oOoOo

Sherlock was on the small sofa, head in hands and shaking angrily. John came up the stairs, finding Sherlock almost immediately. "Can I do anything?"

He shook his head. "I just can't fucking believe it."

"That Jack is such an idiot? I can't either." John sat down on the sofa, facing his boyfriend.

"It's just...how could he have gone through that and enjoyed it?"

"Well, the moron said he was a glutton for punishment, and he was also much older I think when it happened. He'd been around the block many times from what I could tell. It wasn't new or shocking for him the way it was for you. Plus he was drugged. Don't know if that makes it better. And some people like the abusive bit."

"I just don't get it. It hurt so much and it was the most degrading that could ever happen and it's somehow enjoyable? Enough so to be in a committed relationship with the person who did it to you?"

"Stockholm Syndrome?"

Sherlock shook his head, rubbing his face with the heel of his palms wearily. John slowly moved closer, reaching out a tentative hand to the boy's back. "You never said before that it was degrading." The words burned a slow fire in John's heart of anger and hatred for the man that had done this, the man he'd killed.

"Well it is. It's the most awful thing that could ever happen and it is never going to go away."

"Sherlock, you-you're going to have to let it go, make peace with it. Holding onto it is only going to make it worse." John shoved his tears down, wishing he could turn back time and save Sherlock from the lupicarnes before any of this had happened.

"I'm not trying to hold onto it, John, I want to forget it. He raped me," he forced out. "It's embarrassing and it makes me feel like garbage. Worthless."

John grabbed Sherlock's shoulders and forced the boy to meet his gaze. "Listen to me, Sherlock Holmes. I've known you for nine years, the best nine years of my life. I know your dad was horrible to you, and I also know we had finally gotten you through that. You were happy living with me, my family. I fell in love with you over the past few years, and I care for you more than I do for myself. Because You. Are. Worth. It. And I will say it every day until we die of old age. You are not garbage. You are not worthless. You are my sun and life and light. Sherlock, you are my heart."

The dark haired boy looked up at him, his eyes swimming. "You are so wonderful," he whispered, hugging John tightly. "Thank you."

John kept him close, rubbing his back, stroking his hair, whispering "I love you" over and over, wanting Sherlock to really believe it. The younger boy nodded, crying again. "I love you too."

"Good. I'll say it as much as you need." John pulled away just enough to rest his head against Sherlock's forehead, wiping away the boy's tears. "I will love you forever," John whispered, kissing Sherlock's nose. "I love you hair," kissing the inky curls "Your eyebrows" kiss "Your eyes" kiss for each eyelid "Your amazingly ridiculous and sexy cheekbones" kiss for each cheek "Your nose" kiss "Your mind, your laugh, your smile and your lips" With that, he kissed Sherlock soundly, holding the boy in a warm, loving embrace.

Sherlock felt whole in John's arms; he felt safe and loved and healthy and he never wanted it to stop. The boy kissed John, simply, sweet, pure and nice. He pulled John's hand to his lips, breaking their contact to kiss his palm.

John gasped as Sherlock's lips pressed against his skin, tracing the skin of his palm. "That's wonderful, Sherlock," he breathed. Sherlock pulled his lips back with a soft smile, running his thumb across John's hand. He traced the small creases up and down, gazing intently. John shivered, eyes transfixed by Sherlock's thumb, the touch just heavy enough to not tickle but light enough to feel like air; it was even more intimate than their previous embraces and infinitely more powerful.

Sherlock moved to kiss John's wrist, just barely grazing his lips against the skin; he then pulled back again, tracing his thumbs along John's palm once more. There was something so very interesting and beautiful about the natural creases formed all along the inside of the boy's hand, his palm, the inside of his knuckles, one very faint one high on his wrist, and the genius made sure to run his thumb across every one, following its path along the boy's skin.

