Hours ran past as the sun slowly went to set. Sherlock had already tried every pose to watch John in, finding himself bored. Even pacing did not entertain the detective and at one point he even tried to play hunt the fags. Looking out the window from the kitchen, he noticed the sun had now set. What had once been morning now turned to night, though John still rested on the chair. His breathing slow being unknown to the events that unfolded around him. Though it was not any more time before his Eyes fluttered open, gasping for air as the room came into focus. His head pounded from him hitting the door frame, as he rubbed the now bump. The contact caused him to let out a large groan, it must have been a dream. He recalled seeing Sherlock, but something must have hit him on the head. The bump was evident of such matters. In fact lately many things happen while he spent his time asleep or passed out, god he had to stop drinking. Shaking his head the doctor let out a large sigh before rubbing his face once over. His throat dry and stomach growling, as everything came into place. Sitting up John just wished that it was true, in fact it was just the miracle he had asked for. Though nothing ever went right for him. He looked around the room, eyes still slightly blurred from the factor of just waking up. It was strange but even after all these years the flat still looked the same, just as messy.

Sherlock had been watching for a while as he already noticed the signs of John waking. This was why he was in the kitchen, pouring the hot water in the cup in front he allowed a heavy sigh to escape. He never thought John would be affected so much about his death, from the little he had seen it already plucked at his heart strings. The detective truly thought that John would have quickly moved on from him, and found another life, away from the one at Baker Street. Though it seemed that everything went not to plan, he watched the tea as it darkened. For once he just wished that the fact of him being right all the time was true, at least then the doctor would not have been so broken. Lifting the cup he slowly walked over to the man, hoping that now would be better than earlier.
"Here, I made tea. I know you always wanted me to make it for you" The groggy man groaned still half asleep as he slowly lifted his head. Sherlock smiled as he placed the cup on the table.

John's eyes grew wide as it finally set in, the tea being the one thing he truly noticed. There was no way this could be another hallucination it was far too realistic. In fact this time he did not only see the tea but he could smell it, it had been the one thing to wake every sense in his body. John's eyes followed the smell to look at the figure that stood there, mouth once again open wide. The anger slowly growing on his face as it everything slotted into place. Sherlock had faked his death... he had faked it and left him for three years, Three years of pain and drinking lost because of the detective most likely wanting to show off. Standing up the doctor stopped over to the figure a light glare burning onto him as all the emotions ran through his body. Both fists curled up tightly as they shook from the pure hate. Tears built up as he glared into the others eyes. Sherlock tried to carrying on smiling as he noticed the rage build up. Guild tinged through his body as he noticed how much pain and hurt had been in John's life. Perhaps he was the cause of his ex-flatmates new alcohol abuse. Gulping the detective knew what was to come, it was only what he deserved.

It did not take long before the anger was about to explode inside of the doctor as he watched the smile on Sherlock's face. Without thinking John let him have a full on right hook in the face, with three years of hurt behind it. Not holding back as he rubbed his knuckle.
"THREE FUCKING YEARS..." He growled loudly as tears flowed down his face.

Sherlock cried out slightly in surprise as he felt John's fist connect with his jaw. He held touched the area trying his best not to react. Right now he let John do whatever he had to vent out his anger and hurt. After all that he had made the man suffer it was only the right thing to do. He could never hold anything against the doctor, after all he saved his life. "John...please let me explain" Sherlock flinched as he thought there was another hit to come, though the doctor stopped as the new words sunk in. Causing more anger to pent up onto his face.

"EXPLAIN? SHERLOCK! YOU LEFT ME FOR THREE YEARS!"
John pushed the man with every word, his tears flowing down his face.
"...I needed you...you left..." Everything hurt, just the sight of the detective made his heart bleed. The doctor was close to loving him once but now everything was too painful to think. With his wife's death and everything bundling on top of each other... John wanted to scream, he wanted to curl up and scream louder than he ever had. But that was not the answer, his rage slowly built up as his world turned grey, no sound just him and Sherlock. It all becoming too much to bare as his punched into Sherlock's chest. Each hit losing its power as his breath became unsteady.
"Why...Sherlock..." John screamed before being unable to hit the man anymore. Resting his head on Sherlock's shoulder, the doctor cried as he gripped onto his coat. All of the emotion pouring out into him, his head hurting as he sniffled with each sob.
"...Sherlock...I needed you...I needed you...why..."

