Hello... Anybody out there... ;0 Well hello, people. You haven't given up on me yet, have you? I miss y'all. So here's 21. Don't hate Edward or me after you read it, but i would love to here your rants or raves on it. As always, don't own Twilight...~smooches~LRC.

21. Mistakes

Edward

Our bags were already waiting for us at the private airstrip when we arrived. Two jets were also there, one for Carlisle and The Guard, the other for me and Ashley to head back to Louisiana.

"Call me when you land in Paris. Let me know how everything is going," I said to Carlisle.

He nodded. "I will. You go on home to Skye and the kids. I can handle things from here."

I looked at Xavier. "Keep and eye on him. Desperate men do desperate things remember, and he's worried about his family."

Carlisle turned and looked at Xavier. "He'll be fine. Besides, he's not flying back with us. Scott should be back here in a few to transport him straight to Paris."

"Good. I think that's for the best."

He looked at me and smiled.

"Thank you for coming, Edward. I appreciated your help even if I didn't need it."

I smiled in return. "You're welcome, old man. I just wish we could've saved more. We lost so many."

"Yes, lives lost is always a sad thing, but we did what we could. Saved who we could. The humans will live. What we're going to do with them, I have no idea."

I looked at him remembering another life lost.

"Carlisle, the vamp that died, the rookie who alerted the guard, why did you choose him for this mission?"

He looked at me strangely.

"I didn't choose any rookies for this mission. Everyone I accepted for tonight's assignment has been with us from the beginning. This wasn't an assignment for a newcomer."

I was perplexed.

"Well that's what I was thinking too, but didn't you choose your team?"

"I did. Unless…" he trailed off.

"Unless what?" I asked.

"Well unless, he was substituted at the last minute. Then they would've given me whoever was available. But I still should've been informed. I would've rather been one short then take an inexperienced vamp." He turned away from me and started toward the plane.

"And the old, white haired vamp the security guard spoke of? Any ideas?"

"Maybe, but I'll review the security downloads if Suzette can get them to work. She seems quite confident that she can. Don't worry, Edward. I'll call you if and when I know anything more. Now go home."

"Alright, fine. I'm going," I said feeling properly dismissed.

I boarded the plane and instructed the pilot to take off. I sat in the chair, put on the headphones and closed my eyes. We had a long flight home.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0

Skye

I hadn't slept well in days, and tonight was a repeat of the nights before. Frustrated I threw the comforter back and sat up in bed. I missed Edward, but more than that I was worried. Worried about all the things that were happening in my life right now, and this edginess I couldn't seem to shake.

I sighed and stood up. I walked silently to the bathroom, used it, then changed into my bikini. I grabbed a towel, my flip flops and headed out the bedroom.

As I walked down the hall I thought about the conversation that Edward and I had the day he left. Was he right? Was I being unreasonable? Or did I have a right to be upset?

He was backward as hell. How could he be ready to drain the gay man that I'd let wax and dye me, then fly halfway across the world with a Bella look alike?

And the hell was I supposed to be so understanding when he always flipped his shit over nothing?

I had some decisions to make. And they weren't going to be easy ones. But I was tired of fighting with him. It was getting me nowhere, and it was sucking the life out of me. He was going to do what he wanted to do. I couldn't change him. He could only change himself. I wasn't stupid enough to believe otherwise. Sure I had stepped back. Hoped he'd see reason and make better decisions where she was concerned, but taking the submissive approach didn't seem to be working. And I was almost positive that the dominant, demanding, ultimatum approach wouldn't either. Besides, I wasn't good with sticking to them when it came to him.

I peeked in the kids rooms and they were all sleeping soundly, so I headed down the stairs and out to the pool. A good exhausting swim in the warm water would do me good. Maybe even knock me out.

As I floated in the middle of the pool I gazed at the stars that winked at me just beyond the tree tops. They were the same ones that I use to wish upon when I was a little girl laying in my window sill waiting for my daddy to come home. The same ones I use to confess my hopes and dreams to as a starry eyed teenager. The same stars I asked to send me the man of my dreams, as a young and foolish woman. And the same ones that that man and I made love under on numerous occasions.