John hadn't blinked in several minutes now, and he didn't plan on starting again soon; he didn't know where this was coming from or where Sherlock was coming up with this idea. His wrist was almost more sensitive than his palm, and his boyfriend's lips there sent a faint shiver through him, but it was nothing compared to the boy's thumb. Sherlock was tracing over every single crease in his hand, every single wrinkle, and John knew it was only a matter of time before he started kissing the beautiful boy again. "Sherlock," he breathed, awe and love clear in his voice, more of a prayer than anything.

"Hm?" he asked, seeming distracted as he slowly kissed the pads of John's fingers. He was in love with every little detail. John shivered again, Sherlock's breath warm on his fingertips. "God, what you do to me...you're the most amazing ever."

"Thank you, John," the genius replied, turning the boy's hand over and kissing the back of it before finally releasing it. John caught Sherlock's hand gently, bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of it, returning the gesture. Sherlock smiled, watching John repeat what he had done. "I love you," he told him even though he knew it didn't really need to be said.

"I love you too. And if you don't mind, I'd really like to kiss you again. I could do that forever, you know," John added, blushing.

"Sure."

John kissed him softly, his hand almost instantly coming up to caress Sherlock's cheek. Then, he had an idea. Breaking the kiss, he whispered. "Let's play a game. First person to touch the other with his arms or hands loses."

Sherlock smirked. "Okay." he agreed, putting his arms behind his back. John copied Sherlock, lacing his fingers behind his own body and kissing the boy again. Sherlock chuckled against John's lips, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around the boy.

Everything was more intense now that touch was denied. John explored Sherlock's mouth with his tongue, moaning softly and kissing harder. He caught the boy's tongue and sucked on it, relishing the moans of his lover as he soon found himself working his kisses to Sherlock's neck. The dark haired boy moaned, his arms shaking at his side. "So unfair," he mumbled but not doing anything about it.

John kissed and licked at the tender skin, humming softly to himself. "You could always give up."

"Never."

"Good," the blonde purred, redoubling his efforts and working his nose just under the collar of Sherlock's shirt, his own arms shaking with the effort of keeping them away. Sherlock leaned down, biting on the back of John's shoulder lightly.

John gasped, growling softly. "Gonna be like that, huh?" He almost released his hands, cursing when he realized. "Oh, you're good," he purred before kissing just underneath Sherlock's chin, teeth stroking the skin.

"You're not so bad either," he replied with a grin. John pressed closer, lips seeking Sherlock's ear, nipping and sucking the boy's earlobe and pressing him gently against the arm of the sofa. Sherlock moaned; his arms were twitching behind his back as John toyed with his ear.

"Give up?" John grinned, running his tongue lightly along the shell of Sherlock's ear; he figured the boy was on the verge of snapping or catching him off guard.

"Never." Still stubborn as an ox, like always. He leaned in, biting John's skin gently just behind the ear. John whimpered, distracted from his attention to Sherlock's ear, trembling more and more as he struggled to not touch the boy, but he was so close to snapping at his own game. Sherlock ran his tongue along the teeth marks gently, and lifted his lips, breathing on John's skin but not actually making contact.

"Fucking tease," John whimpered, Sherlock's breath causing goose bumps.

"You love it," he murmured, grazing his lips ever so slightly across the side of John's neck before pulling back again. John attacked Sherlock's mouth with new ferocity, capturing his tongue and sucking hard. Sherlock moaned, caught off guard; his arms flinched behind him as he nearly forgot what he was doing. John grinned, redoubling his efforts, doing his best to overwhelm the boy. Come on, John thought, you have to have something up your sleeve.

Sherlock kissed back, fighting for control in an effort to gain the upper hand again. John smirked, loosening his grip on his arms slightly, victory just in sight. Sherlock noticed and gently bit down on John's bottom lip, trying to make him falter. The blonde gasped, arms loosening as he lost himself to the boy's touch. Sherlock took the opportunity, pushing his tongue into John's mouth and running it along John's palate as he had before.

John was done. His hands flew up as he pulled Sherlock closer, tumbling them backward on the sofa, kissing as hard as he could.

"I win." Sherlock teased, wrapping his arms around John's neck.

John blinked. "Fuck," he groaned, grinning up at the boy. "You did. I surrender. What would you like as a prize?"

