"Where is she. I need to know she's okay." Castle was arguing with a nurse. It seemed he had been inconsolable once he came to and now he was being a detriment to his own health.
"Mister Castle, please calm down. Your girlfriend is fine." The nurse had been trying her best to ease his worry but he wouldn't listen. The last thing he remembered was Kate leaving his side, then gunshots, then blackness. Until he saw her with his own eyes he couldn't believe she was safe. She rounded the corner with the doctor and his expression immediately softened.
"Oh god Kate, I thought he got you." He said reaching out for her and she ran to him throwing her arms around him, paying mind to be gentle. Castle carefully held her close to him. Nothing could keep them apart. "I'm so glad you're okay." He whispered to her. As he stroked her hair he heard her laughing between sobs. "What?" he asked confused.
She pulled back and wiped her cheeks before answering. "Rick, how can you even say that? Look at you." She choked at him, gesturing with her hand at the fact he was in the hospital bed. Castle didn't seem to get it. He thought she had been shot and he couldn't protect her. What was so strange?
"You're the one who was shot and you have the nerve to tell me you were worried." She explained. The drugs clearly made him slow. Cheery, but slow. "I thought you died. You were limp and so pale and there was so much blood. Oh god Castle, so much blood. I watched you flat-line." She broke down into sobs again and he scooted over so she could sit next to him on the bed.
He wrapped his arms around her best he could in his condition and tried to comfort her. "Hey, It's okay. I'm okay, your okay. We're both okay and we're going to get this son of a bitch, together." He told her. But there in lied the problem. Over the past several hours while Castle was fighting for his life, Kate Beckett was carefully building back up her walls. Protecting herself mostly for this next part.
"No, Castle." She shook her head. "This is my fight and I won't let you or Alexis or anyone else I care about be affected by this anymore." She continued to cry. "I'm so sorry." She started up again but then her emotion disappeared behind the wall as she swallowed hard and continued. "But they've made it war Rick and I'm not going to let you all follow me." Her voice was determined and stubborn. That same scowl was on her face last time they had a fight about this topic. This panicked Rick. Not the walls. Not when he had just broken through them. But Kate's new walls were weak, the cement not yet dried. Castle needed to break them and break them now.
Castle took Kate's hands in his and stared deep into her eyes unblinking when he started to speak. "Kate, I will follow you to the ends of the Earth to take this guy down whether you let me or not." His tone was calm and soothing, yet sturdy and so sure. "I know what the risks are Kate and I've decided to take them. Me." He continued but he knew this wouldn't sway her. He needed more. She was shutting down again. She pulled away and looked down at her hands in her lap before interrupting his speech.
"No. Castle think of your daughter. She hates me because of this. I wont let you..." Castle stopped her putting a finger to her lips then tilted her chin so her gaze met his again.
"Kate you're right. They have made it a war but they've brought it to my doorstep. I'm involved in this war now too. This is our war now, but we can't fight it alone. We need help this time. All the help we can get." It wasn't enough. Then he found the words he knew would get through to her, even if just for now.
"Kate, a wise friend once told me, for us there is no victory. There's only the battles and if you're lucky you find a place to make your stand and if you're really lucky you find someone willing to stand with you. They've brought us a battle. We'll find a place to make our stand. Let me stand with you Kate, please." The wrecking ball that was Castle's undying love for her smashed into the walls, breaking them back down. He knew she would try to build them back up but he'd deal with that when the time comes.
She leaned her head against his shoulder, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry Castle. For everything." He hushed her but she had to get this out. "Thank you, for staying so supportive." She nuzzled into his neck, fingers laced through his as she found his hands again.
"Always." He answered their secret code, bringing a small smile to her face.
"I hate to break you two up, but we're going to have to move him to his own room now so his family can see him and then you're going to need to let him rest." The nurse informed them, breaking up their little chat.
"We'll talk more later." He whispered to her giving her a kiss before she was led back out to the waiting room filled with anxious friends and family.
Castle lay there bored as he was wheeled around the hospital and up the elevator to a quiet room. He was lucky, the only one in it. They set him up in his new residence for the next week or so. Once settled the others were allowed to come in. Alexis was first to come through the door, terror on her face.
"Dad are you okay?" She ran up and hugged him tears in her eyes.
"I'm fine sweety. I'll be fine." He comforted his daughter. And then it started. The fight.
"Dad, this is all her fault. Please, I don't want to lose you." Her tone was angry followed by something soft. Castle knew this tactic. It was the make you feel bad with the end of my sentence so the beginning doesn't piss you off cause you wont remember. She truly was his child but that meant he knew how to fight back, like her father.
