Because of You

by chochowilliams

6th in the Building a Family series. Sequel to "This I Promise You". It is six years later and while Shuichi has moved on with his life, there are those who have not. M/M, M/F, Sexual Situations, Romance, Angst, Drama, Fantasy, OOC, Language, M-Preg, OCs, Japan Natives: Surname first

3. Saying Goodbye

Because of You

Sequel to: "This I Promise You"

Building a Family series

Written by: Chochowilliams

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Summary: It is six years later and while Shuichi has moved on with his life, there are those who have not.

Warning: M/M, M/F, Sexual Situations, Romance, Angst, Drama, Fantasy, Infidelity, OOC, Language, M-Preg, OCs, Japan Natives: Surname first

Pairings: Shuichi/Eiri, past Hiro/Ayaka, Hiro/Suguru, Tatsuha/Ryuichi, past Maiko/OMC, OMC/OFC

Inserts: recap from chapter 2

A/N: Information about Buddhist funerals was taken from a blog I found online when I first wrote this. I don't remember much about it now.

oOo

Last Time

"He called last week."

"Who?" Eiri asked, confused.

"My grandfather."

Eiri blinked. "What do you mean he called?"

"My mom gave him our number and he left me a message. I erased it before you could hear it," he mumbled.

Shuichi sighed and cuddled closer.

Eiri drew his brows together. "What did he want?"

"Don't know. He wanted to talk."

"Did you call him back?"

"No."

"What? Why the hell not?"

"Don't know."

"Shu," Eiri sighed.

Shuichi sniffled. His jaw trembled as a fresh wave of tears stung his eyes. "I wish I had," he sobbed. His chest felt tight as a wave of guilt washed over him. "Why didn't I? Why Eiri? I could've been here when he-I could've gotten the chance to-Why?"

oOo

Chapter 3: Saying Goodbye

The Next Morning - Ozaki Funeral Home

It was a nondescript white shingled single-story building with black trim. "Ozaki Funeral Home" written in large black script on the façade was the only factor that differentiated the building from the other homes in the neighborhood. That and the sea of black top surrounding the building that was already half full of vehicles. A one and a half car garage sat silent and forlorn on the other side of the lot.

Nobody ever looked twice at a funeral parlor. People pass them every day and never think twice about them. With their empty parking lots, they give the impression of being just like any ordinary building waiting sitting vacant for new tenants, but everything changes once a family is in need of one. Suddenly the forgotten building is thrust back into the limelight and everyone suddenly remembers that it is indeed a funeral parlor.

Eiri pulled into the parking lot, passing a large white sign with "Todono" painted in large black characters. As Eiri circled the lot to find a spot closest to the door, he passed an older couple strolling towards the funeral parlor. As etiquette demanded, the man was wearing a black suit and tie with a white button down dress shirt. His companion, who was most likely his wife, was wearing a long black dress, black stockings and a pearl necklace. Both were clutching Buddhist beads. No red was allowed at funerals, for that color was indicative of a celebration. Eiri always wondered about that. While people attending a funeral could not wear anything with red on it, women were allowed to wear red lipstick. Did a rose by any other name not smell as sweet?

Eiri had dressed in a black suit as well, but in lee of a white shirt, he had chosen a light green one and had forgone a tie. He was not a big fan of them. Besides, Kira had spit up on the only black tie he had. Unlike him, Shuichi was wearing a tie, though worn loosely. He was not too fond of ties either, though he could wear a choker for hours on end. Go figure. Shuichi had decided not to wear a white shirt either nor was he was wearing a suit coat. Instead, he had on a black button down dress shirt.

Finding a spot, Eiri parked and cut the engine. Sitting back, he glanced at his partner, who had been quiet during the entire ride. He reached out and gripped Shuichi's hand lightly.

Shuichi jumped, startled, but continued to stare blankly out the passenger side window.

"What's up?" Eiri asked his partner softly, his thumb playing with the gold band with its inset pink gem. Shuichi remained silent for so long Eiri thought he was not going to say anything.

"I think that was my grandfather's half brother and his wife," Shuichi said. He turned his hand over and laced his fingers with Eiri's.

Eiri blinked, confused, until he realized Shuichi was talking about the couple he spied earlier walking through the parking lot. "He looked a little too young to be your grandfather's brother."

"Half-brother," Shuichi corrected. "But you're right. I always thought so, too. Grandpa Todono must've been in his mid-seventies and Uncle…Satoshi," he finally remembered, "was maybe half his age."

"Half?" Eiri repeated incredibly. "How the hell did that happen?"

"Grandpa is the oldest and from what I've been told, Great Grandpa had an affair with some chick. She got pregnant." He paused. "When Uncle Satoshi's mother passed away, Great Grandma took him in and raised him."

Eiri blinked, amazed. "Your grandmother took in the child her husband had with another woman?" he repeated slowly, not sure he heard his husband correctly.

Shuichi shrugged. "That's what my mother told me."

Times sure had changed. If he were in her shoes, Eiri was not sure if he would have done the same thing.

"I've only seen him a handful of times," Shuichi continued in his monotonous voice. "He runs several businesses in Osaka."

Eiri squeezed his husband's hand.

"I don't want to do this," Shuichi admitted after several long minutes of silence. He turned and glanced at Eiri, his eyes shinning with unshed tears.

Eiri reached out with his free hand and brushed the back of his hand across Shuichi's cheek.

Lifting their intertwined hands, Eiri placed a chaste kiss on Shuichi's knuckles. "Do you remember what I said last night?"

o

"Maybe you were scared," Eiri answered before he had time to think about it.

Shuichi pulled back and searched his lover's face. "Of what?" he sobbed, tears coursing down his face.

"You haven't seen him in how many years?" Eiri fingered Shuichi's hair. " Nobody could blame you for being scared about facing him after all these years, especially after the way the two of you parted. Your grandfather basically disowned you and all because you followed your heart and not the leader. Twenty years is a long time, Shu."