"Surprise me."

"I don't want to go too far."

"Neither do I."

John sat up, pushing Sherlock up gently. "Then I promise you this: as soon as you are better, truly better, I'll show you what making love is really supposed to be like, but only when you're better and ready. And I promise it will be the night I take you dancing. A night all about you. How does that sound?"

"I'd like that very much, John."

John smiled and kissed him one more time as the alarm went off. "That's our stop."

Sherlock nodded, standing. Ianto came out of the conference room, leaning over the computer. "What do we have this time, Ianto?"

"Looks like another weevil," he said, typing something in as he squinted at the screen. Jack glanced over Ianto's shoulder. "Yup. Nice and easy retrieval. Gwen, you and Sherlock should be able to handle that, yeah?"

Gwen nodded, glancing at the boy. Sherlock was glad to finally do something other than sit around and watch everybody else for once. Gwen took Sherlock by the shoulder. "Come on. It's time to face the monster from your childhood, don't you think?"

"Sounds good." He followed her from the hub.

"John, stay here." It was Jack.

The boy whirled around. "Are you serious?"

"He's a big boy, he'll be fine on his own." Ianto this time.

John glared at the coffee boy and flopped down on the sofa.

oOoOo

Gwen grabbed a few guns and a pair of cuffs on her way out, handing one of the weapons to Sherlock. "They said you were good in training. How about we put that to the test?"

Sherlock took it quickly, nodding. He wasn't sure how he felt about shooting a living thing, but it was basically just a target that moved...the boy had never been a very compassionate person.

The former police officer led Sherlock out into the mid-afternoon sun. "Should be a few blocks over."

Sherlock followed her, concealing the gun in his coat. "So what do we do with these things? Just shoot them?"

"Generally we capture them, but we already have several in the holding cells and frankly, I think I just need to shoot something. Besides, they already infest the sewers. Call it population control." Her face was grim.

"Okay." He frankly felt that shooting something wouldn't do him any harm at the moment either. Gwen led the boy a few streets over until they found the creature, huddled against the wall of an alley.

"That's it?"

Gwen nodded. "On three. Head is all bone, so aim for the chest."

Sherlock pulled the gun from his coat and cocked it back, preparing to take his shot. Gwen adjusted Sherlock's arms ever so slightly. "You're good to go."

Sherlock pulled the trigger, shooting the creature in the chest without hesitation. It snarled and keened, stumbling weakly to its feet before Gwen put another three rounds in it. The teenager let off one more shot as it fell to the ground. "Well, that was not nearly as scary as I remembered it."

"I think anything with that face and set of teeth is terrifying to a seven year old," Gwen replied, heading over to the creature to torch it.

"I suppose so." Sherlock muttered, nudging the thing with his foot as he had done when he was a child.

Gwen handed the boy the lighter. "Like to do the honors?" She'd already doused the body in gasoline.

"Absolutely." He took the lighter and knelt down, wincing slightly as he did so but ignored his soreness and flicked the lighter, sparking the gasoline as it quickly ignited before him. The two fled as the flames rose higher, retreating to a safe distance to watch it burn.

Sherlock watched the flames until it hurt his eyes to look anymore before turning around. "So you just leave it to burn away? Leaves no evidence."

"Exactly. Quick, efficient clean up when you're on your own."

"Very efficient," he agreed, turning to walk back to the Hub with the woman.

Gwen's mobile went off as they returned. "Jack wants to see you in his office. He says it's non-negotiable."

"Did he say why?"

"It's Jack, of course not."

"Right. Thanks."

oOoOo

John watched Sherlock's back until he and Gwen left the hub before standing and walking over to the two men. "Why can't I go with them? I should be by his side!"

Ianto looked over at him. "You're concerned for him, which is fine, but he has a job to do, and he needs to learn to do it without your help."

"I'd let him do it, I'd even watch his back and protect him. He needs me!"

"He's an independent person. Give him some space to breathe."

Jack sighed, motioning for them all to sit down. "Looks like we all need to talk."

