Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belongs to JKR, anything you don't is mine.
A/N: Thanks to Blizzen. littledhampir13, and Roseline for the reviews!
I wanted to get this up a week from when I updated it last...obviously that didn't happen. I've been so busy lately, and am going to be for the next few weeks. So bear with me if my updates are a little slower than they have been lately.
Gahh! I've had soooo many good ideas for this story lately, but they all happen later in the story! So I'm trying to hurry and get to that point, because I want to write it soo bad!
That was horrible. I hadn't felt the Cruciatus curse in years. It's not so bad when you're used to it, but when you're not...
On the bright side, they couldn't torture me too much for fear of me loosing my sanity, or blacking-out for several hours, or even a few days. So it was only about an hour torturing session before the chains binding me to the chair unwound and Riddle had Draco order me to leave, not do any magic until I was gone (accept Disapperating), not tell anybody about anything that had happened there, and to go about things as usual until further notice. As I left, I slammed the door shut behind me. As a consequence, I was hit with another three or so minutes of the Cruciatus curse.
I Apperated right to Hogsmeade and slipped into the passageway into Hogwarts in the cellar of Honeydukes. I was out of breath. I could tell Harry had a heck of a time not cursing Riddle, Bellatrix, Lucius, Rosier, and even Draco into oblivion for hurting me. The others, except perhaps Draco, all took it as hatred toward me, and made him use the Cruciatus even more. I myself started to believe that hatred was what is was.
When I finally reached the trapdoor to Hogwarts, I had finally finished panting. It would be past curfew by now, so no students should be awake to bother me as I headed toward Dumbledore's office. Hopefully no teachers or other staff would be, either. I could just imagine running into Filch. Or Peeves. They were the last people I'd want to run into.
Or, maybe not. The person I ran – literally – into might have been worse. If only at that moment.
I was in a hurry, flying through the corridors without even looking where I was going. I wanted to talk to Dumbledore. I wanted his reassurance that Harry was really on our side. I didn't even care about what else I had heard. I hadn't heard much, anyway. They were probably saving it until after I left just in case I found some crazy loop-hole in my instructions. As if.
Anyway, I turned a corner sharply and ran right into somebody. I heard a grunt as they hit the ground at the exact same time as me, but couldn't see them because we had fallen to where the corner was obscuring us from the other's view. But then a very familiar voice spoke up.
"Whoever you are, you better hope you can come up with a very good excuse for being out past curfew."
I froze in shock.
Maybe Filch and Peeves weren't the last people I'd want to run into, I thought as my collision mate stepped out from behind the wall.
"Hey, Severus," I said weakly. I think he could sense my weakness in my voice, for he stared at me blankly for a moment before he held out his hand to help me up. I took it gratefully.
"Hey," he replied. "What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to go to Malfoy Manor?"
"I already did," I answered. "I just got back."
"Well that was fast," he said, sounding confused and astonished. "What happened?"
"Well, Riddle came back," I replied simply. I think he expected me to say more, because when I didn't, he stared blankly at me again for several moments before he rose his eyebrows and said,
"Well duh. But what else happened?"
"Not much," I lied easily as I slowly started to walk toward Dumbledore's office. Severus walked beside me, still staring at me, without saying anything. We had been in silence for a good five minutes before he opened his mouth, hesitated, and then decided to say it anyway.
"Did they...torture you?"
"Surprisingly, no," I said, lying again. I felt kind of bad about lying, but not enough not to.
"Right," he said, obviously not believing me. "That's exactly why your hands are shaking."
"My hands are not – " I started, but as I looked down, I could see that they were shaking. Violently, too. "Okay, maybe they are." I frowned, tried to steady them, and failed. Instead, I just stuffed them in my pockets. Now I couldn't not notice them shaking up against my thighs through my pants.
"So, will you admit that you were tortured?" he asked. I didn't answer, and he took that as a silent "yes." Good thing, too, because he knows I would never admit it out loud. "How bad?" I merely shrugged. "What's wrong? Was it that bad? Did they torture Harry or something?"
"No," I said slowly and quietly after a pause. "No, it was just me. It wasn't bad. I've felt worse. It's just..."
"What?" I swallowed, stopped suddenly, and turned to face Severus. Startled, he stopped and turned to face me as well.
"Nobody can act that good."
"Huh?" Severus asked, confused, after a moment, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Harry," I explained quickly. "Some of the things he said...some of the things he did...and his expressions. Nobody, even you, and me, especially a first time spy, can lie and act that good." Severus chuckled slightly, shaking his head. I glared at him. "What?"
"You honestly don't think you can trust your own brother?" he asked, still laughing lightly. I frowned, opened my mouth to reply, and was cut off. "I know you don't really think that," Severus said, starting to walk toward Dumbledore's office again. I followed a few steps behind him. I shook my head slowly.
"I'm such a horrible person..." I muttered slowly.
"No, you're not. You're not even close to a horrible person. You're one of the best people I know. AndI know you trust Harry, one hundred percent. It's just...you were scared. For yourself and for your brother and good friend. And now you're just in a strange mind because your body isn't used to the Cruciatus curse."