"But-!"

Eiri hushed him by placing his finger over those soft, kissable lips. "Stop it, Shu. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Okay? Remember what I said earlier? Things happen."

o

Shuichi nodded. He did remember, but unlike last night, he could not find comfort in those words. A stray tear trickled down his face.

Eiri brushed away the droplet with his knuckle. "Let's go."

Shuichi nodded and stepped out of the car. Shutting the door behind him, he shoved his hands deep into his pockets and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, staring at his new, shiny black shoes. From behind him, he heard the familiar beep-beep as Eiri locked the car and set the car alarm. He looked up as Eiri stepped up besides him, holding out a hand. Shuichi smiled up at his husband and grabbed his hand. Together they walked towards the funeral parlor.

As they stepped over the threshold, they were met with a sudden blast of cool air that raised goose bumps all over Shuichi's body. Eiri, unfazed by the overtly cool interior, glanced around and took in the surroundings quickly.

The interior of the building was floor to ceiling wood paneling. There was only one window at the far end of the hallway and it did not cast much light in the building. The already heavy, gloomy atmosphere seemed even more so with the absence of the bright morning sun. A red runner ran down the center of the hallway. On either side were small square tables with a lamp and faux floral display sitting atop each and a chair on either side. Both matched the décor.

Eiri could hear soft murmurings coming from down the hall. He assumed that was the Todono party because he had not seen any indication of any other funerals taking place.

As he continued deeper into the depths of the unknown, he was jerked backwards. Coming to a halt, he blinked in confusion and turned around to glance at his husband. The singer was pale and his hand was shaking within his. "Shuichi?" he called softly, coming to stand before him.

Shuichi blinked and shook himself, startled back to the present.

Eiri reached out and smoothed a hand over Shuichi's soft black hair down his face. He smiled softly down at the man. "What're you thinking about?" he asked, cupping Shuichi's cheek.

Shuichi returned Eiri's smile reflexively. He covered Eiri's hand with his and leaned into the comforting touch. "Trying not to," he admitted.

Planting a kiss on Shuichi's forehead, Eiri chuckled. "Come on."

Nodding, Shuichi let Eiri pull him down the hall.

Eiri caught sight of two men standing outside the open double doors of the parlor, speaking and occasionally chuckling. When they saw Eiri and Shuichi they inclined their heads. Eiri nodded back. The one on the right looked a little familiar, but he could not place him.

Frozen, his mind blank, Shuichi stared through the open doors. He could see his grandfather's closed coffin. It was draped in a gold-embroidered fabric. A photograph of his grandfather was sitting atop the coffin with black ribbons tied diagonally around the frame. Shuichi choked back a sob. He tightened his hold on Eiri's hand, jerking the older man to a halt once again as his vision distorted behind a shroud of tears.

Unconsciously, he stepped closer to Eiri.

Eiri gazed down briefly at Shuichi and then up at whom he assumed was Todono Ranmaru, Shuichi's infamous grandfather. Shuichi had not been kidding when he said he inherited his looks from him. In the picture, Todono looked every day his seventy-some odd years. He had a shock of thick grey hair slicked back. His steely purple eyes were hard, but at the same time, they seemed to sparkle with mischief and smile out over his family. His face was lined and his jowls loose. He had a grim expression on his face, but it seemed more mocking then real. But despite the time worn appearance of the man, Eiri saw much of his Shuichi in Todono. It was like looking at an aged photograph of his lover. The exception being that Shuichi, besides being a homosexual, was also a metro-sexual. He was very picky about his personal appearance. Todono, on the other hand, was all masculine. No plucked and shaped brows. No touches of eyeliner, foundation or lip-gloss and no manicures, pedicures or facials for this man.

On either side of the coffin, there were two vases overflowing with white lilies and another flower he could not identify.

"They were what my grandparents had at their wedding," Shuichi whispered from besides him.

"Huh?" Eiri turned towards his husband in confusion.

Shuichi jerked his chin towards the far side of the room. "The flowers."

"Hm." Eiri nodded.

Gulping, Shuichi took a deep breath and forced his feet to move. One step at a time, he told himself. Just put one foot in front of the other. They stepped into the soft hum of the large chair-less parlor filled with a sea of black clad people.

As Eiri followed Shuichi towards the coffin, he grew conscious of the fact that they seemed to be the center of attention. People were watching them openly, whispering and pointing. Some were looking at them with open disgust and contempt. A few had blank expressions on their faces. Then there were those who obviously recognized who Shuichi and he were. Their eyes bugged out of their heads and their mouths were like giant gaping black holes. He heard a few not so suppressed squeals, a round of gasps and some sputterings from behind them that sounded like their neighbors car. He took them all in nonchalantly.

When Shuichi suddenly let go of his hand, Eiri turned to watch as his partner strolled through the crowd in a hypnotic trance that parted as if he were Moses. He followed silently.

In front of the coffin was a table with two tall lit candles and between them was an incense box, about the size of a shoe box, which was divided in two. The left side was smoldering and the other side held some sort of incense that looked like pepper. Another box sat on the table holding stick-incense. Next to it was an ash filled urn. In front of the table was a cushion.

Eiri watched as Shuichi walked up the table, his eyes never leaving the closed casket that held the empty shell of his beloved grandfather and knelt on the cushion to pay his respects. After a moment's hesitation, Eiri stepped forward and knelt besides him. Shuichi turned towards him and smiled gratefully. Eiri smiled back.

Together the men took a pinch of the peppery incense, bowed and deposited the incense in the burning side of the incense box. They repeated this two more times before they steepled their fingers in prayer. Then they each took an incense stick from the second box and held them up to the candles to light them. With their free hands, Shuichi and Eiri flapped the flame to extinguish it, making it smolder and stuck the incense in the urn among the others. They allowed the fumes to drift back towards them. It is said the smoke has a purifying effect, shooing off any wandering spirits that might otherwise follow you home.

