A/N: This next chapter introduces a character I haven't posted about yet. In the near future, I will be posting a story called Shala, explaining who she is and how she came to be. For now, just bear with me, okay?

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Chapter 3

Why?

I walked alone across a long narrow bridge, seeking a comfort I was now sure I would never find.

Ronnie was dead.

Just like Jake.

What did it matter what the Ellimist said? There was no way I could save my friends; I knew it. They would die, and that would be my fault, too. My fault, because I had neither the strength nor the courage to save them.

They would die, and this time, I would be the one to blame.

My fault.

I leaned against the side of the bridge, looking at not the gorgeous sunset that lit the sky, but at the dark, murky water below. It would be so easy to leap off the bridge and splash into a cold, wet death.

Would Ronnie be there? I wondered idly. And Jake? That could get a little awkward.

But I could love both of them. They wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

What is heaven like?

No. It wouldn't be heaven for me, I guess. Paradise is no place for cold-blooded killers.

It wasn't just Ronnie, I realized. I had killed before. Countless Yeerks, countless Human Controllers, Hork-Bajir, Taxxons, all gone because of me.

Heaven was definitely no place for murderers.

I pulled myself up onto the railing. One wrong move and I would be falling into that icy, black hell.

Or was it one right move?

I leaned forward, almost able to feel the refreshing coldness…

A hand stronger than any human's pulled me back roughly from what would have been the stupidest mistake of my life.

"Shala," I sighed.

"What do you think you're doing?" demanded the stunning half-Human, half-Sona girl.

"What does it look like?" I asked, uncaring. My eyes wandered back to my former death sentence with a strange sort of longing that I can't describe.

Shala frowned at me. "It looked like you were trying to make permanent contact with the devil. What the hell is wrong with you, Cassie?"

I shook my head, unable to speak.

Shala's far-seeing eyes sought mine, desperate for understanding. "Why, Cassie?" She sounded genuinely confused.

Try as I might, I couldn't force myself to ignore the pleading in her voice. I turned to face her lovely visage.

"Shala… I can't expect you to understand. It's a human thing, something your mother would have killed me on site had she been here and known what I was doing. It's called grief."

Shala nodded slowly. "I'm aware of that. But you've felt this before, Cassie. What made it turn suicidal so suddenly?"

"Did you hear about Ronnie?" I asked abruptly.

"No."

"Didn't think so." I drew a deep breath. "He killed himself yesterday, Shala. In his room. With a gun."

Her eyes widened. "Cassie… I'm so sorry!"

A totally human response, I thought mildly. Had her mother been alive to see her, she would have been delighted.

"'S'okay," I lied. "I'm fine now, Shal."

A slight frown creased her delicate features. "There is something else."

Oh, what the hell, I decided. She'd find out sooner or later.

"The Ellimist paid me a visit the other day," I began.

Shala's deep blue eyes widened. She knew the Ellimist.

I opened my mouth to tell her more, but the words in my mind evaporated on my tongue. "Shala…" I frowned. "You're not going to believe me."

Shala laughed a little at that. "Cassie, you really don't know me that well, do you. I tend to witness the impossible. Tell me."

And so I did. About the Ellimist, about my friends, about my decision, about Ronnie. Everything.

Except Ax.

Ax was… too confusing, too painful a subject to bring up. I couldn't understand why, and my ever-annoying mind-voice laughed without much humor at that. I could talk about Ronnie, I could talk about Jake, I could talk about Rachel and my suicidal plan, but Ax was off-limits.

"Cassie?"

I looked up, startled. "Yeah, Shala?"

"Are you going to do it?"

"Do what?"

"Save them. Are you going to go after your friends?"

I stared at my hands. "I don't really have much to lose, do I?" I asked softly, for the first time realizing the truth of that statement.

"Say that again, and you'll be more sorry than you have in your life," Shala warned, her face darkening in anger.

I swallowed, then asked bravely, "What do I have to lose then?"

"Your life. Your friends. Are you really so willing to throw that all away?"

"I don't have any friends."

"What am I, chopped liver?" She grinned slightly. "Did I get it right?"

I smiled. "Perfect, Shal."

Her beautiful face twisted up. "You haven't answered my question yet, Cassie. What are you going to do?"

I sighed. My eyes closed for a minute as I thought.

Save Jake. It was so tempting. But what was going to stop me from going saving Ax instead?

What?!

Some of my inward shock must have registered on my face, because Shala asked, "What? What is it, Cassie?"

I shook my head in confusion. "Nothing, Shala. I just… never mind. I'm going."

She blinked. Then, all at once, the protests began to fall from her lips.

"Cassie, are you insane? You can't go! You'll be killed! You don't even know where they are, it could take you years, Cassie, please-"

I impulsively put my hand on her shoulder in an effort to dam the flow of words shooting out from her mouth like a gun.

A fragment of memory pierced my mind.

Gun. Oh, man.

"Shala, you really don't know me that well, either. I can't let my friends die. To do so would be as if I myself had stabbed them with a knife through the heart. I have killed so many, lost so much, I need to keep what I do have. If it costs me my life, then I'm okay with that. As long as I know I have tried."

A flash of anger struck her eyes. "Do you think only of yourself, Cassie? Has it ever occurred to you that you are needed here? That I need you? Have you even thought of anyone but yourself since the Ellimist came to you?"

Raw hurt stabbed at me. Was I really so selfish? "Shala, what use am I to you? In every way, I am more of a burden these days, something to be thrown in the waste to rot. You have lived on your own for the majority of your life. You can take care of yourself."

Her blue eyes caught mine, searching. "Sure I can, Cassie. But maybe I don't want to. I'm only sixteen, as far as we can tell. I still need guidance, and I can admit to that. My mother is dead, my father died long ago. You're the closest thing I have to family. Maybe I don't want to be alone anymore, Cassie."

My eyes stung a little at that admission. When I had first met Shala, I had been sure that there was no one as cold and distant as this hybrid human. Her bluntness had astonished me, and though she often participated in the same bantering with Marco as Rachel did, something about it had been much more intense and serious than the playful arguments we were used to. Her disappearance for several years had done nothing to help that impression.

Yet here she was now, with a pleading in her eyes and voice that I could not ignore, opening herself up to me in a way she had never done with anyone. How could I leave her like this?

"Shala…" I began, and choked up, suddenly more afraid than I have ever been in my entire life.

My conversation with Ronnie had started this way. Would the ending be so also?

No. No. Shala was stronger than Ronnie, I was sure of that.

"I have to go, Shala. I am going."

Shala made a split second decision. "I'm coming with you."

"No, Shala," I said gently. "No. This is something I have to do on my own."

Shala glared at me. "You forget that these are my friends, too. You would have allowed my mother to go."

Rachel? Maybe. "Shala… no. I'm sorry, but I'm going on my own. I have to."

Her blue eyes glinted with anger. "Fine, then. Throw away your life. I should have known better than to care."

With that, Shala walked away, leaving behind nothing but bitterness and hurt in her wake.

Or was it mine?

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Ooohhh, the drama. Please review, friends, for it causes this fanfic writer great happiness and happiness is what makes the world go 'round. Also usually means more chapters. :D