Because of You
Sequel to: "This I Promise You"
Building a Family series
Written by: Chochowilliams
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Summary: It is six years later and while Shuichi has moved on with his life, there are those who have not.
Warning: M/M, M/F, Sexual Situations, Romance, Angst, Drama, Fantasy, Infidelity, OOC, Language, M-Preg, OCs, Japan Natives: Surname first
Pairings: Shuichi/Eiri, past Hiro/Ayaka, Hiro/Suguru, Tatsuha/Ryuichi, past Maiko/OMC, OMC/OFC
Inserts: recap from chapter 5
A/N: Enjoy!
oOo
Last Time
Suddenly, the silence of the house was shattered by Kira's shrill cries. Both men sighed. Eiri in exasperation and Shuichi in relief. There was a pounding of feet and then, "Daddy! Baby Kira woke up!"
Shuichi giggled.
Eiri sighed again and pushed to his feet.
"Oh!" Shuichi unfolded his legs. "Let-!"
"I'll do it," Eiri insisted.
"But-!"
Eiri bent over the arm of the couch and when he straightened, he had a very familiar rectangular box in his hand.
Shuichi gasped. Going pale, his eyes widened.
"Here," Eiri said handing it to him.
"Eiri-"
"Keitaro was playing with your bag earlier," Eiri explained. Turning, he walked out of the living room and vanished up the stairs to the wailing Kira.
Shuichi stared at the spot where Eiri disappeared then down at the thin, rectangular, pink pregnancy test box. An upsurge of shame swept through him. Groaning, he slumped down on the sofa and covered his face with his hands.
oOo
Chapter 6: Discord, Appointments and Threats,
Shindou Residence
"'Kasan?" called a small, timid voice.
"What?" replied Shuichi automatically, distracted by the pink box in his hand.
"Uhm." Keitaro shot his otokasan a quick, uncertain and fear filled glance before dropping his gaze back to the floor. "Do you, uhm…"
"Do I what?" Shuichi asked with a frown, not really paying attention to his son. He just could not get his mind around the possibility that after giving birth to Kira just three short months ago and getting his pre-pregnancy figure back, he might be pregnant again. He knew how much having a daughter meant to Eiri and Shuichi wanted to give him one, but now was not the time. He was not sure what to do.
"Do you love me?" Keitaro asked shyly, his voice dropping to a whisper.
"Of course, Sweetie," Shuichi answered without thinking.
Keitaro's frown deepened. A well of sadness washed over him. His beautiful golden eyes that he inherited from his father glistened with unshed tears. Rolling his eyes up, he peered at his otokasan then lowered them back to the floor. He felt worse now than he did when Kane told him that Otokasan did not love him anymore because he was bad. He told his brother he was wrong, that Otokasan did love him and that he, Kane, was a big poop-y head. Now he was not so sure. Though, it did look as if Otokasan was busy. He was staring at a tiny pink box with a sad expression on his face. Therefore, he might not have heard him, just pretended as Daddy does sometimes, but he just was not sure. But then again, maybe Kane was right and Otokasan did not really love him after all.
Gradually, Shuichi became aware of the heavy silence. It penetrated through his muddled thoughts. Blinking, Shuichi tore his gaze away from the pregnancy test in his hands and lifting his head, he glanced in the mirror above the vanity to catch a glimpse of Keitaro fidgeting in the bathroom doorway. Setting the pink box down, he slipped off his glasses and set them next to the pregnancy test upside down. Turning around, he faced his long faced son.
"Keitaro?" he called softly.
Pushing away from the sink, he crossed the expanse between them. His eyes never left his oldest boy's profile. Cringing, he stiffly knelt down in front of the boy. He placed a hand lightly on Keitaro's waist and with a finger, tapped him under the chin to get him to raise his head.
"Keitaro sweetie? What's wrong?" he asked his son gently.
Keitaro pushed against his hand, refusing to look at him and tucked his chin to his chest. He folded in on himself, making himself a smaller target.
Shuichi sighed and dropped his hands to his sides. Pursing his lips, he grunted as he sat back on his heels. Clasping his hands between his knees, he watched his son closely. "Keitaro if you don't tell me what's wrong, how can I help you?"
A sudden sniff broke the silence.
"Keitaro?"
Keitaro said thickly. "Kane said that…"
"What did he say?" Shuichi prodded gently.
"He said that 'cause I was bad…?"
"Yeah?"
Keitaro still was not looking at him.
"That, that you do not like me no more!"
Shuichi's jaw dropped with a gasp. His eyes widened in shock. "What?!"
He stared at his son in astonishment. Shuichi knew he had to have a long talk with that boy. As fat tears and snot rolled down Keitaro's face, as sobs shook his shoulders and as he rubbed his eyes with fisted hands, Shuichi's astonishment turned to pity and sympathy.
"Oh, Keitaro," he breathed.
Falling to his knees, he pulled his son into his arms and hugged him none too gently, nearly crushing his tiny little body. Keitaro returned his hug, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Shuichi's own tears filled his eyes and trickled down his face. How could Kane say something so horrible? Moreover, how could Keitaro buy into his brother's lies?
