Chapter 3: Exporting

My apologies in advance, everyone. This is the chapter where my misspelling of foreign words and such becomes more of a problem. Hope it won't be too much of a bother... And now, on with the story.

The next day, the plane was flying along and started shaking. Owen freaked out. "AAAHH! I'm too young to die!" "Stop screaming, lunchbox. Flying is like the fifteenth safest mode of transportation", Noah told him. "Unless you're in a death trap..." Some boards attached to the hull fell down and were sucked out the newly uncovered hole. "This one, for example!" Ezekiel was nearly sucked out of the hole, but Alejandro grabbed him. "Careful, amigo!" "Thanks, eh!" Owen's straps ripped. He screamed even louder as he was pulled to the hole, but he got stuck once he reached it. Everyone else sighed with relief. "Thanks for saving us, Owen!", Harold said. "Yeah, sure, now someone help me! My butt is being sucked outta the plane!"

Up in first class, the girls were having smoothies. "I happen to like winning and being in first class, which happens to make me an ideal leader", Courtney told the others. "If our team needed one, which we don't, because we're winning", Gwen replied. "And I have plans to keep it that way! So think about me as leader." Heather glared at her. "You're not the only person on the team, Courtney. Here's a question. Who made it to the finals two seasons in a row?" "You." "And who here has actually WON a season?" "You..." "So who do you think should be leader?" "Me, of course!" Heather facepalmed. "It's like reasoning with a mule."

Chris turned on the intercom. "This is your captain speaking. It's time for everyone to join me in the common area, and I mean everyone." The contestants got up to meet him there. "Welcome to today's challenge. It's-" "Is it a reward or elimination challenge?", Harold asked. "Good question, Harold, but I'm not answering." Tyler whispered to his team. "Two of us got booted out last time, so today has reward written all over it." Lindsay smiled. "I could use a reward. Oh, I hope it's candy! Or a whole bunch of shoes! Or shoes MADE of candy!" "And I hope you all brought your giant radioactive monster repellant, because we're about to land in Japan!" Chef burst into the room wearing a martial arts outfit. Harold crossed his arms. "Gosh, you guys! That's totally a Chinese outfit!" "Thank you, Harold." "I just really thought you'd work harder to get it right." "Harold, zip it." "Your cultural insensitivity is just... gosh! I mean, gosh!"

Chef grinned at Chris, and Chris smirked. Chef ran to the emergency exit and cut the door to pieces. The contestants flew out of the plane, screaming, and fell to the earth. Owen screamed louder than anyone else. "I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Noah slapped him. "Shut up! I'd like a moment of peace before we crash, thank you." Cody grabbed Lindsay and hugged her. Sierra grabbed Cody and hugged him. Heather and Bridgette held hands. DJ screamed, and Izzy tried to fly by flapping her arms. Everyone kept falling, and they landed in a giant rice bowl. Harold got out of the bowl and cheered. "Japan! Yes! I know everything about this place!" Ezekiel got out and glared at him. "Your intel just got us booted off a plane, eh." "But I went to Sensei Steve's Feudal Japanese Summer Camp!" Alejandro climbed out of the bowl and smiled. "Oh yeah? I speak Japanese too! Bridgette? Hana no yoni kirei", he said. Bridgette raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?" "I said you are as beautiful as a flower." Bridgette blushed. "T-that's... sweet... but I have a girlfriend." Heather glared at Al. "Yeah, and she's very possessive, so back off!" Alejandro looked shocked. "I'm so sorry! I would never try to mess with such a lovely couple, my sincerest apologies." Heather kept glaring.

Everyone got out and found Chris in front of a large, odd structure. "Okay, your first challenge is inside a Japanese game show studio. Bow down before Super Human Mega Pinball Smash!" Harold and Tyler gasped. "I love Japanese game shows!", Tyler said. He high-fived Harold. "Sweet! My favorite is Human Ichi My Car Go-Go, where you have to throw a banana into a car window-" "With a giant shrimp fork! Awesome!" Chris hit a gong. "Oh, look! My own personal geek gong!", he said. "Okay, I'm gonna need one volunteer from each team to climb into one of these giant hamster balls. Then, your teammates are gonna beat you around the game board, scoring points by bouncing you off bumpers and pegs. The team with the most points wins, and I have a special local surprise for each of you to share your little ball shaped paradise with."

