True to Yourself

Kein awoke.

It was quiet…ever so quiet.

She looked around to find herself laying in Grimmjow's bed within his room, but Grimmjow himself was not present. She slowly sat up and realized her wounds had healed almost completely, but she was still in her tattered up blood dried clothing. This gave her the conclusion that she must had been out long enough for her body to naturally almost completely heal at its quickened rate and then memory flashes of her previous fighting session flashed through her mind.

She gasped.

"Grimmjow," she spoke his name softly as she got up out of bed and was going to go to the fabric room where all the previous Arrancar outfits were kept so she could change, but she stopped as she noticed her old rogue outfit sitting on the couch, folded nicely and sat idly. She stared for a moment at this image. It felt out of place and gave her a bad feeling. You'd think if Grimmjow was going to leave her new clothes that he would leave her just another Arrancar outfit, but why her rogue clothing? This did not sit well with her as a knot within her stomach began to tighten, but without further questioning the notion, she simply put on her outfit that she first came here in. After replacing her tattered bloodied clothes, she had the palpable sensation that the Sexta was waiting for her out in the fields and so going with this gut feeling, she simply left the room, down the hallways, and to the outside of where they had previously trained. And there, standing in the middle of the field under the fake covering sky stood Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.

She slowly approached, not at all receiving a welcoming vibe as his expression was serious and nearly a glare. She could only imagine what he would say to her now, but she continued forward, undeterred as she finally was but only a short distance from him, standing in her rogue robes. The moment felt almost nostalgic since the last time she fought him in her rogue clothes was when they had their final battle during the war with Aizen in this exact same location. Not saying a word, she waited him to speak first.

"Why did you come here? Why were you so fervent on insisting that I take you with me?"

Kein blanked, nearly gasping at the question.

"What? You're still questioning my reasons for coming with you? I already told you why."

"You're lieing. You're not telling me the full story. You're hiding something, I can feel it. So you better spit it out before I rip it from your mouth!"

His voice drastically raised in volume as it took her by surprise. What exactly was she supposed to say? What was she to explain that he would ultimately understand and not by repelled or pushed away by it? A moment of a pause surfaced between the two as Kein sighed and lowered her head slightly, looking towards the ground, finding more comfort in the never ending sands then to look directly into Grimmjow's piercing gaze, but she had every respect for him and wanted to tell him everything and so she raised her head once again, looking back into his eyes as she began to explain the depths of her thoughts and feelings, knowing that she probably would regret ever saying anything, but she could no longer lie to herself about how she truly felt towards Grimmjow and why.

"There is one other reason, above any other that I came with you, but I didn't lie. It's just, yesterday was the first time I realized what that other reason was and it was the first time I was finally willing to accept it let alone understand it and I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to figure it out. I will tell you what that reason is, but I must first explain the origin of this reason first if you'll let me."

Grimmjow narrowed his gaze as he was intent on getting an answer, regardless of what it was. He refused to be bullshitteded or lied to in any way. He didn't necessarily feel that Kein was deceiving him or manipulating him, but he would be damned to be played a fool if there was any hint of a wrong intention and so he kept silent to listen to her words.

"When I first laid eyes on you, coming from Soul Society into Hueco Mundo to escape being condemned to death, you could have just as easily killed me right then and there. You had every chance to, every moment, all the power you needed. That was long before I learned to harness the true awakening of my Hollow powers. However, instead of just taking me out, you merely stood there in curiosity, just like I did. You were just as curious as me, but then my garganta closed, leaving me no choice but to continue on my destination course. But…somehow I knew…we would meet again. There wasn't a day that didn't pass by that you didn't come to mind. I had too wild of a curiosity to meet you once more for reasons I honestly still cannot explain to this day."

So far so good. Grimmjow was listening, her words making sense to him as he recollected in silence on the memory of first seeing her up in the sky on that day. He couldn't help to admit to himself that yes, he was wildly curious to see in the middle of Hueco Mundo a random garganta open up in his area only to find that it was a Shinigami, and not an Arrancar, that was standing within its gaping dark cavity.

"It took some time, but you finally came into the world of the living when we least expected it and again we faced each other, finally able to introduce ourselves properly and then ensue within an amazing battle. Of course our power levels were vastly different back then and you practically pounded the shit out of me, but I never regretted that battle. I'll never forget the sensations of excitement you brought me to finally face someone worthy of fighting, to finally face someone who actually gets a thrill out of pounding on their enemy. My defeat at your hands only inspired me to become stronger, to better myself so that the next time we meet, you would be proud to have me as an opponent just as much as I was proud to have you as mine."

