Scene opens in Joey's bedroom. Joey is lying in bed, asleep. A knock is heard.
Annette (through door): Joey, breakfast.
Joey yawns, gets out of bed, and opens the door to see a skull grinning back at him. Joey yells and jumps back, as Annette laughs and takes the skull mask off.
Joey: Not funny, Annette!
Annette: Hey, at least I wasn't standing here with a cloak and scythe in my hand.
Joey: I bet Ross and Rachel are having an easier morning than I am.
Scene changes to Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are standing by Emma's highchair, splattered with food, as Emma laughs.
Ross: So much for going in early.
Rachel: I bet Joey and Annette are having an easier morning than we are.
Theme song and title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Joey are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table.
Annette: So what happened this morning? When you two walked out, it looked like a Denny's exploded near you.
Ross: Close. Emma decided it'd be funny to throw her breakfast at us, when we were trying to get her to eat.
Joey: Where'd she pick that up at?
Ross and Rachel glare at Joey.
Rachel: I don't know, Joey. Would you care to enlighten us?
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! She didn't get that from me. Joey doesn't do two things: share food, or waste food.
Ross: He's got a point, hon.
Rachel: Yeah. So where did she get that at?
Enter Monica, Chandler, and Mike.
Monica: You are SO lucky I don't have something in my hands right now, Chandler! I'd throw it at you! In fact, since we're here…
Monica turns to the counter.
Monica: Gunther! Muffin me!
Gunther: Why?
Monica: I need something to throw at Chandler!
Ross looks at Rachel.
Ross and Rachel: Monica.
Gunther: Well, the next one's free if you throw it at Ross.
Ross: Whoa, what?
Joey: Wait, you'll give a free muffin to whoever throws one at Ross?
Gunther: Yup.
Joey jumps over the couch and runs to the counter.
Ross: How did I get dragged into this?
Gunther: Nostalgia.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, great times. Less talking, more throwing!
Gunther hands Joey a muffin.
Rachel: Sweetie?
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: You might wanna run.
Ross: Good idea.
Ross runs out the door, Joey behind him.
Joey: Hold still, this is only good for one shot!
Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Chandler is sitting in the armchair. Mike and Annette are sitting in the chairs at the end table. Enter Ross.
Ross: Hey.
Numerous greetings float back.
Annette: Where's Joey?
Ross: I don't know. I lost sight of him down by the Korean restaurants.
Annette: Thanks a lot, Ross! Now I have to go down there and track down my boyfriend before he ruins his appetite.
Ross: Annette, stop for a second, & think about who you're talking about.
A pause.
Annette: Never mind.
Enter Joey, eating a muffin.
Joey (mouth full): Hey.
Annette: Hi, honey.
Monica: Uh, Joey, where did you get the muffin at?
Joey: Had it. Why?
Monica turns to the counter.
Monica: Gunther, did you give Joey his free muffin?
Gunther: No.
Monica: Oh my god! Joey, is that the same muffin you were chasing Ross with?
Joey: …maybe.
Ross: Joey, that was lying on the sidewalk!
Joey: Well, I didn't wanna see it go to waste! Didn't your parents ever teach you not to waste food?
Ross: I grew up with Monica! We were lucky if there was food TO waste.
Monica smacks Ross.
Mike: So what do you guys wanna do tonight?
Joey: Oh, we could play-
Chandler: We're not playing strip poker.
Joey: Never mind.
Monica: No, actually poker DOES sound fun.
Rachel: Yeah, let's have a poker night! Girls against guys!
Ross, Chandler, Mike, and Joey: Noooooooo…
Phoebe: Why not?
Chandler: Because every guy in this gang is dating, engaged, or married to every girl. And we can get cut off from sex.
Ross: And contrary to what Cosmo says, we LIKE sex.
Annette: Okay, how about this? We will NOT withhold sex from you, if you beat us in poker.
Chandler: Gee, that sounds like a great deal. Let me counter with THIS reply: NO.
Mike: No. No, let's go with that. AND, if we beat you girls, Monica can't clean for a day.
The gang gasps.
Monica: Give…give up cleaning? You mean, like for an ENTIRE day?
Mike: 24 hours.
Rachel: Okay! We're agreeing to that!
Monica: What? No, we aren't!
Rachel: Yes, we are. Because if WE win, Joey has to give up Baywatch for a day!
Joey stumbles backward and clutches his chest.
Chandler: Steady, Joey. Steady…
Joey: Give up Baywatch? I don't know if I can do that!