Eiri pushed to his feet with a grunt. Seconds later, Shuichi stood up and stepped back beside him. He grabbed his husband's hand, lacing their fingers together.

"Thank you," Shuichi whispered.

"For what?"

"For being here." Shuichi tipped his head up and stared into Eiri's golden eyes. "This means a lot to me that you're here with me."

"Idiot," Eiri snorted. Dipping his head, he brushed their lips together. He ignored the startled gasps echoing around them. When he pulled back, he smirked at the light blush that covered his husband's face. He was so damned cute. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Itoko-chan," a sudden cry rose behind them.

Curious, Shuichi and Eiri turned and watched a pair of identical twins push their way through the gathered crowd. Shuichi smiled widely. "Kei! Kai!" he cried, throwing himself onto his cousins.

Eiri rolled his eyes, sighing.

Shuichi's identical twin cousins, Shiro Kei and Kai. They also happened to be his husband's ex-band mates. After K left Bad Luck, Fujisaki replaced him as the bands manager and Kei and Kai were recruited as new band members, along with their American exchange student friend Michael. When Bad Luck disbanded, the twin's concentrated full time on their side project, a band they formed with a couple of their high school buddies called Headrush, who Tohma agreed to sign to an independent record label under the NG Productions brand. According to Shuichi Headrush were doing pretty well for themselves. Not surprisingly, Headrush was not a pop/rock band like Bad Luck, but was instead, an alternative rock band that fused traditional Japanese sounds into their music.

"Eiri-san."

Kai's voice snapped him out of his retrieve. "Shiro," Eiri greeted with a small nod.

"Hey, there, Eiri-san," Kei greeted as he and Shuichi pulled apart.

Eiri inclined his head in greeting to him.

"We were surprised when we were told you were here," Kai said, turning towards Shuichi.

Shuichi's face fell. He nodded. "I just wish I would have come sooner," he whispered.

Eiri, not sure Shuichi had meant for his twin cousins to hear that, studied his husband with a deep frown. Even after everything he'd said to him, Shuichi still felt guilty. Of course, from personal experience, Eiri knew those feelings were not going to just evaporate overnight.

Kei and Kai studied their cousin sympathetically.

"Anyway," Shuichi cried happily, his mood transforming, "what about you guys? I thought you were supposed to be on tour?"

"We are," Kai affirmed with a nod.

Shuichi stared at his cousin in confusion.

"We decided to cancel the next few concert dates and reschedule them," Kai explained.

"Wow. They let you do that?" Shuichi asked in wonder.

"The guys understood. They were cool with it."

Kei rolled his eyes with a snort. "They were, but nobody else was. I mean canceling several shows at the last minute and then trying to fit them onto the schedule somewhere? Especially, when the arenas were already booked?" Kei shook his head. "Our manager was pissed!"

"Were you able to pull if off?" Shuichi asked.

"Of course!" Kei assured brashly.

Shuichi was amazed. He never would have been able to get away with that back when Bad Luck was in their heyday. Neither K nor Fujisaki would have allowed it. He had to admit he envied his cousins. Speaking of which… "Hey, have you guys heard from Michael?"

Kai nodded. "Yeah. We talked to him the other day."

"He told us to say 'hi' and to send along his condolences," Kei added.

"That means he feels sorry for your loss," Eiri clarified for his husband.

Shuichi turned to glare at his blond writer. "You think?" he retorted.

Kei and Kai chuckled.

Eiri stood back, smirking. "So, how's the guy doing?" he asked, turning away and trying to ignore his husband.

"Not bad," Kai answered. "Anzu and he will be celebrating their tenth wedding anniversary next week."

"Well," Kei drawled. He exchanged a look with his brother. "They would be anyway."

Shuichi gave his husband one last evil glare before turning towards his cousins. "'Would be'?" He looked from one of them to another, waiting for an explanation.

Kei and Kai nodded.

"It's just a trail separation for now," Kai said.

Shuichi's eyes widened in shock. "They're separated? Oh, man. That sucks. What happened?"

"You heard about how Anzu had a miscarriage?" Kei asked his cousin.

Shuichi nodded. He remembered Michael calling him in the middle of the night a couple months ago. The man had been a complete and utter wreck. He knew exactly how the man felt. Losing a child is never easy.

"Yeah, well, Anzu still hasn't been able to…ya know, get over it."

"That's understandable," Eiri said.

Shuichi looked over his shoulder at his husband. They exchanged a knowing look.

Kai nodded. "Yeah, well, she blames Michael."

"What?!" Shuichi stared wide eyed at the man in shock.

"Yeah," Kei nodded. "You know how he's been working hard to start up his own music production company right?"

Shuichi nodded. For awhile after he returned home to the States, Michael just spent time with his family, but then he began to get restless, so, he started working for a small independent record label as a studio musician and producer. He even helped co-write several songs for a couple of the bands under contract with the record company. Then, over the last couple of years, he had been talking about starting his own company.

"Anzu claims that because he's been spending so much time working…" Kei left the rest unsaid.

That made absolutely no sense, but then Anzu was grieving.

"She just needs time alone to grieve and think things over," Eiri told them. "She lost a child. That's not a small thing. This'll either bring them closer together or will be what breaks the camels back."

Shuichi frowned dejectedly. First Hiro and Ayaka, then Maiko and her husband and now Michael and Anzu. He had to admit, he felt guilty that his marriage was still going so strong, that his relationship with Eiri was like a fine wine. It gets better with age.

Eiri knew what his husband was thinking. Why Shuichi had to feel guilty about everything was a mystery to him. He hardly ever felt guilty and felt the need to apologize even less so. What was the point of apologizing or having remorse for something that you could not help or take it back no matter how much you wanted to? What is done is done. What is, is. And Shuichi will always be Shuichi, no matter how idiotic or mystifying he may be.

