Across the Universe
Chapter One
"Cassie Maxine Avery!! GET OUT OF THERE!!!"
I repressed a sigh. "Ronnie, I'm fine." I said, softly, quietly, so as not to draw the attention of the angry mother grizzly. My hands grasped the needle behind me tightly.
"Cass!"
Ronnie Chambers, will you shut up? I thought in exasperation. He was going to get me killed if he went on like that.
"Cassie, I'm telling you to get the hell out of there this instant!!" Ronnie screamed.
The bear's head turned slowly to look at me. Any normal person might be scared out of their mind. No, make that any sane person.
Fortunately for me, I wasn't sane.
Like lightning, my hand shot out to touch the rough, furry hide. The bear's small eyelids drooped as the acquiring trance fell upon her. My other hand withdrew the needle.
By the time she lifted her head to look around with a dazed expression, I was already climbing out of the large cage and back to Ronnie.
Ronnie grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me hard. "Cass, don't you ever do that again!"
I pulled back, pushing his large arms away from me. "Ronnie, listen. I've faced down far worse than a Mama grizzly, and I'm still alive. Why can't you just accept that I can take care of myself?"
He looked at me with deep concern in his dark eyes. "I care about you, Cass. If anything ever happened to you…" he trailed off as his hands caught mine tightly. "Please, promise me."
I looked away from those worried eyes. I didn't deserve that sort of concern. "Nothing's gonna happen, Ronnie."
"Promise me."
I sighed. "Fine, I promise."
Not like anything could happen now days. No more war, no more facing death everyday…
I gently pried my hands from Ronnie's. "Now, listen, Ronnie. I've got to finish up at the office, 'kay? You go on home and I'll be back in a little while."
He smiled. It was so easy to make Ronnie happy.
"Sure, Cass. See you there."
I returned the smile. "See you there."
I watched as Ronnie left the cages, trying to master my sense of impatience with the tall, dark Asian. He treated me as if I were something breakable, as if I could fall apart in his hands. He didn't seem to understand the dangers I had faced in the past. He didn't understand me. Not really.
Does he even love me? I wondered suddenly. Maybe he just wants to be with me because I'm an Animorph. Maybe-
I quickly shut my mind to those thoughts. Ronnie loved me. The concern on his face proved it.
Or maybe he was just worried he would lose his precious little Animorph.
I shook my head in anger as I walked to the office. Anger at me, anger at Ronnie, anger at Jake…
Jake.
He had left eight months ago, along with Tobias and Marco and some other friends of his. He still hadn't come back. I had expected that. It still hurt.
I could have gone with him. I should have gone with him. Useless thoughts spun around in my head, weaving a web of depression. I couldn't let this go on.
Oh, Jake…
The look of raw hurt on his face as I declined his marriage proposal. The look of betrayal in his eyes when I let Tom have the cube. All the anger and love and pain that had gone on between us during the long, cold war. All gone. Forever.
Could have gone with him. Should have gone with him.
I kicked a soda can across the pathway.
Well, it didn't matter any more. Jake was gone; so were the others. I was alone. And they were dead, dead and buried, somewhere far across the universe.
I wiped a hand over my face, dissolving the already-dried tears. Jake Berenson, the one person in my life who could still hurt me even when he was no longer here.
And of course I missed Marco and Tobias and Ax. Though I hadn't seen the lonely boy-turned-hawk in years, I still missed Tobias terribly. And Marco… I smiled inwardly at the world's desolation at the disappearance of their favorite celebrity. And Ax.
Ax, the alien. Funny how rare it was for me to think of him that way these days. Ax, the Andalite. Ax, the outsider. Had always been, and after the war, always will be.
He had never been that open about himself or his childhood, and though I had never realized it during the war, Ax was an extremely private person. I knew that he had been considered clumsy and unintelligent, had always been thought of "Elfangor's little brother". Though he had never voiced it, we all knew he resented that. How much, however, I couldn't be sure. Ax, the unintentional introvert.
I smiled to myself in nostalgia. How I missed them all, and Rachel, and even that whole, stupid war. I had never thought I would miss all that. But after they left, I found I wanted to do anything to get them back.
Wanted to, not would. I did still have a small dose of common sense left to me.
Ronnie.
He doesn't really love you. My mind insisted stubbornly. Angrily, I pounded my head with my hands in a useless effort to rid myself of such thoughts. What was wrong with me? I was usually a good judge of character; what was wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you, Cassie.
I whirled at the sound of a familiar voice in my head. It had been so long since someone had last thought-spoken to me, and I craved the sound like a starving man craves food. But no, it couldn't really be him, couldn't really be…
"Ellimist?" I asked hesitantly.
Yes, Cassie. It is I.
I froze. Then, slowly, I turned my head to stare at the deceptively old-looking man, outlined faintly with blue. "What are you doing here? The war is over; you have no need of us. Of me." I amended quickly. The others were all dead.
They are not, Human Child. They are no more dead than you are.
I bit back the impulsive retort that they would be better off dead anyway, if that were the case. "Ellimist, please don't play games with me. I can't take it, not now. What on earth are you talking about?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice level, without much success. "What are you doing here?"
He smiled slightly. So suspicious, Cassie. Have I done you wrong? The smile turned slightly mocking. Recently?
