I raped her.

I raped her.

I raped her.

She's sitting across from me now, staring down at her feet. She's been like that for a while now. She's probably thinking the same thing.

How could I.

I was there, and so was she, but yet it doesn't seem real. It wasn't us, it wasn't me. I dreamt it. A nightmare we both shared. I see her sitting there and I can't get the picture out of my head, the picture of her naked beneath me, pleading for me to stop. I can't remember being in control but that's no excuse. It was me. It didn't seem so wrong at first. She was laughing, it was fun. But I…

It wasn't fun.

I started and I couldn't stop. Even when she was crying, pleading, near screaming.

I'm trying to find the turning point, where it changed so suddenly from us finally satisfying our lust to me taking what I needed, with no regard.

It was surreal.

It is surreal.

I didn't know, but then I did. I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I wasn't me.

I was a rapist, out of control and ruthless.

"Jack It's your turn" Daniel broke the train of thought with the monotone reminder and indicated towards the Simpson's Monopoly game on the coffee table. Sam seemed to be shaken from her thoughts at the same time. She assessed what was going on and then placed her beer down. She'd barely touched it.

"Excuse me" she muttered her exit as she stood and swiftly walked down to the bathroom, disappearing inside it.

Daniel watched as Sam hurried down the hall to the bathroom and then turned to Jack with a frown. Jack took in this look and dropped his head. He knew they needed to sort this out …somehow.

Jack picked up the dice and rolled, not bothering to look at the board as he pulled his beer to his lips and sat back, expecting Daniel to move his player for him. Daniel counted out the spots and paused as his finger stopped on the 'go to jail' square. Jack looked down and smiled at the irony.

"Who's next?" Jack asked placing his beer down beside Sam's and then frowned in realization. "Carter's" he commented. Janet looked up from where she had been sorting out her properties to watch Daniel. She'd been doing this for most of the game; keeping herself secluded from conversation by keeping busy sorting through her property and money. There were two advantages to this, one she had a strategic advantage as she was the only one focusing on the game, two this allowed her to watch Daniel carefully without making it obvious. The only disadvantage was that Janet didn't seem to pick up on the intense tension between Jack and Sam.

"Jack, she's been in there for a while" Daniel casually hinted playing that he was bored of waiting for her to return and make her move. Jack shot a warning look at Daniel but Daniel returned it by gesturing to Janet. This clearly explained that Daniel wanted to be alone with Janet so he could apologize properly. Jack probably would have just nodded and left immediately, had he not been so overcome with anxiety about going to that bathroom.

Janet looked up suddenly realizing that Jack would be leaving and she and Daniel would be alone.

"Uh, anyone want coffee?" Janet offered standing up, intent on busying herself in the kitchen. Jack watched her leave and looked at Daniel who was staring at him with this look that asked 'why the hell are you still sitting there' or 'go talk to her for crying out loud'. Jack rolled his eyes and sighed pushing off his chair and moving towards the bathroom.

As soon as Sam had that door closed, she sat down on the lid of the toilet collapsing the tension that had been building. She let out a deep breath and let the wave of emotion sweep over her. This was so screwed up.

She sat there in thought for sometime, remembering that night. She'd been thinking about it constantly lately, despite her efforts to take her mind off of it. But tonight it seemed impossibly eminent and every time she saw Jack looking at her, she couldn't help but feel anxiety bubbling inside her.

She'd always felt something stirring inside her when she looked at him but that had changed now. He had betrayed her and whether it was because of an alien influence or not, she didn't care. She'd been hurt more than she'd ever been before by the man she cared so deeply for and every inch of her body ached with the pain of that truth.

She'd come in here with the hope of calming her nerves and the raw emotion building inside her but it seemed this just allowed her to let it out while no one was around.

Unable to contain the thoughts, the hurt and the hatred. She started to cry. Softly at first but before long the overwhelming hit of emotion came flooding out and she found herself screaming into a hand towel just to let it all out. The tears flowed uncontrollably as she collapsed to the floor clutching her arms to her torso as if the ache she felt was physical pain inside her.

