Thanks to all the amazing feedback, I finished this chapter quicker than expected, so cheers to everyone who was nice enough to review :)
xxxiii. An hour before Finn's family event, Rachel found herself back in the same Starbucks as before, though she was a hell of a lot more nervous than the first time. Despite being prepared for his dashing good looks, she felt like a mess just thinking about his face.
Professional, always so professional.
She played with the ends of her hair, which had been painstakingly styled and curled by Santana (the girl had insisted on shaving the majority off because extensions were 'so much easier to deal with', but she'd persevered, and it remained 100% her own), before she let it hang loosely on her bare shoulders.
The circumstances were unusual, but according to her friend, not unheard of. Rather than meeting at the venue, Finn had requested that they go for a coffee first. His vague text had simply said 'to talk about stuff', and whatever that stuff was, Rachel was ready to hear it.
Five minutes passed with no sign of him.
Ten minutes; she sucked in a breath and tried to have faith.
Fifteen.
She stood up, shaking her head in disappointment, only to walk straight into a very firm, toned body.
"Woah, sorry, didn't see you there."
Rachel blinked, offered him a not-so-genuine smile, and seated herself down as she avoided his gaze. "You're late."
"I know, I'm super sorry about that, there was an emergency at the station and I had to help out."
Despite a firm vow to play it cool, Rachel looked up at him, awe in her expression. "So you really are a fireman? Did you save someone's life?"
Finn chuckled (the sound alone made her heart flip flop around in her chest) whilst rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I am, and I guess so. I was the only one with long enough arms to get the cat out of the tree."
Oh God, so he was even good with animals!
Handsome jerk.
"That's very admirable of you." Rachel licked her lips and folded her hands in her lap, wishing she could control the heat in her cheeks. "What's going on, Finn? What were the phone calls, the texts, the way you ran off at the awards ceremony?"
The goofy smile that had played on his lips transformed into a grimace, which made Rachel wonder if she'd said the wrong thing. Either way, she still needed to know, so he'd have to just grit his teeth and deal with it.
"I..." He sighed, tugging on his hair as he looked anywhere but at her face. "Maybe we should talk about this later, we need to get going if we're gonna make it on time."
"The restaurant is around the corner," she snipped. "You can tell me now, otherwise you can attend on your own."
He gulped loud enough for her to hear. "I'm... I was just... Shy."
That she had trouble believing. Handsome fire fighters didn't need to be shy, not when they saved lives and dazzled girls with their dimpled smiles.
"Uh huh, shy, that's exactly how you acted the first time we met," she deadpanned. Finn just looked glumly at the table.
"I caught myself off guard that time. I was so nervous, but then you were like, really nice, and it was natural, it felt right."
She shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "And what changed?"
"I remembered I was paying for your company, and I felt even more like a failure." He stood up, his body literally shaking with anger, and made to walk away.
Only, Rachel had immensely accurate reflexes, and her fingers closed around his wrist before he had the chance. "Sit down, please."
He hesitated. If he wanted to, he would have had no problem slapping her hand away to run off and leave her, but there was a flash of something across his face, something like determination, and he sat back down in his seat.
A fun fact; his legs were incredibly long, and every now and again, they bumped against Rachel's. The inexplicable goose bumps whenever that happened? Nothing to do with Finn, not at all.
"Just... Just forget that this is a service," she started, despite how down and out he looked. "If I can be honest, I've..." She sighed with a shrug; honesty was the best policy, apparently. "I've been hoping that you'd want to see me again, though I didn't expect you to take this long."
His cheeks reddening, he pressed his tongue against the inside of his mouth (if Rachel wanted to press her finger on his cheek to feel it, it was probably just a subconscious thing). "You're a bit full of yourself, aren't you? What makes you think I wanted to see you again?"
Her smile fell at the same time that his did. She felt a tightness in her chest that could only be disappointment, and suddenly, the prospect of being in his presence didn't seem so appealing.
She was such a foolish little girl!
This time it was Rachel's turn to stand, but just as before, Finn grabbed her before she could escape. Yes, she may have shuddered when he took her hand and laced his fingers with hers, and yes, she may have found herself blushing at the way he stared, as if he liked what he saw, but none of that mattered.
"I was joking, I promise." He worried his lip until she reclaimed her seat, but he didn't let go of her hand.
She wasn't complaining, not really.
"Hilarious," she huffed, blinking frantically to quell the familiar feeling of tears behind her lids. "Simply hilarious."
He grimaced. "Nerves. I just didn't think that... You really wanted to see me again? That wasn't just something you say to all your, uh, fancy men?"
Her frown cracked, for a moment. "They're called clients, and no, I don't."
"Wow."
"What?"
Grinning, he shrugged, squeezing her hand. "I just can't see what a girl like you would want to do with me, you know, apart from the fact that I'm paying your wages."
"I have a thing for men in uniform," she whispered, and he winked, as if he was in on her secret seducing plan.
"I don't blame you, I have a pretty awesome ass."
And then everything was sunshine and rainbows.
"Shall we go and face the wrath of my family?"
xxxiv. The restaurant they would be dining at was roughly fifteen minutes away (that is, if Rachel power walked, since she had to take more steps than the average New Yorker due to her height), but with her arm tucked in Finn's, she estimated it would take at least half an hour, because come on, she needed time to pick up her heart from the sidewalk.