"No! Nononono! Oh, God, sweetie! No!" Pulling away, he cupped Keitaro's face between his hands and stared into those big, gold eyes. "Don't ever listen to crap like that," he cried angrily, giving Keitaro a little shake. "You hear me?" His vision blurred behind a wall of tears. He pulled Keitaro back into a bone-crunching hug. He heard Keitaro's sobs, felt them dampen his shirt. He felt his son trembling against him. "Sh!"
Shuichi sniffed and gently stroked Keitaro's hair in an attempt at calming him down. He was a lot like him in that regard.
He violently cleared his throat, trying to loosen the tightness constricting it. Blinking rapidly, he tipped his head back slightly and opened his eyes wide, trying to push back his tears.
"I want you to listen to me," he ordered Keitaro in a whispered voice through his tears. "Okay?"
"Uh huh!" Keitaro hiccup sobbed. He brought a hand up and wiped away the tears on his cheeks before returning to hug his otokasan.
"I don't care what anyone says. You are my son and I love you with all my heart!" A fresh wave of tears spilled down Shuichi's face.
Keitaro frowned. He pushed away from Otokasan. "But, Kane said that-!"
Shuichi shook his head and pulled Keitaro back into a hug. "It doesn't matter how bad you are or how bad you become! I will always love you! Just like I love Kane and Kira and Daddy, okay?"
He felt Keitaro nod against him.
"How can I not?" Shuichi continued. "You're my miracles babies, remember?"
Keitaro nodded. He did remember. He had a good memory.
Otokasan and Daddy told him and Kane that before they were born, Otokasan had a "miscarriage". That meant he lost a baby. Daddy explained that the baby had not been lost, as in misplaced like Kane had misplaced his teddy bear that Uncle Ryu bought for him for Christmas last year, but had died before he could even be born. Then there was a really bad person that had tried to take Otokasan away from Daddy. That part was really sad. He and Kane cried a lot over that. But because the bad guy had not succeeded in taking Otokasan away, he and Kane were able to be born and then Baby Kira five years later.
Giving Keitaro a quick hug, Shuichi sat back and stared into those gorgeous eyes that did not seem real. His face glistened with his tears. Smiling, Shuichi brushed at those tears with his thumb.
Keitaro was feeling much better now. Otokasan said that he loved him! Even when he was bad! His face brightened with a wide, toothy grin.
But…
The smile vanished before it could fully form.
However, this time he had been really bad. He said a bad word. Daddy and Otokasan told him and Kane to never say bad words. When they did, Daddy put really, really, hot, hot sauce on his tongue. It burned his tongue and made him cry. He never wanted to go through that again. Then this morning, he snatched the scissors from Grandma's junk drawer and with a couple of snips, cut off Kane's braid. That had been just as bad as swearing. As punishment, he was grounded. He did not like to be grounded. It was no fun. He could not do anything. But it was worse to think that Otokasan did not like him when he was really bad.
Shuichi saw that dampened expression cross his son's face. "Keitaro? What's wrong?"
"I was bad," Keitaro explained softly, lowering his eyes back to the floor.
Shuichi tried to school his expression. "What did you do that was bad?" he asked curiously, tying to keep his voice neutral.
Keitaro remained silent.
Shuichi tried another route. "Do you think I would hate you because you were bad?"
Keitaro nodded.
"I told you I would never hate you, remember? It doesn't matter how bad you are."
"But I was really bad."
"How bad? Why would I hate you?"
"I lied-ed."
"You lied? About what?"
"Cutting Kane's hair," Keitaro mumbled.
Shuichi had to keep himself from shouting and leaping with joy. Finally! "Did you cut your brother's hair?" he asked cautiously. He did not want to pressure or scare the boy into shutting down. He dropped his hands from Keitaro's face to his waist.
Keitaro nodded sadly.
"Why?"
Keitaro said nothing. He just stared at his bare feet against the white floor.
"Were you mad at him?" Knowing the boys, Keitaro probably had been.
Keitaro nodded, but remained silent.
Shuichi sighed heavily. Trying to get Keitaro to speak was like trying to pull teeth. He was definitely his father's son. "Was he bugging you?"
Keitaro nodded.
Ah, yes. That would certainly do it. "And he wouldn't leave you alone?" Shuichi guessed.
Again, Keitaro nodded.
Enough said. Keitaro was like a taut string. Stretch it out enough and it was liable to break.
"You think that by lying about what you did this morning, I wouldn't love you anymore?"
Keitaro nodded.
"Silly!" Shuichi hugged his son to him. "Keitaro, I told you I could never hate you, remember? I love you very, very much. It doesn't matter how bad you are, okay?"
"Really?" Keitaro asked, almost pleading.
"Yes, really," Shuichi giggled.
Keitaro stood there stupefied for several long seconds before it all sunk in. With an ecstatic cry, the five year old threw himself into Shuichi's arms, hugging him tightly.
