Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross, Chandler, and Monica are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Annette is walking around, serving customers.
Monica: So I'm thinking this weekend if we're not all busy, and if you can get Ben, Ross, we could all go to the lake and have a BBQ.
Ross: I think Carol and Susan will be agreeable to that.
Monica: Cool! What do you think, Joey?
No answer.
Monica: Joey!
Monica looks over to see Joey eyeballing a customer flirting with Annette. Joey points a finger at the customer, as they walk out the door. Chandler sighs.
Chandler: Joey, you've been doing that for three hours now. Would you RELAX?
Joey: No! My gorgeous, sexy girlfriend is being hit on by guys! I have to be vigilant!
Chandler opens his mouth, as Annette walks over.
Annette: Okay, Joey? You really need to stop creeping out my customers.
Joey: But they were hitting on you!
Annette: Honey, I promise you, I am not going to do anything that would make a guy remotely interested in me. Okay?
Joey: Okay.
Annette smiles and kisses Joey. Enter Alex.
Alex: Hey Annette, which color string bikini did you want for the photo shoot this weekend?
Joey glares at Annette. Theme song and title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Enter Joey and Annette.
Joey: I can't believe you! How could you not tell me about this photo shoot?
Annette: Whoa, stop! Hold it! I told you two weeks ago about it!
Joey: You did not!
Annette: Oh, yeah?
Annette picks up the remote and turns on the TV and DVD player.
Joey: What're you doing?
Annette holds up a hand, as the TV turns on.
Annette (from TV): Okay, Joey. I'm recording this so I can remind you if you forget. I have a photo shoot in two weeks with Alex. It's gonna bring a little extra cash into the house.
Joey (from TV): Uh huh.
Joey: I was watching Baywatch!
Annette presses a button on the remote.
Annette (from TV): Okay, sweetie? Reminding you again, photo shoot in a week. Extra money, gonna involve me in a string bikini.
Joey (from TV): Okay.
Joey: I was eating a sandwich!
Annette presses a button on the remote.
Annette (from TV): Joey, photo shoot in three days. Reminding you again.
Joey (from TV): Have fun.
Joey: Uh…sports?
Annette: Oh, come on! Now you're not even trying!
Joey: Okay, so I forgot! But you only reminded me three times!
Annette: No, I reminded you a lot more than that. But I'm still burning the other DVDs of my reminders.
Joey: Why?
Annette: Movie night.
Joey: Um…didn't you remind me in a bikini at one point?
A pause.
Annette: Oh, crap!
Annette runs for the door.
Annette: Rachel! Don't watch that DVD!
Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is sitting at the table, grading papers. Rachel is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Joey.
Joey: Hi, guys! Bye, guys!
Joey runs for the terrace window.
Rachel: Freeze!
Joey stops.
Rachel: Hand them over.
Joey: Hand what over?
Rachel: Your binoculars. We already found the pair you hid on the terrace.
Joey: Ross! That was supposed to be a secret!
Ross: You're not the one engaged to her.
Joey: We swore on a six-pack! What about "bros before ho-"
Ross and Rachel: JOEY!
Joey: What?
Ross: Emma's asleep in her room! And Annette asked us to take them, so you couldn't spy on her and Alex trying on those bikinis for the shoot.
Rachel: I STILL think I could've modeled them.
Ross: I know you can, honey. You're sexy.
Joey: I don't know…Annette said your chest was too flat.
Rachel jumps up and starts beating on Joey.
Joey: OW! OW! OW! What're you beating on me for?
Rachel: Because you just said my chest was flat!
Joey: Those were her words, not mine!
Rachel: Coming out of YOUR mouth!
Joey: Ross! Little help here!
Ross stays seated.
Joey: Oh, THANKS.
Ross: You think I'm dumb enough to get between mad Rachel and her target?
Joey: Well, I was kind of HOPING…
Ross sighs, and stands up.
Ross: Honey, go watch E!. I think the Kardashians are coming on. Joey, go back home and I'll order you a Tribbiani special.
Joey: With sprinkles this time?
Ross: PIZZA, Joey.
Joey: With extra cheese?