For one thing, she couldn't focus on anything but his eyes. Brown was apparently a common colour, but Finn's were... They were light, warm, kind, and whenever he laughed, they crinkled, and his eyelashes brushed effortlessly over his cheeks.
Jackass.
It didn't help that his smile was infectious and his laugh just as bad. Whenever he spoke, she tried to come up with some intelligent answer, but speech was rendered useless by the crooked slope of his goddamn lips.
She couldn't even bear to think about his cute little butt.
"I'm surprised you haven't asked me about where we're going yet," he started, interrupting her less than delicate thoughts (it wasn't her fault that she was imagining eating ice cream off his backside, okay?).
"Oh, I've been before with a friend of mine."
There was that laugh again, and Rachel found herself laughing along, despite having no clue what was so funny. "No, I mean, why I want you to come."
Rolling her eyes, she tutted to herself. "Of course, how silly of me. All I know is that it's a family dinner." She looked up at him, waiting for some terrible revelation (judging by how awkward and embarrassed Finn suddenly looked).
He licked his lips, looked up at the smoggy sky, then back down at her. "It's my baby brother's secret engagement announcement." When Rachel raised an eyebrow, he tilted his head from side to side. "Kurt, my brother, he thinks that none of us know that his boyfriend proposed to him, but since Blaine asked my step-dad for permission, we kinda already do, except we're gonna play along for his sake."
"You have a gay step-brother?"
He chuckled, making the tips of her ears burn. "So you understood that?"
"I think so. Your brother is engaged to a man but as far as we know, we have no idea. Gotcha." At that, she tapped her nose in a conspiring manner, causing Finn to flash her a dumb, incredibly stupid and not at all ridiculously heart-warming grin.
"Right."
"Can I ask you something?"
Sidestepping an old couple who were walking arm in arm in front of them, Finn shrugged. "Go for it."
"Why did you want me to come with you? If you don't mind me asking."
"Nah, it's fine. I uh... Well, I kind of wanted to show my parents, and Kurt, that I'm not as emotionally damaged as they think I am."
Patting his hand, Rachel nodded sympathetically. "The fake girlfriend scenario, I understand. How long have we been dating for?"
"Um... What?"
Operation 'fake girlfriend' was a cinch, and Rachel considered herself a pro. It was all about acting, which she happened to be rather good at. With a few details from her client, she was able to play the part of loved-up significant other (which is where the occasional kisses came from, though always always always on the cheek). All she needed was a background story to go on.
How long had they been dating? Could they be considered 'serious?' How did the two of them meet? Were they in love?
Whatever the situation, Rachel always nailed it, and she didn't plan on breaking her record.
Besides, pretending to be the girlfriend of someone like Finn... She'd definitely been through worse.
"If your mom asks, which I'm sure she will, she'll want to know how long you've been keeping me a secret. While we're at it, how did we first meet? I think we should stick with Starbucks, since it's rather believable, and though I'm all for fairytales, they don't happen very often."
Clearing his throat, Finn tightened his grip on her arm as they passed a group of teenage boys, who were talking amongst themselves.
"Two months sound good?"
"That's fine, and it gives us a lot of room to work with if she asks any intimate questions." Trying her best to stay professional, she attempted nonchalance, but that had always been her weakest ability. "Are we, ah... sexually intimate?"
"We can be sexually intimate if you're offering," came a voice from behind, and the two of them turned to face one of the hooded boys, who was all but leering in Rachel's direction. "Whaddya say?"
At the end of the day, she was used to it. New York was a haven in some respects and a nightmare in others, and while she was in love with the buildings and the memories and the opportunities, Rachel wasn't as keen on some of the residents. She'd gotten better at dealing with unwanted advances during her time spent there, so puffing out her chest, she took a step forward, only to be shielded by Finn.
"Keep moving, kid, you don't wanna make a scene."
The boy scoffed while some of his friends laughed at Finn's expense. "Who are you, her dad? Fuck off old man, I'm hitting on your tight-assed little daughter, not you."
Everything happened in slow motion, like some kind of bad reality TV show. Finn pounced, literally pounced at the boy who was staring at her boobs, and before she could do anything, he had the stranger up against the wall of a building as he twisted his arm. The boy screamed in pain while his friends disappeared in fright, and she had to press a hand to Finn's back to stop him from hurting the kid too much.
"You, asshole, need to learn how to respect women, especially ones who are way out of your league." His voice was gravelly and furious, and God, okay, she was completely turned on by the very sound.
"Okay, okay, get the fuck off me!"
"Not until you apologise for personifying her."
She may or may not have giggled at his error.
Crying out again, the boy nodded furiously. "I'm sorry!"
"Again."
"I'm sorry!"
Letting him go, the boy stumbled away with a curse as he nursed his arm. He opened his mouth, as if to say something else, but thinking better of it, he instead spat in their direction before charging off after his friends.
"Little punk." His eyes worried, his brow wrinkled, Finn placed a hand under Rachel's chin, their faces so close that she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin. "You okay?"
"I've dealt with much worse than that delinquent, but yes, I am. Thank you, Finn."