Shuichi lifted his head and smiled up at his husband when he felt him start rubbing his back. Sighing, he leaned against Eiri's side.

"Anyway," Kei continued, looking around. "Where're the mini-brats?"

Eiri smirked at that as it was how he referred to his boys as well; it was a very apt comparison.

"At Hiro and Fujisaki's," Shuichi said.

"We'll have to stop by while we're in town," Kai said.

Shuichi brightened and nodded, smiling. "Sure! The boys would really like that. We could have a barbecue, or something." He turned pleading eyes towards his husband. "What do you think, Eiri? Could we?"

Eiri sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. "Sure."

Shuichi squealed. "Oh," he suddenly cried, his eyes wide. "You haven't seen Kira yet, have you?"

Taking that as his cue, Eiri took out his wallet and pulled out a picture of his three brats.

"Nope," Kai shook his head. "He's gotta be pretty big by now, huh?" He took the picture Eiri held out.

Shuichi giggled, nodding. "He's so adorable!"

"Oh, wow!" Kei exclaimed. "Kei-kun and Kane-kun look more like you now then they did the last time we saw them," he told Eiri.

"Don't they?" Shuichi giggled. He slid his husband a sly glance. "You should see them when they're all together!"

Eiri glared at his husband.

"They've gotten so big," Kai said.

"They're like weeds," Eiri snorted.

Shuichi giggled.

"You can easily tell which twin is which," Kei said. "Keitaro-kun is the conservative one, right?"

"Yeah and Kane is the small flamboyant one," Eiri agreed with a nod.

Shuichi smacked Eiri's arm. "Eiri! How can you say that about your own son?"

"Easily," he snorted. "It's true."

Kei tossed his head back and roared with laughter.

"And this little guy is Kira-kun?" Kai asked.

Shuichi beamed. "Yep."

"Wow. He looks nothing like his brothers."

Kei glanced over his brother's shoulder and blinked. "You're right. He looks like you, Shu," he said, looking from the picture to Shuichi and back.

Shuichi blushed.

"So," Kai started, as he handed back the photograph. "Do any of the boys…" He lowered his voice and leaned towards Shuichi and Eiri, so as not to be overheard. "Ya know…are they…?"

Shuichi knew immediately what his cousin was asking and shook his head. "Keitaro and Kane are normal five year old boys."

"What about Kira?" Kei asked.

Shuichi shrugged.

"We don't know yet," Eiri answered. "We wanted to wait until he was a little older to go in for a test."

Kai and Kei nodded.

A sly grin crept onto Kei's face. "So," he asked, "any plans for more children?"

Shuichi blushed hotly. He swatted his cousin. "Kei!"

The drummer laughed. "What? I just asked."

Eiri smirked. More children, huh? He would not mind having a daughter, actually.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of the crowd shifting aside. He looked up, curious as to what was going on and watched as a small woman stepped through the crowd. She was small like Shuichi with dark eyes and salt and pepper hair that was pulled back into a neat ponytail. Instead of a dress, she was wearing black dress slacks, a white blouse and a black suit coat. A strand of pearls was clasped around her neck. Her face was lined and heavy with sorrow, but there was carefully concealed hope as well. She was staring at Shuichi longingly.

"Shuichi?"

Shuichi froze. His laughter choked to a halt and his smile slipped off his face. His eyes got real wide.

Kei and Kai glanced over their shoulders and stepped aside.

Eiri laced his and Shuichi's hands. He noticed instantly that Shuichi was shaking again.

"O-obachan," Shuichi whispered, stuttering.

Eiri eyed the woman once more. So this was Shuichi's grandmother. He glanced at Shuichi. He had tears coursing down his face. He wondered what was going through his baka's mind.

"Shuichi," Grandmother Todono whispered. She stepped forward and held out her arms. Like her grandson, she too had tears in her eyes. Now he knew where Shuichi and his mother got it from. Family trait. That meant the boys would probably catch it. Damn.

Shuichi glanced up at him through tear filled eyes, silently asking him what he should do. He nodded once. Shuichi gave his hand a quick squeeze before letting go and racing towards his grandmother. He flung himself at her, sobbing. As Grandmother and Grandson embraced, crying openly, a wave of applause rippled throughout the parlor.

Eiri smiled. Much to his chagrin, his eyes misted and his throat tightened around a sob.

"This was a long time coming," Kei explained, stepping up besides Eiri.

Eiri nodded, never taking his eyes off his husband.

oOo

He had been so scared of facing his grandfather again. Like Eiri said, they had not parted on the best of terms. Things were said on both sides.

Grandfather Todono had not liked what Shuichi was, what he had become and where his life had been heading. He'd wanted to mold and shape Shuichi into his likeness, but Shuichi just hadn't wanted that to happen. In order for him to be who he wanted to be and not what someone else wanted him to be, in order for him to wake up in the morning and be able to recognize the man in the mirror, he had been forced to sacrifice someone who was so dear to him.

He had been scared of being here today, scared of what everyone would think of him and his presence. What would they think of him, his husband, and their lifestyle, of his decision to not hide who he was, to be so open with both his homosexuality and being a Bearer? What would they all think of his being here at his grandfather's wake?

He had been so full of guilt for deciding not to return his grandfather's call, guilt for not taking the hand offered. Whether it was to propose a truce or to plead with him one last time to "stop this insanity", it must have taken a lot for his grandfather to swallow his pride and take that first step. Shuichi felt guilty for acting so childishly, for being too scared to make one little phone call, guilty for letting his fear cloud his mind. If only he would have…If he just would have…he might have been able to…He felt guilty for not being there to say goodbye.

"I wasn't sure if you'd want me here," Shuichi confessed, crying.

"What?" Grandmother Todono gasped, startled. She pulled away and searched the face that looked so much like her Ranmaru's. His face was twisted in a mask of shame and dread. "Oh, Shuichi!" She held her grandson tightly, refusing to let him go, unable to let him go. "Why would you even think something like that?"