The Sexta's expression softened ever so slightly as a slight grin nearly pulled at the corner of his mouth. Again he couldn't help but to be reminded of that first battle with her, greatly beating her to pulp only to see her bloodied face grin in ecstasy for wanting more just for the thrill of the battle. She definitely had a way with words.

"You don't fight like others I have fought. I've met men….and women…who understand the basics of the instincts of fighting, but there's not many that are so refined in being a true warrior like you are. They don't understand that not every battle needs a reason, that fighting the way we do isn't just out of blind bloodlust. When you showed up a second time in the living world, I was enraged at the thought that Tousen took your arm. You were still just as deadly and just as capable of going up against me without it, but it infuriated me to think that you could fight me with every aspect of your body. The thought overclouded how I fought against you, not because I pitied you but because I just wanted things even in everything, just how when you first fought me that you allowed me and waited for me to enter my Bankai form. That's why, I didn't use all my powers against you and I guess for lack of better words, I was distracted and allowed the duration of my mask to simply disappear. I had an obligation to defeat you because of my obligation to protect my friends, but my desire to fight you was stronger."

At first her words were making complete logical sense, but now her explanation was delving deeper into something that Grimmjow was beginning to feel was going to be something he wasn't wanting to hear, but he still continued to listen, intent on having her get the entire story out so there would be no more doubts for him…or for her.

"I…" sighing to herself in frustration "…it was so confusing. So many thoughts were running through my head during that fight. When Ichigo and Shinji jumped in, it just made everything worse, but if there was one thing I did want was to fight you one last time. I didn't want Ichigo or Shinji to lay a hand on you. It was my battle, not theirs, but then Ulquiorra interrupted and took you back just like Tousen and I knew then that I was determined to have one last fight with you. I didn't know how the situation would present itself or if it would even happen, but I wanted to feel that thrill again, that sensation of satisfaction in blood spilt, fists flying, and swords clashing, true technique and power displayed, all the cards laid on the table with no bars held. And then, Orhime was taken. Of course the priority of finding her, alongside Ichigo and the others was first and at the top of my list, but I had every intention of finding you along the way. And then, opportunity knocked."

The girl was longwinded, but Grimmjow expected as such since what she was explaining could not be explained in simple terms or short ended words. It was an explanation that would take a good amount of time to go over and he was all the more ready for it as he continued to listen without response. However, again he couldn't help but admit to himself that through memory of waiting to fight her again, he too was waiting for the opportunity. He never will forget the moment of finally finding Kein again, having Orihime heal both her and Ichigo only so that they could both finally fight without interruptions and without anything holding them back.

"Our third battle had finally come. After all the time, all the training to face you for third time, I was truly ready. I was ready and willing to show you all my powers and all my techniques. Our battle was amazing. I couldn't get enough of it. I got lost within moments of blood and sweat, pain and aches. I got lost within the idea of finally defeating you and beating you at your own game, but then, maybe most of the way through battle I realized it was coming to an end. You wanted it a fight to the death. I knew it was a fight to the death before we began to battle, but the thought didn't really sink in until much later and I knew in that moment that this was it…it was going to end here. I began to realize that, in killing you, how much I would truly be losing. I didn't want to lose you as an opponent. I didn't want to lose my driving inspiration to become stronger and better. I just couldn't imagine loosing you. And even though these thoughts came to me, they still didn't make sense and only confused me further. I began to question everything entirely and couldn't understand why. I had defeated countless enemies before. I had taken lives either forced or because I felt their life would be detrimental to the safety of others, but with you, somehow it was just different."

Kein took in a deep breath. This was it; it was finally time to confess to him her biggest reason behind all her decisions that evolved around going with Grimmjow to Hueco Mundo.