He offered her his arm with only five minutes to go until they arrived at their destination, and she practically choked on thin air when he leaned down to whisper "Sexual intimacy sounds good" in her ear.
See?
Jackass.
xxxv. "We're here with a party of six, under Hudson-Hummel?"
Rachel swayed from side to side as Finn spoke to the maître d. She was used to it, of course she was, which didn't explain the butterflies in her stomach. It was probably something to do with the teeny tiny crush that she had on Finn, but above all else she was professional; everything was going to be fine.
He led her to the table (keeping a hand on the small of her back, on the bow that held her dress together), and nudged her gently when she was too busy staring at him to notice that she was about to walk straight into his mother.
"Finn!"
The small woman launched herself into her son's arms while Finn chuckled and kissed her head with a shy "Hi mom," leaving Rachel to simply stand beside him and watch with slight jealousy. She'd never had a mom, not really, and it never seemed to get easier, no matter how many birthdays passed.
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your pretty little friend?"
Rachel blushed and turned her head, only to have Finn tilt it back towards them with the tip of his finger.
"Mom, Burt, this is Rachel, my girlfriend."
Only then did she notice the bald headed man sitting at their table, and she offered them both one of her show stopping smiles.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr and Mrs Hudson-Hummel, especially when I've heard so much about you."
Mrs... Finn (why hadn't she asked him what her name was? That was a rookie mistake) rubbed her arm as her eyes glazed over. "Sweetie, call me Carole." Carole, right, she could remember that. "I'm so glad to hear that Finn is dating again, and you're more than welcome tonight. He usually gets so bored when Kurt and Blaine get talking about scarves and bowties, so at least he'll have you to distract him."
Rachel giggled at the same time that Burt chuckled under his breath, leaving Finn to shake his head in embarrassment. "I just don't understand how there can be so many types of tie."
"And you still have so much to learn."
All eyes were on the two men that joined them, and Rachel watched with a fond smile as Finn engulfed one of them in his arms. He roughed up his coiffed hair, which earned him a playful slap on the shoulder, and before she knew it, someone pulled her into a hug which sucked the air out of her lungs.
"Who's that girl that Blaine's squeezing to death?"
"Finn's mysterious girlfriend, obviously," said Blaine with a tut, and once he'd let go of Rachel, he held out his hand. "Blaine Anderson, and it's so very nice to meet you."
"Rachel Berry." She smiled and shook it in her own, well aware that everyone was watching. Finn kept giving her this look, a look which she was having trouble deciphering, but she persevered nonetheless.
"Rach, this is my annoying baby brother, Kurt."
Kurt snorted. "I resent that, but regardless, I'm sure it's a pleasure to meet you."
Everyone took their seats, and naturally, Rachel was placed beside Finn, who instantly rested a hand on her knee as he smiled over at his mom. She doubted it was for Carole's benefit (since there was no way for her to see), and while she was supposed to stop him so he wouldn't get any ideas, come on, he was gorgeous! She hadn't any real action in too long, so who was she to deny some innocent flirting?
Yes, there was maybe the possibility that he'd take advantage of her, but a fireman who saved cats from trees? She was going to take her chances.
Once everyone had ordered their drinks (Rachel decided to stick with orange juice, and she beamed at Finn when he did the same), there was a lot of small talk until Kurt cleared his throat and directed his attention towards her.
"So, Rachel, what do you do?" he asked as he took a bread roll from the basket on the table. He began to pick at it like a crow pulling meat from a fresh carcass, and for a moment, she was too engrossed in such a horrible metaphor that she almost forgot to reply; she had a feeling she was going to be that carcass.
Shudder.
"I'm currently between jobs," she admitted with a sigh. "I'm a NYADA graduate looking for my big break on Broadway, and-"
"Broadway?" Kurt stared at her, jaw slack and eyes wide, and Rachel blushed at the attention (it had nothing to do with the fact that Finn kept running a thumb over her knee).
"Yes, I'm a big fan."
Carole clapped her hands together while her step-son's gaze remained transfixed. "It's one of Kurt's biggest loves."
"Along with Blaine and customising other people's wardrobes," chuckled Burt, and Rachel bit her lip with a smile.
"I'm sure we'll be best friends in no time."
Slamming his glass of white wine onto the table, the drink spilling over the edges with a slosh, Kurt leaned forward and gave her one of the most intense stares she'd ever been witness to. "Favourite musical?" His upper lip quivered as he quirked an eyebrow, and despite Blaine's lack of subtly when he whispered "Play nice!", he didn't look away.
"Funny Girl, without a doubt." She waited nervously to find out if she'd just lost her new friend, only to have Kurt cheer in surprise.
"Marry this girl, Finn, otherwise I will."
Blaine cleared his throat and began to fiddle with his bowtie while Rachel felt the tips of her ears burn at Kurt's words. Everyone knew what was coming before Blaine licked his lips and stood up, but they played a lot all the same. "Speaking of marriage... Kurt and I are engaged!"
To their credit, Rachel had definitely seen worse acting during her time at NYADA (read; Sugar Motta). Carole was a little too shrill and Burt's face a little too red, but Finn was very convincing. He looked between his brother and Blaine with a blank smile before he let out a happy laugh and shook both of their hands.