Ianto sat down, nodding. They definitely had some things to sort out. John looked between the two men seated on either side of him. "What is there to discuss? I love him and I want to protect him. Is that so much to ask?"

"There's nothing wrong with that, but you can't be fussing over him all the time, he needs independence." He knew that when you love somebody you always want to be with them but it wasn't healthy to smother them, especially somebody who had been through so much.

Jack glanced at John, then at Ianto. "I think he needs to talk to you more than me. I'll be in my office."

John looked at his hands, fiddling with a loose thread on his jumper. "How do you manage it?" he asked Ianto quietly. "Knowing he could be hurt at any moment."

"It helps that he's immortal," Ianto chuckled. "But I trust he can take care of himself, and I give him his freedom because that's what I would expect of him as well.

"But Sherlock isn't immoral. And he's been hurt. I was lucky to get him to open up to me and I finally saw a glimpse of the boy I fell for, but Ianto, I'm afraid I'm losing him. It's only been one day, and I'm afraid I'm losing him."

"John, I know what he's going through, and there is a fine line between helping and smothering. You're doing well, but don't be overprotective."

"How could you possibly know what he's going through?"

Ianto closed his eyes. "Because I've been through it. I know."

John gasped. "You-but-that's-how the hell did you manage to overcome it?"

"It wasn't easy. I didn't have people there to help me and it could have been very bad. And the people who were there...were there too much."

John leaned back against the sofa, shoulders shaking with the effort of not crying. "How can I help him, then? Help him get better? Help him truly heal? I just want him back."

"You be there when he needs you, and make sure you're patient. And when he needs to do things on his own, let him."

"How long will it take?"

"I don't know. It's going to take a while. Just be patient."

"When-well, when he is-ah-better," John flushed bright red, knowing this was the only person he could really ask, "I-I want to show him what sex-what making love is like but I've never-ah-" he faltered.

Ianto chuckled. "Yeah. You'll have to wait a while for that."

"No, I know! It's just that I've never-done that before."

"Everybody starts somewhere," he said, patting John's knee before standing. "And I'm sure he's not going to ask anything of you that you aren't ready for."

"I...promise d to take him dancing and then to show him what it's really like, to make it a night all about him."

"That's sweet." Ianto said, smiling at John. "That's very good."

"Any tips?" John's face flushed darker.

Ianto shrugged. "Just do what feels right and take it slow. Don't over think it. Oh, and use plenty of lube."

John swallowed hard before hugging the Welshman. "Thank you, Ianto," he whispered.

"You're welcome, John."

oOoOo

Sherlock climbed the stairs and entered the office. "You called?"

"I did. Sit down, I have a few things to discuss with you."

He nodded, taking a seat in the chair near the desk.

"I wanted to start by apologizing for before. I had not known how you would take that information, and it clearly upset you."

"Yes. It did...but it's not like you were doing anything other than telling the truth."

Jack leaned across the desk, studying the boy intently. "Try not to hold it against me. I was a complete fool in my youth. Secondly, are you and John all right? I want to make sure everything is good between you two. I didn't pull you away from your home to have everything go wrong...I can also retcon you and him, make you forget yesterday's incident."

The boy clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. Forget about it, just go back home and forget everything, but then he would also forget Torchwood again, and he and John would have never gotten together. He wasn't sure he could do that.

"I need an answer Sherlock. Preferably with an explanation, but an answer is required."

"I...I..." He stammered for a moment and then steeled himself; his voice softened. "I can't do that."

"I'm offering you the choice to forget your abuse and go back to your life. It's only fair as it's my fault this all happened to you in the first place."

"This isn't your fault. And if we went back we would forget this place, and we would never have gotten together. I don't know if I can do that. I already forgot once. I don't want to do it again."

"All right then. Am I allowed to give John the same choice I just gave you?"

He shuddered but nodded anyway. He couldn't take John's choice away from him, but he knew if John chose to forget he would follow.

"Go talk to Ianto, see if he and Gwen have anything for you to do. And send John in."

"Okay." He left the office. "Jack wants to see you," he said to John before walking over to Ianto.