I was sure that Edward was that man. The man I'd wished for. The man the stars sent for me. The man I wasn't willing to give up without a fight. He loved me. Of that I was certain. I just had to remind him of why that was. And if that bitch wanted my man she was going to have to go through me. I was done saving face and playing the sweet, southern belle, and wife of a doctor. That bitch was about to find out why New Orleans was the murder capital of the US if she wasn't careful.

I grinned and did a few more laps in the pool before I headed to the house for a shower. When I lay in the bed again I was out like a light.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0

Edward

I felt her watching me. But more than that I felt the buzz of her mind directly in front of me. I opened one eye and looked at her.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

I took the headphones off and shrugged.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You seem distant is all."

"I've got a lot on my mind and I really just want to get home."

"You miss Skye?"

I nodded. "I do, although I'm not sure the feeling is mutual."

"You guys having another fight, huh?" she asked.

I looked at her and she looked down. I didn't answer.

"Is it me again?"

I sat up.

"What makes you think it has anything to do with you?"

"Because contrary to popular belief, I'm not some stupid kid that can't read between the lines. And I know that if a woman showed up on my doorstep looking like my husbands ex wife I'd feel a little threatened by her. Besides, I have eyes, and I see the tension between you two. It only gets worse when I come around."

I exhaled sharply.

"I never thought you were a stupid kid. And Skye's just having a hard time with our friendship. We'll work through it. We've been through worse."

"So I've heard." She replied.

I looked at her. "What have you heard?"

"I don't know... I may have heard that she and your brother, the sexy blonde one, once had a thing."

"How the hell did you hear that!" I sat up straighter. Someone had been running their mouth.

"I overheard them talking about it while you were in New York. I'd been out for a run in the woods and they were arguing about something."

I looked at her.

"What?"

"It was nothing really."

"Then tell me what it was that they were arguing about." I demanded.

She sighed. "She had told him somethings and he got upset. That's all."

"What did she tell him?"

"Edward..."

"What did she say?"

"She said that you were always lying to her, and that since I've shown up it seemed like you were only making love to her to convince yourself that you'd made the right choice."

My heart fell in my stomach. Carlisle was right. She did know.

"He got really made then. He told her that you were playing her for a fool. That you were holding the fact that they'd...serviced...each other over her head to make her feel guilty. He told her that she didn't have to stay with you. And that she should leave."

"Leave? He told her to leave me?" I questioned and she nodded.

"That son of... What did she say then?"

"I left. I didn't hear the rest."

I lay back and closed my eyes. Fucking Jasper. Why was she always confiding in him? Telling him our problems? I shook my head. Because she knew that he would always be there to listen, to condemn me and be on her side. She knew that he would always be there waiting for me to fuck up so he could pick up the pieces. They'd lied to me. It was so obvious that they were still very much in love. And if given the opportunity, my brother would steal my family from right up under me.

"Edward... Edward are you okay?"

I opened my eyes and shrugged.

She leaned forward in her seat and flipped her hair to one side. It fell over her shoulder and covered half her face.

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, I needed to know."

"But I've only made things worse. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

This time she shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just sorry."

"Yeah well don't be. Skye and I would've had to deal with the Jasper thing sooner or later. I never really believed it was over anyway."

It got quiet and all you could hear was the humming of the plane's engines.

"Is it true?" She asked.

"Is what true?" I asked confused.

"What Skye told him. What she said about you not being sure anymore."

"I love my wife."

"I'm sure you think you do, but if you're having doubts that may not be the case any longer."

I took a deep breath and looked out the window.

"Edward..." she touched my hand and I turned to face her, "...that day in the woods, did you wish I was Bella? Did you hope that you'd found her again?" She asked softly and began to chew on her bottom lip.