Shuichi hugged Keitaro back. "I might not like everything you do, Keitaro, but I could never hate you. Remember that, all right?"
Keitaro nodded against him, his thin arms nearly strangling him.
"And I want you to promise me that you won't ever pull a stunt like this again, okay? If you have a problem with your brother, you come to either Daddy or me, okay"
"'Kay," Keitaro agreed.
"Good." Prying those thin, bony arms from around his neck, Shuichi sat back on his hunches, trying to disguise a grimace as pain and discomfort shot through his right leg and along his spine. "Now, why don't you go see what your Daddy and brothers' are up to, huh?"
Keitaro nodded as he wiped at his tears and runny nose with his hand. "Okay," he said happily, as he raced out of the bathroom.
Shuichi exhaled a deep breath. He was suddenly very tired. Maybe they should just order in tonight.
"Daddy!" he heard Keitaro shout as the boy pounded through the house.
Shuichi cringed. Daddy's little man, yes, but with Otokasan's lungs.
"'Kasan said he loves me!"
Shuichi giggled.
Seconds later, baby Kira's sharp cries filled the house. Oops. He had been asleep. Shuichi could just picture the vein in Eiri's forehead throbbing, his eye twitching and his teeth clenched. He did not envy his husband in the least.
Sighing, Shuichi's eyes roamed around the bathroom. He took in the shower, the tub, the cupboard where the towels, stool, bucket and other bathroom supplies are kept, the water closet and finally the sink behind him.
Crouched on the floor, his hands dangling between his knees, Shuichi's violet eyes zeroed in on the pink pregnancy test box sitting on the counter and his breath hitched.
Couldn't put it off forever.
Grunting, he pushed to his feet. Suddenly his world tilted. His eyes went wide and everything slowed down. He could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage and the blood gushing in his ears. He caught himself by slapping his hand against the wall between the water closet and the sink. He sighed, breathing deeply as he tried to slow his heart. Opening eyes he did not remember closing, he gasped, startled, and his heart leapt into his throat. Standing at the head of the stairs with a bottle in his hand and staring right at him with "the look" that he knew oh, so well, was Eiri. Involuntarily, Shuichi took a step backward and giggled nervously. "Heh, heh. H-hey, Eiri."
Eiri glared at him through squinted eyes.
Shuichi could just feel the giant sweat drop on his forehead. Still giggling and feeling more and more nervous, Shuichi felt behind him along the sink for the box he knew was there.
Eiri was watching him like a hawk. Now Shuichi knew what prey felt like…But then again, as he thought back over their relationship, he realized that seemed to be all he was a great deal of the time-not that that was a bad thing. In fact, he quiet enjoyed it, but not right now.
Finally, his hand hit the small, elongated cardboard box. He fumbled around with it until he had a good grip on it. Swinging it around, he held it out towards Eiri and gave the box a few quick shakes. He watched Eiri's eyes shift from his face to the pregnancy test. A veil dropped over Eiri's face and Shuichi could no longer tell what it was he was thinking.
Shuichi inched his way along the counter towards the water closet, his eyes never leaving his husband's face. His hand skimmed along the smooth surface of the wall, bumped across the doorframe to the cool doorknob.
Twisting it, he pulled it open and slipped inside, shutting and locking the door behind him.
oOo
Kira had finally fallen back asleep. When Kira woke up earlier, he changed his diapers and rocked him back to sleep. He had just put the mini-Shuichi (AKA Kira) to bed when big mouth mini-him (AKA Keitaro) decided it was a great time to yell at the top of his lungs, which reminded him that Keitaro was also Shuichi's son.
Gently pulling the bottle out of Kira's mouth, he held it out. It was still about half full. He was setting it down on the bed besides him when a cry rang out. Kira stirred in his arms.
Eiri growled lightly. His head shot up as the boys raced down the hall past him, laughing and screaming. "Knock it off," he growled angrily. He felt Kira jolt in his arms.
Keitaro and Kane's voices dimmed as the vanished down the staircase in a loud clatter. Eiri sighed and shook his head.
Glancing down at Kira, he was relieved to see that the three month old had not woken up. Grateful, Eiri pushed up from the bed and walked over to the crib, gently laying the sleeping Kira down.
Straightening, Eiri watched his son as he slept. His snores filled the quiet of the room. A gentle smile crossed Eiri's face, softening his features. He reached out and ran his knuckle across Kira's cheek. It was warm and flushed. He gave a snort and shook his head at his actions. Pathetic, he thought. When had he become so soft?
Turning, he walked out of the bedroom and shut the door softly behind him. He could hear the boys downstairs. Their laughter and shouts floated up the steps. There was a pounding of feet that grew louder than softer, their voices dimmer. He bet they were trashing the house. Next time they came to Tokyo, they were staying at a hotel. He would rent a whole floor if he had to. Better yet, he could talk to Seguchi about buying a house or something nearby.
He felt a pair of eyes suddenly burning a hole into the side of his head. Turning, he looked straight down the hall and into the bathroom.
