Sorry for the delay. School attacked with finals, and then we had an ice storm and power outage, along with my own mental block. Feel free to flame me on how I should've updated. I'm such a horrible author. D: And sorry to Lady Nightlord and AurorMoonyPadfoot that I haven't been able to reply to your reviews directly. They're greatly appreciated! And if anyone's reviewed that I've forgotten, thank you very much as well!
So, I do not own Twilight nor any of Stephanie Meyer's creations, et cetera, et cetera.
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Was it possible that a dead heart could break? I feel that it must be so... My chest felt like it had been cleaved in two, and had I still a pumping heart, it would've been shattered into pieces. I heard soft, dancer like footsteps ascend the stairs. It could only be Alice. Turning over, I curled into fetal position, bringing the picture of Esme up to eye level. Her face was soft, angelic. Her caramel locks fell gently over her shoulders as she smiled ear to ear, showing off the diamond bracelet I had given her for an anniversary. I touched her face softly with the tip of my index finger.
How could they have done that? I knew my friendship with Aro had been strained, but even I didn't think that he could have been so cruel as to kill her. Alice had seen them hunting her, of course, but Esme had made a split decision when she had decided to give herself up so the rest of us wouldn't be harmed. After I found out, I nearly went to them to beg them to kill me, knowing full well that at least one of them would do it. And if they wouldn't comply, then I would have exposed them. But no, my children begged me not too. They told me they needed me, and I knew they were right. It was selfish of me to have even thought of killing myself in such a time of need. Still, I could do naught but lie here in bed, curled up like a child as I stared at her picture, day in and day out. I hunted only when I absolutely couldn't stand it, inundating myself with memories of my new born days. I knew it hurt my children, especially Jasper and Edward, but I could bring myself to do nothing else.
We had found a new house in Anchorage, Alaska, and so far the rest of my family hadn't gone to the school. I had found a job at a hospital, but I found myself taking off more and more vacation time. We had been here perhaps two years, and I could more than likely count the number of times I went in on my hands. They usually only called me in for absolute emergencies, so I was free from trying to fake a smile. I knew I should try for the rest of them, as they were suffering as well, but none of them, aside from maybe Edward, had ever felt exactly what I was feeling. I now could sympathize with the long dead Victoria. This agony was unbearable, and I still felt wretchedly alone despite the actions of my family.
The door handle turned slowly, even for the actions that a human would take, and Alice entered the room quietly, barely stepping inside. "Carlisle? I thought I'd just let you know that the hospital will be calling you in about an hour or so, if you'd like to go hunting first. It's been a while since you've gone..."
"Thank you Alice. How important is it?" My voice was a raspy whisper, my throat dry from the days of just laying in bed.
"It's not really that important. Doctor Marston has had some family issues, and a patient of his is in need of a diagnosis."
Doctor Marston was one of the hospitals obstetrician/gynecologists. Perhaps his patient had a tumor and they were scared it was cancerous. "Alice? Is it malignant or benign?"
"Malignant."
My frown deepened, a strange tugging spreading through my chest. The poor woman....
"Carlisle, the hospital's going to be in a frenzy looking for a spare doctor. Are you going?" As if she didn't already know the answer. I sighed, placing the picture on the pillow next to me before standing at my normal speed.
"Yes, Alice. I'll be going. When they call here, just tell them you'll call me on my cell-phone. Could you drive my Mercedes there while I'm hunting?" Alice nodded, a small smile spreading across her lips, though she still had a pained look behind her eyes. Everyone did nowadays, including Jacob and a few of his friends. She rushed forward and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back, though without as much gusto, and kissed the top of her head.
As I decended the stairs, I could very nearly hear heads whipping around. Rosalie was standing next to Emmett by the dining room; Edward, Renesmee, and Bella were sitting on the couch and had been watching some television show; Jasper was sitting on a rocking chair by the wall, eyes on Alice as she danced down the stairs in front of me. Everyone else, however, was watching me, faces adopting different levels of anxiousness and concern. They made a move to stand, but I held up a hand. Edward's frown deepened. Don't worry. I'll be as fine as possibly allowed. He gave a small nod, but never took his eyes off of me.
