Two

Her bag was packed. Sarek had been away on a diplomatic assignment for the past week. She had had enough time to think, rest and reflect while he was gone. He would be home in less than twenty-four hours…and she would be gone by then.

##

The Week Before

She sat up on the bio bed and the doctor sighed. There was a story here waiting to be told. But would the ambassador's wife tell it? That was the question of the hour. "Amanda, you've got some superior medical services over at the Vulcan embassy, don't you?" asked Dr. Bayne.

He had been her doctor for years before she'd left for Vulcan. He was in his seventies, but thanks to the medical advances of their day he was still in more than excellent health. "Yes, I get free health services at the embassy. And since they're Vulcans they are oh-so-thorough, you're right. But whenever I'm on Earth I like to come back here. It's nice to see a familiar face, you know? I'm sure you understand."

He laughed as he said what she was not saying. "It's the Vulcan doctor's bedside manner!"

"Yes, it leaves a lot to be desired!" she found herself admitting as she laughed out loud for the first time in weeks.

He sat down in his chair as his laughter faded and began to regard her with the most serious of expressions. "Your test results show everything's in proper working order and everything is doing what it should be doing for now. However…" his words trailed off and he only sat there and shrugged after that.

"However?" she asked, wondering what he was getting at.

"Amanda, your stress levels are through the roof. I've never seen this with you before, not like this. Not even when you were carrying that pint-sized hybrid was your system in this much mayhem. No wonder you can't keep anything down these days."

She nodded absently, trying to keep the thoughts from intruding as to why she was under so much stress. "Is that so?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Amanda. I believe you know exactly what's going on in your life that's stressing you out. This is no isolated anxiety disorder."

But she sat there and said nothing.

"Do you at least want to talk about it?" he tried again.

She sighed as she folded her arms and gave up on sitting up straight. "No. Not really," she said as she practically slumped over. For a woman in her early forties she was looking a lot like a teenager as she sat there, an air of uncertainty drifting into her troubled expression. This was usually not allowed. As Sarek's wife she had to look calm, reassuring and unassuming all at once. She was good at that. But right now, that was a little too much work.

He shook his head. "Well I highly recommend you do talk about it. If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. You can talk to a professional psychologist or a counselor. I have someone I could recommend."

She shook her head. "That's all right."

"Even a close friend, just find someone, talk to someone. You need to do this, Amanda. Talk to someone and unload it all. It'll do you a world of good. But you're going to have to do something because anymore of this stress and things in your body will most certainly stop working in the correct way. And then you're going to be in a real world of trouble."

She thought carefully about how she worded her question. "How about if I got away from the source of my stress? What about then? Do you think that would help?"

"Certainly. But a woman your age should know by now, you can't outrun your problems. They come back for you at some point."

She nodded almost sadly. "I know you're right."

"And take some medication, for goodness sakes! You need a tranquilizer or something. Can I at least give you that?"

"I don't know if I want to-"

"Truthfully, are you sleeping? Because your sleep is about to really go bye-bye if you don't get some help."

She admitted to herself, finally, that she really did feel like a mess. "Oh fine. Give me the meds. I'll take them."

He paused before he asked his next question. "Have you been having anxiety attacks?" he asked quietly in a most delicate way.

She found herself shrugging almost stupidly as tears sprang to her eyes. She tried to beat them back by rapid blinking, but it was no use.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," he mumbled as he began writing out a prescription. "When you get this filled, I want you to get as much sleep as you can and relax for a few days. Then I want you to go on vacation."

Her eyes grew happy. "I'll go and visit a friend of mine!"

"Don't take too long to get there," he advised. "The nurse will put your prescription through and we'll have it delivered to the embassy within four hours, all right?"

"That'll be fine," she said with a smile.

##

Since Sarek was gone on his assignment, it was easy to get the sleep and relaxation prescribed to her by her doctor. Her body was so exhausted that at first she couldn't even think about the problems in her life.

Every time she thought of Spock she began to shake and the crying would begin. He was a young man, to be sure. He was out of the home, on his own, taking care of himself. But all she saw was the baby she brought home who was so helpless and unable to do a thing. The small toddler who still smiled with joy at the slightest thing. The small boy who came home in tears because he was taunted for not being 'a real Vulcan'. The small child who beat an older Vulcan child to a pulp in defense of her, his mother. The little man in her life who found her lost family diamond with his school science project sensor. The older he had become, the more serious he became. As was expected of him. But she was always 'Mother'.