"Shuichi?" he called softly, taking a step towards him.
His husband was sitting on the lip of the bathtub, a mixed, unreadable expression on his face. His violet eyes were brimming with tears. His cheeks were damp.
Eiri felt his heart sink when he saw the white applicator in his lover's hand.
oOo
The Next Night
The end of August brought with it warm days and cool nights.
As Shuichi stepped out of the house, closing the shoji door behind him, and onto the porch, he shivered as a chill raced up his spine. Crossing the porch, he sat down besides his husband, letting his legs dangle off the porch and set the baby monitor next to him; he could hear Kira's soft snores filtering over the speaker. Leaning back on his hands, he swung his legs alternately. His feet hit the side of the porch with a "thump-thump". Sounds of Keitaro and Kane's laughter and splashing in the bathtub floated out of the open bathroom window above them. He hoped their rowdy antics did not wake Kira up who had just fallen asleep.
"Ow," Shuichi cried suddenly, rubbing his sore thigh, and shooting Eiri an angry glare. "What was that for?" he demanded.
Eiri glared right back at him. "For being annoying."
"Sor-ry," Shuichi mumbled, massaging his leg.
A cheer erupted from the house. Shuichi glanced over his shoulder at the house. His parents were watching a baseball game and they tended to be a little rowdy.
Turning back around, he glanced at Eiri's profile. That was the most his husband had said to him in the twenty-four hours since Shuichi had taken the pregnancy test. Shuichi knew his husband wanted another child, but he had not known Eiri had had his hopes up so high.
Eiri had not given up all hope yet. "It takes, what, a minimum of eight days after conception to get a positive reading?" he had asked.
"I guess."
"Then we'll wait a few more days and try again."
Shuichi had been unable to stop himself from asking, "But what if we get the same answer?"
"Keep trying. Practice makes perfect."
"Eiri."
"Can't expect to pass a test if you don't study."
Shuichi found himself blushing anew at the hidden meaning behind that sentence.
Eiri had tried to be optimistic, but Shuichi knew his husband better than anyone and knew he was disappointed that they were not pregnant. Shuichi had to be honest. He was just as upset, which was a little surprising because he had been the one against having another baby so soon anyway.
What hurt the most was that it felt as if he had let Eiri down somehow. The guilt he felt over failing his husband was eating him up inside. If Eiri was happy then he was happy and if having another child was what would make Eiri content, then who was he to trample his husband's happiness, especially if he himself admitted just the other night that it was not impossible?
"Eiri?" Shuichi called timidly.
"Hm."
"Do…Do you hate me?" He almost could not get the words out.
Eiri glared at him through narrowed eyes. His lips were pursed into a thin line. "What kind of stupid asinine question is that?"
"Well," Shuichi drawled, pushing himself up and drawing his knees to his chest. Bowing his head, he stared at his clasped hands in his lap. "I know how much you want a daughter…"
"Yeah," Eiri said carefully.
Shuichi's vision blurred behind a sting of tears. "But now I'm sorta ruining things," he sobbed.
Eiri blinked slowly. "Huh?" This came out flat.
Shuichi turned a face flooded with tears towards Eiri. "We're not pregnant because of me!"
"…You."
"Yes."
"…And this is your fault how?"
"Because I'm the one who didn't want a baby," he wailed, tears pouring down his flushed face.
Eiri sighed. He should have known.
Sniffling, Shuichi rubbed his eyes and then swept the tear tracks away with the heel of his hands. He hiccup-sobbed. Dropping his legs, he ignored the ache and prickling pain jolting through them and twisted his body around so that he was facing his husband on his knees. He searched Eiri's face, trying to get him to understand. "Don't you see?" he cried. "This is all my fault! If I had not been against having a baby, then I might even be pregnant right now! Then you wouldn't hate me and be so miserable!"
Eiri sandwiched Shuichi's face between the palms of his hands. With his thumb, he brushed away the stray tear that trickled down his younger husband's face. "Shu-chan, having a baby is like playing the lottery. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. It has nothing to do with whether you want one or not."
"But-!"
"No, buts, Shuichi," he interrupted. He smiled gently at his husband. "Yes, I'm disappointed," he admitted. "It's disappointing when you get your hopes up only to have them dashed, it's-it sucks." It was not said very eloquent, especially with him being a writer, but spoken word was not his forte, especially when he was trying to comfort his husband. No matter how much of a bumbler he may be at all this mushy stuff, Shuichi always seemed to be able to see right through to the heart of him. He could always understand what he was trying to convey.
Understanding exactly what Eiri had been trying to convey, Shuichi nodded.
Eiri pulled Shuichi to him, embracing him within his iron grip. He felt Shuichi wrap his arms around him and climb onto his lap, straddling him. Eiri pulled Shuichi closer so they were chest to chest.
Everywhere their bodies touched was on fire.
"Yes, I want to have another child with you," Eiri was saying, "but just because you're not ready does not mean that I hate you, okay?"