Chandler: BREATHE, Joey. It's okay. You won't be giving up Baywatch.
Monica: Oh? And why not?
Chandler: Because YOU'RE gonna be giving up cleaning, after we beat you!
Rachel: Ha! You wish! Last time we played, I beat you all! I got Ross with a full house!
Chandler: You didn't beat Ross!
Rachel: Did so!
Chandler: Did not! He let you win, because you were so miserable from being turned down for that job!
Rachel: He WHAT?
Ross: Uh, Chandler? Could I speak to you outside, where there aren't any witnesses?
Rachel turns to Ross.
Rachel: You LET me win?
Ross: Well, you were feeling bad from losing that job, and I didn't want you to be miserable!
Rachel: I'm touched that you love me so much that you did that for me. But I'm also furious that you didn't give it your all! What happened to that "I play to win" talk?
Ross: I didn't want you to feel bad.
Rachel: Aw, that's so sweet. Don't do that again.
Monica: Okay! So, my place tonight, poker game!
Rachel: Wait, what's wrong with our place?
Monica: It's an hour's drive out!
Rachel: Bring the kids!
Monica: Fine, poker tonight, Ross and Rachel's place.
Phoebe: Okay!
Annette: Sure!
Ross, Chandler, Joey, and Mike mutter.
Monica: We're not gonna cut you off from sex if you beat us.
Ross, Chandler, Mike, and Joey: Okay, sure.
Annette: Good, so we're all set!
Mike: And no practical jokes.
Annette: Do you think me so low as to do that?
Mike glares at Annette.
Annette: …fine.
Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is running around the kitchen, setting up snack platters. Emma is sitting on the floor, playing with her stuffed animals.
Rachel (thinking): Okay. Chips, crackers, lunch meat, cheese…I think we're good.
Rachel turns around, and knocks over a glass with her elbow, spilling its contents onto the floor. Rachel stares.
Rachel (thinking): Maybe Monica won't notice.
Enter Ross.
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Hey. Did you get the poker chips from Joey?
Ross: No, I had to go out and buy some, along with a fresh deck of cards.
Rachel: Why? What happened?
Ross: Joey heard the word "chips" and thought they were edible.
Rachel: Oh, no…and the cards?
Ross: He got mad at the jacks, because he thought they stole the queen's tarts.
Rachel stares.
Rachel: He threw away an ENTIRE deck of cards because he was mad at the jacks?
Ross: Pretty much.
Enter Joey and Annette.
Joey: Hey, guys.
Emma: Net!
Emma stands up and runs to Annette, arms outstretched.
Annette: Hi, sweetie!
Annette picks up Emma.
Joey: Training them young, eh?
Rachel smacks Joey.
Joey: OW! What was that for?
Rachel: First off, no comments from you about my daughter! And second off, you threw away an entire deck of cards because you were mad at the JACKS?
Joey: You told her?
Ross: She asked!
Joey: At least that explains one thing.
Rachel: What?
Joey: Why that king of hearts was driving a sword through his head.
Rachel rubs her head.
Rachel: I think I can actually feel my brains cells shrivel and die from that answer.
Annette: Welcome to a night in my life.
Rachel: Hey, YOU'RE dating him.
Annette: So did you!
Rachel: …shut up.
Emma smacks Joey, and laughs.
Joey: Ow!
Rachel: That's right, honey! Smack Uncle Joey for Mommy!
Ross: Rachel! Don't teach our daughter to hit people!
Annette: Yeah. That's MY job.
Ross glares at Annette. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. The gang is seated around the kitchen table, various piles of poker chips in front of them. A stack of poker chips sits in the middle of the table.
Annette: Raise two.
Chandler: Call.
Ross: Call.
Mike: Call.
Joey: I fold like Ross after a second date with a woman that isn't Rachel.
Rachel and Ross look at Joey.
Joey: I mean…I fold.
Annette: Monica?
Monica stares at her cards.
Annette: Monica. In or out?
Monica: I wish my house looked like this.
Chandler: What, decorated with hearts and diamonds?
Monica: Okay, that too. I meant this CLEAN!
Chandler: You're not gonna clean the house tonight, you promised!
Monica: Come on, just one room!
Annette: MONICA!
Monica: Oh, sorry. I'm in.
Annette shakes her head.
Annette: Clean Joey's room, if you wanna clean so badly.
Monica: Okay!
Monica stands up.
Annette: AFTER this hand!