"I did. I thought she'd come back to me." I confessed as I leaned forward to save her lip from her teeth. "I thought it'd all been a terrible mistake. Like I'd been awakened from a dream I didn't know I was having."

She smiled.

"I'm sure it was unnerving. But I assure you that I'm no dream." She stood and straddled my lap suddenly. "I'm real, and here with you, in the flesh."

I was taken aback by her sudden boldness. It made me uncomfortable and I was getting ready to tell her just that when I made the mistake of looking into her all too familiar chocolate brown eyes. All thoughts of protesting abruptly left me.

"I know you have doubts." She caressed my neck and I felt myself relaxing. "I can see it in your eyes and I want to help."

"Help how?" I murmured.

"By giving you the other option. By showing you how good it could've been. How good it can still be."

She ran her hands softly over the contours of my face and I was lost in her touch and words. Her hands were surprisingly warm and she smelled of freesia and strawberries. She leaned into me. And even though I knew it was coming, I couldn't pull away.

"Let me help you forget. And remember…" she whispered before her lips touched mine.

I closed my eyes and felt myself surrendering to my senses. She looked, felt, smelled and tasted like Bella. And I was a goner the second our lips touched.

I kissed her back and she moaned into my mouth. I felt her hands run through my hair then start to roam my body. Her touch was gentle, but demanding, and it felt right. My body response to it was overwhelming and I growled.

She liked that and her hands moved quickly to the button on my jeans. I moved to grab her hands but she deepened the kiss and I let go, now wanting to feel her hands on me.

"That's it. Stop fighting me. Just let go. Let me love you." She whispered softly as she freed me from my jeans.

Her hand wrapped around me and started pumping. I groaned and lifted my hips to meet her hands.

My phone ringing in the backroom caused me to open my eyes and look at her.

"Let it ring." She said pumping me faster.

"Oh, Bella." I whispered softly as I grabbed her hips and squeezed.

She just smiled and continued to work me in her little hand.

"I want to feel you, Edward. I need you," she said wantonly.

And she did. I could feel her need. Her lust, as if they were something tangible in the air. And I wanted to sate it. Wanted to remember what it felt like to be inside her. To have her body yearn for my touches and coming from the pleasure of it all.

I lifted her skirt and pulled her panties away, ripping them.

She didn't seem to mind. In fact, it seemed to feed the hunger that now seemed to drown both of us.

She looked down at me, in her hand, and her hair fell over her face.

"You are magnificent!" She praised.

I grabbed her ass and pulled her closer to me.

Her hand fell away and I lifted her as she attacked my mouth again. She hovered over me for a moment, her hair falling around our heads. The smell of strawberries surrounded us. Then she was lowering herself onto me.

"Oh my god!" she gasped, falling into me as I entered her.

I ran my hands over her ass and hips, then up her back. She started to ride me slowly and I closed my eyes. She felt good, but different.

I started to move with her, and she swore so I slowed my pace. "Don't stop, Edward! Oh god, please don't stop!" She demanded.

I complied with her request, but realized how foreign my name sounded coming from her lips.

My hands moved up her back and into her hair.

It felt wrong.

The texture was off and it didn't swallow my hands. It didn't coil around fingers and smell of coconuts.

I opened my eyes and looked at the dark haired beauty riding me. I pushed the hair from her face.

It wasn't the face I wanted to see.

My rhythm faltered but she didn't seem to notice. She was screaming and trembling with her release.

But it was all wrong.

Her legs weren't quivering, her body wasn't blushing and she didn't smell of lavender and wildflowers.

I stopped moving and stared at her.

She swept her hair back and opened her eyes. My heart fell in my stomach and my erection withered when the eyes staring back at me were a chocolate brown and not sky blue.

It was at that very moment I realized I wanted blue. That it was all I'd ever want. All I'd ever need. Blue was home for me, blue was my heart, my soul. And brown just wasn't enough. It would never be. Never again. I didn't want to see brown, sated, starry eyes. I wanted to see blue.