Shuichi nodded against Eiri's shoulder, tightening his grip.
"I've told you this countless times in countless ways, Shu-chan."
Warmth spread through Shuichi at this nickname.
"I can never…" Eiri paused as the words became lodged in his throat. He tried again. "I don't hate you. I can't ever hate you. I…"
Unable to say it aloud, he cupped the back of Shuichi's head, brought his lips to his ear and whispered gently.
Shuichi took a shuttered breath and shivered as he felt Eiri's breath against his ear. His grip in his husband tightly unconsciously.
Taking a deep breath in through his nose, Shuichi stood up on his knees and brought his lips to Eiri's ear just as he had done and whispered back, "I love you, too." He hugged Eiri. He loved the feeling of being in his arms.
"Besides," Eiri said, "the test could have been wrong."
Shuichi frowned. He pulled away and stared at his husband, searching his face for the tiniest hint of what he meant, but that was like trying to keep an ice cube from melting on the sun. "Wha-? But, Eiri, the test-!"
Eiri shook his head. "Just humor me, okay?"
Shuichi was terribly confused, but he loved and trusted Eiri, so he nodded.
With a small smile, Eiri placed a hand over Shuichi's stomach. Shuichi lowered himself down into Eiri's lap and laid his hand over his husband's. Eiri lifted his head, raising his eyes from their joined hands over Shuichi's belly to his face. What he saw brought a gentle, soft smile and a light blush (for which he cursed himself for yet again). Shuichi was looking at him with such utter trust and adoration. With his other hand, he cupped the side of Shuichi's face. "Can you honestly say that you're not pregnant? That you don't feel-different?"
Shuichi searched Eiri's face then dropped his gaze to their hands.
"Remember when you were pregnant with Kira?"
A smile came to Shuichi's face. Lifting his head, he grinned at his husband and nodded. He did remember and not because he had given birth to his son only three months ago. From the very beginning, he had known. He could not explain it, but he had had a strong feeling that he had not been able to shake. Then he had taken a pregnancy test and discovered his intuition had been right.
Eiri returned Shuichi's smile and lowered his head. Their lips met briefly, over lapping. The kiss was alternately shallow, with their tongues flickering and teasing each other, and deep, with their tongues executing a passionate, exotic dance.
Shuichi clutched Eiri's shirt to keep him rooted as their kisses grew into one long sensuous embrace.
"Big brother!"
The lovers flew apart, feeling like children whose was just caught with their hand in the cookie jar as they tried to catch their breaths and calm their racing hearts.
Eiri glanced over Shuichi shoulder and scowled, angry at being interrupted. Shuichi followed his husband's gaze and blushed when he saw Maiko watching them with a twinkle in her eye and a mischievous smile on her face from the back doorway. His face grew warm as he realized they had had an audience. Trying to hide his red face, Shuichi snuggled against his husband, his body heat protecting him against the chilly night air.
"Big Brother, your boys are making a mess in the bathroom," his sister informed him.
Shuichi groaned. "Damn," he muttered. Sighing, he sat back and used Eiri's shoulders as leverage as he got to his feet. He tried to mask the grimace that crossed his face as he his leg protested. It did not go entirely unnoticed. Shuichi walked across the porch and into the house.
As he passed Maiko, she whispered, "Nice going, Big Brother," and winked with a wide toothy grin.
Shuichi's face flamed red hot in embarrassment. "Maiko!"
She just giggled.
Eiri watched his love vanish into the house. He would make sure Shuichi called Dr. Ohtani in the morning, whether he wanted to or not. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, something just was not right. Standing up, he grabbed the baby monitor, walked out in the yard, and glanced back up at the house. "Time to get out of the tub," he called up to his sons. "Now!"
A chorus of groans rose up.
"Come on!"
"Just a little longer?" pleaded Kane who was standing naked and dripping wet in front of the window.
"No," Eiri said, shaking his head. "Time to get out. You've been in there long enough."
"Daddy," the boy whined.
"Kane."
"Aw!"
"Otokasan is coming up right now and I'll be up in a bit."
"Daddy," called a second voice out the window.
"What?"
"Can, can we watch, uhm…Could we watch a movie?" Keitaro asked timidly.
"We'll see, but you'll have to get out of the tub first."
"Okay," the older twin said brightly.
Both boys suddenly vanished from the window.
"'Kasan! Daddy said we could watch a movie," he heard Kane cry.
With a chuckle, Eiri shook his head and headed towards the house. As he passed his sister-in-law who was still hiding the shadows of the back doorway she said to him, "You're such a good Daddy."
Eiri was thankful it was dark. "Yeah, well, don't tell anybody. It'd ruin my reputation."
Maiko giggled as she followed him inside the house, shutting and locking the door behind her.
oOo
The Next Day
Shuichi snapped out of his light daze. "Yes, uhm, I'd like to make an appointment to see Dr. Ohtani please." He covered his mouth as a yawn overcame him.
"Alright," replied the chipper, business-like voice.