"So, teams, select a ball guy, or gal. Victory?" "We choose DJ", Harold said. DJ raised an eyebrow. "We do?" "Coolio. Here's your pinball buddy", Chris said. He held out a baby panda. "A panda? No! Remember when I crumbled that mummy puppy in Egypt? I think that thing cursed me!" Chris threw the panda to DJ and it started attacking him. Chris smiled. "Aww, cute! Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot?" "I'm, uh... I'm allergic to panda dander. I get hives", Noah said. "What he said", Tyler added. "Ill do it, for my team", Alejandro said. "Wicked. Incoming!" Chris threw the panda to Al, who caught it. "Well hello, handsome creature! May I scratch your ears or get you a tasty cookie?" The girls went "Awww..." "And, Team Amazon?" Izzy raised her hand. "Ooh, me! Pick me! I always wanted to try panda!" Chris raised an eyebrow. "Huh?" "Oh, never mind! Just pick me!" Chris shrugged and threw a panda at her. "Okay, now it's human pinball time!"

DJ, Al and Izzy got in their pinballs, and Chef launched them. They ran around in the giant pinball machine, hitting bumpers and racking up points. Izzy hit a spring and went flying into the air, screaming with glee. Meanwhile, Al got his panda to guide him toward a trio of bumpers to rack up points. Down at the bottom of the machine, Harold was lecturing his team. "The paddle must connect with the ball at a perfect thirty three point seven degree angle, to maximize the impact!" Ezekiel glared at him. "Great, but give us a hand, eh!" DJ hit their bumped and knocked them all over. Then, Izzy rolled past the bumpers and hit a wall. Her pinball cracked in half and she walked out, wobbling. "That was so fun! Come on, one more game! Anybody got some quarters?" DJ finished next and walked out of his pinball, carrying the unconscious panda and crying.

Confession Cam: DJ

"I can't believe I hurt that poor little cuddly... Gah! My own tears, they're falling into my scratches!"

Alejandro finished last, and walked out of his pinball. Team Chris looked up at the score board and cheered. "With a score of four hundred and sixty two thousand, Team I am Really Really Really Really Hot wins!", Chris announced. "You guys get a leg up in the next challenge." DJ started crying. "I wanna go home!"

Chris led the teams to another building and made them sit down to watch a video. The video turned on and showed Chris and the cast of TDA. The audio was very odd, though. "Welcome to Total Drama Action!", Chris said. "Where there will be crazy action, and kooky filming, and somber eating." "Very nice food, I like it", a deep voiced Owen said. The camera cut to Izzy and the monster from the first challenge. "Hey there, you oh so cute monster!", an older sounding Izzy said. "Total Drama Action, coming soon! Pears and apples of fun!" The video ended. Noah raised an eyebrow. "Um... what?" "That piece of cinematic gold is the Japanese promo. Total Drama is HUGE here!", Chris explained. "Okay, but that was in English, so why are they dubbing our voices?", Courtney asked. "Turns out the locals just don't like the sounds of y'all. Sorry!" "No you're not!" "True... ready for the next challenge? I hope you paid attention, because you'll be writing, directing and producing your very own Japanese commercial! There's a brand new candy hitting the Japanese market: Chef's Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candy Fish Tails. I call this the TDYYHGTCFT Challenge of Celebration Fun." Chef scowled. "You said we were gonna pay a real Tokyo ad firm!" "Oops! I did, didn't I? As props, you'll be allowed to use anything you can find in the airplane storage area. Since Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot won the first challenge, they get first dibs." Team Chris cheered. "Team Victory gets to choose second, and Team Amazon stuck with whatever dregs are left." Team Amazon glared at Chris.