I wanted to see that beautiful blush, lazy smile on perfect lips, and deep dimples. I now understood what everyone had been trying to tell me. What I'd already known in my heart. Skye was and would always be the only woman for me. And I had just destroyed us.

"What happened? Did you come?" She asked. Even though she knew I hadn't.

I didn't respond. I couldn't. I just looked at her, my mind racing.

What the hell had I done?

I pushed her off of me roughly and she fell to the floor in surprise.

"Edward? What the hell?"

I stood up and my limp, wet, dick fell to my thigh and swept across my jeans leaving a smudge. Further proof of my infidelity and that it hadn't been a dream at all. I tucked it in my jeans and wiped my hand on my leg.

She looked at me, and something clicked behind her eyes. She stood quickly but I had flit to the bedroom in the back of the jet and shut the door.

She had followed but was too slow.

"Edward, wait!" She banged on the door.

"Go away, Ashley."

I heard her sigh.

"What happened? I thought we were having a good time?"

I didn't answer.

"Edward, what's wrong? What did I do wrong?"

After a moment I shook my head.

"This shouldn't have happened. What the fuck was I thinking? Oh god…" I said softly to myself, but she'd heard me I was sure of it.

"Of course it should've happened. It was…"

"No the fuck it shouldn't have!" I swore. "This was a mistake. A big fucking mistake!" I panicked.

"Mistake? It was no mistake, Edward. You wanted it. You wanted me."

No, not her. Never her. Bella. I had wanted Bella. Or at least I thought I did.

"I… I… I thought you were…"

"Bella?" She asked. "If that's who you want, then that's who I'll be. Just tell me what you want."

I pressed my back against the wall and slid to the floor.

I had wished and wanted so much for her to Bella that I had actually convinced myself that she was. I couldn't believe that I'd been that weak. That stupid. And for what? And to what end? Because now that I'd had what I thought I wanted. I didn't want it anymore.

I didn't want her or Bella. I didn't want the life I thought I'd missed out on, because the life that I had, is all I have ever dreamed of. I have everything that a man, human or not, could possibly want. And I had just thrown it all away.

"I want to turn back time and erase the past hour." I told her.

She was quiet for a change, and I stood to take off my clothes. I needed to be free of her scent. I had only taken my shirt off when she spoke.

"You regret making love to me?"

I cringed at her words. They made me feel ill. But in reality that is what I was doing. "Yes, I do. Are you not listening to me? This was a mistake."

"Because of her? Because of Skye?" She asked.

"Yes, I told you that I love her."

"Do you? Is that why you were so gun hoe on banging your dead ex? Cause you loved Skye so much?" She chuckled. "Give me a fucking break!"

"I was foolish. I thought it was what I wanted. I thought she…you…was what I wanted." I sighed. "You look, act, smell and taste just like her. It's like someone's playing a cruel joke on me. I don't understand how…" I didn't finish. I just started rubbing my temples.

"How what? How we can be so similar yet so different? How it is possible that I smell like strawberry shampoo and freesia? Or how I know that Bella liked to read and that her favorite book was 'Wuthering Heights'? Or how about the fact that she was a klutz, damn near tripping over her own feet and like to chew her lip, and hide behind her hair when she was nervous or thinking?"

I sat up straight. What the hell was going on?

"Reneesme of course." She said with a smile in her voice. "She told me everything I needed to know to become her mother. She talked about Bella all the time. And if you were really paying attention, and really loved your wife, you would have noticed that I was becoming Bella right before your very eyes."

I stood up and opened the door, almost ripping it from it's hinges. She jumped back.

"You wanted me to be her."

I shook my head.

"Yes you did. You accepted it too easily. Even after all the warnings from your family and the fights with Skye, you still only saw what you wanted to see. And that was Bella."

"You tricked me!"

"Did I? I wanted you, and you wanted Bella. So I gave you Bella."

I stepped from the room and she stepped back. I was furious.

"Who the fuck are you?" I asked.

"Me? I'm nobody," she said.

"Well what the fuck do you want? Are you even Ashley Swanson?"