Shuichi kneaded his eyes with his free hand. Kami-sama, he was tired! His eyes ached. His lids felt like lead weights. He could hardly see straight. The beginnings of a headache throbbed behind his temples. His stomach was churning and executing some intricate high dive maneuvers. He was beginning to feel a little bit lightheaded and dizzy. His head was spinning. His body felt like it had lost its equilibrium. He was not sure if he caught what Eiri had or if the pregnancy test had indeed been wrong. He himself was beginning to get the distinct impression that it was the latter.
Not being able to sleep a wink last night had not helped. Well, that was not exactly true. He had been able to get somesleep, and by "sleep" he was referring to the short bouts that had not been long enough to be considered catnap's, but he had nevertheless been able to steal throughout the excruciatingly long night he had been forced to experience thanks to his son, the one and only Uesugi-Shindou Kira.
Kira had been so fussy last night. Shuichi had tried feeding him, changing him and even singing to him, which was something that has worked in the past. Then Shuichi tried letting him cry himself to sleep, another trick that usually works, and even burping him thinking he had gas, which has been a problem in the past, but this time none of the usual worked. Not even that expensive, plush cradle swing his parents purchased. In fact, each time they tried to put Kira in it, he started screaming bloody murder. Baby Kira absolutely did not like it. Nope. The only thing that was able to calm his son down in the end was his damned bouncy chair, which had to be manually moved because he could not find any batteries.
His beloved husband had graciously allowed him to deal with Kira while he had the dubious challenge of remaining in bed nice and toasty, comfortable and not to mention asleep!
"The thing is I'm only in town for a few days. Is there anyway I can see Dr. Ohtani before I leave?"
"Let me check," the woman answered.
He personally did not see what the big deal was. He did not think there was any reason to see Dr. Ohtani. Nearly seven years ago, an accident caused him to become paralyzed from the waist down. The doctors warned him that even though there was a very slight chance of him being able to walk again, he would never again go back to being the same person he was before. It had been nothing short of a miracle that he had come this far in his remission. He understood all that. He did not like it, but had come to accept it. Eiri was just being his overprotective, paranoid self he supposed. A soft smile crossed his face. If it were for Eiri then he would do it.
Shuichi dropped his head back, resting it against the top of the chair and yawned loudly.
"Sir?"
Shuichi snapped back and sat up. "Yes."
"We have an opening on Monday." There was a clack of keys and a dim buzz of various noises in the background. "At nine-thirty."
"Monday, nine-thirty?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Hm."
There was some more clacking. "The next available day is not for six weeks."
Six weeks huh? He was not sure how much longer they planned on staying. Both Eiri and he had to get back to work. Kira had a doctor's appointment in a few weeks, Keitaro and Kane had to get back to school and he really did not want to have to travel all the way back to Tokyo in six weeks just to go to a stupid doctor's appointment he did not believe was necessary to begin with.
"Monday is fine," Shuichi decided.
"Alright. Is this for you?"
"Yes it is."
"And your name?"
"Shuichi. Shindou Shuichi."
"Okay. We'll see you on Monday then, Shindou-san."
"Thank you."
"Have a nice day."
There was a click and the line went dead. Shuichi held the phone away from his ear and pressed the talk button, ending the call. Then set the extension down on the table besides his address book and glasses.
Turning in his seat, he rested his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands. Yawning, he racked his fingers through his hair and sat back up, ghosting his hands over his belly. Was he really pregnant again? He bit back a grin and giggled.
Lifting his head up, his deep violet eyes met the small yellow notebook. Leaning forward, he slipped his glasses on and grabbing his address book, flipped through it until he found the number for Dr. Amano. Picking up the phone, he dialed her number. Closing the address book, he tossed it lightly on the table with a flop as he listened to the phone ring.
He yawned loudly, tears stinging his eyes.
"Parkside Hiroo Ladies Clinic," came the brisk female voice.
"Yes, is Dr. Amano there please? This is Shindou Shuichi," he said, rubbing his eye.
"She is in with a patient right now."
Shuichi's heart sank. "Could you tell her I called? I need to speak to her about something. It's important."
"I will give her the message."
"Thank you." He rattled off his parent's number before ending the call.
Setting the phone down on the table, he slid his glasses off and set them next to the phone. Yawning, he scrubbed his eyes with his knuckles. He was so tired. He hoped Dr. Amano called back soon so he could go to bed. His eyes were so heavy he could hardly keep them open. Slumping over the table, he pressed his index fingers into his temples and squeezed his eyes closed against the headache.
Gasping, he hugged an arm around his middle as a wave of nausea rose through him and moaned.
Distantly, he heard the phone cut through the silence. Opening his eyes, he stared at it as it rung several more times before answering. "Hello," he said weakly over the line.
"Is Shuichi there? It's Hiro."
Shuichi's mood instantly brightened. "Hey, Hiro," he cried happily, straightening.
"Hey, Shu," Hiro greeted a little less enthusiastically then his partner. "What's going on?"