Monica sits down with a disappointed look.
Monica: You're no fun, you know that?
Annette: I have some ass kicking to deliver.
Mike: Then put your money where your mouth is, and show us what you got.
Annette: Full house.
Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Mike throw their cards down in disgust. Annette begins to reach for the poker chips.
Ross: Not so fast, Poker Peters.
Annette: Huh?
Ross lays his cards down with a flourish.
Ross: Flush.
Annette: Oh, you SON of a-
Ross, Rachel, Monica, and Chandler: ANNETTE!
Annette: What?
Ross: The kids are in the next room!
Annette: So? I didn't say anything!
Phoebe: Hey Ross, remember the time you walked in with Ben, just as I let loose with the B word?
Ross: Don't remind me. It took Carol, Susan, and I weeks to break him of saying that.
Phoebe: It's no worse than Rachel teaching him pranks to play. All I did was teach him a new word.
Ross: Which ended up being his favorite word for weeks!
Phoebe: Crybaby…
Ross glares at Phoebe. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table, watching. Ross, Mike, Annette, and Monica are sitting at the table, various stacks of poker chips in front of them. A pile of chips sits in the middle of the table.
Monica: Call.
Mike lays down his cards.
Mike: Straight.
Monica throws down her cards in disgust.
Monica: AUGH, I can't get this game!
Everyone but Mike, Annette, and Monica duck.
Monica: I'm not throwing anything.
Chandler: Joey, put your head up. I think she has food over there.
Joey: Really?
Joey raises his head, and gets hit in the face with a cold cut.
Joey: Hey!
Annette: Oops, my mistake.
Annette giggles.
Monica: I'm gonna go check on the kids, and clean something.
Rachel: Don't you TOUCH my cleaning supplies!
Monica: Why not?
Ross: Because we're here to have fun.
Monica: Cleaning IS fun!
Rachel: Monica, your place is so sterile, they could set up a field lab for the CDC in it!
Monica: But…a clean house is a HAPPY house!
Rachel: Yeah, CLEAN. Not vac-sealed!
Monica: Ross, would you please back me up on this?
Ross: Can't hear you, playing.
Monica: Ugh, fine. I'm gonna go check on the kids.
Monica walks into Emma's room.
Mike: I'm out, guys.
Annette: What? No, you're not! You still got chips in front of you!
Mike: Yes, but I wanna go spend time with my wife. And pregnant wife trumps psycho competitive cousin any day.
Annette: Psycho competitive cousin is NOT that competitive!
Ross: Um, Mike? Should I be worried that she's not denying the psycho part?
Mike: You grew up with Monica. How worried do you think you should be?
Ross scoots his chair back from the table.
Annette: Get back up here, Geller; we still have cards to play! Unless you're forfeiting the match, and saying Joey can't watch Baywatch for a day…
Ross: I'll see Monica in a dirty house before that happens!
Monica (from Emma's room): Hey!
Ross scoots his chair back to the table.
Ross: You think you're so good, Peters? Put your money where your mouth is.
Ross shoves all of his chips to the middle of the table.
Ross: I'm all in. Put up or shut up.
Annette: Call.
Annette sweeps her chips to the middle of the table.
Annette: Now throw 'em down, Geller.
Chandler: Uh, guys?
Ross and Annette: What?
Chandler: You don't have cards.
A pause.
Ross: Way to ruin the mood of the moment, Chandler.
Annette: Wait a second. Where ARE the cards?
Everyone looks over at Joey, who is standing on the terrace, holding the deck.
Joey: Where are the tarts? I know you have them! Talk or you'll be sleeping with the…
Joey looks over the edge into the dumpster below.
Joey: …random piles of bags!
Monica: Shouldn't we rescue the cards?
Phoebe: You want the threat of not being able to clean for a day above your head?
A pause.
Monica: Who's up for a movie?
Numerous agreements are heard. Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is cleaning the stove. The doorbell is heard.
Monica: Come in!
Enter Joey, with a pizza and a box set of Baywatch.
Monica: Joey! You're not supposed to be watching Baywatch for the day, remember? That was the agreement!
Joey: Well, you're not supposed to be cleaning, either!
Monica: Annette beat Ross!
Joey: Only because she cheated! So both bets became valid!
A pause.
Monica: You didn't see anything?
Joey: I'm blind, if you are.
Monica nods, as Joey walks to the den.
(A/N Two week hiatus for 4, Dragon*Con is back on. 4 days of absolute geek fest for me. WHEE!)