With a sigh Sherlock watched the other as his hitting when to gently sobbing. Slowly he wrapped his arms around John bring the man closer, trying to comfort him in any way possible. Though he found himself stumped at exactly what to do, after all emotions wasn't his forte.
"I had to do it John...to protect you. If Moriarty's people didn't see me jump then you would have had a bullet through the brain" He whispered each word into John's ear, his throat becoming dry as he watched the man cry. He could almost hear John's heart breaking at the sight of the detective and it killed him a little bit inside. Holding his breath he tried his best not to cry...for the doctor's sake...

Sniffled John looked up to Sherlock, his eyes still flowing with tears. He held on with tightest grip he had ever held given to anything. Heart rate starting to slow down as his tears followed. Everything felt like it had been shoved on top of him. Three years of pain and trouble, all brought out into one moment. His head started buzzing as he tried to work out what to do next. Everything was too confusing, no longer did the doctor have a grip on reality. He had already lost three years of his life and now it just felt like the nightmare would continue. Taking sharp breath in John gritted his teeth though the crying made it difficult. His eyes focused on Sherlock's as his words snuffling out.
"...I hate you...I hate you so much..."

John's eyes spoke everything as Sherlock's effort became less each time, as his tears started to collect in his eyes. He never felt any emotion, but somehow John was always the exception for the detective. The words felt like a sharp knife cutting through his very soul. Like he was slowly being carved alive and there was nothing he could do. What made it worse was the detective could see how much the other man meant those words, and it hurt.
"John...please...I had to keep you safe" He spoke trying to explain everything, he had to get through.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP" John buried his head into Sherlock as he repeated every word. His words slowly started to turn into quiet mutters. It was just too much to have the detective explain everything right now. He didn't want to hear it, not now, not ever. All that mattered was what was happening now. Sherlock was back and this has flipped the doctor's world upside down. After all he was a widow, not that he had a life to go back to. All John wanted was to start a new life here and now. He wanted Sherlock in it, even if there was hate that lurked about from the incident. Truth was he did not hate him, he hated what he did, but nothing in the world could bring him to hate Sherlock.

"I love you...oh god I love you so badly...and you left me..." Swallowing hard John tired to get the words from his dry mouth. His tears finally coming to a halt as the pure emotions took over. Finally John felt safe, in three years he had never felt safe. The closest he got was with Mycroft and still it did not fill the gap. He did not want this moment to end as he held onto Sherlock. Not wanting to let go just in case this was a dream.

The tears continued to flow was he heard the confession. Though his drunk rants made it clear there was something there, Sherlock never thought it was love. The doctor loved him? No one ever loved the detective? He couldn't have just said that he loved him, after all he always made it clear he was not gay. Though the drunk kiss had said otherwise. Sherlock rubbed John's back slowly, trying to stop the stream of tears that were rolling down his face hard and fast.
"I'm so sorry John...I'm so sorry...Please forgive me" He sobbed slightly, his body shaking slightly.

"SHUT UP SHERLOCK...IT'S MY TIME TO TALK!" John barked loudly as he waited for Sherlock to listen. Both of them looked like a sight for sore eyes. Tears flowing so much you would have thought a pipe broke somewhere. Sherlock responded with just a simple nod, he looked down at the doctor giving him his full attention. The detective didn't want to upset John any further than he already had. The red tear swollen eyes on John's face caused him to once more swallow the tinge of guilt.

Looking up at detective John breathed slowly trying to keep himself from bursting on into tears. His heart rate thudding inside his head as he thought out his words carefully. Everything need to be perfect, as he slowly breathed out. Sherlock was just...he did not know what to feel any more. The seconds that slipped by just made him more confused about his emotions, his brain finding hard to keep track of thing. John just wanted to spill his guts, he had been dreaming of doing it for three years. Now it was finally his chance to let everything that had built up over the years go. Tilting his head at Sherlock, his eyes filled with pure emotions as he tried to let the words come from the heart. His heart beat loudly pulsing inside his head as he breathed deeply.

"I love you Sherlock...I always have...it took you faking your own death to make me understand...all this time I have loved you...I was just too stupid to understand...I just...I just...I just don't know what I want anymore. I still love you...I can never stop loving you...I m sorry Sherlock..." John rested his forehead on the detective as he closed his eyes. Listening to the others heart beat as the calm started to take over. Everything he ever wanted was right here, everything in front of him. Though his narrow ways made his needs hated. It took him three years of pain to understand...John was just scared now...scared of rejection. He just wanted to be loved...wanted the void to finally be filled.

Sherlock listened to John's words as they washed over him, taking in the information. How could he not have know that John had feelings for him? He mentally kicked himself for not noticing sooner. There was clear signs of this fact, he had even had money on Anderson even knowing. The detective rolled his eyes at the very thought as he looked down at John. It was about time he told the truth, it had been bottled up for all these years.
"I love you John Watson" He whispered into the man's ear quietly, holding his body closer to his own gently.