I attempted a smile, and wondered if anyone aside from Jasper and Edward could conceive that it felt more of a grimace. Clearing my throat, a rather unecessary action, I spoke, my voice still a murmur. "It seems that the hospital will soon be in a bit of an uproar. I'm going to help out, and I know you all are glad that I'm up. I'm sorry I haven't exactly been the father I should be, but I'm not promising that I'll be able to act any better once I'm back. There are only a few of you who know exactly how I feel, and I know that you know what I'm going through. For the rest of you, please try to understand. I'm not sure how much longer I'll continue to feel like this. I will try to work through this, as I know... Esme," oh how it hurt to say her name, "would not want me like this. I have to go, as I will be needed soon and I need to hunt, so I am unable to speak with any of you any more than this. I suppose I'll see you when I return." I nodded to the room in farewell, and they each bid me their own silent adieux. My final thought was 'Edward, I'm unable to change. Please pack my scrubs for Alice to take to the hopsital'. With that, I flew from the room, out the kitchen door, going faster than what was actually necessary.
As I fled toward the forest, a flurry of voices broke out, causing me to increase my speed. I didn't want to hear anymore of their worried colloquies. I knew they were all miserable, and my dismal emotions were making Jasper even more miserable. But what was I supposed to do? I could not get over Esme's death like that. It just wasn't going to happen! I knew they did not expect that much from me, as some part of everyone died with Esme. It seemed that happiness was a long way off, despite knowing that Esme would not want to see me like this.
Barely ten minutes into my run, the musky scent of a couple of moose wafted around me. It was far from mouthwatering, yet venom pulsed into my mouth. Drawing closer, I slowed my near frantic pace, dropping lower to the ground, adopting the classical predator stance. The sound of their heartbeats pulsed in my ear, steady and slow, unaware of my silent approach. Only when I was within a single bound of them did I leap, my thirst overwhelming me.
I sighed as I stood, running my fingers through my hair. I felt invigorated, nearly gorged. It had taken both of the moose to satisfy my thirst fully. Or rather as fully as possible on my strict diet. I was actually almost uncomfortable, but knew it was for the best. Better to be safe than sorry. I checked my watch. I had only killed a quarter an hour. I frowned at my speed. It seems I would've had time to change into my uniform. But then again... I looked down. There was a small blood splatter across the chest of my bottle-green sweater. It seemed that I had become messy in my despondency.
I grimaced slightly in disgust. What was I becoming? I should be strong and carry on for my family. No doubt Aro was getting a sick laugh out of this mess. A wave of frustration and rage washed over me, and a deafening snarl ripped through me, echoing through the empty forest. I had never felt this much hate for anyone, not in all of my three-undred years. I wanted to kill. No, not just kill. I wanted to slaughter, massacre, mutilate, torment, and lacerate those that had a hand in killing Esme. Malice coursed through my body, extending to every limb, every nerve, every fiber within my being. The demon that I had suffocated since my transformation clawed at my inside, begging to be set free, demanding justice for the vile act that had been commited five years ago.
No. I would not let it win, nor would I let Aro and the rest of the Volturi win. That was what they wanted, just a chance to kill me and the rest of my family. It was not going to happen. The demon growled, but I silenced it, clearing my thoughts with Esme's sweet face. It would pain her to see me like this. I must do what Esme would have wanted me to do. I must carry on. Clenching my fists, I checked my watch once again. Only a minute had passed. It aws odd how time seemed to fluctuate once immortality was gained. I breathed deeply, deciding to go ahead and take off to the hospital as there was really nothing else I could do.
