I was an idiot. A selfish asshole.

When my wife asked me to get back together, I had no choice but to say yes. I had to try. I still loved her.

I never thought it was possible to be in love with two people at the same time, but somehow I manoeuvred myself into that position. And because I was an old-fashioned person I couldn't find it in me to tell my wife to fuck off. I had promised to love and cherish her forever, and I wouldn't break that promise.

So I left Bella. And it nearly killed me.

But then she came back, and for a while I was sure I could have them both. I hated cheating on my wife, but I needed to be with Bella as well.

I was wrong. I was hurting both of them, but by then I couldn't stop.

I felt like a monster.

After 6 months of pleasure mixed with pain, Bella asked me to chose. I couldn't.

So I left again, asking for time.

I went home that night, knowing that I had to tell my wife. I should have told her the moment I got home, but I was being selfish again. I wasn't ready

So I put on my happy face and acted like nothing was wrong. The biggest mistake of my life, but I didn't realise that until later.

The next day I had a long conversation with both Jasper and Emmett. I knew then that I belonged with Bella.

That night I told my wife everything. That I was in love with someone else. Her reaction surprised me.

"The wife always knows Edward." She had a sad smile on her face. Her eyes full of pain.

"How?" I asked.

"The first month we were back together, you were hurting. It was so obvious. But then your eyes got back their sparkle. So I knew."

I was stunned. "Why didn't you say something?"

I needed to know.

"I was just glad to have the old Edward back, even if it wasn't because of me. I knew I should let you go, but I was selfish. I'm sorry." She said.

"You're sorry? I cheated on you! You should be yelling at me right now…"

I didn't understand her.

"All I want is for you to be happy Edward. I wish you could be happy with me, but you're not. And you never will be. I messed up when I asked for space, I lost you then and I have been trying to fix it, but I realise now that it can't be fixed. You're not mine anymore. So I'm letting you go. You're free."

She kissed me on the cheek and walked away. Her whole body was shaking with tears, and I wanted to comfort her, but couldn't. I couldn't help her.

I went to our bedroom, packed my bags and left.

I spent the night at Emmett's. The next day I want to Bella's apartment. I didn't know what to say, but I had to make her see that I was hers now. All of me belonged to Bella.

But she wasn't there. Her landlord told me she had left the previous day. He didn't know where she went.

She was gone. The moment I fully realised that I had lost her, I collapsed. There was a big hole in my chest, and without her it would never heal.

After pulling myself together the best I could, I called Jasper.

He told me he didn't know she was gone, but he would ask Alice. Emmett said the same thing.

Her friends didn't want me to know where she was. They wouldn't tell their boyfriends.

I lost it then. I didn't leave Emmett's apartment for 3 weeks. The guys tried everything, but I couldn't be bothered.

I felt like my life was over. I was pissed at myself that I didn't realise the bond Bella and I had shared. How deeply the ties between us went.

If I had known, I wouldn't have left.

I was angry that I hadn't told my wife the night I came home from Bella. If I had told her then, I could have stopped Bella from leaving.

At the end of the 3 weeks, Alice came into my room.

"You're a mess." She said.

I didn't look at her. At that moment there was nothing worth living for anymore.

"Do you really love her?" she then asked, softly.

I felt her sit down next to me on the bed.

"She's hurting as well. She tries to be strong this time, but she's avoiding dealing with her feelings. You broke her Edward. And now you have to fix her. Make her whole again."

At that I looked up, hoping against hope that she was saying what I thought she was saying.

"She's in California, with Angela. She transferred to USC. Can you mend her heart Edward?"

"I want to try. I know that it won't be easy. I hurt her beyond words. But I need her, and I'm sure she needs me as well."

I was being selfish again, but it was a survival instinct at that point. It was my last chance to live again.

The next day I was on my way to California. Angela knew I was coming, and would be at the airport to pick me up.

We didn't talk during the ride to her apartment.

Then I was facing her bedroom door. I was scared, terrified that she would ask me to leave. But I would leave if she wanted me to. I promised myself I would never hurt her again.

I knocked.

There was some noise in the room and then the door opened.

She was even more beautiful then I remembered. My memory didn't do her any justice.

"Edward." Was all she said.

She turned around and walked into her room. She left the door open, so I followed her.

She was sitting down on the bed. I kept standing.

"I told her everything." I said.

She looked up at me, still silent.

"It's over. I made my choice." I went on.

She didn't respond.

"I want you Bella. I need you. It's killing me to be without you. You're my reason to be. When you're not in my life, I can't breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating and it hurts. And I know you're hurting too. I need to fix us."

Silent tears were running down her face. She slowly stood up and walked towards me.

"I can't forgive you yet. But you're right, I need you too. For this to work, we need to take things slow."

Then she hugged me. I hugged her back, like my life depended on it.

"We will be okay Edward." She whispered.

One year later

It took us a long time, but we made it.

I moved back home a week after Edward came to California. It took a bit of persuading to let me transfer back to my old college, but eventually they gave in.

The first month back was hell. I wanted to be with Edward, but I had been serious about taking it slow. So we talked a lot, about everything.

He told me about his wife knowing about us all along. I wanted to be mad at her for not letting him go earlier, but I couldn't.

I understood why she had wanted to keep him. Plus it was better this way. Because now I was sure he really chose me. That he wasn't with me because his wife left him again.

The second month we began dating. I needed to be able to trust him again. It was hard, but I got there eventually.

After six months he proposed. I said I wasn't ready yet. It was still too soon. He understood.

Three months later I proposed. He was shocked at first, but then he realised that I needed to have the control in our relationship.

He said yes.

Tomorrow night I will be Mrs. Edward Cullen. It will be the beginning of a new life.

The past is finally forgiven. It's all about the future now.

A/N: Okay, I know. Another happy ending. But I can't help it. Edward and Bella belong together… and I'm a sucker for HEA. Maybe because my own love life is non-existent and I lead my life through the characters. Pathetic, but it works.

Did you like it? Please let me know.

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