My office seems barer than usual, quiet and without purpose. And yet I am here, doing nothing. Being nobody, just being.
"Hey Carter, do you want to catch a movie after you finish work?" Colonel O'Neill's voice asks from behind me. I turn to see him standing by the door with his hands open and a friendly smile across his face.
"Sir?" I ask confused and he frowns at me
"Why can't we see a movie together carter? It's not like there's anything to stop us" I frown at that.
"But sir, we can't… sir you can't expect me to forget…"
"Forget what carter?" he asks coming closer, the space between us closes too quickly and my chest seizes up in panic "forget that I raped you?"
The words come out as a malicious chuckle and suddenly I'm thrown on the ground, my hands are above my head and my body is exposed once again. Gravel is beneath me and above me is the dome roof of that greenhouse back on the planet.
"Shut up Carter" he orders as he silences me, his hand covering my mouth. My breath quickens in panic. He parts my knee's with his, spreading my legs. I can feel his erection digging into my thigh once again. And then he pulls himself into position.
With a sharp thrust, he forces himself inside me and again I cry out with the pain.
But instead of a scream escaping my lungs, fluid rushes in. I'm choking.
My eyes fly open as I convulse. My lungs gasping for air, being cut off by the fluid I have inhaled. Immediately I realize I am still in my bathroom. And now I am choking as my body violently jerks and coughs, trying to force the fluid from my lungs.
"Sam?" I hear a voice coming from my bedroom but I don't care. My chest and throat burns as the water is forced up. "Sam!" Janet gasps as she enters the bathroom. The overflowing bath water has pooled on the floor.
Janet immediately dives to assist but I wave her off as I cough out the last of the water that had invaded my lungs.
"It's –cough- just water" I explain and she nods as I regain composure and reach behind me to turn the running tap off. Janet hands me a towel to cover up.
"Are you ok?" she asks as she leans against the sink. I nod as I pull the plug from the bath tub and let the water drain. If it hadn't been for the drain in the centre of the bathroom floor I would have had to deal with a flooded room.
"What happened?" she asked finally as I stood up and climbed out of the bath with the towel wrapped around me.
"I uh, think I fell asleep" I pulled a tight embarrassed smile. Janet frowned at me and went to say something but she hesitated.
Her eyes honed in on my thighs as I held the towel in place and I could see the creases in her brow forming as she bit her lip in thought.
"Sam?" she asked leaning down and touching my thigh.
"They're just bruises Janet" I assured her, avoiding the situation by walking out into the bedroom.
"I can see they're bruises Sam, where'd you get all these bruises?" Janet asked sternly, following me into the room. I picked up my dressing gown and pulled it on as I let the towel drop.
"I don't remember" I lied once again. And she let out a deep sigh of frustration.
"Sam what's going on? I know you enough to know that you wouldn't lie to me unless it was absolutely necessary, so why are you lying to me now?" Janet argued, sitting down on the bed. I looked at her briefly, hesitating on my words. I wanted to tell her but I couldn't bring the words up. I couldn't put this against Jack's name. He was normally a good man. Jack O'Neill isn't a rapist.
"It is necessary" I muttered in response as I lent against my wardrobe.
"Military or personal?" she asked holding a stern look.
"Something like that" I replied and she let out a strange laugh
"Which one?" she asked crossing her arms
"A bit of both actually" I told her and she nodded patting the bed beside her. I looked at her hand on the bed and paused in hesitation. Something about that gesture to come to the bed made me nervous. There was no meaning behind the gesture, she wanted to comfort me for whatever problem it was I couldn't talk about. But I was afraid because I couldn't get the image of Jacks guilt ridden face out of my head. Janet looked at me looking at her hand and frowned.
"Sam?" she asked concerned and I shook my head and smiled but she persisted "you're not fine, what happened Sam? I understand that this is probably confidential and you can't tell anyone for fear of it getting out but I should hope that I'm your friend Sam and I have clearance for just about all there is to do with the stargate. You know me Sam, you can trust me. Right now the only thing on my mind is your wellbeing and it pretty clear whatever it is, it's bad." I listened to her argument and sighed, I could feel tears welling up as the emotion began overwhelming me.
"What is it?" she asked finally patting the bed again. This time I didn't freeze up, I instead moved towards the bed and sat beside her. She shifted on the bed placing a comforting hand over mine as she grasped it and waited for me to speak.
"I do remember" I confessed and she nodded "I wasn't in any accident, he uh…" I paused unable to speak. Janet had tightened her grip around my hand. I looked up at her face and saw the shock and confusion. She knew.
"He?" she asked, her voice soft within thought. I nodded and she responded by stroking my hand.
"Who?" she asked more forcefully. I shook my head, I couldn't tell her that.
"I was raped" I confessed finally, she dropped her head as she heard the words and I could see the sadness hit her. Her concern for me was probably stronger then my own, but I should have expected that. Janet is a doctor and a friend. I am both the patient and the loved one and she probably couldn't help but feel as though she'd let me down. Because there was no way she could have avoided it. And then she brought her arm around me, hugging me close to her as she stroked my hand.
"You don't want to tell me who did it?" she asked and I sighed
"Who do you think?" I said almost bitterly.
"A native?" she asked, strangely she seemed almost hopeful. I suppose it would be easier to hear that her friend was raped by a perfect stranger then a close friend and college.
"The planet was abandoned" I explained shaking my head. An air of awkwardness past over the room as the grave truth sat resonating above us.
"I don't know how it happened, he couldn't sleep and I had first watch. We were just going through the cities logged sections, I was showing him the botany facilities and... He was angry. I tried to ask him why and he snapped. Next thing I knew we were at each others throats and he was trying to undress me." I explained. Janet was squeezing my hand tightly. I could tell this hurt her.
"He was so lustful; I never knew he could be so possessive. We're supposed to be friends. I trusted him!" I could feel bile rising. I too now was angry, not saddened by the thought of it. Just mad.
"It's ok, I'll have SG1 recalled from the mission" Janet stated getting up from the bed. "This could just be a viral contagion" she offered in thought. I laughed through teary eyes at this.
"Janet, I was raped! That's not a viral contagion, that's a betrayal of morality" I snapped, Janet looked at me with this strange confused gaze.
"Sam, we've seen it before. The virus we encountered when we first started interplanetary exploration should be proof alone that there are alien substances that have powerful effects on behavior. It may just be that this was a simple injustice against you, but I'd like too see first if there is any chance this can be explained." Janet had convicting power in her voice. She was startled by this knowledge, scared even.
"Sam, please? I just want to get to the bottom of this, and I need your co-operation in order to do that" Janet asked crossing her arms in front of her.
I nodded.