Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's backyard. Chandler is putting the finishing touches on the TARDIS. Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, Annette, and Mike are standing nearby, holding Emma, Jack and Erica, and watching.

Chandler: And…done! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: a TARDIS!

Monica: Wow, great job, honey! You built a useless piece of junk in our back yard!

Chandler: It's not useless! It'll come in handy.

Monica: How?

Chandler: You mean, besides Halloween?

Monica: Yeah.

Enter Joey, running for the TARDIS.

Joey: Dibs on first test drive!

Joey smashes into the doors and falls down. Chandler looks at Monica.

Chandler: That's hours of free entertainment, right there.

Monica: Chandler! No one's gonna find that entertaining!

Annette: I don't know, I'm pretty entertained.

Monica glares at Annette. Theme song and title sequence plays.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.

Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Annette are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Joey and Phoebe are sitting in the chairs at the end table.

Monica: How's your head?

Joey: Better. The ringing in my ears went away, and the headache's down to a dull throb.

Ross: You're lucky you didn't get a concussion, as hard as you ran into that thing.

Chandler: Although you gotta admit, the sight of him slamming into those doors was pretty good.

Annette: Yes, it was. Shame we didn't record it, we could send it to America's Funniest Videos.

Chandler: Oh, I did.

Monica: Chandler!

Chandler: Honey, I wanted that moment to be in history for the kids when they grow up.

Monica: Why, so you can look at them and go, "Look, kids. Dad built this useless piece of junk himself! And if I did it, you can do anything!"?

Chandler: Hey, I didn't hear you complaining from the three hours we got to spend watching Joey repeatedly slam his face into the doors.

Monica: Well…it WAS kind of amusing…

Joey: And that stupid thing STILL didn't open!

Ross: That's because the doors were LOCKED, Joey.

Joey: So why didn't you just sonic them open?

Ross looks at Chandler and Annette.

Ross: Either one of you wanna take this one?

Annette: No, I'm good.

Chandler: I would, but I'm too busy picturing Joey slamming into those doors, still. I think I'm gonna make that the Christmas video this year.

Enter Rachel with Emma, who is crying.

Ross: Awww, what's wrong with my little girl?

Ross stands up and takes Emma from Rachel.

Rachel: Her daycare called. She apparently caught a bug there, and now she's running a fever. I have an important meeting this afternoon, and I can't find a babysitter.

Ross: Don't worry. I don't have a class tonight, so I can watch her. Just keep her away from Monica.

Monica: Hey! I can watch a sick kid!

Ross: Monica, you once locked me in my room for three days because I SNEEZED.

Monica: You could've had a cold!

Ross: I SNEEZED.

Monica: Well, you needed to be quarantined to be sure! Besides, I couldn't risk getting sick with that softball game against Jill Sherman that weekend.

Rachel: Didn't you lose that game?

Monica glares at Rachel.

Monica: You know, you're the only one who remembers that. Now let me have her, I can watch her.

Rachel: Actually, I think I'm fine with Ross watching our daughter till I get home.

Monica: Fine, but if this thing spreads, don't blame me.

Ross: I better call Carol and Susan, and tell them not to bring Ben over this weekend.

Rachel: Okay. I need to get back to work. I'll see you tonight.

Ross: Okay.

Rachel kisses Ross and exits. Ross turns to the group.

Ross: Can one of you run and get me some Children's Motrin? I'll pay you back as soon as you drop it off. I need to take this little one upstairs and give her a cool bath.

Annette: Sure, I can do that.

Ross: Thanks, Annette.

Annette: No problem.

Annette stands up and heads for the door.

Joey: Hey, Annette. While you're out, can you get me a cheeseburger from that burger place on 40th?

Annette shakes her head as she leaves. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is walking around, gently rocking Emma, who is still crying. Enter Carol and Ben.

Carol: Hi.

Ross: Hey, come in.

Carol: Can you watch Ben for a while? Susan's out of town, and I got called into work.

Ross: Sure, no problem.

Carol: Thank you so much.

Ben: What's wrong with Emma?

Ross: She caught a bug at daycare, and now she's not feeling good. So we won't be able to do much today, she's too sick to go anywhere.

Carol: Did you give her anything?

Ross: No, not yet. Annette went to get me some Children's Motrin for her, but she hasn't come back yet.