Shuichi sobbed loudly and tightened his hold on his grandmother. Did she mean…? Was she saying…? "Is it really okay for me to be here?"

In that one sentence, Grandmother Todono knew that her grandson had been suffering just as much as her Ranmaru had been all these years. Her hold on the boy tightened. "Yes," she sobbed in a silent whisper. "Yes, it is."

Another loud sob and the knot around Shuichi's heart started to unravel.

"He was so proud of you," his grandmother whispered.

Shuichi blinked, unsure and confused. He pulled back from his grandmother, wiping his snot and tear filled face on his shirt sleeve. "What?" he asked, his sobs lessening as he tried to make sense of what it was she said.

"Your grandfather."

Fresh tears welled in Shuichi's eyes.

"It hurt him to say all those things," she was saying.

Shuichi immediately knew what she was referring to and to tell the truth, the same could be said for him as well.

"After you stormed out of the house that day, he ended up crying himself to sleep."

Shuichi gasped. That surprised him. Todono Ranmaru? Crying? That was like saying Lucifer went to Church. He pulled away and stared incredibly at his grandmother. "Yeah, right."

She nodded with a smile. "He loved you, Shuichi. He thought of you as a son."

Tears started to flow freely down Shuichi's face.

"And all he wanted was for you to be happy. He had your best interests at heart."

Shuichi knew all that, but it did not lessen the hurt or the betrayal he felt at how his grandfather treated him the last time he saw him.

"Growing up," his grandmother was saying, "music used to be Ran's passion, but unlike you, he folded under the pressure and allowed himself to be turned into his father and his father before him. He conformed to others expectations." She smiled at him and fingered his long black hair. "He didn't want that for you, but he knew how unpredictable the music industry was. There were no guarantees and he didn't want you living out on the street. Your grandfather wanted you to be financially secure. He wanted your future to be a sure thing and mapped out. That's all."

Shuichi choked out a sob. A stray tear slid down his face.

She looked over her grandson's shoulder at the tall, blond haired man and smiled softly before returning her gaze to Shuichi. "Yes, he was against your relationship with Yuki-san," she admitted. She watched her grandson's face falter. "Mostly, I think, because he was scared."

Shuichi sniffled and looked at the older woman in shock and disbelief. "Scared? What was he afraid of?"

"Of losing you. Of what you being involved with a man would mean."

Shuichi did not need any clarification this time. He knew what she was getting at.

"Ranmaru grew up hating who he was-what he was. He was ashamed and embarrassed. A man was a man. Admitting to something like this made you less than a man. He was old fashioned and traditional that way, but you…You knew what you were, who you were and you refused to pretend to be anything else. You were proud and happy and did not apologize for being something other than normal."

Tears trickled down Shuichi's face. The knot loosened a little bit more.

"And he understood."

Shuichi stared at his grandmother through tear blurred vision. "What?"

Grandmother Todono smiled tenderly. "He understood. But because he was so proud…It took him years to finally get up the nerve to ask your mother for your phone number and then another several to actually call you." She pulled Shuichi into a tight hug. "He loved you Shuichi and did not blame you for anything."

The knot unraveled completely and fell away. Shuichi buried his face in his grandmother's shoulder and sobbed. The guilt and fright that had been weighing heavily in his heart and soul vanished, leaving him feeling lighter and better than he had in a very long time.

oOo

The funeral parlor echoed with the monotone Gregorian-like chant from the Buddhist priest with his clean shaven head and decked out in full monk apparel. The youngish male sat on the cushion in front of the incense-box reading Buddhist scripture with the mourners assembled behind him on their own cushions. With his back to them, the monk took some cooked rice and put it in a glass of water as a food offering, replacing the chopsticks vertically in the rice bowl afterwards. He rang a prayer bell and struck a wooden, cowbell-like instrument. Meanwhile, everybody assembled behind him took a pinch of the peppery incense from one of the several boxes being passed around, bowed, and placed it in the fuming side, letting the scented smoke roll over them.

The ceremony seemed to go on forever. In Eiri's personal experience, the ceremony did more for the dead than the living even though the whole point of a funeral was to console the living, to give them some comfort and some sense of finality. The dead were dead. What you did or did not do did not much matter because they had moved on to the next big thing, whatever that might be.

After what seemed like forever, but was in actuality only about 45 minutes, the ceremony concluded. A round of grunts, hisses and popping knees resounded through the parlor as people slowly got to their feet.

Eiri stretched his legs out in front of him, groaning. Now he remembered why he hated funerals. Kneeling for an hour should be against the law. He also despised that lifeless corpse lying in the coffin that looked as if any minute its eyes would pop open. Just thinking of that empty shell suddenly sitting up like something out of the Night of the Living Dead freaked the hell out of him. Yes, it was heartbreaking that Grandfather Todono had passed away, but the sooner the Wake ended, the sooner he could get the hell away from this place. He suppressed a shudder.

Eiri looked over at Shuichi. His husband was staring blankly at the closed casket, his clenched jaw muscles twitching.

Eiri looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He nodded at Maiko as she walked by him. His sister-in-law had arrived late to the Wake, arriving just as the ceremony had commenced. He wondered what had kept her?

The craving for a cigarette was even greater now, but he fought it back.

"Thanks, Eiri," Shuichi whispered, his voice thick with tears. Eiri looked at his husband as Shuichi dropped his head onto his shoulder, still staring at the closed coffin that held the body of his grandfather.

Eiri rested his head against his partner's and rubbed slow, lazy circles on his back. "You're an idiot," he whispered lightly.

Sniffling, Shuichi smirked. "I know." He lifted his head and wiped his nose on his shirt sleeve. He watched his grandmother who was sitting several rows ahead of them speaking to the young monk who was still kneeling on his cushion. Sitting besides her was his parents on one side and his aunt and uncle Shiro, Kei and Kai's parents, on the other. But he did not see his sister. "Have you seen Maiko?" he asked Eiri, glancing around the parlor.

