22. Unendurable

Skye

I was lying in bed with the kids watching cartoons when I heard a car pulling up. And although his mind was closed to me, I knew it was Edward. I always knew when he was near. I could feel him in my mind, in my spirit, my entire being.

"Daddy's home." I smiled and JR, EJ and Lisette all jumped up and ran down the stairs.

I laughed and scooped up Stevie before heading down myself. I held him close and waited on the porch with the kids to meet and greet Edward.

As the car made its way up the driveway, I smiled and whispered to Stevie, "Wave to daddy."

He did and so did I.

I watched as the car pulled around the circle and stopped in front of the porch. Jazz, who I didn't even know was in town, smiled at me, but his face was weary.

I smiled back but frowned when he turned toward Edward, turned the radio up and seemed to be in a deep discussion with him.

"Mommy, can we go get daddy?" Lisette asked snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Umm…sure honey, go ahead."

They ran to the passenger side but Edward was still sitting in the car.

"Daddy, are you going to get out?" They laughed.

0~~~~~~~~~~~0

Edward

Once we hit my street I began to panic.

"Jazz…stop the car." I whispered.

He looked at me.

"I…I can't do it. I can't tell her."

He slowed down but didn't stop.

"Edward."

"I can't fucking do it!" I panicked. "I can't lose her…my children."

"You're not going to lose your children. Skye would never keep them from you."

I noticed that he didn't say I wouldn't lose Skye.

"They'll hate me."

"They love you." He assured.

"I can't do it. I won't!" I growled.

"Whatever Edward, I can't make you do anything you don't want to do. But you were right. She will find out eventually, and when she does, it's going to be ten times worse. Any chance you have of her ever forgiving you, you risk losing the longer you keep this from her. It'll kill her if she finds out later that you've been lying to her the entire time. And that feeling, the one that's eating your ass alive right now, will slowly and completely consume you. The road to redemption lies in truth, not more indiscretions."

I hung my head.

"You better be right about this," I said as we pulled into the driveway.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~0

The kids and Skye were waiting on the porch for me as we pulled up and all I could do was stare. Stare at my family. They were picture perfect. I didn't deserve them.

I couldn't move.

"Edward?"

I didn't answer.

He turned the radio up.

"Edward, you have to get out the car. You can't sit here. Skye is already starting to sense that something is up."

I closed my eyes.

"Fuck, I know. I know." I touched the handle but didn't use it.

"You can do this. It may take some time, but she'll forgive you."

I opened my eyes and saw my kids at the car door, smiling and calling for me.

"Do me a favor?" I looked at him.

"Sure."

"Take the kids to Skye's grandparents. I don't want them here when I tell her."

He nodded and looked down.

"Sure."

"Daddy, are you going to get out?" They laughed.

I opened the door and pulled Lisette to me.

"Of course I'm going to get out," I said finally.

I wrapped her in my arms and kissed her before burying my nose in her hair. She smelled like heaven and her scent brought back memories of her birth to me. The things Skye had given up and given me.

"Daddy loves you, princess. So much."

Please don't hate me. I thought.

"I know that, daddy." She squeezed me.

I looked at my twins who were the spitting images of me as a young boy, and hugged them too. "I love you both. Promise me you'll always remember that."

They looked at each other then back to me.

"Okay dad, we promise." They looked confused.

"I want you to go with Uncle Jazz. He's going to take you to Grandpere's."

Just then Skye came around the car with Stevie in her arms.

"You're sending the kids to Baton Rouge?" She asked.

I took a deep breath and turned to face her. She looked so beautiful in her pajama pants and cami. Her hair was loose and wildly hanging around her face and back. I couldn't imagine never being able to bury my face in it again. I wouldn't survive without her. I wouldn't.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0

Skye

"Edward?"

"Yes, I want them to go to your Dad's tonight," he said reaching for Stevie and looking down.

I watched him. Something was wrong.

I handed Stevie off to him and watched as he kissed and hugged him.

"What's going on?" I asked.

He didn't say anything. He just walked to the Hummer and took Stevie's car seat out. Then he placed it in Jazz's rental and sat Stevie in it. He buckled him in and told the others to do the same.

"Tell your mother bye." He instructed.

"Bye mama!" They said in unison.

I stopped staring at Edward and looked in the car.

"Bye; mama will call you later, okay?"

They nodded.

"I'll call you later," Edward said to Jazz and shut the door.

He nodded and started the car. I waved as they drove down the driveway toward the road.

When the car was no longer visible I turned to Eddie.

"Why did you just send the kids off without warning? Without any clean clothing?"

He looked up at me but didn't speak. He just kind of studied my face. Then he said, "Let's go inside."

"Edward, you're scaring me." I tried to look into his eyes but he diverted them.

