectic' taste. A teddy bear, a gift from Kelly Chambers, sat on a wooden rocking chair in one corner. A hand woven Asari tapestry, bought from the Ardat-Yakshi retreat on the northern continent, hung from the wall opposite the window. A framed picture of an eight year old Samara and Shepard standing in the CIC on SSV Normandy sat on a small wooden dresser. A VIP ticket to Afterlife on Omega, un-used at the insistence of her mother, was pinned to a wall. A small Prothean artifact from Ilos sat in a glass case in another corner of the room. Framed pressed flowers from the gardens outside covered another wall.
Samara laid on her four-poster bed propped up against a large pillow. She grimaced slightly despite the hefty dose of medi-gel the medical sister had given her. Her lower body was tucked tightly beneath the blankets. Her right leg made a small lump in the covers; her left leg was conspicuously missing. It would be several weeks before a replacement, already growing in a vat at the local hospital, was ready for transplant. The left side of her robin's egg blue face was peppered with small cuts; the medi-gel was already doing its work on them.
Liara stepped on a loose floor board, it creaked. Samara flinched at the sound. Liara took a short quick breath, Goddess, I've seen Shepard look like this. Samara's eyes darted to her parents, and then they darted away.
Liara sat beside her only daughter and tried to stroke the side of her face. Samara flinched at first but then settled. "I'm so glad you're ok," Liara said, eyes tearing. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost my 'little wing'." She shot a withering stare at Victoria. Victoria closed her eyes for a moment, what is going on inside her head, then turned and left the room.
The door closed gently and Liara turned to her daughter. Liara tried to calm her racing thoughts, what do I do now? "It's okay, mother. I'm ok." She looked up expecting to see her daughter's smiling face. Oh Goddess, I've seen that expression before. Samara looked at her mother with a blank emotionless stare. The discontinuity between Samara's tone and facial expression profoundly disturbed her.
"Can you tell me what happened?"
"I screwed up, that's what happened," responded Samara. Her face tightened in anger.
Liara was always surprised at the extent Samara used English colloquialisms. Liara recalled the human expression; I am my father's son. Somehow it fit the situation. "I'm sure that's not true." Liara reached for her daughter's hand. Samara withdrew it quickly. "Please. I'm sure it'll help if you talk about it. What happened?"
"You mean the Shadow Broker doesn't know?" there was venom in Samara's voice.
Liara's jaw dropped, she knows. Liara always suspected Samara knew she hadn't left her past as an information broker fully behind her, but she had no idea that Samara was aware of her alter ego. "I didn't know you knew I was the Shadow Broker."
"I'm not a child anymore, Mother. I know what you and mom did during the war, and before. I know what you still do now." Liara gestured to calm her daughter, "I'm what you made me!" she interrupted.