The doctor's heart skipped a beat as he heard the words that formed from Sherlock's lips. Even in his dreams the detective never replied in such a manner, this was all the proof he needed. Everything still felt like a dream it was just too good to be true. A flush lightly made its way across his face as he tried to breath slowly. It was like being in school again when the most beautiful girl in school spoke to you, the way your stomach would become light and fluffy. The way your chest would pound louder than a beating drum, the way life would bubble up inside filling you with blissful joy. Opening his mouth, John went to speak but found himself unable to gain the words. Silence fell upon the pair, but it was not awkward. Everything that needed to be said was already out there, nothing had to be added. It was comforting, as John rested himself in Sherlock's hold. All his troubles were no more, every issue and pain had gone away. Sherlock was his hero...no...Sherlock was his angel.

"Don't leave me...I need you..." He whispered as he carried on holding onto the man. John had already lost him once...and if anyone was to try and take him again they would feel his rage. He would protect the detective with his life if needed...because to John, Sherlock was the only thing that mattered in his life. He was the only reason he lived.

Sherlock remained silent after he finally admitted to John his deepest feelings for the man. He had hidden it from the man since John shot the cab driver for his safety. he had felt a strange knotting feeling in his stomach when he looked over at John, feeling his heart swell up with joy that he met the ex army doctor.
"I'll never leave you again John...I swear to you...I'm never going to leave you..." he whispered into his ear quietly, the two of them simply just holding each other.

John's heart pulsed as the silence fell once more. It was peaceful, as their emotions spoke for the pair of them. For once the grey world the doctor found himself trapped in, was now a happy place. Sherlock and him, the only ones together forever. The only two stuck in their own little world, loving and caring for each other. He thought back to what people used to tell him about he and the detective. How enraged he used to get when people said they were a couple. But for once everything had became clear. They saw what was truly there, what the pair could feel now. John had only wished he could have seen it all before. If only he had just listened to all the signs that was right in front of his nose. John sighed before moving his head, getting closer to Sherlock his head a little tilted.

"You're all that I want...you're all that I need...you're everything...everything"

Hand's moving up to run through the detective's hair as he muttered his words. Moving close enough to almost touch as John's eyes flicked from Sherlock's lips to his eyes. He asked for the thing he craved as their breaths were the only thing to make a sound.

Sherlock felt the doctor shift slightly in his arms to look up at him. He smiled softly at his words, feeling the exact same in every way. He felt calmer and more human around John and he was the only one who knew that he was capable of any real human emotion at all. The detective noticed that John looked between his lips and yes several times, silently asking him from permission.
"Yes John...you may..." He whispered, his voice almost silent. He was afraid that if he spoke any louder than it might break the spell, and John would hate him again, and possibly kick him out.

The excitement bubbled up deep inside of him as he got the permission. Slowly he connected his lips with Sherlock's, his eyes closing as a shark ran through his brain. The world had truly slipped away as the doctor started to flush. He had waited three years craving for this moment, the moment their lips finally met in with such passion behind them. It was worth the wait, everything still hurt and it would not be gone tomorrow. But right now they did not matter, in fact John was numb by the pure love as he lightly kissed the detective. His hands stopping half way through the curls, as his heart pounded. It was not perfect but then again what was. Though this was the most breath taking moment in John's life. He only hoped that it would never end, he just wanted to spend every moment with Sherlock. Even through the nagging a moaning, at least now he knew what he wanted. The void was finally filled.

Sherlock let his eyes flutter closed as he felt John lightly press their lips together in their first kiss, hopefully, of many more. That kiss was his first ever, and he was so happy that it was with none other than John. HE wanted to kiss the man for years, but never knew how to go about it. The detective slowly around John's waist, gently pulling him closer to his own thin bony body.

Each touch became deeper as John kissed Sherlock. His hands moving up around his neck, to slowly glide through the detective's hair. He was kissing the pain away, all three years going to one passion filled kissed. Every moment, from the moment he saw the jump to waking up in the bed. John thought of it all as the detective took it all away. His lips causing him to forget, crave and lust as they started to get more heated. The love burning in his soul as his eyes staid shut to feel every single touch. The light taste of fags tinged on John's tongue as he lightly licked the other's lips. He wanted to feel everything, to finally feel loved. To finally be done with the depression, his heart pounding as he made he was close to Sherlock. As their heart beats pounded as one.
"I love you"

/Author's notes: Last part was done at one am...I hope it don't show