"Please." He extended a hand to lead me back toward the house.

I let him.

Once inside he shut and locked the door. I smiled to myself before turning to face him. He never locked the door unless he wanted it to serve as a warning not to interrupt. Locks could really stop anyone we knew from entering. I felt relieved knowing I'd been wrong. No kids and no interruptions. It was going to be a long and eventful night.

He walked up to me and took me in his arms.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~~0

Edward

"You're so beautiful," I whispered taking in her smile and she blushed.

She pressed her body into mine and her lips curled into a bigger smile that I knew I was about to destroy.

"Thank you," she said softly while watching my lips.

I could feel the heat coming off her body now, the pace of her heart quickening. The pheromones coming from her were aromatic and dizzying, her body was begging to be loved.

"I've missed you..." she said placing her head against my chest, "…so much. And I wanted to apologize for the fight we had before you…"

"Shhh…" I ran my hand over her wild locks. "Don't…"

"But I…" she'd started again.

"Skye, please, don't apologize. In the heat of the moment, we all can do and say things we don't mean or wish we could take back."

God, that was never truer than now.

"I know, but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for not trusting you." She sighed and I felt more like shit by the minute. "It's just… I've never even had to deal with the thought of you paying anyone any attention other than me. I've always been the center of your universe."

"And you still are, Angelique." I told her.

She exhaled roughly and with relief.

"I was just so worried that I was going to lose you. I should've trusted in us and in you. I'm sorry, Edward."

She laughed a little. "I use to give you so much shit about your green eyed monster. Who knew I had the same affliction. I feel like quite the hypocrite."

"Hey, you will never lose me." I lifted her chin. "I will always be here. Always. For as long as you will have me. Even when you won't."

"You promise?" She smiled.

"Yes, I promise. I will never give up on us."

Never. I thought.

"Good, because I refuse to let anyone or anything come between us. I love you, and I'm willing to fight for that love, for us, and for you. So I'll try a little harder to understand, but she will learn her place even if I have to beat it into her."

My wildflower, was back. I could see it in her eyes, but that was going to make this so much harder.

I closed my eyes and wished for strength and hoped that she meant everything she'd just said and could forgive me.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that, or her any longer," I said slowly.

She pulled away to look up at me, shock registering on her face.

"Oh my god! Is she? I mean, god, I didn't like her, but I don't wish her dead. She was just a stupid kid."

I pulled her to me.

"Skye… she isn't dead."

I opened my eyes but still couldn't manage to look in hers. If I did, she would see through me and I would have lost my nerve.

"She's not dead?"

I shook my head.

"Then why don't I have to worry about her any longer?"

I took a deep breath.

"Because… I sent her away."

She pulled back further and a confused look crossed her face. She said nothing for a few seconds. She was waiting on me to elaborate. When I didn't she spoke.

"What do you mean you sent her away? Where is she, Edward?"

"I don't know and I don't care."

She stepped away from me.

"You don't know and you don't care? Since when do you not care what happens to her?" She asked and I felt my heart sink. I felt like such a fool.

I cleared the frog in my throat. "Since today."

Her face changed again. Worry and suspicion wrinkled her forehead and slanted her eyes.

"What's going on? What happened in Mongolia?"

"Come and sit down…"

"I'll stand thank you." She put distance between us and waited for me to start talking. "Well?"

"Mongolia didn't go as smoothly as we planned. We didn't get all the info we thought we would. Lives were lost, but we managed to save some human prisoners, find a hard drive, captured one of the guards and confirmed that there is only one more facility."

"That doesn't sound like a complete bust, Edward. I know you guys were hoping for more, but its way more than you got with the other place."

"Yes, it was."

"So I'm confused. Why did the Council let Ashley go if there's one more facility?"

I sighed.

"They didn't. I did."

"Why?"

I turned away from her.

"Because I found out some disturbing things about her."

She sucked in a breath.

"Like what?"

"Like she wasn't who she seemed to be."

"What do you mean? She isn't Ashley Swanson?"

"No, she's Ashley Swanson, but no matter how much she wanted to be, and pretended to be, she wasn't Bella."

Skye walked around me and stood in front of me.

"What do you mean pretended to be?"

I looked up at her.

"You were right." I sighed. "She was using me."

Her features softened and she wrapped her arms around me. "Edward…"

I shook my head cutting her off.

"She played me, and I let her."

"What happened?" she asked softly.

"On the flight back I found out that she had been using Nessie to gather information about Bella so she could…pretend to be…act more like...become her."

"Because of you," she said. "She wanted you."

I nodded. "Yes."

She didn't say I told you so. Instead she gave me a squeeze and asked, "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay. I feel foolish and I'm so sorry for what I put you through."

She put her finger to my lips.