"Congrats, I'm so happy for you." Narrowing his eyes, he pointed at his brother's fiancé with his best intimidating glare. "I'm warning you now, Anderson, if you break Kurt's heart, I'll break your legs."
An awkward silence followed. Blaine gulped and looked down at his coke while Kurt gawped like a fish out of water. Burt and Carole both gave each other a worried half smile, and it wasn't until Rachel burst into laughter that the rest of them followed suit.
"You couldn't hurt a fly," she cooed, leaning into his side as she nuzzled his cheek with her nose, and sure, yes, while she was doing it for appearance's sake, it felt... real.
The sparkle in Finn's eyes even looked real.
"Alright, enough with the stomach churning PDA, I want to order soon." Kurt ummed and aahed over the menu while Blaine made quiet suggestions (each of which were shot down), and while Carole chastised Burt for even considering a greasy burger, Rachel and Finn were given the chance to talk amongst themselves.
"You feeling out of your comfort zone yet?" he asked softly. She opened her mouth to reply, but when he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, she found herself speechless. She instead just shook her head and offered him a bright smile, which didn't go unnoticed by his mother.
"You two are so adorable," sighed the older woman, and Rachel's cheeks burned with the compliment. She enjoyed the fake girlfriend bit, simply because she got to experience another family, if only for a little while. She loved her fathers, of course she did, but she still missed a female influence and was more than happy to indulge herself when the occasion called for it.
Burt took a sip from his sparkling cider. "How did you meet?"
"It's not a particularly romantic story, I'm afraid." She grinned up at Finn, who shrugged with his own smile.
"Yeah, but the outcome was pretty awesome, so does it matter that we met at Starbucks?"
"A Starbucks, really?" Kurt's voice was suddenly dry and unforgiving, and Finn squeezed her knee in response. "That's strange, because you don't even like coffee."
"I was walking by and I saw a beautiful girl sitting by herself; can you blame me for giving it a go?"
Rachel sucked in a tiny gasp as his mom made awwing sounds.
He thought she was beautiful?
No, of course he didn't. They were doing their best to pretend to be attracted to one another, and as his (fake) girlfriend, something would be amiss if he didn't find her pretty.
He hadn't called her pretty though, he'd called her beautiful.
"How did you and Blaine meet?" she finally asked, and Kurt rolled his eyes as Blaine's face lit up.
"At the Gap! You see-"
The story lasted a little too long for Rachel's tastes, but she did her best to appear interested (despite Finn yawning loudly beside her). Blaine blabbered on and on about some jean jacket that he'd had his heart set on, only for Kurt to snatch it out of his hand and tell him that he couldn't commit such a fashion travesty.
"Did you work there?" she asked, a crinkle between her eyebrows.
"No, but I could not watch such a handsome boy buy something so ridiculous."
The table shared a laugh, and as they took it in turns to order their meals, Rachel found herself studying the couples in front of her.
Burt and Carole were a classic, wonderful example of being happily married. They weren't overly affectionate (they were in a restaurant with their children, after all), but the smiles they shared said everything. They were comfortable, at home with one another, and there was no doubt that they were in love. They reminded Rachel of her daddies, and for a second, she was struck with a homesick pang.
Kurt and Blaine, on the other hand, were something else, something that she couldn't put her finger on. They looked happy, sure, but every now and again, there was a distance between them, no matter how close they were sitting. Blaine seemed to switch off when Kurt talked about his job, and Kurt returned the favour when Blaine brought attention to his old high school glee club.
But heck, what did she know? They were probably just being reserved because there was a stranger at their table.
Then there was Finn. Whenever she caught him staring, she was reminded of his step dad and the way that he looked at Carole. It was as if she'd hung the moon, as if she was the most precious thing on Earth...
Let's just say that Finn was a very good actor.
Their food came and went, and with fully stomachs, everyone seemed to chill out and relax. The conversation died down to one word answers, and when Kurt announced that he had an early start the next day, they decided to call it a night.
"Don't be a stranger, sweetie," said Carole as she kissed Finn's cheek. He quickly wiped at his face with a playful pout, and she smacked his arm with a laugh. "And you, Rachel... Thank you."
She blanched and looked quickly at Finn, who was too busy talking to Kurt to realise anything was wrong. "I'm sorry, but what are you thanking me for?"
"For giving Finn his heart back. I haven't seen him so happy in a long time, so thank you, honey." She wrapped Rachel in one of the nicest, tightest hugs she'd ever experienced, and she savoured it for as long as possible, that security, that warmth, that perfume that smelt of love and happiness and mom. "We can't wait to see you again."
Her stomach dipped; she hated being a disappointment.
xxxvi. Strictly speaking, it wasn't allowed.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. Texting was permitted, so long as it was precise, to the point, and had relevance to any upcoming meetings. Fancy dinners in restaurants were charged by the hour; texts were free.
Therefore, if Sue knew that Rachel had been texting back and forth with Finn until the early hours of the morning, she probably would have had a heart attack (and rumour was that the woman had endured three in the last year).
i can't believe it's nearly 6am... i've gotta feeling that my phone bill is gonna be killer. i'd talk to you all day if i could but i gotta go into the station in a few hours. thanks rach, for everything. you were an awesome fake girlfriend.
That's what I do best! Though actually, singing is what I do best. You're very welcome Finn; I had a lovely time. Stay safe!
will you sing for me sometime?