The Welshman brought Sherlock down to where Gwen was. "Got any work?"

"Could use a bit of help with the Weevil tracking system. Maybe Sherlock could take a crack at it."

"What do you need me to do?"

"The algorithm is off. Usually we can trace Weevils before they arrive instead of having them just show up out of the blue. That and we've lost track of several of the ones in the sewers."

"Oh. Okay," he said, seating himself in front of the computer and scrutinizing it for a moment before he started typing. Gwen stood, standing by Ianto as they watched the boy work.

oOoOo

John glanced after Sherlock before heading into the office, sitting in front of Jack's desk. "Sherlock said you wanted to see me?"

"I did." Jack looked at the boy, the budding soldier. "I'm here to offer you a choice, after asking a question of course. Are you and Sherlock all right? I want to make sure that everything is good between you two. I am offering the choice for you to forget this, to take the retcon and go home, forget Sherlock's abuse, go about your normal lives once more.

John stared at the man, thinking hard. "I'd forget everything? Everything from the past few days?"

Jack nodded. "No Torchwood, no lupicarnes, no danger, none of it-"

"But I'd forget about kissing Sherlock, admitting that I love him. I'd lose the best thing that's happened to me." John was scared, scared that something existed with the power to do that.

Jack nodded again. "You would also be safe. He would be safe."

"Could you promise that? Could you guarantee that he would be safe? That he wouldn't remember?"

Jack frowned. "Any mind as strong as Sherlock's is bound to remember eventually, especially with a strong enough trigger. He was able to remember yesterday when you all were in danger, the lost memories of his childhood flooding back."

"So that's a no, then. We'd forget about admitting out love and getting together, and eventually he'd remember being abused, and it would break him." John's gaze went cold. "I think I'll keep my memories, thanks. As long as I can protect him, I want to remember."

"Go then. Tell him. I think he'll be relieved."

"Why?"

"Because he is afraid you'd say yes."

John left the office."Sherlock?" he called.

Sherlock looked up nervously. "Yes?"

John strode forward, turning the boy from the computer and kissing him for a long moment. "We're staying."

He exhaled, relieved. "Good," he breathed, kissing John again for a moment before turning back to the computer. The blonde watched over his shoulder as the letters and numbers popped up on the screen, Sherlock's fingers dancing over the keyboard.

oOoOo

Ianto smiled at the boys, walking over to Jack where he leaned against the wall, watching. "So neither of them took it?"

Jack shook his head. "Sherlock was more afraid, John more stoic. I thought John was going to take it for a moment."

"Understandable, I thought they both might."

"Sherlock didn't even really seem to consider it, but John did. Until he'd ruled out Sherlock being safer, he seemed ready to go ahead."

"He's worried about him, a lot." He watched as Sherlock typed quickly, his eyes darting across the screen as he did calculations in his head.

"I know. That's why I offered. A chance for them to start over, but this will strengthen them, won't it? Please tell me they'll make it through, Ianto."

"They'll be okay. He's got somebody there for him, and hopefully after today John won't smother him."

Jack pulled Ianto into a hug, kissing the Welshman on the forehead. "You did good, Ianto."

"Thank you, sir."

oOoOo

John decided that he loved watching Sherlock work. He stood just behind the boy, silent but watching intently, Ianto's words about giving him space echoing in his mind. Sherlock's eyes raced across the screen as he finished up, making sure he had done everything right. "That should fix it."

Gwen grinned. "Thanks."

"No problem, it was pretty simple," he said with a shrug, standing from the computer screen and walking over to John.

John squeezed Sherlock's hand gently before letting go. "How are you holding up?"

He sighed. "I'm fine." he said tiredly.

"Why don't you go take a nap? Get some rest. I'll leave you alone for a bit."

"It's okay, I can wait," he said, wanting to keep busy. "I need something to do."

"Why don't you come with me, Sherlock? I can think of some training I'd like to do with you," Jack called. Sherlock nodded, giving John a quick peck on the cheek before going to follow Jack.