"She went to help the women set up the table."

Shuichi nodded. "I hope she's going to be okay."

"Don't worry. She's strong," Eiri reminded Shuichi, still rubbing his back.

"Hm." Shuichi leaned into his husband's touch. It was always so soothing and comforting.

"How're you feeling?"

"Better, actually." Shuichi turned to look back at his grandmother.

The monk was just standing up. Like everyone else, he grimaced as he got to his feet. He bowed to his grandmother, her children and their spouses and walked casually out of the parlor, stopping to exchange a few pleasantries with a few of the other guests along the way.

Shuichi returned his gaze to his grandmother. A frown crossed his face. "I feel kinda sorry for her," he confessed. "I mean she lost the man she spent the last sixty years of her life with. I can't even imagine what she must be going through." Eiri kissed the top of his head. Shuichi wrapped his arms around Eiri's waist, resting his head against his husband's chest. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

"You won't," Eiri said softly, stroking Shuichi's back. "Not for a very long time."

"Hey guys," came a voice from behind them.

Eiri and Shuichi looked up to see the Shiro twins.

"We're out of here," Kei told them.

"You're leaving already?" Shuichi asked.

Kai nodded. "Yeah. We came straight here from the airport and frankly, I'm exhausted."

Shuichi nodded in sympathy. He definitely understood that feeling.

"We were actually in Kyoto right about to do a concert when Dad called us," Kei informed them.

Shuichi gasped, his eyes wide. "Oh God! What you do?"

"We went on," Kai said.

"How'd you pull that off?"

"It wasn't easy."

"We had to act as if nothing was wrong," Kei added.

Shuichi shook his head. He could not even imagine doing a concert after learning that someone he cared about passed away.

"During the encore, we dedicated a special unplugged version of 'Away From You' to him," Kai said, his voice tight.

"Awe! Really? That's so sweet!" Shuichi cooed.

"Away From You" was one of Bad Luck's rock songs from their second to last album. Of course, Shuichi had written it about what he went through when he was "away from" his blond lover. It was of days that seemed to drag on forever and even longer, tear filled lonely nights. It was about phone calls that began and ended with exclamations of, "I miss you". It was actually one of the first songs that the twins helped him write.

Letting go of his husband, Shuichi pushed to his feet, grunting. He winced, hissing as his knees popped and pain laced through his legs. He gripped Eiri's shoulder for balance as he staggered.

"You okay?" Kai asked his cousin in concern.

Shuichi nodded. "Yeah," he said, flinching. He rubbed his right knee.

Eiri kept a close eye on his lover, making sure he really was alright.

"Besides, Dad hasn't been feeling too good," Kei continued, jerking his chin towards the man who was currently speaking with one of their grandfather's many brothers.

Eiri followed where the younger man was indicating. When he saw who exactly Shiro-san was, he realized it was the man he had seen standing in the hallway when Shuichi and he arrived. He knew the man had looked familiar. Now he knew why. Shiro-san looked exactly like his sons.

"It's nothing serious, is it?" Shuichi asked in concern.

Shuichi dropped his hand from his husband's shoulder as the writer stood up.

"Nah!" Kei assured him. "It's just a cold. The old fart's-"

As Shuichi stepped towards his cousins, he felt himself losing his balance. He gasped, his eyes widening in fright as the floor rushed up to meet him.

A flash of Rinjin Yasashii stalking towards him down the hallway of their old apartment building flashed through his mind. Then he was in that dark, silent room with two ghostly hands appearing out of the darkness floating towards him. He remembered racing out of that dark hell hole and seeing the lifeless bodies of his guards, Koji and Jacob. He remembered being knocked to the floor, trapped under Yasashii and feeling the hard bulge in Yasashii's pants pressing into him, that twisted face floating mere inches from his. He could still feel and taste Yasashii's tongue in his mouth as he kissed him. He could feel the man's nose shatter under his fists; see him flying through the air as he decked him. He could remember being wrapped around Yasashii's waist, heard the crack of the railing as it splintered under their combined weight echoed in his head. He saw the horrified look of disbelief and shock on Eiri's face; hear the rush of air and see the hard, cold floor as it rushed up to meet him, them reaching out for one another, their fingers hitting nothing but air.

He cried out in surprise. Silence shot through the parlor.

Eiri's heart stopped cold. The events of that day flashed through his head. "Shuichi!"

"Shuichi!" Kei gasped.

"Oh, Jeeze," Kai cried softly, wide eyed.

Eiri jumped forward and caught his husband just before he hit the floor, fear and panic was coursing through him.

"Sorry," Shuichi apologized against his husband's chest. "Thanks," he told him as he struggled to get his feet underneath him.

"Come on," Eiri commanded as he wrapped his arms supportively around his husband's waist. "Let's get you to a chair."

"That's okay, Eiri. I'm fine," Shuichi protested. He tried to wiggle out of Eiri's arms, but it was futile. The blond writer was stronger than him and right now he holding as tightly as a vise. "Eiri! I said I was fine." Truthfully, he felt anything but fine. In act, he was shaken to the core.

Eiri ignored his husband and led him out of the parlor, the people parting like the Reed Sea, making a direct path out to the hallway. He heard them whispering and felt all eyes on them as they passed. He ignored all the questions hurtled after them. He set Shuichi down in the first chair he saw and knelt before him, massaging his husband's legs.

"What happened? Are you sure you're okay?" his mother asked him as she appeared besides him. Her voice was laced with concern. Her eyes looked him over with worry.

Shuichi smiled up at her and nodded. "Yes, Mom. I'm fine. I was just sitting for too long. I just need to get the circulation going in my legs and I'll be fine."

"You mean your legs gave out?" she cried out in alarm.

A round of whispers shot through the group gathered around them.

Shuichi nodded. "Yeah," he nodded sheepishly.