You mean you want to see me again?
duh.
I guess I should start charging double ;)
you're worth it. goodnight x
Goodnight Finn, sweet dreams xxxx
xxxvii. He only requested her services a couple of times after that.
In which they went to see an overly cheesy romantic comedy.
In which they went to the zoo to see the adorable baby lions.
In which they spent a lot of time at Starbucks just... talking.
It was nice.
Way too nice.
She was pretty sure her heart was starting to beat to the rhythm of Finn Finn Finn Finn.
Shit shit shit shit.
xxxviii. It was an uncharacteristically warm night when she received a new page alerting her of a date with Finn. She was to meet him in Central Park by Bow Bridge, and all she needed to bring was her appetite.
She was nervous, as always, but with Finn it was a good kind of nervous, the one that she used to feel before an audition or performance. It set her soul on fire, that anticipation, that recognition...
It was a shame she didn't feel it more often.
As she hummed to herself whilst picking out an outfit (she eventually went with a simple blue dress and white shawl), Rachel was hit with inspiration.
Of course, why hadn't she thought of it sooner? She could perform for Finn! Granted, it wouldn't be the same as singing on stage to a standing ovation, but honestly, she'd take any kind of appreciation at this point.
(She'd once performed for her super, though he hadn't given her quite the response she'd anticipated; it probably had something to do with the fact that he'd been trying to fix her broken toilet at the time).
Her biggest issue was what; what would catch Finn's attention? She tried not to dwell on the voice in the back of her mind that said 'a low cut top' because he was just a boy, and that kind of behaviour was to be expected. It wasn't such a terrible thing if he checked her out now and again, since it wasn't as if he objectified her, or ever tried to push his luck and steal a kiss (or a handful of butt).
She bit her lip as she mentally searched through her Broadway repertoire, but the more she thought about it, the sillier it seemed. Kurt would be more likely to enjoy such a thing, and since Finn had openly admitted that he'd never seen a show before, he'd probably left confused.
Oh how she wanted to take him to see his first show! Unfortunately, it wasn't for the escort to decide on what they did because Finn was paying for her company, and she couldn't very well demand that he take her somewhere he didn't want to go.
Deciding just to wing it when she got there, she hailed a cab and pulled her shawl around her, despite how warm she was. It probably had something to do with the weather.
And the fact that she was meeting up with a certain someone.
xxxix. Taking slow steps through Central Park, Rachel allowed herself to enjoy the serenity of the location. Ever since moving to New York, she'd never really given herself the opportunity to simply take a day off and appreciate the city. With school and auditions and work, she'd neglected herself, and she made a mental reminder to change that when she could.
Picking up the pace a little when a homeless man started making chicken noises at her, she let out the smallest of sighs when she saw Finn standing on the bridge, gazing over at the water; he wouldn't let her get killed by a crazy person.
She waited for one of her favourite parts of their 'dates'; when he saw her. Call her presumptuous and narcissistic (she'd certainly heard it all before), but she knew that Finn found her attractive by the way that he looked at her. His eyes would widen and his lips would pull into a goofy smile, and every single time, he'd try not to stare at her breasts.
He'd always fail, too.
It didn't matter though. For one thing, it was against the rules, etc etc etc, and for another, friends were allowed to find their friends attractive. Take Puck for example! He was um... Well, he had a lovely... You know that Mohawk? It was very straight and well kept, which was incredibly sexy, possibly, to Santana maybe.
He just wasn't her type, that was all! But she could appreciate his 'hotness', especially considering he had some of the nicest arms she'd ever seen.
(Success, a compliment that was actually true!).
Trying to remember why she was thinking about Puck's arms with Finn standing right there, she pulled her in for a hug, even if it was only briefly.
"Hey Rach," he beamed, that goofy, adorable, super sweet smile on his face. "You look awesome."
"Thank you!" Looking down at her feet to compose herself, she smiled up at him and ran a hand down his chest. "I like your suit, but aren't you warm in it?"
"Roasting," he chuckled. He held out his arm like a true gentleman, and holding on with both hands, the two of them took a slow walk through the park, not a word spoken.
It wasn't uncomfortable. On the contrary, it felt right, a calmness in the moment that put them at ease. She liked that about Finn; he wasn't always trying to impress her with silly stories or overdone compliments.
"Shit!"
Okay, well, it was usually comfortable and serene. Finn unhooked his arm as he ran towards a random tree, and while Rachel bit her lip in confusion, she watched as the tall boy started in search of something.
"Do you need any help?" she called, but he ignored her as he continued to curse to himself. It was only as she gazed over her to shoulder to see if they were alone that she saw the chicken man from earlier, carrying what looked like a picnic basket and blanket, along with some candles that were stuffed in his pockets, and a bunch of tulips that were being crushed in his hands.
She should have been mad, or sad, or slightly perturbed, but once a small giggle escaped her lips, there wasn't anything she could do to stop the onslaught of laughs that reverberated through her body and alerted Finn of the situation. He stood beside her, dazed, as they watched the man stuff a candle into his mouth.
"They were lemon flavoured and everything."
He had to hold her up as she cried with laughter.
xl. "I've had a lovely time tonight, despite the rocky start."