"It's okay. You know now, and you're home where you belong. You figured her out before she could do any real damage to us, or our family."

She stretched to kiss me but I didn't bend to meet her lips and she looked at me worried. I shook my head and tried to explain.

"I…I don't deserve you. I never did."

"Don't be foolish, Edward. Of course you…"

"I don't!" I moved from her grasp and confusion and hurt marred her beautiful face. "Don't you see? I didn't figure her out. She told me. I was totally blindsided. I was blinded by her lies, her ruse, and my own foolish wishes. I was blinded by hopes of the past and I lied to you. I lied when I said I didn't want her to be Bella. I did. I wanted so badly for her to be back. I wanted it so bad that I ignored all the warning signs. Bad enough that I let a stranger infiltrate my family, and bad enough that I lied to you and myself."

Part of the truth was out and I was slowly talking myself out of revealing the rest.

She looked down this time. When she raised her head her face was wet with tears.

"I don't understand. If you wanted Bella and she was willing to be Bella for you, why'd you come back?" She cried. "Was it because she told you of her deceit?" She started to walk away from me and I grabbed her arm.

"No, Skye, I came back because she wasn't you." I pulled her to me and caressed her flushed cheek. "I realized that it wasn't Ashley, Bella, or the memory of her that I loved. It's you. I love, and want you…only you."

"And what caused you to come to this epiphany when no one could convince you otherwise before she confessed." She narrowed her eyes and looked into mine as if something had just occurred to her.

"Wait a minute. Why'd she do it?" She asked.

"Do what?"

"Why did she confess?" She asked hotly. "She had you right where she wanted you. Why tell you the truth and risk losing you? And don't tell me it was because she cared. She's not that virtuous."

I exhaled slowly.

"No, virtuous she is not. But neither am I…" I met her tear filled eyes knowing I was about to break her, break us. All I could do was hope for forgiveness.

"She confessed it to me in a fit of anger after I'd hurt her."

"And just how did you do that?"

"I told her that I was in love with you. That you were the only woman I'd ever love and that what we had done was a mistake and I wished I could take it back." I took a deep breath and held it.

Her breathing stopped and her head tilted slightly to the side. Her eyes batted like her brain didn't comprehend what I'd said.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0

Skye

I couldn't have heard him right.

Calm down, calm down, I chanted in my head. Don't jump to conclusions. He wouldn't. He couldn't.

Not Edward.

The tears stopped and I let out the breath I'd been holding.

"What did you say?" I was finally able to ask.

"Angelique."

"What did you say?" I asked again, rougher this time.

"I made a mistake. I was stupid and weak, and I'm so fucking sorry." He defended and tried to explain.

I felt my head spinning.

No…

"What did you do?" I whispered.

"Angel..."

"Say it!" I yelled at him.

"I can't." He whispered and fell to the sofa.

I felt my legs getting weak. This couldn't be happening.

"Did you sleep with her?" I managed ask, and although it was barely audible, I knew he'd heard me.

I waited for what seemed like hours but in reality was only seconds.

He didn't answer with words. He just fisted his hair, and nodded ever so slightly.

I felt sick and I couldn't seem to breathe. My hands were trembling and a strange numbness spread throughout me. I wanted to yell, scream and cry but I couldn't find my voice.

I needed to get out of the house and away from him before I lost all control.

I willed my legs, which felt like jelly, to move. They must have complied because I felt myself moving and watched as my body seemed to get closer to the door.

0~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~0

Edward

When the silence became deafening I dared to look up. She was just standing there in a daze, trembling. I didn't know what to do. She wasn't crying or yelling and it scared me. I expected drama, fighting, cursing, and chastisement. I wasn't prepared for this…silence, and I was afraid of what it meant.

"Skye…" I called softly.

She didn't look at me or move. I don't even think she heard me.

She turned and started to walk out of the room. I stood and tried to follow her but when I got within three feet I was blown back.

I recovered quickly and called her name again, and again got no response. I watched as she walked toward the door. Things were moving out of her way, making a path. She was projecting and her mind was completely shut down.

As she passed the table in the foyer her keys flew to her hand, and when she got near the door, it blew off the hinges and into the front yard.

I ran to the opening and watched as she mounted her Harley. I tried calling her but still got no response.

"Skye, please don't leave." I begged.

It was as if she didn't hear me. If she did, she gave no indication that she did. No change in body language, temperature or function. Then a dreadful feeling came over me. What if she didn't hear or see me because I no longer existed to her? What if she'd shut me out completely?

I watched as she rode down the long driveway to the main street with hair wild, in pajama pants, a cami and no shoes.

I slumped in the doorway and slid to the floor.

What had I done?

0~~~~~~~~~~~~0

AN: Questions? Comments? Reviews?