Part 2, Chapter 8, Matron:
Liara was numb. The anger had passed, for the moment, to be replaced with grief. Liara grieved for Kelly, she also grieved for Samara. Samara was alive and would make a full recovery, but Liara doubted she'd ever be the same.
Samara wouldn't tell her how she knew about the rendezvous. I'll get it out of her eventually, Liara thought coldly. As the Shadow Broker she was very good at getting information out of people. Goddess, did I just tell myself I was going to interrogate my own daughter? Liara's heart ached even more at the thought.
Samara would, however, say why she'd gone. "I wanted to see mom work. I wanted to help her. I wanted to be like her. I want to help in the family business." Her explanation struck her palpably. Samara was a child; she had no place in these things. Victoria, and herself, did their awful work during the war to make it so their children wouldn't have to. Liara maintained the mantle of Shadow Broker to help ensure galactic stability. Shepard still occasionally went on missions to the same end. The idea that Samara would get hurt trying to emulate her father agonized her. She loved Shepard, but she also hated her.
When Samara finally started filling in details she said something that even more profoundly disturbed her mother, "It was beautiful."
It was beautiful? Goddess, what could possibly make you say that?
Some time later, Liara left her daughter's room. Shepard wasn't waiting for her. She needed her mate. She wasn't sure if she wanted to kill her or hold her, but Liara knew she needed to see Victoria.
She searched the house only to find her sitting on the veranda overlooking Benezia's gardens. Approaching slowly, silently, Liara observed. What she saw was disturbing. Victoria hunched. She held her arms crossed tightly over her breasts. Victoria's face was deep red, her eyes closed tightly over tears. She cried out. Her shoulders bucked mightily, a muffled sob wheezed past her tightly drawn lips.
Liara watched Shepard's breathing gradually become more regular. Her face returned to its normal pale white. The tears stopped, her jaw relaxed. For a moment she looked calm, at peace even. Something's just been decided, Liara thought.
Shepard heard her wife approach and straightened up slightly. "What did she say?" she asked.
Liara couldn't bring herself to answer immediately. She smoothed her robes and sat next to her beloved. Yes, she is still my beloved. Regardless of what just happened, I love her. She wrapped her right arm around Victoria's shoulders. Victoria offered her right hand. It was accepted by Liara's left and they interlocked fingers. Shepard absentmindedly fiddled with Liara's wedding band. "I think, deep down, you know what she said my love."
"Yes," Shepard looked off into the distance. After a lengthy pause, Shepard said, "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All…"
"By the Goddess! What are you talking about?" Liara interrupted her.
Shepard's left eyelid fluttered slightly. For a moment her stone visage broke. The thousand-meter stare was gone. She turned to Liara and there was life in her eyes, she's smiling! "You know, Liara, we have a library of several thousand vids stretching back 200 years of human history. You might join Samara and me and watch one from time to time."
A rage began to grow within Liara, this isn't the time for jokes, she thought to herself. It was Samara's fascination with you and your background that caused this! By the Goddess, why can't you be fucking serious for a moment? Then, suddenly, the rage disappeared. Shepard's face was a slack mask, the life gone from her eyes.
"I know exactly what she said." Shepard released Liara's hand; her arm fell limply into her lap. Victoria spoke sadly as she looked away, "She said that: she saw Viking Vikki, and that it was beautiful."
Liara's jaw dropped.
Shepard stared out at nothing in particular, "She idolizes me. She wanted to be part of all of the stories I ever told her. I never told her how truly awful it really was. Not a single story had the whole truth. She doesn't know what I became, what I had to become. So far as I can tell she only has a small inkling as to my nightmares." Shepard looked at her beloved. From Liara's facial expression she knew she was right.
"She, somehow, saw the opportunity to join me. Do you know what she did? She waltzed right in there and fucking channeled your mother! Have you faced an Asari commando unit before? Few humans have. Does that ring a bell?" Liara's jaw dropped, again.
"She walked right into the middle of a kill-zone like it was nothing. Stupid child! Stupid! Stupid!" Victoria stopped and shook her head violently. She stared at the floor, "No, stupid me! I never told her the bad bits. All she ever saw was the camaraderie, the parades, the friendship."
Shepard looked into Liara's eyes, she wore a pained expression. "I've always treated her like she was a human girl. By our standards, she's an adult. Christ! Even Morinth didn't run away from her mother until she was twice our little girl's age, and she was a complete badass. Our Samara is just a baby."
Shepard was becoming manic; her words came at a rapid staccato, her thought pattern fragmented. She no longer looked Liara in the face, her gaze again slowly drifted towards infinity. "The shooting started. Kelly died trying to get Samara clear. Samara got hit. I fucking lost it. I killed a few with head shots. I think I tore the throat out of one woman." Shepard only paused for breath. "I carried Samara clear. She was screaming. Oh god, she was screaming so much." She squeezed her eyes shut, "My baby!" Victoria took a breath choking back tears, "I patched her up and then I murdered the man who'd killed Kelly, the man who took Samara's leg.
"I didn't kill him in combat, he was unarmed by time I started with him. I murdered him. No, I slaughtered him. I crushed his pathetic body with my own biotics until nothing was left but goo. It felt good! Oh god, it felt good. Those motherfuckers wanted to hurt my baby and I killed every last one of them!" Shepard balled her fist, "I'd have gutted them all and strangled them with their intestines if I could." Her jaw was set, she spoke through her teeth.
"And then I turned to look at Samara, and she was at awe. It was the same look I had during my first battle in the Skyllian Blitz."
Liara looked at her mate, dumbfounded. "What do you mean?"
"When she said it was beautiful, she meant it. There's no ambiguity, it's kill or be killed. Your world comes into sharp focus, there are no distractions. Every movement has purpose, terrible purpose. All of your senses work in concert; your body is a machine. There is symmetry, you either exist or you cease to exist. Once you've experienced it there's no going back. It changes you, irrevocably."
Soliloquy concluded, Shepard hung her head, "I broke our daughter. I hate myself for it, you should hate me too. I've failed as a parent." Victoria hung her head.
Both Liara and Shepard remained silent for a long time. Finally, Liara took Shepard's face in her hands and kissed her.