Shuichi opened his mouth, his free hand fluttering over his flat abdomen, but heard his husband's voice in his head. "I don't want you to speak to anyone about this Shuichi," Eiri had warned him. "Not until we know for certain." He never knew his husband to be superstitious, but Eiri was right.
Shuichi closed his mouth and wracked his mind for something to say, but he blanked. "Uhm…" He sweated. "Nothing?" He flinched, cursing, as he heard his voice squeak.
In his apartment, Hiro cocked an eyebrow. He pushed farther back into the corner of the couch, his bare toes dangling over the edge of the cushion.
The silence spoke volumes. Shuichi licked his lips and giggled, scooting around on the chair.
"Shu, what's wrong." This time it was not a question.
Shuichi sighed heavily, his whole body slumping. "I can't tell you."
"So something is wrong."
Wrong? Shuichi's eyes widened. "No! No! No!" he denied. "Nothing's wrong! But," Shuichi continued, "there is something going on."
"Are you okay?" his best friend asked, his concern obvious.
Shuichi blushed. "Oh yeah."
"Good," the guitarist sighed. "But-."
Shuichi smiled gently. "Don't worry," he reassured his friend. "I'll tell you when I can. I promise. It's nothing bad," he added quickly.
"…Alright Shuichi. If you're sure."
A grin spread across his face. His hand covered his belly and his grin widened. "Thanks Hiro," he said softly. "So," Shuichi continued, "what's going on? The boys went to Sanrio Puroland with my parents and Maiko's kids. Maiko, get this, is out with him."
"Him" referred to his sister's husband. She walked in on the rat bastard with another woman. The "rat bastard" actually had the nerve to call the other day. Apparently, he "wanted to talk". After mulling it over, Maiko decided to see what her so-called husband had to say. All Shuichi wanted was for his baby sister to be happy. Therefore, he wished her the best of luck with whatever she decided to do.
Shuichi yawned loudly, rubbing his tired, aching eyes. He blinked, stretched his eyes wide that were starting to protest.
"Didn't get any sleep last night?" Hiro teased.
"No. Kira was fussy and refused to settle down and go to sleep. So I had to stay up all night."
This, if you think about it, might not have been the wisest thing to do, especially if he was pregnant. Stupid Eiri.
"Then my mom said she was taking the boys to the amusement park and then to Palette Town, dragging Dad along and volunteering to take Chiaki and Subaru with them so Maiko could talk to her husband alone." He took a quick breath. "Then Eiri took Kira and went out earlier to do some shopping, which he has never done once in his entire life and stopping at the corner store for beer and cigarettes does not count, and he had to meet with Mizuki-san for something." Shuichi scratched his head. "I don't remember why…Anyway, he said I should get some sleep while I can because when Keitaro and Kane get home I won't have a moment's peace, but I had to call and make an appointment to see Dr. Ohtani and then I called Dr. Amano because I had to talk to her about something, but she was in with a patient and I'm waiting for her to call-"
"Dr Amano?"
Shuichi blinked, lost and confused as he was jerked out of his ramblings. "Huh?"
"Why'd you call Dr. Amano? Isn't she your Obstetrician?"
"Yeah," Shuichi answered bewildered.
"Why'd you call her?"
Shuichi blinked stupidly. "Because we might be pregnant and…" The rest of what he was going to say rambled off incoherently as he realized, too late, what he just said. "Oh shit," he cursed. There was silence. "Hiro?" he called tentatively.
"Shu."
"Y-yeah?"
"You're pregnant? Again?"
Shuichi whined, mentally kicking himself. Him and his big assed mouth. "Yes…No…"
"Which is it?"
"I don't know," Shuichi cried. "But you can't say anything! Okay? Eiri told me not to say anything to anyone until we knew for sure and he'd-!"
"Don't worry, Shu," Hiro interrupted. "I promise not to say anything."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Really really?"
Hiro sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry, Hiro. I just-"
"I know…But."
"But what?"
"What about Desert Star?"
Shuichi blinked. His mind went blank. "Who?" It was more of a statement than a question.
There was a heavy sigh over the line. "C'mon Shu. Desert Star? The new all girl group that was recently signed to NG?"
"Uhm…" Sounded vaguely familiar.
"The group? That wants Bad Luck to appear on its debut album. The one Suguru is producing?"
The morning finally arrived. "Oh! Yeah!"
"So?"
Again, Shuichi blinked stupidly. "So…what?" he asked blandly.
"So, if you are pregnant, what are you going to do?"
"About what?"
"About singing on Desert Star's album."
Shuichi scratched his head. "Well, I don't know."
"Do you want to do it?"
"Yes," Shuichi answered without much thought. He surprised even himself that time. "Yes, I do," he repeated more firmly.
"Then-?"
"Hiro," Shuichi continued, riding over his friend's voice. "You of all people know how much music means to me."
"I do."
"It's my life!"
"I know."
"It means as much to me as Eiri and my boys. I can't imagine my life without music."
"Me, too. Then what's the problem?"
Shuichi sighed.