Pretty soon taking the pills became an escape. She would think of her son, the tears would start to roll and she would take a pill and cry herself to sleep. After days of sleep, she woke up one morning and realized this was not healthy. The sleep was good, but the wallowing was not. She forced herself not to take a pill and thought that day for the first time in days. And then she knew exactly what it was she wanted to do.

After packing, she left the embassy via the side exit. No one saw her go. But she knew the security cameras would catch her exit. That was fine to her. She had left Sarek notice as to why she was going. She needed to get her head together because this thing with their son was threatening to take her apart from the inside.

##

Sarek returned home from his assignment expecting to see the welcoming face of Amanda. But their room at the embassy was silent when he arrived. He thought perhaps she had gone to attend the new gallery that was opening not far away and had been highly advertised for some weeks before. He remembered her mentioning it to him before he had departed for his assignment.

He moved further into their embassy rooms and found himself frowning. There was evidence here that his mind was presenting and putting together, piece by piece.

Amanda's soft slippers were gone. She always kept a pair at the side of the bed for any nocturnal visits to the kitchens downstairs.

His suspicion hitched up a notch and he hurriedly went to their shared closet and practically wrenched it open. Any harder and he would have taken it off its hinges. He calculated the size of the space that was now unoccupied. A quarter of the clothing she had traveled there with was gone. Wherever she had gone, she was traveling lightly. But she was gone.

A feeling hit him in the chest like the sensation of being kicked, hard. He should have expected this, but he hadn't.

He traveled rapidly to his office there at the embassy and knew if she left him any form of communiqué, it would be there. He opened his office door and there was a PADD on his desk, seemingly waiting for him.

He quickly activated it as a feeling in the pit of his stomach akin to nausea took root. There was a message, waiting for him. The time signature said she had left barely four hours before. The security cameras, he knew, would confirm this. He could still catch her! But first, he had to know exactly what she had to say.

He activated the message:

"I don't have much to say to you," she said, her face halfway defeated. She had been beautiful in her 20s, but in her 40s now she was mature and more than exquisite looking. But he never told her that, he simply trust that she knew this. He watched her exquisite face as it changed to a serious expression that was nothing but sad. "I decided if I can't speak to our son, then I don't want to talk to you either. I'm tired, Sarek, truly tired of all this blatherskite you're throwing at me. I haven't been well and- and I can't take the way things are anymore and I don't appreciate you making me choose this way. I'm just so angry at you about so many things and you never want to talk about them. You act like they don't exist or if it's just so illogical there is no reason for us to discuss them! Well I don't agree. I never have. So now I need to go and get myself together. I'm worn down by all of this and the doctor says if I don't get some stress relief my health is in serious trouble. Just- I'm not a Vulcan and I shouldn't be expected to act like one and that's all. I'm not doing this anymore. Good-bye."

'At a loss for words' more than described his situation. He sat there definitely feeling bereft. She was already gone and to make matters worse she had left no word on where she was going. He remembered what she had said in the message about her health. He frowned as he replayed it. He was only able to survey Amanda's face, but it definitely showed signs of weight loss.

With a flash of ingenuity, he decided to take every clue he had and give chase. He was going to find his wife. He hadn't decided exactly what they would do once they reunited, but it was imperative that he find her immediately. She was his wife and he was unwilling to let her go.

##

Amanda went straight for Earth's space station. Being the ambassador's wife had its benefits, but there was no way she was going to use her status to travel anywhere. The purpose of her trip was supposed to be to get away and think without pressure. And seeing Sarek was going to fill her with nothing but pressure.

She loved him very much, but she loved her son, too, and she didn't think it was right she had to choose between them. She was sitting by herself, an anonymous citizen in regular clothing. Without wearing the robes and the standard of The House of Sarek or the S'chn T'gai guardsmen around her, she blended in with the crowd. She was like anyone else at that point. She leaned back realized she could breathe without worry and for the first time in a long while felt…free. She didn't feel as if she had to act or be a certain way. She didn't have the feeling in her mind that she was going to get pushed to do something she didn't want to do, to never speak to her child again.

