You don't think you would remember your love for someone from ten years before until you see them again. The feelings came, the hurt and hatred and love. They all twisted around each other. I looked at him. 'You actually talk to me? I thought I was a child.' He winced away from me. I held myself in the corner, keeping away from them all. 'Don't you get it Vasilissa?'
'No.' I looked at them all.
'You want me to love you guys, want my life to go back where I begged for lip gloss and prayed and was happy. Guess what?' I spat. 'That girl left the day he broke me in, the day he sold me, the day I prayed for anyone to come… anyone to save me. They never showed up, I had to run.' I stopped crying about seven years ago. 'When God gets back from his vacation… tell me. I have some things to tell him while he was gone.' Everyone was hurt by my story, by what my life turned out to be. 'Don't cry for me… I got over it… you will too.'
'Roza…' I looked at Dimitri. I shook my head.
'Don't say anything. I'm not interested.' I turned back away from them, I wanted death. Maybe I could make it to the window and jump. I bet it wouldn't hurt that much, it would be quick.
'I think it's time to leave Rose alone. She needs rest, come back later.' I didn't turn to say good bye, I lay my head against my knees. 'Rose let me see you.' I shook my head. I heard her leave. I cried, for the first time in years. I was free and it was a reason to be celebrating. I mean not a lot of girls escape this life, they all end up dead at some point. I knew I was next, but I couldn't wait to be shot, it would be over quickly. I know, suicidal thoughts aren't good… but when you go through what I did then you look forward to your death every day. I let my eyes drift closed.
I slept, but not really. It was tranquil… until I had a dream. I was singing along in the car with Liss, Dimitri watched me while there mom drove. I laughed and smiled the whole way. That was before you were taken. I knew the truth. My hair was blowing around me. That memory faded as a new one emerged. It was my night. I bawled for hours… to think that I was crying over a boy than the real troubles. I was drinking in my room, passing out. I watched that school day, Dimitri had tried to talk to me several times, but I ignored him. We were all walking to their house. A van followed, but we didn't notice, Liss was trying to figure out what was up. I laughed as she punched Dimitri. Wrong move. The car sped up behind me… the large rough hands reaching out to me. I saw Liss and Dimitri try to grab me, but I was already gone. I looked out the window as they ran after me, I saw the self-hatred and sadness on their faces as I disappeared.
I woke up sweating. I stayed in my huddle and once again cried away my pain, my suffering. It was useless, once I was done I still felt the pain in my chest, the pain everywhere else. To make it worse the doctor came in. 'Rose.' I turned my head slightly towards her, she heard my sniffling. 'You're pregnant.'