Finn grimaced as she squeezed his arm, though he wore a grin all the same. They'd taken to simply sitting on a bench for the rest of the night, sharing stories and secrets like they were the oldest of friends.
"I'm glad, at least. I have too, but I kinda always do when we hang out." Leaning back against the seat, he looked up at the sky, a question on his lips that she figured he was too frightened to ask.
"I have a surprise for you," she whispered. She didn't mean for her voice to come out shaky, but the thought of singing in front of him suddenly seemed like an impossible feat, not to mention a personal one. Aside from auditions and performances in her school's glee club, Rachel hadn't sung for anyone before (her dads didn't count). What would he think? It was one thing to constantly convince yourself you were good enough, but this was different; this was real.
Taking Finn's hands in her own, she closed her eyes, sucked in a breath, and sung an a capella version of 'The Only Exception'. It wasn't her conventional style and it wasn't something she'd sung a lot of, but in the moment, it felt right.
When she finally opened her eyes, she was certain that Finn was going to kiss her.
"Incredible."
He hugged her instead, and she was more than happy with that kind of reception.
xli. It was three in the morning when Rachel let herself into Santana's apartment with the spare key hidden under the mat (she'd really have to talk to her friend about personal safety). Twenty minutes previous, a text had woken her up; 'life fucking sucks'.
That was it, that was the entirety of the message, but Rachel would have been irresponsible and selfish to ignore it. After battling with her inner demons (aka the ones that begged her to stay in the warmth of her bed), she caught a cab to Santana's place, hoping that she wasn't drunk off her ass.
The reality was probably worse. As soon as she stepped inside the apartment, Rachel was verbally assaulted by a string of Spanish slurs that made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. There were tissues everywhere, along with empty boxes of chocolate and a few too many DVD cases that all had the same thing in common; heartbreak.
In the midst of the emotional mess sat Santana, splayed across the floor as she alternated between weeping hysterically and cursing under her breath. She barely acknowledged Rachel's presence, and only continued to rip up the soggy tissues in her lap.
"Santana, hey, you're going to be okay."
Rachel actually had no idea if that was true. Because of her lack of friends over the years, she'd never developed the suitable 'comforting' skill, since she'd had no one to care for in their moment of need. In fact, the closest she'd gotten to helping someone feel better was her daddy after his favourite contestant was eliminated from American Idol, which wasn't much to draw on.
She rooted around the floor for a dry tissue and proceeded to dab at her friend's cheeks to try and mop up some of the smeared mascara. It scared her to see Santana so vulnerable. She was the strong, hardened one, and if something had managed to hurt her so badly, how was Rachel supposed to cope when faced with a similar situation?
"What happened?"
"H-h-he broke up with me." Santana wailed into her hand while using the other one to grab a couple of chocolates, which she shovelled into her mouth like there was no tomorrow.
"Why? Did he... Was there any reason?"
Only then did Santana sober up long enough to stare Rachel down with her red-rimmed eyes. "What do you think? The job, Dopey, it's always the fucking job." Spitting the chocolates into a paper bag beside her, she wiped her lips against the back of her hand, smearing it over her skin. "He said that he couldn't stand the thought of guys pretending to own me when I was his!" She let out a terrifying screech that made Rachel wince before slamming her fist onto the hardwood floor. "Misogynistic jerk! It's my body, and I'll do whatever the hell I want with it!"
Then she was sick all over the floor, and while Rachel gathered cleaning supplies, she was sure she'd soon be joining her.
xlii. By four o'clock, Rachel had managed to make huge progress on the state of the apartment (and the state of Santana). Thankfully blessed without a gag reflex, she was able to clean up the room with little to no fuss, though her friend was rather more difficult to handle when she kept trying to slap Rachel away.
She offered her tea, but she wasn't interested in that, or any kind of variation of hot drink that was available to her. Rachel thought about offering some kind of alcoholic beverage to boost her spirits, but the idea of babysitting a drunken Santana Lopez wasn't exactly an appealing one.
No, what she needed was some good, honest advice.
"We should talk this out."
Rachel sat down beside her friend on her couch, where Santana was stretched right out, occasionally rubbing her stomach (something to do with too much chocolate).
Right, a firm statement, good start.
"Fuck off."
Not such a great response, but thank goodness she was persistent!
"Maybe we should compare yours and Noah's relationship with mine and Finn's. You see, yours may have been doomed from the start if you'd bothered to read the signs. Mine, however, is nothing of the sort, and-"
Santana slapped her right across the face. The noise rang in her ears. Her eyes focused in and out as her body quivered in place. Tears lingered.
She didn't even look sorry.
"You and Finn are a joke! He's still paying you to see him because he's got some stupid crush, and you're naive enough to think that it could work." She threw her hands in the air, causing Rachel to flinch. "This isn't Pretty Woman! Some rich, handsome douchebag isn't going to sweep you off your feet and treat you like a princess, and until you learn that, you're screwed." She pointed to the door. "Get out. I thought you were my friend, but a friend wouldn't just dismiss the only guy I've ever loved."
Rachel left without another word. She pressed autodial as she slumped into the elevator, and when Finn answered, voice sleepy and unsure, she burst into tears and told him they were over.