Carol: Poor thing…listen, I hate to drop and run, but I'm gonna be late for work if I don't get going. Thank you again for watching Ben.

Ross: It's fine.

Carol leans down and kisses Ben's forehead.

Carol: Be good for your dad, and I'll see you tonight.

Ben: Okay. Bye, Mom.

Carol leaves, as Annette walks in.

Annette: Hey, sorry it took me so long. Here's the Motrin for you.

Ross: Thanks. What DID take you so long, anyway?

Annette: Well…

Enter Monica with a bucket of cleaning supplies, rubber gloves, and a surgical mask on.

Annette: That.

Monica: Chandler, hurry up! We have a sick little girl to take care of!

Enter Chandler in a full biohazard outfit. Ross stares.

Ross: What are you two doing?

Monica: We're taking care of Emma.

Ross: Uh, no you're not.

Monica: Oh, really? Why not?

Ross points to Chandler.

Ross: Because HE looks like something out of E.T., and YOU look like something that escaped from a Michael Jackson music video. What's with the get-ups, anyway?

Monica: We don't wanna catch something and have Jack and Erica get sick!

Ross: Mon, they're KIDS. Kids get sick!

Monica: Not mine.

Ross: What about daycare?

Monica: They won't be going. I'll have Mom watch them, or hire a babysitter.

Ross: And school?

Monica: Home school! My babies will NOT be getting sick!

Ross: Well, mine IS sick, so unless you wanna be getting this bug and passing it on to Jack and Erica, I'd suggest you leave.

Monica: Not until we give Emma this eucalyptus bath that Phoebe said would make her feel better.

Ross: OUT.

Monica: Fine! But you'll be sorry when Ben, Rachel, Joey, and Annette get sick. Then you'll be calling for MONICA.

Annette: Hey, I don't get sick that easily!

Ross: Everybody out!

Monica, Chandler, and Annette leave. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are sitting on the couch. Annette is working behind the counter. Enter Phoebe and Mike.

Phoebe: Hey.

Monica: Hey.

Phoebe: Is Ross back down?

Monica: No, Emma's still sick, and now Ben's over visiting.

Phoebe: Really? Did you give her the eucalyptus bath?

Monica: No, Ross kicked us out before we could give it to her.

Phoebe: Dammit! Doesn't he know how much fighting I had to do with the koala at the zoo to get those leaves?

Annette: Uh, Phoebe, koalas are nocturnal.

Phoebe: I know.

Annette: So how were you-?

Mike: Trust me: you do NOT wanna know.

Annette gasps.

Annette: Phoebe! You didn't break into the zoo, did you?

Phoebe: Hey, you want a piece of Phoebe? That was the only way I could get leaves for Emma to have a bath in! You wanna end up like that koala?

Annette: What'd you do to the koala?

Phoebe: …nothing.

Annette shakes her head. Joey sneezes. Monica jumps over the back of the couch.

Monica: Get away from me!

Joey: What? It was just a sneeze.

Annette: You were sneezing pretty badly this morning.

Phoebe: Are you sick?

Joey: No.

Phoebe puts her hand on Joey's forehead.

Phoebe: Ooh, you ARE a little warm. You might be coming down with something.

Joey sneezes again. Chandler jumps behind the couch and stands next to Monica.

Chandler: Don't sneeze near me, you walking germ factory!

Joey: I'm not sick!

Chandler: Then why did Phoebe say you were warm?

Mike: Probably because she was holding a cup of coffee, & checked with her HAND.

Phoebe: It was tea, I'll have you know! And besides, I can see Joey's aura. It's all…

Phoebe gestures.

Phoebe: …sickie.

Monica: Also, the fact he's sneezing, and white as a sheet.

Annette: The "white as a sheet" part might be due more to the fact he broke his hand. I told you to take your painkillers this morning!

Joey: I did!

Annette: Staring at the bottle and saying "Done" is NOT taking them.

Joey: Well…they make me loopy.

Chandler: How is this different from any other day?

Monica: Wait, just how loopy are we talking?

Annette: You remember when you came by a few weeks ago, and he was holding a conversation with the TV?

Chandler: Yeah.

Annette: THAT loopy.

Phoebe: Come on, Joey. I'll take you upstairs and give you a eucalyptus rub.

Joey: Okay.

