4. The last doughnut.
I'm in a bad mood. I'm never in a good mood, but today I'm in a specially bad one. I hide it tough, don't want to get everyone nervous. Last thing I need is a thousand S.H.I.E.L.D agents on my back.
"What did Barton say?" Tony asks. He, on the other hand, is in a very good mood, but Phil is here to ruin that. Thankfully, because even tough Tony is my best friend, even I can't put up with him when he's in a good mood. Cheerful Stark is a hundred times more obnoxious than regular Stark.
"He said he liked him" For a secret agent, Phil is a terrible liar.
"But?"
"No buts"
"You are lying Phil. I don't like being lied to."
"He doesn't want him in the team. But Romanoff does."
"Romanoff does! Well, that's reassuring" This throws me back for a second, but then I remember: Natasha infiltrated Tony's company. Of course he doesn't like her.
"What do you want from me Stark?"
"From you? Nothing. What I want is to not babysit a kid. Why can't the captain do it?" Are you allergic to responsibility Stark?
"The kid fits more your profile"
"He fits more my profile." He repeats mockingly "What's that supposed to mean?" I can see that Tony has his whole defense planned. And something tells me I'm a key piece of it.
"It means he's smart" Here it comes.
"Ah" Wait for it.
"Very smart"
"Please Phil, you're gonna make me blush. Bruce is smart too." There it is. Now all three of us know how this will end.
"That's not…"
"That's not the only relevant factor. What, is he a millionaire too?"
"Far from it, actually. He and his aunt are nearly broke."
"And how does that make him more like me?"
"That's not…"
"There we go again. What Phil? Why am I such a perfect fit?"
"Because he's kind of a smartass"
Tony gasps, faking outrage "Phil? What are you implying?"
"He isn't implying anything Tony." I'm getting really tired of this, and I hope they can see it. People always go my way when it shows I'm getting tired of it "Just meet the kid, show him your toys, boast about your hot girlfriend and sell him the whole Avengers package. That's all they want from you." Then again, Tony usually proves to be the exception to that rule. Maybe that's why I like him.
"Is that true Phil?" he asks while grabbing his shoulder.
"Yup"
"Just that?" Come on Tony.
"Just that."
"Oh. Well, in that case…I think I'll pass anyway. Sorry, its just that I'm kind of a smartass" He grabs Phils last doughnut and calls the elevator.
"Stark." The doors open.
"Tony!" He walks in.
"I'll be in the penthouse, playing with my toys or my hot girlfriend. Or both. See you!" As the door closes, our last sight is of him having a bite at the doughnut. And now I'm alone with Phil. Shit. Tony is right, I'm probably the next guy on the list and, unlike him, I'm not a jerk.
"Bruce?"
"Yes Phil?"
"Would you mind showing Parker around when he comes by?"
"Sure Phil, I'll take care of it"
"Thanks"
"no problem" Shit.