"Now you listen here Alexis. This is not Kate's fault it's mine." he started but the angry teen interrupted him with protests. "No." Castle was authoritative, taking back control of the conversation. "I made her re-open the case years ago. It's my fault there's somebody after her now."
"No, no it's not." she tried to retort again but Castle wasn't having any of it. He was going to nip this in the butt quick. Even if it was in front of all his friends and family in a hospital. The rest of everyone had filtered into the small hospital room during the fight. All save Kate. She figured it best to sit out for this one.
"Yes it is, and it's my fault that I took those bullets today. When Kate said Maddox got away I should have known better then to just go about living life normal." Castle was trying to blame any of this on himself he could. Why couldn't things just work out for them. Why couldn't they have their always.
Alexis tried to argue back again but this time was cut off by Lanie who had seen enough. "How about you all accept this is none of your guys faults and most certainly not Kate's Alexis, and definitely not yours Castle, and that we all work together and get the one whose fault it is." The room went silent. In reality there were a million things that almost everyone there could have done over the past four years to prevent this day, but for everyone to have gotten them all right would have been an impossibility. It was no body's fault and everybody's fault. This is something they would all have to learn to accept.
"Kate, get in here." The M.E. called for her friend. Kate came in sheepishly, staring at the floor, arms crossed, guarded. Everyone now present, she continued. "I've watched over the past four years as this family in this room has hurt each other and often with good intentions. Selfish intentions, but good none the less. Can we agree on that? That everyone meant well?" she asked them, all now starring at the floor embarrassed they were being lectured. They all nodded. "Good. Now what y'all need to do is forgive each other. Castle and Kate have a head start on us all so we gotta catch up." She told them sounding more cheery now.
Since silence filled the room so thick you could slice it, Lanie decided she would start. "I'll show you all. Javi?" She started, turning to her on again off again boyfriend. "I'm sorry I can be so stubborn and narrow minded sometimes. If I wasn't we might have been able to have something like Castle and Kate. Can you forgive me?" she asked and Esposito nodded. "Good, see now I feel better. Anyone else want to be forgiven for something? Ask, but you better be willin' to forgive too." She said to them all. Ryan was up to bat.
"Espo?" He asked. Esposito turned his head away quickly. He was okay with Lanie but a fire of rage still burned in him toward his "former" partner. "God damn it Javier, Kate would be dead if I didn't do what I did. Are you really going to try and tell me you would have got to her in a millisecond cause when I caught her she was about to fall and you were no where bro." He continued, obviously referring to Esposito's excuse on why there was no need for back up to be called in. "I'm not trying to justify it or nothing, well I guess I am. But if saving Kate meant having to break the code, well then damn I did it. I'm sorry I had to hurt you in the process. That was the last thing I wanted but, please forgive me man. It's Kate." He pleaded to have his partner. Kate was like their sister and like any good brothers, they'd do anything to protect her.
Javier's expression softened a little and he looked at Kevin's pleading eyes before he let a heavy sigh escape him. He was mad. He couldn't just let it all go. Kevin spoke up seeing this. "Look, if you can't forgive me, fine. Can we at least put this aside for Kate. We're going to need all hands on deck for this one whether they legally be allowed or not."
This seemed to really break through to him. He was allowed to stay mad but had to pack it aside to protect a friend. He could do that. "Alright, I can work with that." Esposito finally spoke. Ryan extended his hand for a shake and Esposito took it.
"Good to have you back on the team." Ryan said, the first smile on his face in ages.
"See now isn't that nice?" Lanie spoke up again trying to keep the mood light. She knew it would be a very long time if ever that Esposito forgave Ryan for his actions that day, but at least they were being civil. She was sure their camaraderie would break through to him eventually.
Now it was time for a big one. Kate looked up, arms still crossed. "Alexis?" She asked and watched as the teen's head shot up, shooting her dagger eyes. "I want you to know how sorry I am, for everything. For breaking your Dad's heart over the years, for him getting involved in this case. And if I could I would tell him to go and be with you and Martha, that I'm not worth it." The guilt was coming back and Castle couldn't watch.
"Kate, don't say that." He stopped her. He knew what she was getting at but her own guilt was drowning her so he decided to finish. "Alexis, don't be mad at Kate you should be mad at me. Kate didn't hold a gun up to my head and say you have to do this, in fact, we got into a lot of fights about her not wanting me to. But that's not the point. The point is, I chose to do this. I know the risks, we all do. I chose to anyways." He finished. Satisfied that his daughter would be able to see that if she wanted to be mad at Kate, that she would have to be mad at him and possibly even other people too.
"But why Dad, it's so stupid." Alexis asked hurt and confused. Why throw your life away for someone like that. It's not like she was family. Hell until a little less than a week ago, they were just good friends as far as she knew.