Ross: Yes. Now go on.
Joey walks to the door. Rachel sits down in a huff.
Rachel: My chest is NOT flat.
Joey: Depends on who you ask.
Rachel chases Joey out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Chandler is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette is waitressing. Gunther is working behind the counter. Enter Alex.
Alex: Hey, sweetie.
Gunther: Hey.
Alex: So I got off the phone a little bit ago with the photographer. The shoot shouldn't last more than a couple of hours, and they'll pay us about $1500 for our time.
Gunther: Okay, sounds good.
Annette: Whoa, hold on. $1500? He told me $1000!
Alex: Yeah, apparently, finding out you were gonna be on the shoot made them put their offer to $1500 per model.
Annette grins and turns to Joey.
Annette: And YOU didn't want me to take this.
Joey: I still don't. At least, not without a bodyguard.
Annette: Joey, relax! No one is gonna hit on me!
Annette turns to Alex.
Annette: You got Ramon, right?
Alex: No, he was off on vacation. We got Santos, instead.
Annette: Aw, man! His breath smells like garlic.
Alex: Sorry. It was the best they could do.
Joey: Who's Santos?
Annette: No one, sweetie.
Joey: Annette…
Annette: I promise it's nothing to get upset over.
Joey: So now I need to be upset?
Annette: Uh, um…Joey, look! Free hot dogs!
Joey: What?
Joey runs out the door.
Joey: Hey, wait for me! Joey needs his meat!
Several flashy gay men run down the street after Joey. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. Enter Monica.
Monica: Rach! Guess what I found!
Rachel: The ultimate cleaning rag that absorbs all messes made?
Monica: No, but that would be really cool to find.
Rachel: What did you find?
Monica: I found the perfect wedding dress for you! AND it fits!
Rachel: How do you know it fits?
Monica mutters.
Rachel: Speak up. I didn't hear you.
Monica: I said I had someone model them, okay?
Rachel: Monica!
Monica: Hey, I took the pressure out of looking for a wedding dress for you! And I know it fits!
Rachel: Well, who did the modeling for you?
Enter Annette.
Annette: Hey Mon, are you sure about that last dress? I don't think anything that short should be used outside a strip club.
Rachel: You had ANNETTE modeling for MY wedding dress?
Annette: No wonder you had them take the CHEST in.
Rachel: And let the BUTT out!
Annette: Hey, my butt is perfectly fine!
Rachel: Your butt looks like Santa's belly when you walk!
Annette: Does not!
Rachel: Does too!
Monica: All right, you two! Heel!
Monica turns to Rachel.
Monica: I asked Annette to model for me, because she's about your height and weight.
Annette: Even if my chest IS bigger…
Rachel: Along with your butt…aren't you supposed to be at the photo shoot with Alex?
Annette: I would be, but Joey keeps following me.
Rachel: What makes you think he's here?
Annette points to Joey standing next to the door, with a lamp shade on his head.
Rachel: That's our new lamp.
Annette: Is that right?
Annette pulls a string hanging down.
Joey: Click.
Annette glares at Rachel.
Rachel: Uh…it's a talking lamp?
Annette: Joey, stop following me! God, it's like I have a hungry shadow!
Joey (facing the door): I'm sorry Annette, but I don't trust-
Annette: I'm over here.
Joey takes the lamp shade off, and turns around.
Joey: - this photo shooter.
Annette: For crying out loud, you're as bad as Paul was! I'm doing the shoot, we need the extra money!
Monica: Why?
Annette: Vet bill. SOMEONE fed Chick and Duck Jr. grass seeds.
Joey: Hey, I read that birds like seeds.
Annette: BIRD seed, Joey. And stop trying to plant and water them, birds don't grow from seeds.
Joey: Maybe this time, they will.
Annette: You need to trust me, okay?
Joey: I do! I just don't trust that shooter. And I don't want you to do this, without someone watching out for you.
Annette: Oh my god! You're treating me like a kid!
Joey: And you're acting like one!
Annette: Okay, you know what? We're through. I'm moving in with Alex, and I'm doing the shoot!
Annette storms out the door. Monica turns to Rachel.