"When I finally beat you in battle, I refused to let you die. For reasons I had yet to understand, I refused to kill you because I honestly had no reason to. It wasn't out of pity but because the thought of such a warrior like yourself to be gone would be such a waste. I didn't have the expectation of you joining our side against Aizen, but I at least wanted to give you a chance to get out from his grasp, to be free. When the fight with Aizen finally ended, it was then I decided that I wanted to come back here with you. I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park coming back and I knew there would be blood…and pain…pain that I couldn't imagine, but through our fights I have learned more than I have in a lifetime, living, or dead. You've taught me things I could never imagine loosing and what I have gained is worth more than all the treasures in any of these worlds put together. And for that I don't think I could ever repay you, but within all the appreciation I have for the time you have taken to fight with me again and again, letting us brawl it out and enjoy pure raw instinct and most of all letting me share your space, I've finally come to realize that all along it was a lot more for me than just battling. I didn't know what to think at first or how to respond because I have never felt this way before about anything or anyone."

Again, it was long winded explanations that Grimmjow was more than willing to listen to. He had gotten this far in training with her so he wasn't bound to quit halfway through because of a kink in the situation, but nothing could prepare him for the answer she was finally going to give as she reluctantly spoke out.

"But, somewhere along the lines I realized I…I…" a pause in the moment "…I love you!"

Hell had frozen over. Grimmjow gasped. He was in genuine shock, but not necessarily in a positive manner. He knew her answer would be odd balled, but he didn't expect such a fierce warrior like her to belittle everything they had been through on the notion of something as trivial and ridiculous as love. He didn't quite know what to say as he gave no response, a chill going up his spine.

"Grimmjow…listen. This doesn't change anything. It—"

"—it changes EVERYTHING!" He yelled in impulsive interruption.

"What? How does it change anything? We can still fight! We can still train! It doesn't change a damn THING!" She yelled back just as impulsively.

Grimmjow could not express in words the conflict that was rapidly erupting inside him that he had never had to deal with before. It was a strange discomfort that he didn't fully understand. Of all the attachments he knew Kein had with other people through friendship, he was shocked to see that she could reach out deeper feelings for one individual and out of all those individuals she chose him, but despite this fact, he had spent countless hours trying to train with Kein, to get her past her weaknesses let alone his own so that they could fight in pure fashion of instinct and wits, but now…now somehow love had seeped into the picture like some cockroach invading his home. And it was this very thought that out of first reaction impulse, Grimmjow commanded something he didn't quite want to command, but he simply couldn't help it as the urge to say it was too palpable.

"Leave."

A jagged chill ricocheted up Kein's spine as flash backs of the nightmarish illusion she experienced was somehow coming to reality in a violent pace like some horrible foretelling, only this time it was real.

"I want you to leave NOW!"

"Are you SHITTING ME? Did you not hear the words I had to say? The reason behind them? Don't you dare stand there and tell me that you haven't enjoyed everything we've done to this point thus far! Why would you have brought me here to begin with? Does it really fucking matter what my reasons were for coming? What has it truly changed huh? I know you! I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't do this shit with just anyone. So what if I…love you…I still want to train with you!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Kein was silenced once again as her heart raced with painful anticipation of his reaction. She knew it would be difficult to swallow but she never imagined the situation going so downhill and so drastically. Was he not even going to give it some time to sink in? Was he not even going to consider the possibilities? Did he not even remotely feel the same way?

"I want you to leave…and never come back. I won't repeat myself TWICE!"

Kein felt like she was shot through the heart, her rapid nervous beats fading quickly to a dead stop as she began to tremble. Out of all the pains she had ever felt, she never would imagine that anything could be worse, but now she truly felt dead inside, like a hole had been ripped through her. The thought of not being by his side was crippling now, more than ever.

"Please…please don't make me lea—"

"—do I have to beat you to a pulp before you'll get your ass OUT OF HERE? GO!"

"I WOULD RATHER DIE!"

Grimmjow gasped to speechlessness. She would rather die than to leave? No way, she wouldn't have the guts. She wouldn't have the heart to die for him then to leave her Shinigami friends.

"What did you just say?"

"I…would rather die…then to leave your side, to not be able to fight with you, fight alongside you…I—"

"—Go."

"Grimmjow—"

"—I said GO! GO BACK TO THOSE FUCKING SHINIGAMIS!"