The sad thing was, she was only just beginning to realise that they hadn't ever really started in the first place.
xliii. Her phone didn't stop ringing until she pulled out the battery and hid it under her pillow. Amongst the countless voicemails and missed calls, hundreds of texts flooded her inbox, all basically saying the same thing (none of which were from Santana).
i'm sorry that i did something to offend you rach but can we talk, face to face?
look, i get that it's probably a really awkward situation for you but i can't lose you, not now. can we still be friends?
do you hate me?
you haven't returned any of my calls so i guess you probably do. i don't blame you, i don't, i'm just sorry that
never mind
sorry
The pain in her chest didn't let her reply to any of them. Finn she would have to deal with later...
Eventually.
Maybe.
(She was seriously considering changing her number just so she didn't have to face him, but she liked to think she was more mature than that).
No, she had to have her priorities, and everyone knew it was sisters before misters. She had some bridges to rebuild with Santana, and no matter how much she found herself pining for Finn, she had to be strong.
She could do strong, of course she could.
xliv. Making her way into the agency building, Rachel smiled faintly at the girls that passed her in the hallways, offering small 'good mornings' and little waves of her hand when she managed to feel up to it. She'd completely forgotten that it was the first Tuesday of the month, which meant that her mission to get Santana to love her again had to be put on hold.
The first Tuesday meant employee bonding time, which was about as fun as it sounded.
Everyone that worked at Sylvester's was required to attend an hour long meeting that allowed for the airing of any gossip, the discussion of any clients, and any general chatter that cropped up. Rachel had so far contributed little in the previous meetings, but knowing that Santana was there, she had a speech prepared in her head.
One by one, the girls (and the few guys that were employed, such as Artie and some boy called Jacob) filed into one of the bigger rooms of the building, each claiming a space on the floor to be seated.
Ah, yes, that was another thing; everyone had to sit crossed legged on the floor, since someone had told Sue that it made for a more productive session.
Honestly, she should have been running a gossip column fuelled by some of the things that they came out with. One woman had to stop herself laughing three times throughout the telling of a story, which involved one of her clients asking for unusual requests.
"And then he handed me this freaking dog collar, and told me that he was allergic to animals, but he'd always wanted a pet."
Sue tutted to herself as the girls around her laughed.
"What did you do?" asked Brittany, wide-eyed and inquisitive.
"I sat when he told me to and I ate the treats out of his goddamn hand." At the multiple gasps around the room, she shrugged. "His tip is gonna pay my rent for three months, so I ain't ashamed."
Rachel rolled her eyes as they gave their customary round of applause. The things some women would do for money!
...
Yes, okay, if a client asked her to do the same for a generous price, she'd probably cave too.
Desperate times, desperate measures.
The conversation carried on much the same. Girl after girl relayed their own horror stories, though they weren't allowed to name names (confidentiality was still important, even amongst co-workers).
With only fifteen minutes to go, and during Brittany's telling of the time she found an injured sewer rat on the sidewalk, Santana appeared from nowhere, completely disregarding the glare emanating from Sue.
"You didn't keep it, did you?" asked one of the girls in horror, and Brittany nodded eagerly.
"Norman was doing really well on his lobster diet, but Lord Tubbington must have been jealous because he swallowed him in one gulp."
"I'm gonna have to stop you there," said Sue, and the room full of tittering and giggles became silent. "Lopez, where were you?"
Taking her regular spot beside Brittany, she sipped from the coffee cup in her hand like she really didn't give a damn (and Rachel had a feeling she didn't). "Trying to put my life together after my jackass of a boyfriend tried to dump me last night."
Rachel's head shot up, and forgetting her rule about being quiet and respectful during their meetings, she bit her lip until it stung. "Tried to dump you? You were crying this morning because you insisted you were going to live alone and die alone in a pit of despair!"
In a rare moment of vulnerability, there was a flash of something in Santana's eyes, and Rachel realised she'd overstepped the line. "Right, yeah, I did say that, but then you had the balls to say that what me and Puck had meant fuck all compared to you and-"
She'd been expecting it, really. If Santana had let slip that Rachel had a thing for one of her clients, she'd have been forced to hand in her resignation. She wouldn't have blamed her, not really. She deserved it, deserved that humiliation, but it didn't come, even if the two of them weren't on speaking terms.
She wasn't sure she'd ever been more grateful for something in her life.
Sue pressed a finger to her lips as she narrowed her eyes slightly. "Since your tardiness interrupted a... thrilling story about a rat, I expect you're going to make up for it by telling us about your boyfriend?"
Santana finished her drink, licked her lips, then flicked her hair over her shoulder, all eyes on hers (with Artie's trained on her breasts). "He tried to break up with me because he was jealous about this escorting shit."
There was a murmur of acknowledgement and sympathy around her, and even Sue's face softened at the admission.
"Said he couldn't handle sharing me, not when I flaunted myself off to everyone. He yelled, I yelled, I went back to my apartment and ate way too much chocolate, and when I was about to leave for this meeting, he called, apologised, and told me he didn't want us to be apart." Clearing her throat, she looked down into her lap while Brittany squeezed her knee. "He asked me why I put up with this, and my shifts at the bar, and I told him I needed the money for college. He said he understood, that he'd help in any way he could, and then he came over and we fucked it all out."
