Chapter 6: Aftermath A
It's the Total Drama World Tour Aftermath Show! The cameras turned on to show the applauding studio audience, then zoomed in on Geoff and Blaineley on the couch in the middle of the stage. Geoff waved at the cameras. "Sup, dudes? Welcome to the Total Drama Aftermath party! I'm Geoff..." "And I'm Blaineley Stacy Andrews O'Halloran", Blaineley said. "I'm sure you recognize me from such entertaining programs as Celebrity Manhunt." "But, today we're here to talk about Total Drama World Tour!" "We've got the juiciest dirt, and the dirtiest juice. Everything you ever wanted to hear dished about season three." "Plus, special guests and wicked surprises. But first, let's introduce my other friends", Geoff said. "You mean the other sad bystanders who can't even play this season?", Blaineley asked. The audience laughed. "Please welcome Eva, Sadie and Katie, Trent, Justin and Beth!" The camera turned toward the rejects, who waved.
"So, how do you guys feel about the fact that it's Geoff's fault you're all out of the game?", Blaineley asked. "Hey! I tried to organize us into a rescue party!", Geoff whined. "And your your rescue party has to sit and watch everyone else play for a million." "I threw a great consolation party, with a pinata!" Trent glared at Geoff. "Geoff, that was my guitar. I kept telling you." "Being on that show is way too tough on the bod", Justin said. "And I don't need a million dollars. Got it!", Eva shouted. "What about the free trip around the world?", Blaineley asked. Beth shook her head. "With Chris and Chef torturing us? No thank you." "But what about all your old friends hanging out, without you?" "We have each other!", Sadie said. Katie pulled Trent in for a group hug.
"Guess they're just being honest. But what about you, Geoff? Any regrets?", Blaineley asked. Geoff rolled his eyes. "Please, I'd rather host this aftermath show than go through more drama." Blaineley smirked. "Care to prove it with a game of Truth or Hammer?" "Sure, uh, why not? Couldn't be happier." The hammer swung down and nearly hit Geoff. "Nice moves, Geoff. Almost nicer than the moves Alejandro made on Izzy." "Happy happy happy! Happy hap- WHOA!" The hammer took a few more swings at Geoff, who dodged and hid behind a couch. "Look at the time, game over! Better get on to our next segment, huh?" Geoff walked back to the couch at center stage. "We'll be spending time with everyone who's left the show since the season began." "Everyone we could find, at least", Blaineley said.
"One of our contestants has gone AWOL, which leads us to our new segment, as designed by moi: Total Drama Fugitives!" The TV screen above her turned on and showed some clips of Duncan. "After refusing to sing, Duncan was the first contestant in Total Drama history to quit", Geoff said. "Only Duncan would throw away a chance at a million. Idiot!", Trent said. "What's weird is Duncan didn't come home", Blaineley said. "He was last seen hanging from a large, fruited bush willow in Africa. But since then, nothing. Duncan's totally disappeared." "So we spread the word and our viewers responded like never before, with some seriously incredible sightings and photos."
"Let's look at a video captured by... Amish McTavish of Loch Ness." The TV showed a black and white picture of a mohawked head sticking out of the water. "Real sighting, or fake?" "Total f-" Blaineley pinched Geoff's mouth shut. "We sent a roving reporter to interview our eyewitness." The video cut to Eva doing an interview with a short bearded man. "So, you gotta tell me what you saw", Eva said. "Ach, the loch was loamin', I'd been gloamin' and eyes are formin' te-" "What are you SAYING! Ah, forget this!" Eva threw a microphone down and it hit the bearded man between the legs. The video ended. "The sighting was clearly a massive fake", Geoff said. "Fine, don't believe. But just days later, we had another sighting from Drolhat in Sweden." The TV showed some footage of a young man running through the forest at night. He fell down a cliff and started swearing. The video ended. "What about that one? Real? Fake?" "Tough to tell. It was pretty dark", Geoff said. "Either way, the question remains: where is Duncan now?" "Nobody can find him! Not even everyone's fave host, Chris McLean." "Chris is looking for Duncan?", Beth asked. "Chris has the Drama Machine looking for him", Blaineley told her. "So, keep those Duncan sightings coming. He can't hide from us forever!"