I stopped at the treeline around the hospital, looking around the small parking lot for my Mercedes. It was parked in the very back, only two rows from where I was currently standing. A smile tugged at the edges of my lips as I walked casually from the forest to my car. Opening the passenger side door, I slid in, closing the door behind me. I changed into my scrubs rather slowly, having another thirty minutes until the hospital would even call my daughter. I double knotted my shoe-laces meticulously, making sure each bow was perfect, each lace at an exact matching length. Glancing at my watch again, usually comforted by the passing of time but now demented by it, I growled once again. Only three minutes passed. Huffing a little sigh of frustration, I turned the key, switching on only the radio and lights. Pressing the button, Moonlight Sonata swelled to a soft level, filling the car with the beautifully tragic notes.
It was a simple piece, yet one of my favorites. My fingers inadvertantly twitched as if they wanted to play. Of course, I was no where near as interested in the piano as much as Edward, but I dabbled. Or at least, I used to. Memories swam forth, and I immediately shut the radio off. I crossed my arms, closing my eyes, counting the seconds. The time crawled by at an agonizingly slow pace until the time had finally passed. A shrill ring diverted my attention momentarily, launching a short search for the cell phone, which was in my scrubs pants pocket. I slid back the top, answering with a quiet hello.
"Carlisle? It's Alice. The hospital just called. Wait ten more minutes before going in." She hung up, leaving me to say goodbye to no one in particular. Kids these days... Shaking my head, I turned back on the radio again, this time turning it to some contemporary music. It wasn't exactly to my tastes, but at least it held no fond memories and it allowed me to pass the time without dwelling on the past. Ignoring the occasional curse streaming from the radio, I watched as the minutes on the car's clock ticked by at an agonizingly slow pace. Shouldn't ten minutes seem like a blink of an eye to someone like me? Immortality shouldn't breed impatience. The minutes passed, though, no matter how slowly, and it was time for me to go in.
As I passed through the automatic doors, the fading patter of rain made me wish I had brought in an umbrella. Clocking in quickly, I watched as Doctor Marston scurried towards me, a manilla folder in hand.
"Oh, Carlisle. Thanks for getting here so quick. Little Mikey has been throwing up almost constantly for the past hour and Lisha just couldn't get away from work. I owe you a big one. All of the information's in the file, and the patient is in room seven."
I took the file and shook his outstretched hand, noticing the small shudder he obviously tried to hide. "Don't worry about it, Gary, I wasn't doing anything at my house anyway." I faked a small smile as he released my hand and clocked out.
He shoved his card in his pocket and scurried to the door, calling back, "Still, if you're ever up for it, let's hit that new bar in town for a round of drinks. On me!" He gave a short wave and was then through the door, making a dash to his car.
Placing my own card in my pocket, I walked with a rather brisk stride to my office, unlocking the door and flipping on the lights. Throwing my coat onto a chair, I read the file at my normal speed. I could feel a frown tugging at the edges of my lips. It was just as Alice said. This woman's tumor was malignant. Adjusting my shirt, I put on my lab coat and tucked the file beneath my arm, feeling she had waited long enough.
Shaking off the advances of the younger, inexperienced doctors and the more flirtatious nurses, I arrived at room seven. I heard the unmistakable pop of gum and shoes hitting the examining table. My frown was replaced with a small smile as I rapped the door gently, alerting the woman, Jennifer Aldrick, of my presence. The noises, aside from a now nearly frantic heart rate, stopped. I supposed that her heart rate was attributed to the fact that she was about to learn what would become of half of her reproductive system.
I opened and closed the door as gently as I could, noting the slight increase of her heart's beating. Even a woman who's about to be told she had ovarian cancer couldn't escape my appeal, I thought rather bitterly. Still, I put on the mask of my best bedside smile before explaining the situation. "Doctor marston had a problem at home he had to take care of. That's why it took so long. They had to find a replacement, and as it seems that I'm a Jack-of-all-trades, they called me in. I'm Doctor Cullen, by the way. But please, call me Carlisle." I smiled once again as she nodded, then took a deep breath, finding her scent rather strong, and extremely pleasant, though not enough to be my cantante, though I doubted I'd be even tempted if she were. It was reminiscent of rain and vanilla. Almost like Esme. I pushed those thoughts aside quickly before continuing.