Shindou-san gasped.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine," he assured them in a rush. "It's not like it hasn't happened before." Too late, he realized he should not have said that.

"What?!"

Eiri threw his a deep scowl before standing up. Shuichi blushed. They had agreed not to mention this to Shuichi's parents. They did not want to worry them unnecessarily, not until they were sure they knew what it all meant. "He's right. You don't have to worry. It happens only when he's been sitting or kneeling for an extended period of time. He'll be fine in a little bit."

Mrs. Shindou gapped at the two men before her. Hearing her son scream like that scared the hell out of her. How could they just sit there so calmly? Her son's legs had given out! Did they not know what this could mean? Her baby boy might become paralyzed again! He-he-he…

Mr. Shindou stepped forward and laid a hand on his wife's shoulder. "If you're sure."

Eiri nodded. "I am." Turning back towards his husband he said, "I think it's time we left."

"What?" Shuichi turned towards his husband. "Already? But, Eiri-!"

Eiri glared at the man through narrowed eyes.

Shuichi gulped and lowered his head.

"Besides," Eiri continued for the sake of the others, "the kids are probably driving Nakano and Fujisaki insane."

Thinking about his boys made him realize just how much he missed them. "Yeah, you're right."

Eiri held out a hand and helped Shuichi to his feet. Shuichi tapped his toes of first his left foot and then his right foot against the floor, glad the feeling had returned.

"Shuichi," came a soft voice.

Shuichi looked up and watched as his grandmother stepped forward.

Grandmother Todono drew her grandson into a tight embrace. "Thank you for coming. It meant a lot to me…and your grandfather," she whispered.

Tears pricked Shuichi's eyes. He hugged the old woman back. "Thank you, Grandma," he whispered back, choking over a rising sob. He pulled away, sniffling and wiping the tears out of his eyes. "I'm sorry I sort of ruined things."

Eiri rolled his eyes. "Idiot," he muttered, bopping the younger man on the head.

"Ow!" Shuichi cried, covering his head. Tears filled his eyes. "Eiri!" he whined.

Grandmother Todono giggled and shook her head. "Don't worry. It's okay." She gave her grandson another hug and then she embraced her grandson-in-law, pulling away before Eiri even knew what had happened. "Tell those great grandkids of mine, hello, okay?"

"I will, Grandma," Shuichi smiled as he grabbed his husband hand, lacing their fingers together.

"And come down to visit me sometime alright? Or better yet, send me an invitation!"

Shuichi giggled.

"We'll be sure to do that, Grandmother," Eiri assured her, inclining his head.

Grandmother Todono smiled brightly.

"Come on, Brat."

"Goodbye Grandmother," Shuichi bowed. "Mom, Dad. We'll see you at home later," he told his parents. He then turned towards his cousins. "You're going to stop by and see the kids before you leave, right?"

"Of course," Kei laughed.

"How about we stop by tomorrow?" Kai suggested.

"Cool! Is that okay, Eiri?" Shuichi turned pleading eyes towards his husband.

Eiri sighed. "I guess. Not like we have anything better to do."

Shuichi squealed and hugged Eiri. "Thank you! I love you, Eiri!"

Eiri blushed and muttered, "Idiot" while the others either laughed or turned away in embarrassment.

Shuichi flung himself at his cousins. "I'll see you tomorrow." Grabbing his lover's hand, they exited the funeral home, waving at his family over his shoulder.

oOo

Nakano-Fujisaki Residence

As they neared the apartment shared by Nakano Hiro and Fujisaki Suguru, a very familiar sound grew louder and louder.

"Ooooh," Shuichi whined piteously. He felt his heart break at the sound of his little Kira's sobs. He turned watery eyes to his husband.

Eiri rolled his eyes, sighing and shook his head. "What a racket," he said. "He definitely takes after you."

"Hey!" Shuichi exclaimed, swatting Eiri's arm. "Jerk," he giggled.

"So I've been told," the blond haired writer said nonchalant walking up to the door.

Shuichi watched his husband walk away in amusement. Checking out his perfectly shaped tight ass in those black slacks that fit him to a "T" was just as added bonus. His eyes gleamed appreciatively.

Eiri raised a fist and knocked. He wondered if they would be able to hear them over Kira's screaming.

Seconds later the front door was thrown open to show a haggard looking Hiro with a howling, squirming Kira in his arms. "Thank God," he breathed seeing the couple on the other side of the door.

"Oo! Kira," Shuichi cooed sweeping forward and gathering his baby in his arms, who Hiro handed over happily.

Hiro shook out his aching arms. They felt like dead weights.

Shuichi cuddled Kira to him, gently rocking him and trying to quiet him down. "What's the matter? Huh? Yeah, I know," he cooed as he stepped into the apartment. "It was horrible, huh? Yeah. Shh."

Eiri rolled his eyes. Why in the world did the brat always talk like that? He sounded like a moron. Well, more of a moron than usual.

Hiro sighed heavily and shut the front door as Eiri stepped into the apartment. "How the hell do you do it?" he asked the writer over the deafening noise. "Every single day. Ugh! I think I'd go insane."

Eiri turned around and watched the guitarist massaging his temple, his face twisted in pain. He smirked at his obvious distress. It looked like the mere two hours that the children had been over had obviously been a little too much for the guitarist. He looked drawn and very fatigued. Eiri chuckled and shook his head.

"I mean, ever since he woke up, it's all he's been doing. He doesn't need to be changed. He won't eat…! How do you put up with it? Kazahaya wasn't even that bad."

"Easily. You're not Mommy," Eiri said as he strode passed the small kitchen and into the living room after slipping out of his shoes. He watched Shuichi sway gently from side to side, cooing softly to Kira who was beginning to quiet down.

"Ah." Hiro nodded, following Eiri. That sounded familiar. "The boys were watching TV and fell asleep," he informed them as he sat down in an armchair. "They're in the bedroom." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

He wondered why it was so quiet. Eiri sat down on the couch and smirked. "How were they?" he asked. It was a stupid question. He knew exactly how the boys had behaved.