"You really think so?" I asked, catching up to him and looking up hopefully. Severus smiled down at me and nodded.
"Absolutely. I know you enough to know that you're not really experiencing those feelings." We had reached the stone gargoyle guarding the entrance to Dumbledore's office. We stopped, turned to face each other, and stared at each other in silence for a few moments before I threw my arms around him. Shocked because I had never hugged him before, Severus hesitated before he wrapped his arms around me as well.
"Thanks, Severus," I whispered into his ear before I leaned back slightly and, just to freak him out, kissed him lightly on the cheek. I stepped away, told the gargoyle the password, and made to step onto the moving staircase but paused before I did and looked to Severus. He was staring at me still, his cheeks flushed, his eyes wide in shock.
"Did you just – ?" he started, but I cut him off.
"I was kidding," I said quickly. He stared at me. "Please don't tell Regulus," I begged jokingly. Severus laughed and shook his head. "Coming?" I asked as I stepped onto the staircase. Severus paused, looked around, and then shrugged.
"Might as well." He jumped onto the staircase behind me, and I waited for him to reach the top as well before I knocked three times on the door at the top. As soon as I had finished, Dumbledore's voice called,
"Enter."
Severus opened the door and held it open for me. Dumbledore was at his office doing some sort of paperwork and looked up in surprise as I entered.
"Good evening Nicole, Severus. Nicole, I didn't expect you for a few more hours." As I took a seat in a chair that had magically appeared beside Severus and across from Dumbledore, I looked from one to the other in shock and confusion, my eyebrows furrowed.
"Was I really that early?" I asked, confused.
"Well, you were only gone for about an hour and a half, two hours maybe, and usually when you go you're gone for about four or five hours." Severus answered.
"They must've sent me home early," I replied, shrugging. "Maybe they were afraid I'd find some loophole in the potion, or else find a way to fight it off, so they didn't want me to stay to hear the more important crap they had to talk about." I frowned suddenly. "I don't like being a spy when all I get to do is go to Malfoy Manor, go through yet another torturing session, and then come back. I don't get to know anything!"
"You just wait," Dumbledore said suddenly and soothingly. "Once he figures out that you can't fight it off and that there are no loopholes, he'll be telling you everything." I frowned and started to shake my head, but Dumbledore held up a finger and continued. "He's never had the luxury of being able to tell somebody everything and knowing that, no matter what, they won't tell anybody his plans or what he said because they can't. So soon, you'll be knowing things that even Bellatrix doesn't."
"Really?" I asked in disbelief. Dumbledore nodded, and Severus suddenly spoke up.
"You know, now that I think about it, that makes sense," he said quietly. "When you were first complaining about not knowing anything, I was thinking, 'Dang, that must suck,' but then Albus pointed all that out, and I see that your position isn't just crucial toward not giving Draco away, but you'll know things nobody else will."
"What I don't understand," I said suddenly, changing the topic as a sudden question I had had came to my mind, "is why Riddle himself doesn't give me the potion so I have to follow his orders, not Draco's."
"He'd probably think it'd be a waste of time," Dumbledore answered. "He'd have to deal with you all the time, not just when he needed or wanted to. I bet, though, that he'll soon have Draco tell you to do everything he says so he doesn't have to keep working through him."
"Why do you keep calling him Riddle?" Severus asked randomly when Dumbledore was finished. I frowned.
"Did I not mention that that he came back in the body he had on his seventeenth birthday?"
"No," Severus answered, sounding surprised. "But I bet Bellatrix was pissed."
"At first," I replied. "Then Rosier explained that he came back in that body, but that he had the spirit – spirit, soul, I don't know exactly what to call it – from the day he was killed. So he remembered everything from his previous life. From graduating Hogwarts, to being killed."
"Shit," Severus cursed, "Maybe it would've been better if he hadn't remembered any of it."
"I doubt that it would've been better had he not," Dumbledore disagreed, sounding thoughtful. "If he hadn't, Bellatrix would probably get pissed off and kill Nicole then and there. And maybe not even just Nicole. Rosier, and whoever else was in the room, and yes that includes Voldemort himself, would probably be dead."
Severus and I frowned at the thought. He was obviously thinking and worrying about me; I was much more concerned about Harry and Draco. Had that happened...they would be dead right now. As would I, but that didn't matter. Not to me. However, Regulus did, and I just knew that if I had been killed, he wouldn't be able to live through that.
"Thank God that didn't happen," I muttered. I could see Severus nodding in agreement silently. Dumbledore paused for a moment before he asked,
"Nicole, is something bothering you? You're acting...different."
"Of course she is. She was just tortured!" Severus exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air in an exasperated manner. "I know she used to be used to it, but as it's technically been seventeen years, it's going to take it out of her. You should know that." Dumbledore nodded slowly.
"Yes, yes I did know that," he said quietly. "But that doesn't answer my question." I looked toward Severus hesitantly before I answered.