Joey stands up and falls on the floor.

Joey: Am I standing?

Annette: No.

Joey: Oh. I thought I suddenly lifted the coffee table with my mind. Never mind.

Phoebe and Mike pick up Joey, and carry him out. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is standing in the kitchen, fixing a bottle. Enter Phoebe.

Phoebe: Hey.

Ross: Hey.

Phoebe: Do you have any clean washrags?

Ross: I might. I'd have to check.

Phoebe: Okay. Joey's down sick, too.

Ross: Oh, wonderful. What about Annette?

Phoebe: No, her aura doesn't look all…

Phoebe gestures.

Phoebe: …sickie.

Ross: Oh. Well…

Ross gestures.

Ross: …okay.

Phoebe: You know, you don't do the sarcasm as well as Chandler.

Ross: You'd think after 12 years, that I'd have some of it down.

Phoebe: Yeah, one would think so.

Enter Annette.

Annette: Hey, guys.

Ross and Phoebe: Hey.

Annette: Phoebe, what did you do with the juice? I can't find any in the fridge.

Phoebe: Oh, I threw it out.

Annette: You WHAT? Phoebe, that juice was for me! Why in the hell did you do that?

Phoebe: Because you don't need juice. Your aura isn't sickie. And besides, do you wanna be reminded of your parents having sex every time you drink juice?

Annette: Well, I wasn't thinking that before. Thanks a lot.

Phoebe: You're welcome.

Annette rolls her eyes and turns to Ross.

Annette: Can I dump Joey over here for a while? I need to get back to work; I'm closing tonight.

Ross: Sure, just dump him on the couch.

Annette: What's wrong with your room?

Rachel (from bedroom): Ross! My tea went cold!

Ross: I'm waiting for the tea kettle to heat up!

Rachel (from bedroom): Can you come fluff my pillow again?

Ross: Be there in a second!

Rachel (from bedroom): Don't forget my juice!

Ross: Phoebe threw it out!

Rachel (from bedroom): Phoebe!

Phoebe: You don't need juice! You need a eucalyptus rub! Why can't anyone use the rub?

Annette: What happened with Rachel?

Ross: She came home sick a few hours ago. I'm guessing she got whatever Joey and Emma have.

Annette: So I guess that means Ben's gonna be sick before too long, as well.

Ross: Probably.

Phoebe: Where IS Ben, anyway?

Ross: Carol came and got him before Rachel came home.

Rachel (from bedroom): Ross!

Ross: In a second! I'm trying to get Phoebe and Annette sick!

Phoebe and Annette look at each other, and run out the door. Ross smiles.

Ross: Never fails.

Ross walks into his and Rachel's bedroom. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is in the kitchen, cooking soup and talking on the phone.

Ross: No, Mon, you don't need to come over here. I got everything under control.

A pause.

Ross: Hey, I've taken care of sick people before!

A pause.

Ross: Yes, I have! Remember the time you and Mom came down with that cold, while Dad was out of town?

A pause.

Ross: Hey, you got better! So don't complain about a few rope burns.

A knock is heard. Ross looks up.

Ross: Mon, I'll call you back. Someone's at the door. And if it's Joey trying to order a pizza again, I'm gonna kill him.

A pause.

Ross: Bye.

Ross hangs up, walks over, and opens the door. Emily is standing in the doorway.

Ross: Emily…

Emily: Hello, Ross.

Ross stares in shock. Credits roll.

CREDITS SCENE

Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is sitting in the living room, playing with the twins. Enter Monica, sneezing.

Monica: Damn that stupid Joey! He got me sick!

Chandler: I TOLD you going over there to take care of him was a bad idea.

Monica glares at Chandler.

Monica: Shut up, at least my treatment worked.

Chandler: Yeah, stuffing him full of chicken soup and cold medication sure did the trick.

Monica: He isn't sneezing.

Chandler: He's barely CONSCIOUS.

Monica: Whatever. I'm going to bed.

Monica walks over. Chandler stands up with the twins and runs across the room.

Chandler: What do you think you're doing?

Monica: Kissing the kids good night!

Chandler: NO way! You're sick, so you're not coming anywhere near the kids. You're under QUARRANTINE.

Monica: What?

Chandler runs out of the room with the kids. Monica stares in shock.

(A/N DUN DUN DUN!)