"If you want to do it, then what's the problem? What's stopping you?"
"Honestly?"
"Hm?"
"Me."
"You? Why?"
"I'm scared."
"Scared? Of what? I've never known you to be scared of anything."
Shuichi snorted. You have no idea, he thought.
"Is it the boys?"
"…Partly," he admitted. Truthfully he has tried not to dwell on the reasons why too much, but Hiro was right. One of the main reasons why he was hesitating so much was because of his boys. He has never been away from them for more than a few hours and it scared the hell out of him to think that if went back into the studio he would have to be away from his family for weeks or possibly months at a time.
"…I know how you feel, Shu."
Shuichi perked up. "You do?"
"I do. Look, why don't we do this. We'll do our parts and then send you the tracks. If you decide you don't want to do it, then just send them back no questions asked and if you want to be on the track, then I don't see why you can't just record your vocals in your studio at home."
Shuichi had to admit it sounded like a good compromise. It did not take care of all his problems, but it was a start. A smile lit his face. "Alright," he nodded. "Let's do it. But… If I am pregnant, I can't guarantee anything more than that."
"That's fine."
Shuichi's smile widened. His headache, upset stomach, dizziness and fatigue long since forgotten, plans already started forming in his head.
"Oh by the way."
"Yeah?"
"Kazahaya's coming home tonight. His mother's dropping him off after dinner."
"Cool! I'll have to tell the boys when they get back. Maybe we can set up a play date or something."
"Sounds good."
Shuichi heard a beep in his ear. He pulled the phone away and looked at it. "I've gotta 'nother call, Hiro."
"Okay."
"I'll call you tonight about the play date."
"Sounds good."
"Bye Hiro!"
"Bye Shuichi," Hiro chuckled.
oOo
Fujisaki-Nakano Residence
In the condominium that he shared with Suguru, Hiro shook his head in mild amusement as he ended the call. Leaning forward, he set the extension on the coffee table. His hand strayed almost automatically to his cigarettes, but his fingers curled into a fist. Pulling his hand back, he sat back. His eyes drifted to the framed photograph hanging on the wall above the television.
It had been taken nearly seven years ago at the Music Channel Video Music Awards. Standing center stage with two gold trophies in his hands was Shuichi. Fujisaki and Michael stood to Shuichi's left while he, Kei and Kai were on his other side, each holding another trophy.
Hiro let a smile drift across his face. It would be nice to get back into the studio again.
oOo
Shindou Residence
Back in the kitchen of his parent's house, Shuichi ended his call with Hiro and answered the other line. "Hello?"
"Hello," came the female voice in his ear. "This is Dr. Amano calling for Shindou Shuichi."
"Oh! Dr. Amano, hello!" He had nearly forgotten. "This is Shuichi."
"Hello, Shuichi. Megumi-san said you had something important you had to talk to me about?"
Shuichi's face grew warm. He sucked his lips inward, suppressing a smile. His chin dropped to his chest. "Yeah," he said, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Uhm…"
He heard Dr. Amano sigh.
His face grew warmer, his smile larger. The muscles in his face ached.
"Don't tell me."
Shuichi giggled and scratched his head. "Yeah."
"Alright. We'll have you come in tomorrow to do a pregnancy test."
"That's fine."
"Good, how about at nine? That way you can be outta here before the clinic opens at ten."
"Sure. Thank you."
"Have a nice day, Shuichi-san. We'll see you tomorrow."
"Thanks. Good bye."
Shuichi ended the call and set the phone on the table. Yawning, he slipped his glasses off and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. Suddenly the adrenaline rush was over and he felt half-dead.
Yawning, he stretched.
Sighing contently, he slumped down in the chair and laced his fingers together, folding them over his belly. A soft smile flittered over his face.
oOo
A white baby blanket was tented over the baby carrier-that felt like it weighed a ton and a half-to shade Kira from the harsh rays of the early afternoon sun. In his other hand were two plastic bags. Strapped across his chest was the diaper bag and clenched between his teeth were his keys. He felt like a bag lady.
When Eiri topped the steps, he caught sight of a large Manila envelope lying on the porch in front of the door. Curious, he set the carrier and the shopping bags on the porch. Taking his keys out of his mouth, he squatted down and picked up the envelope. "SHINDOU SHUICHI" was printed in large block letters. His brow furrowed in confusion and speculation. He turned the envelope over. Nothing. Frowning, he wiggled his finger under the flap and tore the envelope open. His peered inside. His frown deepened. Reaching inside, he pulled out a piece of paper. Flipping it over, his eyes widened in surprise.
"What the-!"
He was looking at a photo of Shuichi with a comatose Kane cradled in his arms speaking to a devastated Maiko in the parking lot of the Ozaki Funeral Home. He remembered Shuichi saying something about seeing a paparazzo outside the funeral parlor, but he had not thought any more about it. Was this connected to it or was it something all together different?
"What the hell is this?"
…To Be Continued…
Preview: "Journeys in Wonderland & The Watcher"