Without giving her another chance to speak, he blasted a Cero at her. She dodged to the side, allowing it to hit a wall a distance behind her. Out of a panic stricken fear of making him explode with anger, Kein finally left the battle field, never to return. Flying through the air out of the fake covered sky field and into the true plains of Hueco Mundo, she was surrounded by the unforgiving monotone darkness of the moonlit sky, full of emptiness and discomfort that now flooded her mind and heart. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe this was truly happening and she couldn't comprehend the thought of leaving. Her rationale faded to angry bitter hurt impulsion as instead of going back to the living world, she felt more inclined to take out her pain in the Menos Foregronds. Tears flowed from her eyes like waterfalls as her agonized screams echoed through the sky, bolting in lightning fast speed to the location.

It wasn't long before she had finally found it deep within the undergrounds of Hueco Mundo. She had only been there once before so it brought her ease of travel to its darkened caverns and crystallized twig trees. The echoes of countless Menos Grande sounded through the immeasurable passageways as it acted as a calling beacon for her, following the cries until she was face to face with what seemed like hundreds of Menos Grande. She didn't hesitate to begin attacking, firing off Ceros in anger as red beams of destructive light exploded upon impact against these tall large black shadowed beings. One by one they fell to their deaths as her turmoil ensued in a rampage. Memories of her time with Grimmjow shot through her head like bullets and shattered like fragments of glass, thoughts that once brought a comfort to her now acting like a poison in her veins. She didn't want to regret anything she had learned or experienced through Grimmjow's training with her, but she simply could not ignore how she felt and couldn't find a way to try to pushing the feelings down. They simply exploded out of her through her powers.

However, because she wasn't fully recovered from the previous fight with Grimmjow, her energy was not as restored as it could have been had she healed for the full 72 hours. The destructive Ceros she was dishing out were merely taking a downhill toll on her and she could feel it drain her body, but she did not care. She just wanted her pain to stop as the fields around her leveled one by one until suddenly she lifted her hand to fire her umpteenth attack only to have nothing come out. Within a span of ten minutes or so, she had wasted all her energy and now could fire nothing. Her body had been exhausted and her reserves drained to a waste. Now, there was no way for her defend herself as she could barely stand. One could easily loose count of the vast numbers of Menos Grande she had taken out, but they still continued to come as she was slowly being surrounded, now at the mercy of these mindless beings. Their eyes glowed as their mouths filled with impending doom.

But she did not care.

Kein knelt upon the ground as she awaited fate, closing her eyes until death would take her.

-The Graveyard-

It didn't take long before Kein realized that the moans of the Menos Grande had died to a peaceful quiet. Opening her eyes once more she found herself to be in a place she least expected to see. It was her Inner World. Although it had been a long time since she had been here, it was not the way she remembered it last. The once green and lush grassy plains were now a brownish field of withered death. The tombstones that used to be a light colored soft grey were now small darkened shadows with cracks in them, like their peace had been disturbed. And the once blue shining sky above was now darkened over with cracks of lightning shooting out in random strikes amongst the endless tear drops of rain that poured down. Last but not least, the figure in the distance she thought she would be confronted with was not Ernesto, but something else entirely. It was a figure she hadn't seen in the longest of times.

"B…Ban…kaguna?"

She was speechless upon laying her eyes on her one and only Zanpakutou spirit that silently stayed in the background of things as he always did. Tears streamed down her eyes as she got up to her feet and ran towards him. Bankaguna had no shaped mouth to speak or show emotion, but if he did then one would be able to see that he was smiling gently. Within moments Kein had embraced him, feeling just a small bit of relief from the agony she was encased in.

"Kein—"

"—it's been so long."

"I know and I'm deeply sorry."

He let her cry into his arms for a moment before gently letting go of his embrace on her, placing his hands upon her shoulders as she looked up at him with her still fiery lit eyes.

"I haven't spoken to you since Ernesto took over your spirit energy and maybe that was a mistake, but I feel at this point that I must step in Enersto's place and implore you to not let it end like this. Do not lose hope in the situation."

More tears streamed from Kein's eyes as Bankaguna's words echoed through her. She wanted to make it through this, but could not see how. This was the first time she had ever felt this way towards someone so strongly let alone anyone at all.

"But Grimmjow—"

"—Kein, there is more to this than meets the eye."

Even though she was in her Inner World, she still felt greatly drained both physically and emotionally as she knelt down upon the ground out of exhaustion. Bankaguna did the same as he enveloped her within his robe and kept her within his warmth under the rain.

"What…what happened here?"

"Whatever you feel is reflected within your Inner World. When you are determined, fierce, and filled with hope, this place shines with a brightness that matches the sun and it is filled with a warm peace that reflects your strength in your beliefs and power, but when you feel turmoil or heartache, then the atmosphere of this place changes. When you cry, it rains here in darkness."