I sighed and shook my head. No, the Ellimist had never really hurt us. It wasn't his fault we had been thrown into this war; we could have chosen not to partake in this particular version of hell, but we didn't. And because of that, Jake was dead. And Rachel. And everyone else.
Do you not listen, Child? I have told you: your friends are not dead. You do not understand.
"No, I don't understand. Is that a problem?" I snapped. "Considering the fact that I have never understood you, is that really so strange?"
Interesting.
I rolled my eyes. "Okay, you got me. What's so interesting?"
You have changed. He frowned slightly, an odd note to his voice. You are much more aggressive in nature.
My eyes closed. "You noticed that, huh?"
Yes.
I felt my anger and irritability collapse. It wasn't like I hadn't seen the changes within me in the past few months- no, make that years. A slight tendency to snap at people, to be annoyed easily. An aloofness that surrounded me, giving me the sort of 'hands-off' aura that Rachel always had. Too much sarcasm at times, a recklessness that had never been there before. God, had I changed. But somehow, I had always denied it. I didn't want to believe that- heaven forbid- I was truly changing at last. So suspicious, Cassie…
Yeah, I was suspicious. And angry, too. The Ellimist seemed to a good creature to focus those things on.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I was going to focus my anger on a guy who could easily knock me out of existence with the wave of a magic wand. Meanwhile, back at the psych ward…
I bit my lip. Jake had said that. That was Jake's saying. And Jake was dead.
Not dead, Child. Listen to me. Look at me. Your friends are not dead.
Slowly, it began to register somewhere in my grief-torn mind. "Not dead?"
That is what I said.
"What do you mean, not dead? How can they not be dead? They've been gone forever, and they're not coming back. That I know. They might as well be dead!"
The Ellimist sighed in exasperation. Cassie, they are not. That is the reason I am here. He hesitated. You know, of course, that I am not allowed to interfere with other races.
"Of course." Was there too much sarcasm there?
And so I cannot save them myself. But you can. If I tell you what happened to them, perhaps you can save them.
I peered at the Ellimist through narrowed eyes. "This doesn't have anything to do with Crayak, does it?"
I'm afraid it does. Cassie, Crayak has created a monster of great power, even greater than that of the Howlers. He calls it 'The One' and it is capable of destroying the entire universe. If I- if you do not defeat it, Crayak will rule. Is this really what you want?
"No." I murmured. "No, I don't want that at all. But how am I supposed to help them? I can't get a ship, and there's no way I can convince Ronnie to let me go." I pushed away the painful image of Ronnie if I told him. He would be devastated.
His poor little Animorph…
"NO!" I shouted, banging my head against the wall. "NO, leave me alone!!"
Suddenly, I was aware of a cold hand touching me face. Cassie, the Ellimist whispered. Cassie.
"What's wrong with me?" My voice broke. "Ellimist, what's wrong with me? Why am I thinking these thoughts? They're not true, I know that. Why?"
The Ellimist gently stroked my hair. I had let it grow long, and it had taken some time getting used to, but Ronnie had insisted.
Ronnie…
Cassie, Ronnie Chambers does love you. Nothing is wrong with you, but you need help. Specifically, from your Andalite friend.
"What?" Somehow, I had not expected that. "Ax?"
The Ellimist smiled. Yes, Human Child. The one you call Ax.
"Not Jake?" I blurted.
Jake was not a telepath the last time I checked.
I shook my head in confusion. "Ax wasn't either."
Not in the way you know it.
I shrugged. That was probably true. I didn't know much about telepathy.
Aximili speaks in thought-speech. He therefore has a rudimentary telepathy with which he can sometimes sense another's thought without speaking to them. Of course, they must also possess telepathy, or at least a strong empathy.
"And so…?" I prompted.
If he is particularly close to such a person, sometimes an Andalite can form a partial mental bond with them.
Slowly, the realization dawned on me. "A mental bond? Wait, are you saying- I mean, I'm not a telepath, so how- you said-"
Hush, Child. Though you are not a full telepath, neither are you completely psi-null. How do you think you can so easily see others' intentions and motives, emotions and thoughts?
I was speechless.
The Ellimist smiled, greatly amused by this. Cassie?
"Ellimist," I began slowly, "are you saying that I have a partial mental bond with Ax?"
Yes. Yes, Cassie, I am.
I drew a deep breath. There was nothing wrong with that, of course. Not really. It was just… unexpected. Yeah. Not disturbing at all. Not. One. Bit.
Sarcasm, Cassie. It is your way of hiding.
I glared at him. "Ellimist, why did he not tell me of this? Why didn't you tell me of this?" My anger was returning at a startling rate. I didn't want him to know how close to the truth he had come.
Aximili did not know the bond was forming, himself. I know how hard for you it is to think of him as such sometimes, but he is just a child. He would not understand such things. And because he never completed his training as an aristh at the academy, he would never learn of it, the Ellimist replied cheerfully. I wanted to strangle him.
Cassie!, my mind voice exclaimed, thoroughly shocked. Strangle him?!
The Ellimist spoke to me gently, as if to a child, but with a hint of urgency. You must go, Cassie. If you do not find your friend, it is quite possible that you might lose your sanity.
I buried my face in my hands. Deep breaths, Cassie. In, out.
Amazing how much that little voice in my head sounded like Jake. Amazing how I had never noticed that Ax's human voice was almost the exact same.
I looked at the Ellimist. "What do you want me to do?"