Team Chris boarded the plane and Alejandro walked over to some boxes. "Hmm... I'm seeing a tiny Tokyo, a giant radioactive monster, and the one snack that can stop him." Sierra shrugged. "Yeah, that should work." "Super Japanese idea, Al! Nice!", Tyler said. Alejandro smiled. "Noah? What say you?" Noah rolled his eyes. "Meh, I guess. All I know is Owen's being the monster, since he's the closest we have to a giant anything." Owen laughed. "This is gonna be awesome!" Team Chris left, passing Harold and Team Victory on their way. Alejandro bowed. "Good luck, honorable opponent", he said. Harold turned away. "I don't need your luck." "Of course you don't. You have superior leadership skills and vision! Your team is lucky to have you." Harold smiled. "I know, right? They are!" Alejandro smirked and left. "I have an idea", Lindsay said. "Last time I went out for Japanese, I had this huge bowl of Pat Thai, and it was-" "Pat Thai is THAI food", Bridgette said. "Are you sure? That doesn't sound right..." Harold backed away from his team and made a frame with his fingers. "Fear not, everyone. I have a dramatic vision. It mixes Kurasawa's pathos with Miyazaki's sense of wonder." "I think I ordered that at the Japanese place too!", Lindsay said. Bridgette facepalmed. "It's like talking to a baby..."

Team Amazon was last. Courtney looked around and scowled. "A pathetic pile of stuff nobody wants. Ugh! Goodbye, first class..." Heather smiled. "I got an idea! We have the candy fish swimming in the fish tank, then it breaks out and plays basketball!" Gwen rolled her eyes. "Too doctor Seuss! Spinning masks. We toss candy into their mouths, and-" "Insane! Flashing lights and fireworks! Chef wants to be dazzled!", Courtney said. Cody backed away from the girls. "You guys, they're all good ideas, and-" "Overruled! Fish tank!" "Hello, the only way we are winning is with the spinning masks, and lots of them!" "You people are impossible! I'm so outta here!", Courtney said. Heather glared at her. "Well, so am I!" "Fine!", Gwen shouted. They all walked away... "Uh, we can't storm off together... kinda defeats the purpose?", Courtney said. "You go back that way, then!" "No, YOU go back that way!" "Well I came this way first!" Cody turned to Izzy. "We are in some deep trouble..." Izzy went wide-eyed. "Oh no, did the RCMP track me down!" "No, we're gonna lose the challenge!"

Outside the plane, Noah and Tyler were setting up the tiny Tokyo set while Owen practiced his monster routine. "Owen stomp, Owen stomp good!" Noah ran up to him. "Hold on there, chubby buddy. Let us finish the tiny city first." Nearby, Alejandro sat in a director's chair and picked up a pack of the fish snacks. He ate one and threw up.

Confession Cam: Alejandro

"Like... rotting fish intestine with a... side order of fermented squid, and... DIRTY hockey equipment." He threw up into the sink.

Meanwhile, Harold was having Team Victory build a set with weather effects. "More rain! Much more! This whole thing needs to be somberer!" Bridgette rolled her eyes. "Yes, Harold..." "It's sensei! Call me sensei!" Chris walked up to them. "You have five minutes left to film your ad! Then, it's Happy Fish... yum... whatever! We'll be watching them in five minutes!"

Back in the plane, Cody sat down on a box and opened a pack of the fish tails. He ate one, then spat it out. "Yuck!" Izzy ran up to him. "Can I try one?", she asked. Cody shrugged and handed her the bag. "Knock yourself out." She ate one of the fish tails and smiled. "Mmm, this is better than I thought!" She ate another. "Way better..." And then a third one. Izzy gasped. "Aha! Inspiration has struck! Or maybe that's the rotting fish in my stomach. Point is, I have an idea!"

Everyone went to the video room, except Cody and Izzy. Chris walked into the room and said "Alright, now that you're done filming, it's time to see if your hard work has paid off. Chef?" Chef grumbled to himself, scowled and picked up a remote. "First up is Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot with Monster Rampage." Chef played the video. On screen, Owen stomped over toward a fake city in his costume. "Roar! Monster noises!" He picked up some buildings and bashed them together. The rest of the team, dressed as soldiers, watched. "Oh no! The large, out of shape monster!" "We must run!" "Think of the children!" "He's so fat!" Owen roared. "Wait! We shall stop him this way!" Alejandro held out a bag of fish tails, got one out and threw it into Owen's mouth. Owen ate it, smiled and rubbed his stomach. "Ohh, delicious!" "Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time! Candy fish tails, better than no no! Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time! Tastes so good, wash your face!"