Monica: Do you think I can still get her to do the dress modeling tomorrow?
Rachel and Joey glare at Monica. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the couch, nursing a cup of coffee. Enter Phoebe and Mike.
Phoebe: Hi, Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Mike: Rachel told us what happened. You okay?
Joey: The first serious girlfriend I've had in ages just dumped me and said she was moving in with her friend across the street. Yeah, I'm peachy.
Mike: Sarcasm? Seriously?
Phoebe: Side effect of living with Chandler all those years. Joey, do you love Annette?
Joey: Yes.
Phoebe: Do you trust her?
Joey: Her? Yes. The guys flirting with her all the time? No.
Phoebe: Joey, you remember how Ross acted when he and Rachel first started dating?
Joey: You mean how he was acting jealous all the time?
Phoebe: Uh huh.
A pause.
Joey: Oh, man…
Joey buries his face in his hands and groans.
Phoebe: It's okay. You can still fix things with Annette.
Joey: I don't even know where she is. For all I know, she's busy settling into Alex's place.
Mike: She's at the shoot.
Joey: Where's that?
Mike: Other side of town.
Joey: Then hold down the fort, I'm getting my girlfriend back!
Phoebe: Great, I'll drive you!
Joey begins to back away.
Joey: Uh, no, that's okay. I can afford a cab out there.
Phoebe: I OWN a cab! I'll drive you out.
Joey: No, really. I'm fine.
Phoebe: You're riding with me, now let's go!
Joey: No!
Joey runs out the door, Phoebe behind him.
Phoebe: Joey! Get back here, and ride in my cab!
Scene ends and opens at the photo shoot. Annette and Alex are standing by a pool in bikinis.
Alex: Hey, you all right?
Annette: Yeah, I'm fine. Why?
Alex: You haven't played any pranks, you haven't told the photographer to go to hell, and you haven't insulted Santos for his garlic smell all day.
Annette sighs.
Annette: Sorry. I was thinking about Joey.
Alex: You miss him, don't you?
Annette: Well, of course I miss him! He's my boyfriend!
Alex: You mean he WAS your boyfriend.
Annette: Yeah. That.
Alex: You don't really wanna break up with him, do you?
Annette: …no.
Alex: So why don't you talk to him?
Annette: Because he's being a jerk! He doesn't trust me!
Alex: And how does you breaking up with him and wanting to move in with me make you any better?
Annette glares at Alex.
Annette: You're not helping, you know.
Alex: I'm just telling it as I see it.
Annette looks down at the pool.
Annette: Hey, what's that?
Alex: What's what?
Annette: That, right there.
Alex: I don't see anything.
Annette: Here, let me help you.
Annette pushes Alex. Alex shrieks and falls in the pool.
Alex: PETERS!
Enter the photographer.
Photographer: What the hell happened here?
Annette: She slipped.
Alex: I did not! You pushed me in!
Annette: It's wet up here; you should watch your step.
Alex and the photographer glare at Annette.
Photographer: Peters, I wanna speak to you. Alone.
Alex sticks her tongue out at Annette as Annette and the photographer walk by. Annette nudges Alex, who falls in the pool again. The photographer glares at Annette.
Annette: Slippery, I'm telling you.
Annette and the photographer enter the trailer. Scene ends and opens in Phoebe's cab. Joey is gripping the dashboard with white knuckles. Phoebe turns to Joey.
Phoebe: We're here. AND we made with 15 minutes to spare.
Joey: I think next time, I'll take the subway.
Phoebe: Oh, don't be such a big baby.
Joey: You took a corner on two wheels!
Phoebe: AND missed the cop standing by the intersection, I might add.
Joey: I'm astonished we lost the ones following us!
Phoebe: We would've lost them in Chinatown if YOU didn't stop for food!
Joey: I was craving Chinese! Besides, you're the one who swiped the fortune cookies!
Phoebe: Ooh, which reminds me, you're going to have an interesting day tomorrow.
Joey: If I live to SEE it…
Police sirens are heard approaching.
Phoebe: Go talk to Annette. I have to go lose my escort.
Joey: No wonder Ross said riding with you was dangerous…
Phoebe: Go!