Castle let a heavy sigh escape him. It would be a long time before his daughter truly understood what he was about to tell her. "Because when you love someone, I mean really, really love someone, you tend to do really stupid things."He told her with a dopey smile. His auto-dose machine must have recently given him his pain killers because his head was swimming and his tongue was starting to run lose. "I'm so sorry Alexis." He hugged his daughter tight, aware of the aching pain in his body but too high to care. "I love you, please forgive me?" He asked looking at her. His eyes were glossy.
Alexis let out a heavy sigh. There was no winning this battle. Not today at least. "I forgive you Dad." She said to him giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"And Kate?" He interjected. He may have been high as a kite but he could keep his focus on this. He wasn't going to let Alexis get away that easily.
"And Kate." She sighed again, defeated... for now.
"Good girl." he said before letting out a monstrous yawn. "I'm sleepy." He stated as he leaned back against the pillows. The drugs were starting to make his eyes sag and it was already going on midnight.
Martha was now the one to speak up. "C'mon kiddo, lets all go let your Dad get some rest." She said to Alexis, taking her granddaughter by the shoulders and began leading her out.
"Mother?" Castle called to the Martha quietly. "Do me a favor? Take my credit card and make sure everyone has a place to stay tonight?" He finished. He knew his friends couldn't afford to be out here all for Kate and himself and his house wasn't usable at the moment. This was the least he could do.
The others all still tried to interject but he insisted and they quickly accepted. It's common knowledge that it's not the greatest idea to argue with someone in a hospital bed, just bad form. They all filtered out slowly, leaving Kate behind to say goodnight. "You get going too. You need sleep." Castle tried to encourage her to leave. Spending a night in the hospital was always hard, whether you were in the bed drugged up or not. Kate shook her head.
"You really think I'm going to be able to sleep. He's still out there, hunting us Rick." She squeezed his hand for comfort. He always squeezed back.
"At least go get a change of clothes and eat something please. You can't fool me Kate, I know you. You haven't eaten since breakfast." He pleaded with her. He was always trying to make sure she took care of herself, especially when stress made her neglectful. She looked down at her hospital clothes and felt her stomach finally growl with the reminder of the need to eat. He was right, she needed to take care of herself, but that was Castle, always thinking of her needs.
"Okay. I'll go for now. But I'll be back later."She told him giving his forehead a kiss. "Night Rick, I love you" She whispered and gave him one more kiss on the lips, lingering against him a moment before leaving.
"I love you too. Until tomorrow, Kate." He called to her as she left before drifting off to sleep.
As Kate exited the room she found the others had hurried off without her except for Lanie. She sat just outside the door, arms crossed, a stern look on her face. "Katherine Beckett, I am not done with you yet." The M.E. stated and she knew she was in for it. Lanie took her hand and led her to sit on a bench and looked her straight in the face. "Kate, Your blaming yourself for this. I can see it written all over your face and you have to stop it. This was not your fault honey." She was stern but gentle, Kate didn't want to hear all this but she had to.
"But it was Lanie, if I had have listened to him and stopped..." Kate tried to counter but The M.E. wasn't going to have it.
"It would only have been a matter of time Kate. You know too much and you have a conscience. They know that and they aren't going to let you live because of it." She finished. Lanie may not have known all the little details of the case, but it was true. Though Montgomery died and put in a fail safe for her, they probably would have come after her eventually anyways.
"I can't do this Lanie. I can't let him go through this. I can't let him follow me, not when it puts him in so much danger." Kate started to cry again. She had let him into her heart and the thought of having to push him away, even for his own safety shattered her.
"Kate, you have to do this. All you can do is try to protect him cause there's nothing we can do, that man loves you and will do anythin' to be by your side. If anythin' enjoy what you have while it lasts. What you two have doesn't come around everyday. Besides, how could either of you have known your mother's murder had such a dangerous conspiracy around it?" Lanie was finished. She knew when it came to Kate Beckett you had to let her work things out on her own. All you could do was encourage her in the right direction and hope, because even then she'd run headlong the wrong way.
"C'mon, lets go get you some proper clothes and something to eat. I don't know about you but I'm starving." Lanie stood up helping Kate up with her and they left to go meet up with the others. Kate was glad she had found such a good friend in the medical examiner. She knew if she had to talk to someone about anything, she could talk to her. She did feel a little less guilty for everything from her friends kind words and the weight it lifted off her was invigorating. For now, Kate could be Kate.
A/N: Hey, hope you like how it's all playing out. Just so you know this is not my interpretation of what will happen. This is just me having fun with the characters and what could happen. Please review! More fun to come!