"Yes, unfortunately I am. And I told you what I wanted." She stepped closer to me and tried to touch my chest.

I slapped her hand away.

"Don't even think about!" I warned. "Why me?"

"You mean besides the fact that you're rich, gorgeous, hung like a horse and at the top of the vampire food chain? You're like vamp royalty. And I'm just a fucked up orphan..."

"Scheming her way to the top." I finished for her.

She shrugged.

I felt like an ass. I let this crazy bitch in my home, around my children, my wife. I'd actually felt sorry for her.

"When this plane lands, I want you gone. Do you understand?"

"You can't send me away. The Council still needs…"

"Fuck them! I'll quit. I'm tired of them interfering with my life anyway."

"Well what about my stuff? I left it at the Moreau's…"

I grabbed her arm and gave it a yank.

"Gone, do you hear me! Do not go to my wife's family for anything. Do you understand?" I growled, menace behind my words.

She nodded.

"When you get settled somewhere. I'll send the shit I bought you, to you."

"Edward, I would never tell Skye. I can keep my mouth shut and play my part, you know, if you wanted us bo..."

She was unbelievable.

"Gone, as soon as we land." I stated again. "And if you ever try to contact either of us in anyway, I will hunt you down."

She smiled. "So you're not going to tell her?"

"That is none of your fucking business is it?" I spat. "Sit down and don't move until we land or you'll be getting off before we do." I pointed at the chair.

She smiled the entire way but sat.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0

I went back to the room and shut the door. I finished undressing and stood under the showers spray. How I wished the water could wash away my sins the way it was washing away her scent. But it couldn't and what I had done was unforgivable.

How could I tell Skye? She'd leave me for sure. But how could I not? It was wrong for me to keep this from her. And if she found out later, her leaving me would be the least of my worries.

I knocked my head against the shower wall. I couldn't lose her. I just couldn't.

I stayed in the bedroom the rest of the flight. I just couldn't bear to look at Ashley, to face my demons. Yes, she had deceived me. But she was right. I was all too willing to put the blinders on when it came to her. And everyone saw it but me. Even my own children.

My babies.

How could I face them? What would I tell them when they asked me why I'd made their mother cry? Why daddy had to leave? Or why mommy had left?

How could I ever believe that this was what I wanted? How disillusioned was I, that I could ever believe for a moment that I would want or need anyone but her?

Even Bella.

What I had with Bella was special. But in all honesty, it wasn't even close to what Skye and I now shared. So why was I so damned determined to fuck up my marriage by reliving or reviving the past? A past that was dead and gone and overshadowed with the love and hope of the future.

Had Ashley's words about Skye and Jasper clouded my judgement. Were they even true or a part of her game? I sighed realizing what a fool I'd been. Was I just a fool seduced by the temptation of it all? It is a powerful thing, and men greater than myself have fallen into its clutches. But I was no ordinary man. And I know that the grass isn't greener on the other side. In fact it's usually brown, dry and starving for nourishment and sunlight.

I lay there drowning in the guilt that tore at my heart and conscience. I deserved it. So I let it consumed me.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0

When the plane started to land I remembered that I hadn't called anyone to pick me up and I couldn't find it my heart to really care.

The jet came to a smooth halt and I stood up and grabbed my bag before heading to passenger seating and the exit.

As soon as I opened the door I could feel him. And he was pissed. Of all the fucking people he had to be the one. The door to the jet opened and Jazz stepped in. His fury multiplied tenfold.

He looked at Ashley first.

"You!" He snatched her. "Get your ass out of Louisiana right fuckin' now! If I so much as smell you on the wind, I will kill you."

And he wasn't fucking around. He would.

He grabbed her bag and tossed it and her off the plane.

Then he turned to me.

"I guess Alice saw what…"

Before I could finish he had punched me in the mouth. I stumbled back and hit the chair. I caught myself before I fell.

"I guess I deserved that." I licked the venom that oozed from my busted lip.

He closed in on me and grabbed the front of my shirt.