"So, would you like to make a bit of small talk, or get straight to it?" I half expected her to want to talk for a little bit. Delaying the enevitable seemed like the normal human thing to do. She went against my expectations, though, when she spoke.
"I suppose we should 'get straight to it'. Is the tumor malignant or benign?" Despite all attempts to keep my grin cemented in it's place, I could feel the façade fade away quickly. I looked down at my closed folder, it's contents memorized. My brow furrowed as I thought how to go about telling her this. Letting someone know they have cancer was never an easy thing to do. At least her's can be treated, I reminded myself. Clearing my throat, another entirely human habit, I looked up only to be rather surprised.
Her facial expression was shocking. While not being exactly contorted, a look of pure misery across her face. She must've read my expression and found out the result. It changed rather quickly for a human, though, as our eyes met. I felt it would be best to look at her straight when I gave her the news that she must already have known. "I'm terribly sorry to tell you this, Miss Aldrick, but the tumor is cancerous." I paused, giving her a moment to collect her thoughts. "It has spread to the other ovary, I'm afraid. It somehow bypassed your uterus, so if you'd ever like to get pregnant, you can do in vitro fertilization, but we'll have to remove both ovaries surgically. We've already scheduled the surgery in two weeks time from now," or so said the file, I thought as I made a mental note to check on it, "so you don't have to worry about that. Your stay afterwards should only be about a week to make sure you recover properly and all the cancerous cells are removed. Do you have any questions?"
I watched as her face grew pitifully blank, her delicate finger tracing a line over her shirt, no doubt the path of the scar left by the surgery done to take a sample of her ovary. She shook her head, then looked up towards the ceiling, eyes threatening to release salty tears. I could only be reminded of Esme who had wanted children all of her own, though I didn't know if this was why this woman was on the verge of crying or not. Regardless, I wanted to comfort her, tell her how everything was going to work out. I wanted to tell her how I knew how she felt, and how I felt forlorn for her, but I remained quiet, letting her work her own troubles out.
She fought against my expectaions once again when she donned her coat and asked a two very simple questions. "Is that all? Is there any medicine I'll need?"
I shook my head once again, the universal body language for a no. "Nothing aside from the pain medication prescribed after your last surgery." I looked her over once again, the indescribable need to comfort overwhelming. Frowning at my inability to help myself, I spoke. ""I'm very sorry about this, Miss Aldrick. My... late wife was also unable to have children, so we adopted. My children are a blessing, even if they aren't originally my own."
"Of course, Doc- err, Carlisle." I couldn't help but grin ever so slightly as she tried to adjust to the informality of a first name basis. "I understand that I can adopt, along with IVF, but it seems that the chances of finding someone to share my life with just lowered dramatically. But those are my problems, and I'm sorry if I've troubled you with them." My grin went back to it's original frown. So she was scared of never finding love simply because she could not concieve? A silly human notion.
"Not at all, Miss Aldrick. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Trust me, I'm sure you'll find someone. There are over six billion people on this planet. Even if you have to use one of those online dating services, it's nearly impossible that you won't find love." I smiled once again to the best of my abilities, though I think she somehow could see past my mask, her gray, yet somehow inconceivably warm, eyes boring into my own. She quickly looked away, and I found myself almost missing her gaze. Blinking the thought away, I bowed my head slightly as she uttered a thank you, one purely out of politeness than actual gratefullness, I was sure. I watched her leave, pausing and shaking her head once she reached the hallway. I chuckled under my breath before reviewing her file once again. Only twenty-five, and scared she'll never find love. My brows knitted together once again as I called for someone to clean up the room.
After making sure all the proper preparations were in fact made for Miss Aldrick's surgery and stay, I hurried to my office, preparing myself for a long night.