The immortal led him back to his office and gestured to the chair in front of his desk. "Sit." He turned to his filing cabinet and started rifling through it. Sherlock sat in the chair, watching Jack. "What do you have for me?"

The man dropped a huge stack of files on the desk. "Records of every alien we know about."

Sherlock picked up the top file, flipping it over and then flicking through it. "So, what do you need me to do with them?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Jack smirked at the boy, even when Sherlock glared at him.

"You want me to read all of them?" It was a substantial pile, could keep him occupied for quite a while. "I can do that."

"Good. Come find me when you're done." Jack clapped Sherlock on the shoulder before leaving the office. "Ianto, want to take John and train him on the medical equipment we have?"

The Welshman nodded, gesturing for the boy to follow him as he walked down to the medical area. John followed, curiously examining the med bay as he walked down the stairs. Ianto pulled out one of the metal drawers; the inside was lined with various tools that they used for autopsy and experiments. "Here we are."

John's eyes widened slightly. "All right. I think I can do that."

"You probably haven't seen some of these before. Any questions?"

"Yeah, what are those?" He pointed at some long, silver tube-like things with corkscrews on the end.

"Those are for DNA samples. You press the button on the end and press it to the skin, and it extracts a sample of DNA."

John nodded. "So, familiarize and memorize?"

"Exactly."

John turned to the drawer and pulled out the tray of tools, grabbing a notebook and pen from the desk. "I'll be awhile."

"Okay," Ianto replied, leaving the boy to his work.

oOoOo

Five hours later, both boys emerged from their respective jobs. John went straight to the sofa and collapsed, rubbing his face wearily. Sherlock found John there, laying down next to him. "Tired?" he asked amusedly.

John chuckled weakly. "Incredibly beat. You look about the same, actually." He rumpled the boy's hair.

"I am," he confirmed, sighing. He wrapped his arms around John's waist and closed his eyes.

Ianto walked out into the Hub. He smiled down at the boys curled up on the couch. "Long day?"

John cracked one eye, glaring up at the Welshman. "Yes, it was. Now go away. Naptime."

"Okay, I was going to take you home, but if you'd rather stay here..."

John sighed. "Come on, Sherlock. Time to go home."

Sherlock groaned, standing and walking with the coffee boy back to the SUV, John in tow.

"You can sleep when we get back. Promise." John piled into the car after his boyfriend, barely managing to stay awake as Ianto drove them home. The Welshman brought them back to the apartment, taking his clothes and quickly leaving. "See you in the morning."

As soon as he'd left, Sherlock collapsed on the bed, groaning with exhaustion.

"You need to change," John laughed, piling his clothes in the corner and tugging on pajama bottoms. His boyfriend groaned, standing and gathering his pajamas before going to the bathroom to change; he still didn't want anybody to see his body, the bruises covering his skin, especially on his hips.

John turned down the sheets on the bed, crawling under them and sighing contentedly, waiting for Sherlock to emerge. Several minutes later, he returned from the bathroom, crawling into bed next to John and curling himself up against the boy without saying a word. The blonde wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulder, letting Sherlock rest his head on John's chest. He kissed the dark curls before pulling the sheets up over them. "I love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight, John."

John didn't intend to sleep, but the next thing he knew, Sherlock's head was on his shoulder and the sunlight was coming in through the window. "Morning," he murmured sleepily before noticing Sherlock's face, how much paler he seemed. "You didn't sleep much. And don't lie to me and say you're fine," he added softly, running his fingers through the boy's hair.

"No, I didn't," he confirmed, moving his head into the touch.

"Anything I can help with? Will talking make a difference or do you need to be alone?"

"Just nightmares," Sherlock sighed, leaning over and kissing John on the cheek softly. "But thank you anyway."

John nodded, continuing to stroke Sherlock's head, holding the boy in silence until he heard his own stomach grumble. "Guess I should eat something, huh?"

Sherlock looked up, nodding. He stood and pulled John to his feet, glad to find that he was not as sore as he had been the day before. John made eggs and toast and juice for them before they went in to work.

The genius knew then that he just might make it through.