"Well, it's Harry," I said.
"What about him?" Dumbledore asked when I hesitated again.
"I'm worried that – that...he's not really on our side," I said quietly, looking down at my hands. I felt kind of ashamed – how could I not trust my own brother? "But Severus convinced me that he is," I added quickly, looking back up. "And, though I still have a slight doubt, I truly believe it." Dumbledore shook his head slowly and sadly, looking down at his desk.
"To be honest, I'm ashamed of you, Nicole," he said quietly.
Damn it, why couldn't he have gotten angry? That would've been better than disappointment.
"You know perfectly well how it feels to be in his position." I stared at him, slightly confused. It must have shown on my face because he explained it quickly. "To be the spy, the outsider, almost, who has somebody they love not trust them. Toward your brother, you're acting the way James acted towards you during the first war. I didn't think you would turn out to be so...hypocritical. You should be ashamed."
I didn't remember the last time I had cried. Was it when I had come back and found out that Regulus was "dead?" Even then would've been a long time ago. Yet I now felt tears stinging my eyes. Yes, I was ashamed. As soon as I had thought that back in the manor I had been. But...I had needed reassurance. Severus gave that to me. But for Dumbledore to be so upset with me...that had never happened to me before, and, after everything that had happened, I hadn't been ready to hear the things he had just said.
I was surprised to hear the chair Severus was in beside me squeaking as he stood up suddenly, and looked up slightly to see him putting his palms on Dumbledore's desk and leaning toward him. Dumbledore leaned back slightly in his seat, shocked.
"You didn't see her earlier," he snarled, jumping to my defense. "Or else you're just heartless, which I never would've suspected. She was so upset with herself for thinking that. For not trusting her own brother. Her body isn't used to the torture, and it doesn't just mess with her body, it messes with her mind." He leaned back, and stood there, glaring at Dumbledore. "I had barely just managed to convince her that she wasn't a horrible person, and now you just convinced her that she is. Come on, Nicole, let's get out of here."
When I didn't move, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me up out of the chair and toward the door. When I was about halfway through the door, Dumbledore called after me quietly. I hung back to see what he wanted, a single tear running down my cheeks. Severus tried to pull me after him, but I fought him off to hear what Dumbledore had to say.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, his eyes meeting mine. "I really am." Severus tried to pull me again, but I held on.
"By the way," I added, not telling him whether I forgave him or not. "He made my ring into a tracking device. So don't send me anywhere really...secretive."
I closed the door loudly behind me as I finally allowed Severus to pull me out of the room.
When we had reached the entrance to the Room of Requirement and the door appeared, Severus finally dropped my wrist and turned to face me. When he saw the single tear-track down my cheek, he wiped it away gently with his thumb. I refused to meet his eyes.
"Nicole, don't listen to him," he said quietly. "I understand why you would think that, he...he just doesn't understand." I nodded slowly, still not meeting his eyes.
"Yeah...I know..."
Without another word, I turned and pulled the door open and entered the room quietly. I heard Severus sigh before he followed me in.
I think nearly everybody was in the room who had been at the last meeting, besides Dumbledore, Draco, and Harry, and maybe even adding a few more. But I didn't look around; instead, I walked straight to the side-room I shared with Regulus, ignoring the fact that everybody was staring at me and that I could see Severus out of the corner of my eyes trying to get people to stop staring.
On the way over, I could see Regulus watching me closely. He was holding Scarlet and Sirius' sleeping son Parker, who had recently turned one year old. My first thought was that he looked super sweet holding a baby, but then I wiped my mind clear of babies and instead slunk into our room and sat down on the bed with my back against the headboard.
It didn't take long for Regulus to come in. I had expected him and smiled slightly at him as he closed the door quietly and came over and sat down beside me, his arm falling around my waist.
"You're back earlier than I had expected," he said after a moment.
"That's what I hear," I answered, resting my head on his shoulder. I felt him lightly kiss the top of my head before he asked,
"You seem, and look, upset about something. What's wrong?"
I really didn't want to talk about it, but before I could stop myself I was spilling out everything that had happened so fast that I was stumbling over my words. I didn't come as close to crying as I had before, but I was still upset. When I finally finished, Regulus wrapped his arms tightly around me.
"By the way," I added on a happier note when I had finished before he could say anything. "You look super sweet holding baby Parker." Regulus laughed and shook his head at me.
"You'd think that, after being with you for about three and a half years, nothing you could say or do would surprise me. But you still managed to with that last statement." I looked up at him and smiled slightly. He kissed me lightly before pulling me even closer to him.
"Do I even need to say anything about what happened earlier?" he whispered to me after a moment. I shook my head slowly. "I didn't think so. I think you've got it all figured out now. Now we just have to wait for Harry and Draco to return to see what happened after you left."
A/N: Not so sure I liked the ending...as in, the last few paragraphs. Opinions?
Like it? Love it? Hate it? Leave me a review to tell me your opinions! Constructive criticism is appreciated! You can even tell me what you'd like to see happen later in the story if you want. Please review!