"Next up, Team Victory with A Samurai's Lament." Chef played the video. On screen, Harold the samurai rode a horse toward the rest of his team. "Great Samurai!" "Please, do you have food?", they asked. Bridgette elbowed DJ. "Psst, DJ! Your line!" He didn't respond and Bridgette groaned. "The hunger, the hunger! The hunger!" A beach ball bounced through the set, over to Harold, who was lying on the ground. The ball hit his katana and popped. Harold closed his eyes. "Duty. Honor. Total Drama Yum Yum... Happy Go Time... Candy Fish Tails... eat them fast. Time, is fleeting. Gosh." The video ended and Chris turned to Team Victory. "Yeah. That was... interesting." "Maybe your Pat Thai idea wasn't so bad", Bridgette told Lindsay. "See, I told you!" Harold glared at them. "It was art! A metaphor! A commentary on the earth's sorrow and it's crying out for m-" Chris covered Harold's mouth. "Next up, the Amazons." Gwen, Courtney and Heather huddled. "Ugh, this is humiliating!" "What do we tell him?", Heather asked. Gwen looked at Courtney, who went to Chris. "Chris, as the leader of Team Amazon, it falls to me to tell you that our team didn't-" "Come up with an amazing title for our awesome commercial!", Cody said. He ran up to the others with Izzy behind him. Gwen looked confused. "We have a commercial?" "Let's just call it... Huh?"

Chef played the video, and a series of bizarre clips played as Izzy sang in the background. "Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candy Fish Tails! Eat them now! Eat them then! Eat them anytime! Just eat them, eat them, yeah!" A fish tail flew into a dead seagull's mouth. "You eat it!", it said. The video ended. Sierra cheered, the others were silent and Chris looked confused. "Oh... kay... well, Chef?" Chef scratched his chin. "Chris, uh, I gotta go with Team Amazon." Cody and Izzy cheered. "I dunno, I just loved the exploding donuts." "Guys, that was amazing!", Gwen said. "Totally amazing!", Courtney added. Izzy giggled and bowed. "Congratulations, Team Amazon. But Chef, I also have to know, who bit the biggest?", Chris asked. "Team Victory, with that sad samurai thing. You lose! You're sending someone home, tonight!" DJ frowned. "I put a panda in intensive care, then I choked and wrecked our act, and now we lose again?" Ezekiel looked confused. "Wait, it's not a reward challenge?" Chris smiled. "Well, I'm sure enjoying it!"

Everyone got back on the plane. Harold sat alone in loser class while everyone else finished dinner. Alejandro walked up and sat by him. "It could just as easily have been me", he told Harold. Harold nodded. "We still have our honor. And girls. Especially those of Leshawna's majestic caliber." Harold nodded again and Alejandro put a hand on his shoulder. "Ladies love guys with honor." "Like samurais?" "Like samurais." Harold smiled. Then he went back to the dining area and found Chris and his team. "It's vote time! At the confession cam, you'll find five passports. Stamp the team member you'd like to send home. Got it?" "We went over this last time, eh", Ezekiel said. "Oh, right. Well, get voting then!"

After voting, Team Chris went to the elimination room. "Once again, those staying in the game will get in-flight snacks. And, if you don't get one, you'll be taking the drop of shame", Chris said. "The following players are safe. Lindsay, Bridgette, Ezekiel, and the final bag goes to..." "Wait!" Harold stood up and walked to Chris. "It was I who brought dishonor to our team! Only one thing can restore the balance!" He pulled out a toy lightsaber and jammed it into his stomach. "Please forgive me, teammates! I hope my sacrifice will make amends!" He fell down and crawled to the exit. He crawled out, and Chris walked to the door. "Dude, you forgot your parachute!" He threw it out the door. "You might need that! Good luck, Harold!"