Hiro shot him an evil glare. "No offense, but you're children are evil little demons. You're lucky I don't have a shot gun."

Eiri chuckled. He enjoyed that one thing about the funeral: no mini-brats.

Shuichi blinked. "They weren't that bad, were they?" he pouted.

Hiro leaned his back against the top of the chair and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, groaning loudly. A pained expression crossed his face.

Shuichi chuckled nervously. "I'm sorry, Hiro. Kane can be a handful."

Eiri snorted. That was an understatement.

Shuichi shot his husband a look. "Keitaro's usually so good, though…Unless Kane gets on his nerves, then they're at each others throats until someone gets hurt or something breaks." His violet eyes widened. "They didn't break anything, did they? Neither of them got hurt?"

Hiro shook his head in denial. "Nah, Kane was just running around like a chicken with its head cut off, jumping on things and screaming and yelling. Keitaro just sat down in the chair trying to read and then he just-snapped and jumped him."

Shuichi sighed heavily. "I'm so sorry, Hiro."

"It's fine. I bribed them with some food and TV and they settled down."

"Not bad," Eiri praised, impressed.

"So they ate?" Shuichi asked glancing around. "Hey, Hiro? Where's Kira's binki?"

"In the seat I think," Hiro answered. "I had some left over cheese and crackers and fruit from Suguru's parents anniversary party Suguru and I went to last night. They gobbled everything up."

Eiri nodded. "Good. At least it wasn't crap like someone else gives them." He shot his husband a meaningful look.

Shuichi just blinked at him innocently as he walked over to the baby seat sitting on the coffee table and found Kira's binki hidden among the blankets. "Here ya go," he cooed as he gave it to his son. "Yeah." He smiled down at Kira who was staring back at him, sucking hungrily at he rubber binki. Shuichi giggled, rocking him gently. As he walked over to the couch and sat down, sitting down next to Eiri, Kira rolled himself onto his side in Shuichi's arms so that he was facing Shuichi's chest.

"You do realize that it looks like you're breast feeding him," Hiro told his friend lifting his head.

Eiri snorted, draping an arm on the back of the couch and crossed his legs. He glanced down at his son and smiled when he saw his cloudy brown eyes staring at him. "What?" he breathed. "What're you looking at, huh?" He raised his eyes to meet those gorgeous violet eyes that crinkled with laughter. "What?" he barked embarrassed.

Shuichi smiled widely, shaking his head. "Hey, Hiro?" he asked his friend, his voice laced with amusement.

"Hey, what?"

"Can you get me one of his bottles?"

"Sure."

As Hiro stood up and went into the kitchen, Shuichi looked around. "Where's Fujisaki?"

"He had to go into the studio." Hiro grabbed one of Kira's bottles out of the fridge. "The girls pulled an all-nighter and wanted to get his opinion on what they'd done so far," he explained as he came back into the living and handed the bottle to Shuichi.

"Thanks." Shuichi took the binki out of his son's mouth and as predicted, Kira's face scrunched up and started turning red as he protested the action unmercifully. Shuichi took the offered bottle and placed it against Kira's lips. The cries stopped immediately as Kira latched onto the bottle and sucked hungrily.

"He's so spoiled."

Shuichi turned a smiling face towards his husband. "Of course, he is. He's a baby."

"Oh, Shu. Before I forget."

"What?" Shuichi asked, turning towards Hiro.

"Suguru wanted me to tell you that the girls said to pass along their thanks for the song. They absolutely love it."

Shuichi beamed. "Really? Cool!"

"They actually finished recording it the other day and wanted to see if you could come down and take a listen."

Shuichi shrugged. "I don't see why not." He glanced quickly at Eiri. "They really liked it?" he asked, turning back towards Hiro.

"Loved it."

"What do you think, Eiri?"

"I guess. Seguchi wanted to see the boys anyway. You can go while I take them to visit him and Mika."

Shuichi nodded. "Alright. We can head over as soon as I finish feeding Kira."

Hiro shrugged. "Sure, but I gotta warn you Shu."

"What?"

"They've been conspiring to get you to sing on one of their songs."

Shuichi giggled, blushing. He glanced down at Kira who was watching him intently. "What do you think, huh?" he asked his son. "Do you think you're otokasan still has it?"

"The girls" were an all girl group called "Desert Star" that was recently signed with NG Productions. Fujisaki was their producer for their debut album. When the girls learned who was going to be their producer, they asked him if he would guest star on the album. At first, he declined. After Bad Luck disbanded, Fujisaki remained in the music business as a studio musician, producer and musical arranger. Other than performing every once in a while during tour, he had not played for quiet some time. After discussing the offer with Hiro one night, who worked as a studio musician at NG Pro as well, Fujisaki decided to do it, but only on one condition: Hiro had to do it as well. Hiro was not sure if he was ready to step into the limelight again. He had to think about Kazahaya-his son-and what it would mean for him. It was why Hiro had protested the Bad Luck biography. But in the end, both agreed. Now the girls were trying to get them to get Shuichi on board and have a sort of Bad Luck reunion.

Shuichi himself had not been able to stay away from the music business completely either. He had been asked by Tohma to write several songs over the years for various groups and singers under contract with NG Productions, Desert Star being one of them. When Eiri and he moved from Tokyo to Nara, Eiri had a fully functional studio built in the backyard for Shuichi, but to actually sing-sing as in a comeback? Shuichi had to admit he did miss the stage, the lights, the roar of the crowd, the excitement…!

Shuichi turned and looked at his husband, silently pleading for him for help.

Eiri reached out and caressed the side of Shuichi's face. "It's up to you, Shu. What do you want to do?"

Shuichi bit his lip and turned to stare out of the window over the city. That was a good question. What did he want? Was it time for Shindou Shuichi to make a come back?

…To Be Continued…

Preview: "Introductions"