Phoebe drives off.
Joey: Fine, I'll just go talk to Annette, then!
Scene changes to the photo shoot. Alex is lying in a lawn chair by the pool. Enter Joey.
Joey: Hey.
Alex: Hey.
Joey: Uh, is Annette around?
Alex: Yeah, I think she's still talking to the photographer. Why, did you come here to talk to her?
Joey: Yeah.
Alex: You know she's still mad at you, right? Isn't that a little risky?
Joey: Not as risky as riding with Phoebe in her cab.
Alex laughs.
Alex: Touché, Tribbiani.
Joey: I'm gonna go see if I can find her, and talk this out.
Alex: Good luck. I'm really hoping you two can work it out.
Joey starts to walk away.
Joey: Uh, by the way…why are you all wet?
Alex: Take a guess.
Joey: Annette shoved you in the pool?
Alex: Twice.
Joey starts for the trailer.
Joey: Talk to Annette…talk to Annette…ooh, a snack bar!
Alex: Joey! Focus!
Joey: But…food!
Enter Annette, huffing.
Annette: You cheap, sleazy bastard! I can't believe you'd even THINK to make an offer like that! Now I remember why I left this business!
Photographer: That's the name of the game, baby. You either play by the rules, or you get out of it.
Annette: Then consider me off the shoot!
Photographer: In that case, you forfeit your payment from the company.
Annette: Fine. I'll find some other way of getting the money I need.
Annette turns around and sees Joey by the snack bar.
Annette: What're you doing here?
Joey: I came here to talk to you, but I'm more interested right now in what's going on.
Photographer: Quite simple, really. Your ex-girlfriend will make an extra $500 off this shoot, if she sleeps with me. And if she leaves, she forfeits her payment from this day's shoot.
Joey: Oh. Well, allow me to answer that.
Joey punches the photographer, who falls into the pool.
Joey: That would be a no, by the way.
Annette: Joey! What the-?
Joey: I love you, Annette. I never loved anyone like I do you. I'm sorry for not trusting you more, and for getting jealous. I'll do whatever you want, just please don't leave.
Annette: Joey…
Joey: I'll give up food for a week, if you want.
Annette: Joey, I…
Joey: I mean, I even took a ride in Phoebe's cab to get here, so I could talk to you. And if THAT doesn't say love…
Annette: Hey, Tribbiani! Shut up!
Joey stares at Annette.
Annette: I didn't mean it when I said we're through. Because the truth is, I love you too much to call it quits with you. I know you're trying to curb your jealousy, and trying to trust me. I'm not letting you go. Not now, not ever. I love you too much, Joey.
Joey pulls Annette in and kisses her passionately.
Joey: Does this mean you're staying?
Annette laughs.
Annette: Yes, Joey. I'm staying. Now how about we go home, and I show you how much I love you?
Joey: I'd say that's a great idea. But do you think on the way home, we could stop by the hospital?
Annette: Why?
Joey: I think I broke my hand when I punched that guy out.
Annette: Oh, Joey…
Joey: Joey's gonna pass out, now.
Joey slumps to the ground. Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting in the recliner, left hand in a cast, watching Penguins of Madagascar. Enter Annette.
Annette: Hi, sweetie.
Joey: Hey.
Annette: Whatcha watching?
Joey: A documentary on penguins. Did you know that penguins have commando skills that they use to blow up cars?
Annette stares at Joey.
Annette: Did those painkillers kick in?
Joey: Maybe. Why?
Annette: Because you're watching a CARTOON, and calling it a documentary.
Joey: AND taking notes.
Annette: Notes?
Joey: Yeah. Maybe we can teach some of these moves to Chick and Duck Jr.
Joey turns to the box on the table that's holding Chick and Duck Jr.
Joey: Are you guys paying attention?
Duck Jr. quacks.
Joey: Good.
(A/N Okay, so 5 is gonna be delayed (STHU, I can't do math) for a couple weeks, which I recover from Dragon*Con. This is up early, because I'm leaving WAY early on Thursday to catch my flight to Atlanta. I'm all a-tingling from the geekiness.)