Blaineley turned the TV off. "So, the manhunt is great, Geoff. But you know who I'm really wanting to spend time with?" "Today's first Aftermath guest, Harold!" The audience cheered and Harold ran onstage. "Welcome to the show, Harold! Please, take a seat!" Geoff pushed Harold over to the couch near Blaineley's. "Let's take a look at the dramatic events that brought Harold to this moment." The TV turned on again and showed some clips from Harold's time on season three. It ended quickly, and Harold looked at the screen in disbelief. "It's over? I was on the show for three seasons, and I don't even get thirty seconds of clips?" "Yeah. Sorry you got booted, dude." "Correction, Geoff. I booted myself. But where's that in the recap? Where are all my wicked skills?" Harold stood up and pulled out a pair of nunchucks. He flailed them around and hit himself in the face.
"Well then, Harold, have we got a recap for you!", Blaineley said. The TV turned on and showed a series of clips. Harold was talking about various random facts, including bladder size and palindromes, and then getting beaten up and Leshawna rolling her eyes. Then the video ended. "Even Leshawna? Seriously, Harold?", Blaineley asked. "She rolls her eyes all the time. Maybe she has an eye tic." "One that only happens when you talk? Right. Or maybe she's just not that into you." The audience sighed and so did Harold. "Hey, maybe you can ask her yourself? Let's bring in our next guest, Leshawna!"
Leshawna walked onstage, scowling, while the audience cheered. She took a seat next to Harold but turned away from him. "Hey, Leshawna! What's up?", Geoff asked. "Nothing", she said. "How's it going?" "Fine." Geoff frowned. "Are you okay?" Leshawna glared at him. "I'm fine!" Blaineley smirked. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed..." Leshawna groaned. "Alright, you want the truth? The truth is I feel like crap! I just lost my chance at a million dollars, again! You don't know how much it hurts to get voted off first, two seasons in a row. And now Harold's out, too!" Blaineley raised an eyebrow. "Why does that part matter?" "Harold's my friend, I care about him a lot. Seeing him lose hurts almost as bad as losing myself." Harold turned to Leshawna. "Gosh... you really mean that?" She hugged him. "Of course I do! Leshawna don't lie, Harold." Harold smiled. "So... does this mean you like me?" Leshawna nodded. "I like you as a friend. A really good friend. But that's it, okay? You go try to win Heather over or something." Harold shook his head. "No, I don't think so. Heather's alright, but you're just amazing."
Harold walked over to to Trent and Justin. "Time for a little Drama Brothers performance!", he said. Katie, Sadie and Blaineley squealed. The guys huddled for a minute, then turned to the audience. "This is a new song I've been working on, for Leshawna."
You might think I know it all, and maybe I'm headed for a fall. I'm just that brainiac guy, left alone to sit and cry. Honey, I've some questions for you first. Girl, take some time to school me... quench my thirst... for knowledge. Cause, gosh... I've just gotta know...
How'd you get so hot? Baby! You're so smokin' hot! Baby!
My physics know-how ain't got a hope of explaining why you're butt's so dope! Baby! You bend my space and time continuum, the way you shake what your mama gave you-em! Baby!
I don't even hardly know my name! Baby! Cause when you walk in the room, nobody lookin' the same!
Baby, baby, baby! Gosh!
Harold started beat boxing and the audience went wild. "You think we might need some security out here?", Geoff asked. "Marry me, Justin!", Blaineley shouted. She fainted and the song continued.
I demand a scientific investigation of whether you're even from the human nation! I swear, you're changing my molecular structure! With all your sexy ions, you make my heart rupture!
Harold fell over and the song ended. While Geoff helped Blaineley get back up, Leshawna ran over to Harold to help him. She picked him up and gave him a bear hug, smiling. "Harold baby, that was great! Never thought you'd write a song for me..." Harold smiled. "Of course I would! Beauty like yours deserves it." Leshawna kissed Harold and the audience cheered. She put him down and blushed. "So, uh... that's your reward for playin' that sweet song. But that's all, got it? We're just friends." Harold smirked. "Sure, Leshawna. Whatever you say..." Leshawna smacked Harold and he fell over. Leshawna walked away, still smiling.