Looking out through the wide expansive window at the dark of space, she could see ships moving into and out of the station. Her thoughts flashed back to the day she realized she might be pregnant with Spock and she found herself grinning a little. Confirmation of the pregnancy had been a welcome piece of news to her. And to watch him grow through the years…

Her smile faded as she remembered how every normalcy for human children had to, basically, be smuggled to him by her. Of course, Vulcan ways and customs took precedence. She knew that that was the way it had to be. But she never understood why she had been begrudged the passing on of so much as he grew. She had at least been able to read to him nightly because she had put her foot down about that.

Everything I ever wanted to do for him that was not the Vulcan norm was seen as contamination. And why did it take this to happen for me to realize how angry I was about that?

Her ship wouldn't be ready to leave for another three hours. As she sat there, thinking, she grew angrier and angrier. And she wasn't satisfied with keeping that anger, these issues, to herself. She didn't want to speak to anyone else about her anger, either. She had to acknowledge, it was time she and Sarek had a true dialogue about this, about everything. It was time to get it all out in the open. She couldn't leave, yet. She had to talk to him first. She at least owed him that…and herself.

##

Sarek was about to leave for Earth's space station. He calculated that this was the most likely place his wife would travel. He wished the marital bond was like sonar that would pinpoint her exact location, but it didn't work that way, especially when she was blocking his efforts. He couldn't help but be a little proud at how well Amanda had learned to maneuver things in their bond though she was not a born telepath.

Suddenly, there was something being transmitted via the bond. He wondered how this could be. She was approaching his location at this time? How was that possible?

##

It was dark by the time she landed back in San Francisco. She had to laugh at herself a little. When it came down to it, she had panicked and run. It so wasn't her. That's why she couldn't do it. At least not yet. There were words that needed to be said and answers she felt she deserved to get. It was the baggage of a marriage that had lasted nearly twenty years. And it was all coming to a head.

She hated fighting, hated serious confrontation. The sight of it happening to others made her sick to her stomach. And the immovable wall Sarek often operated behind anytime they had issues made her more willing to simply let things go. But it was time for this, once and for all. It would determine their future. Whether they stayed together or she left for good.

She went back home, suitcase in hand, and was surprised as she walked into the embassy to find Sarek, seemingly, on his way out.

Hmmm… I'm gone how long and he's already on with his life? It stung to think that way and told herself to not jump to conclusions, to see this through.

"Amanda, I- I did not expect to find you so quickly. You were… I did not know you would return home so soon."

"Find me?"

His face betrayed nothing. "I was about to try and ascertain where you might be. My calculations led me to Earth's space station since it seemed most logical for you to leave the planet and journey to-"

She dropped her suitcase where she stood and interrupted, with attitude, "Why?"

He looked around the lobby. Though it was empty, there were still a few personnel in the building. "Perhaps we should retire to our rooms and have our conversation there."

She stood there and thought about that for a couple of seconds. "All right," she relented. She was surprised when she went to pick up her bag, because Sarek crossed the space between them in three strides and took it away from her. She sensed it through the bond. If she wished to leave again, the next time he was going to make it as difficult as possible for her to go.

It was a silent few minutes as they turned, took the left almost winding staircase and ascended to the next floor. They walked down the long hallway and made a couple of turns until they reached the private part of the embassy. Sarek's keycard and retinal scan gave them access. He closed the door behind them and they were in the part of the embassy that was their personal suites. They continued onward past the family common room and into their bedroom suite. The door closed behind them and Amanda found herself comforted by the sight of the room. But this conversation that was about to happen, it was not going to be pleasant, she knew. But things needed to be said. She needed to stop being afraid and start speaking up. Today was that day.

A/N - I decided to get this story out as fast as possible. So I will update again within the next few days. I know where I'm going with it and while inspiration is rolling I decided to jump on the log and roll with it.

Thank you very much for all the reviews, to all the people that have reviewed so far. I really, truly appreciate it. Every time I get a review I write faster, lol! I hope I don't disappoint you all with the next chapter because it might get seriously ugly.