"Why'd you do it!" He yelled. "What the fuck were you thinking!"

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking."

He hit me again. This time in my jaw. It made my fucking teeth rattle.

"You piece of shit! How could you! This will kill her, Edward!"

"You don't think I know this, Jas...!"

He hit me again.

"God damn it! Quit fucking hitting me!" I yelled. "You can't make me feel any worse than I already do, trust me."

"Well it makes me feel better." He growled. "Why won't you fight back!"

"Cause I don't want to fight with you." I sighed. "And because I deserve every lick."

He sighed and sat in the closest chair.

"You take the fun out of everything you miserable fucking bastard."

"Yeah, well sorry I'm not making beating my ass more entertaining for you when I feel like my world is closing in on me."

"If the guilt you're feeling wasn't draining the shit out of me I might feel sorry for you. "

"Don't. Don't feel sorry for me." I sat down too, feeling exhausted.

We were quiet for a few minutes. Both of us wallowing.

"She's going to leave me." I whispered, but I knew he heard me.

He didn't respond at first.

"So you're going to tell her?"

I nodded.

"She'll find out eventually. I won't be able to hide it for long. And neither will you."

"It's not my place to tell her."

"I know that, but you don't shield your thoughts with her. It's only a matter of time before she picks it from your head or you let it accidentally slip when you get pissed at me."

He looked up at me.

"Edward, I would never do that to you. You're my brother..."

"Am I really?"

"Yes you are."

"Well has my brother and my wife being seeing each other behind my and Alice's back?" I watched at him.

He looked confused. "No, Edward. You know we wouldn't do that."

"Ashley told me she saw you two arguing. You told her to leave me?"

"I never told her to leave you. I told her that she deserved better. And she does, Edward. You've been treating her like shit!"

"And I guess better is you?"

"I never said that."

"Are you in love with my wife?"

He took a deep breath and turned away.

"You already know the answer to that."

"Maybe so, but I want to hear you say it."

He turned toward me.

"Yes, I'm in love with her." He admitted and I stood up quickly. I was ready to hit him now. "But she isn't in love with me." He said softly.

"How do you know that?"

"She told me so. She told me that she was in love with you, and only you. That's it's only ever been you. I never had a chance."

I sat down wanting to smile but couldn't. Even after all the shit I'd put her through she was still in love with and devoted to me.

"Guess that kind of ruins your plan to steal her from me then."

"What the hell are you talking about? You have to know that I would never do that to you. Now I can't help that I feel the way that I do, but even so I would never hurt you like that on purpose. I know that you love her. In your own fucked up way you do. And I know that losing her would kill you. Maybe not literally, but inside you'd be gone. And I'm pretty sure that it would be worse than before. I love you too much to ever see you go through that again. Especially because of something I did. So if you say she's off limits, then she's off lim..."

"She's off limits," I said before he could even finish.

He cracked a smile.

"Forever off limits and I mean it. Because no matter what happens with us I'll always love her, Jazz. She's the mother of my children and if you touch her... I'll hurt you. Badly."

He smiled wider.

"Bout time you learned something."

"Yeah, well I try not to make the same mistakes twice."

"Yeah, but you when you do fuck up, you go for broke."

"Tell me about it." I groaned and ran my hand through my hair.

After a moment I completely broke down."Damn it Jazz, what am I going to do? What am I going to do without her." I swallowed hard trying to hold back the tears that I now knew were totally possible. "I can't lose her. I just can't." I fell forward, placing my face in my hands.

"I don't know, Ed." He shook his head and threw his arm over my shoulder. "Tell her the truth and pray she forgives you?"

"You think that she will? Forgive me I mean."

"If anyone is capable of forgiveness, it's Angel. She never gives up on those she loves. And only god knows why, but the woman loves you more than life itself."

I closed my eyes.

I knew that love. Had felt it. And now I was throwing in her face.

If she forgave me, it would be a miracle. One in which I would be grateful for everyday.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0

AN: Y'all hatin' Eddie right now?