Kein flinched at the thought, looking up at Bankaguna as their expression matched an equal sadness. She wasn't aware of these facts that her emotions reflected within the world that Bankaguna occupied. The thought of shedding darkness over him hurt her inside.

"The one thing that Grimmjow wants is to make it to the top without anything to hold him back or get in his way. In knowing this, if he felt you were a threat to that goal he wouldn't have considered bringing you with him. In fact it has surprised me to see he has taken it this far knowing that you were only getting stronger, but it is also of this fact that I believe it is much more than what he will even admit to himself. He is a very proud man and there are many reasons for why a man like Grimmjow would avoid situations such as this. It is fear that takes his heart, but what kind of fear that is could be many possibilities or even a mix of sorts. To put time, effort, and care into something and to know the possibility of suddenly losing it to something as complicated as love would be devastating. You are familiar with pains such as this with the loss of your parents. You put effort into spending time with them, listened to them, and grew your relation with them and in turned ended up loving them only to have it ripped away from you under violent circumstances. You felt a similar pain again with the loss of Kaien when you were a Shinigami. You put effort into trusting him, becoming friends with him, and in turn loved him as a brother only to have him taken from you in a gruesome manner. Today that pain still hurts you and yet despite these pains you still continued forward."

"Are you saying he's just afraid of losing me? Then why would he push me away?"

"What I'm saying is, he might be afraid to love you, to give into something that is much deeper than what he's used to having. He has not walked the roads you have. He has been down similar paths, but he's usually done it alone. He doesn't have friendships like you do or feels close to others like you do and most of all he has probably never loved. The Human life he once had is one he will probably never be able to remember and so the only experiences he has ever had is the fight to survive, the fight to become stronger, and the fight to keep himself from being trapped by something that could cause him more hurt than he's willing to want to deal with. He is content with being to himself. These are the things that could be keeping him from reaching out in the manner you hope he will."

Kein merely sighed as she nuzzled her head into Bankaguna's chest. Everything he said was true, a truth that she didn't want to accept, but it just simply was how Grimmjow existed. He's a loner and always will be.

"However…" interrupting her nuzzling as she looked back up at him "…there are sides to him that completely contradict all of this. He is a warrior and a hunter. A hunter will spend years of it's life searching for the right prey. You fulfill this desire of his because you are able to fight him one on one with respect and equal level of power. You push him just as much as he pushes you. You help him to become stronger and reach his goal just as much as he helps you to become stronger and hopefully reach your own goals. This is what drives him towards you and not necessarily away. You are something rare that he has stumbled upon and he may not verbally acknowledge it the way you do, but the thought of losing that discovery to something like love or some other force would be maddening for him. Maybe along the way he could find someone similar such as yourself to fill that need for the right prey, but it will never match one such as you. You too are a hunter for the right prey, but you are also a hunter for the right mate. You have found both within Grimmjow and he has yet to understand this just as he has yet to understand or even believe that he can have both within you."

Her mind was beginning to open to his words as it felt like a new hope was opening for her, but there was still so much doubt and pain that she was feeling, finding it nearly impossible to consider another option out of this situation.

"What courage you have to seek in the hunt is not what he may have the courage or even desire to do himself. It is also possible that he does not care at all or ever will care, but I can't help but to have been watching from the sidelines all along and to notice the interactions between you two. Life has a funny way of twisting the unlikely into reality and you Kein, are the one twisting it. Besides, even if you had realized earlier on of what you felt towards Grimmjow, it would have not played out the same. This is happening for a reason even if it hurts you with every depth of sorrow you could feel, but please Kein give it time and see where it takes you. You may come to find that Grimmjow simply needs time entirely to himself to reflect on everything that has happened thus far. This is not something that will happen all in one day. Afterall, it could simply be that he doesn't believe in your devotion to him. It could very well be that he is actually jealous of your relations with others that he does not have with anyone other than you and that this is simply the final test for you and for him. But, if you do not give it time, then it will only drive you closer to a permanent death and you may never see Grimmjow again."

It was true. There could be many possibilities to what Grimmjow was thinking and feeling.

"But do keep in mind that there is no guarantee of him sharing the same feelings for you. Whatever it ends up being is what it's meant to be."