Blaineley sat down on the couch, holding an ice pack to her head, and said "As we've just proved, Total Drama is the most dramatic show in the history of drama!" "And Blaineley just proved she's not as cool as she thinks she is", Geoff said. "In entertainment news, the Drama Brothers just caused a minor riot here." "Trent and Justin were last seen on foot, running for their lives from a school bus!" "Let's go to the scene and see what we can find out!" The TV screen turned on and showed Eva and a janitor. "Eva, can you tell us what you saw?", Blaineley asked. "A whole bunch of dumb girls chasing Justin and Trent." "And what did these girls look like?" "Dumb, like a bunch of dumb girls in dumb plaid skirts, like kilts..." "Kilts... a school bus... could be a private girls' school! Eva, what color were the kilts?" "Plaid and dumb! Ah, forget this!" Eva threw down her microphone, which hit the janitor between the legs, and stormed off. The video ended.
"Well, it's time to bring in our next guest!", Blaineley said. "But first, time for my favorite Aftermath segment: That's Gonna Leave a Mark!" Geoff picked up the remote and turned on the TV. The clips shown, in order, were Alejandro running into a pipe in the sewers, DJ getting attacked by a panda on the plane, and Tyler slipping on ice chunks in the Yukon. The video ended, and Geoff and the audience laughed. "Hey Blaineley, remember earlier when you asked if we wished we were back in the game?", Geoff asked. "Actually I have a headache..." "Watching that makes it all worthwhile. I would totally rather be here, chilling, partying and chatting." "If you like chatting so much, can we finish up with our last guest?" Geoff shook his head. "Nope, I've got one more clip to play. It's a new segment I call This Week in Random Violence. Check it out!" The TV showed Izzy and Geoff fighting over a camel in Egypt. It ended when the camel sat on Chef, and the audience laughed. "Man, that is was crazy cool chick. And crazy hot, too!", Geoff said.
Blaineley turned off the TV and tossed the remote away. "Okay, time for our last guest, the cursed contestant, DJ!" The audience cheered as DJ walked onstage. He nervously walked over to the couch by Geoff and Blaineley and sat down. "Is it safe out here? There aren't any animals hidden somewhere, right?", DJ asked. Geoff nodded. "It's cool, dude. No animals will be harmed during the filming of this program." DJ smiled. "Cool." Blaineley cleared her throat. "So, DJ. What did you think of the musical part of the show?" DJ shrugged. "It's a great idea, but not if Chris has to force everyone to sing. Duncan walked out on him, so he cut that aspect out of the show. Maybe he could try a Canadian Idol style season next year." Blaineley nodded. "And what about that curse from Egypt?" DJ screamed and jumped behind the couch. "Don't remind me! I'm done with Egypt and anything from there." Blaineley smirked. "Oh really? So you wouldn't like to see... this mummy!" Blaineley pulled a remote out of her pocket, pressed a button on it, and a sarcophagus fell from the ceiling. DJ screamed and tried to run away, but some interns stopped him from leaving. Two of them dragged him back to the couch. He was still screaming. "I'm sorry, mister mummy guy, I didn't mean to hurt your dog!" "Dude, it was already dead! Get a hold of yourself!", Eva shouted. "But I'm cursed! I'm cursed because I hurt that mummy dog!" Eva threw a chair at his head and knocked him over. "Shut up!"
Eva stormed offstage. "I'm sick of this whining and screaming! See ya later, losers!", she shouted. After a minute, Geoff picked up the thrown chair and DJ sat back down on the couch. "So, you really think you're cursed", Blaineley said. DJ nodded. "And I bet you think you lost because of the curse, too." DJ shook his head. "Nuh-uh. I lost because I voted myself off so I could ESCAPE the curse. If I go back home, I can just stay inside forever and stay away from animals, keeping them and myself safe." Blaineley groaned. "That is sooo boring! DJ, if this curse is real, you could make a fortune on TV appearances!" "Why the heck would I wanna do that!" "For entertainment!", Blaineley shouted. She stood up and crossed her arms. "This show is Total Drama, not Total Snorefest!" "I don't care about entertaining people! I just want my mama..." Blaineley growled, picked up a TV and threw it. "I hate this show!" She picked up a chair and threw that as well. Then, two interns walked up and dragged her offstage. "They'd better get me my old job back. I'm never doing this show again! Never, ever!" Geoff shrugged. "Well... since one of the hosts is gone, I guess that's it for today. Be sure to stay tuned for the next part of Total Drama World Tour!"