"Awwwh!" cooed Brittany, tears in her eyes.
"Yeah yeah yeah, alright, I'm sick of listening to you all so get back to work and we'll do this again next month."
Rachel rubbed her legs to get rid of the stiffness as she wobbled and stood up, but by the time she was ready to corner Santana and apologise for her behaviour, her (ex)friend had already left, arm in arm with Brittany.
Her pager flashed with the name 'Finn Hudson', and after a quick talk with the secretary, she turned him down and focused on keeping it together until she was back in her apartment.
xlv. Of all the places to go in New York, it probably wasn't the best idea to take a casual trip to 'their' Starbucks, but Rachel was in the neighbourhood, and long story short, she couldn't keep herself away. It was their thing, their (commercialised) hideaway, and though she felt a loneliness in her bones as she sat in their spot, she managed to stick around long enough to order herself a drink.
"Mind if I join you?"
She looked up weakly at the annoyingly handsome face of Finn Hudson, and unable to deny him anything, she offered an even weaker nod as she sunk back into her seat.
"Am I allowed to talk to you, off the clock? I can pay you, if you want." To make good on his word, he fished his wallet out of his jacket, though she wrapped her fingers around his before he could give her anything.
"Just this once, it's free" she warned, despite the lack of conviction in her voice. He gave her a dimpled smile at that, and she felt like kicking him (hard) under the table. "We can't do this anymore. We need... boundaries. We've gotten too comfortable, and it's, um, against the rules!"
It wasn't, she was just a coward.
"Against the rules to what?"
"Meet up so much. You're only allowed to hire an escort a certain amount of times."
Slowly, Finn nodded, not at all convinced by her disastrous lying. "O...kay. Well how many times is that?"
"I don't know, I'll have to get back to you." She played with the napkin on the table to avoid looking at Finn's grin; the smug bastard obviously knew something was up, and while she wanted things to continue the way they were, Santana's words kept ringing in her ears.
When she stopped to think about it, it was pretty ridiculous, but then again, so was the job itself.
"So..."
"Just get it over with."
He chuckled slightly, causing butterflies to take flight in her stomach. "Right. Do you hate me, Rach?"
He probably thought he hid it well, that insecurity in his face, but if she was good at something, it was reading him like a book. He smiled to hide his worry and his eyes crinkled to hide the guilt, but she could see right through him, heart and all.
"If you think that, maybe you don't really know me."
He definitely couldn't hide his grimace. "Sometimes I don't think I do. You have this, like, wall around you that protects you from pain, but it also shields you from happiness, too." Gulping, Finn rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, probably because he could see the unshed tears in her eyes. "Sometimes, when you're talking about Broadway and stuff, a few bricks start to crumble and I get a glimpse of the real you, but you fix up the wall so fast that I end up wondering if I ever got to see you at all."
"I didn't peg you for a hypocrite."
Finn furrowed his brow as he rested his elbows on the table (she found comfort in the fact that his shirt was unironed, though why she couldn't say). "Uh, what?"
"You may talk about walls and bricks, but you're just as guarded. Yours isn't a wall, though; you're surrounded by mirrors, reflecting back on whoever you're sharing company with."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes," she countered, crossing her arms over her chest. "With your mom, you're happy and warm like she is, and with your step-dad, you're more reserved and quietly confident. You won't admit it, but when you're with Kurt, you're slightly more open, even flamboyant, and with me, you're..."
He started to lean forward even more, enough for her to see that his eyes were sparkling with the tiniest of smiles playing on his lips. "I'm what, exactly?"
"Just as damaged as I am," she finished. He looked taken aback, but she was only relaying the truth, even if he didn't want to hear it.
"Isn't that a good thing? Shouldn't I be able to fix you?"
"Who says I need fixing?"
And with that, like the true diva she was, Rachel stormed out of Starbucks with her head held high, despite the fact that she'd accidentally tucked her skirt into her panties when she'd been getting ready that morning, giving the world a rather excellent view of her ass.
xlvi. She sent a good night text to Santana, as she always did, and for the first time in weeks, she got a reply.
FUCK OFF DOC, I'M BANGING MY BF.
Definitely progress.
xlvii. Five minutes later, she sent one to Finn, just to be polite.
His reply made her earns burn; she hadn't imagined him to have such a potty mouth (and if she was being honest, his dirty words might have made her all hot and bothered, but she'd never admit that to anyone).
xlviii. When her sixth month escorting anniversary rolled around, Rachel was given her most important client to date. She'd met with all kinds of people with all kinds of contacts, but the mayor's son was definitely the cherry on top. As part of his 21st birthday celebrations, Sam Evans was to take her out to a new club that was opening in the city. It was supposed to be a low key, subdued event, but just to ensure she was fully prepared, Rachel had worn one of her... sluttier dresses, just in case she found herself grinding up against the boy.
Santana had called to congratulate her on making it big. The phone call hadn't lasted long (twelve seconds in total, actually), but Rachel appreciated it immensely. She needed that, that confidence that had deserted her, because this was the real deal. The pay was going to be good, the contacts even better, and after rambling on and on about her cat over the phone, Brittany had whispered "The boy's super hot too, so it wouldn't be so bad if he tried to grope you."
She tried to put Finn to the back of her mind.
(It wasn't so easy).