A knock on the door came.

She'd only barely noticed it at first and had frozen in silence, wishing and hoping it had been in her head but the unknown person knocked again.

"Just a mi'ute" she called becoming very aware at how congested she'd become. It was hard to breathe let alone talk. She whipped her eyes frantically as she stood up.

"Are you decent?" Jack asked looking nervously over to Daniel "I'm coming in" he called turning the handle.

Sam panicked. She thought she'd locked it. Had she thought to? She saw a glimpse of her puffy, red, congested features in the mirror and gasped. Jack opened the door and closed it behind him.

Sam kept her back turned, content in facing away.

-

Janet stood in a corner of Jacks kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil. She'd seen Jack leave and had hastily gone for the kitchen. Daniel had sat in the lounge room for a while but now strolled into the kitchen, playing boredom.

Janet kept her eyes away as she focused her attention on making coffee.

She found this hard enough to believe. She couldn't face him right now. She didn't want to have to fear him but she could already feel the stirring inside her as she swallowed back the anxiety with the images of him… and Sam.

"What do you think is up with Sam?" Daniel asked in a tone too casual to be legitimate curiosity.

"What do you think" Janet hissed under her breathe, breathing out her frustration building inside her.

Daniel frowned watching her; it was obvious she knew more then him. Though it was more apparent that she thought he knew more then her. Daniel smiled at how the two of them had been pushed away. Two friends which they would each confide in and trust with anything. But now it seemed even they were not allowed to be concerned.

Janet turned around and spotted the slight smirk and closed her eyes in disbelief. This wasn't right. Daniel was nice. Daniel was considerate. Daniel was trust worthy. He didn't rape people!

Though it was possible, like anyone who had ever been hurt by someone they loved had faced that 'possible' truth.

"Has she told you anything?" Daniel asked while Janet sighed in exasperation. This entire situation seemed to be wrong.

"Daniel…" she paused looking up at him "…I know"

Daniel let out a low growl. Why was HE the last to know? Why couldn't HE be trusted?

"I suppose she doesn't want you to talk to me at all?" Daniel asked becoming more and more frustrated. Janet looked at the obvious anger in Daniel and promptly slapped him, firmly across his cheek.

Daniel stood stunned, his hand cupping his throbbing flesh as he stared at her with a look of shock and confusion.

"What!" Daniel exclaimed with his eye brows furrowed as he set his gaze with hers in a confused state of horror.

"In all my years working in medicine, I've met a few shady characters. I've come across strange things and been in strange situations but never…" she looked away from him as the image flashed before her again. Anger bubbled inside her as she looked up at him in disgust. "You are her friend Daniel. She trusts you. You're supposed to love her and be the one she turns to when this happens not the twisted… character, who does it to her!"

Daniel's hand dropped from his face as his mouth hung open gapingly.

"Janet..." Daniel's voice croaked as a panic raised in him "Janet, what did…" he paused taking in the look of betrayal. He felt a wave of fear take over and as he took a step forward Janet seemed to jump back shakily. A thought struck him, Daniel swallowed with the weight of the thought. It actually made sense. Why Sam had been on edge around him. Why Jack wouldn't talk to Sam. Why Jack was in the state he was when he'd found him this afternoon. He'd thought it wasn't this bad. He'd thought Jack was just depressed and mourning Sarah. He'd thought Sam was on edge because she'd been scared by Jack and had felt betrayed but this… It fit and in its brutality.

Disgust and panic grew.

"Did… Janet, was Sam raped?" Daniel asked holding his breath. Janet frowned in a momentary lapse of confusion before the realization hit.

"Oh god" Janet sucked in a gasp of air "Colonel O'Neill" her eyes darted towards the bathroom door and Daniel understood. They both ran.

"Jack! What the hell's gotten into you!" Daniel slammed his fist against the door. "Open this door!"

-

Meanwhile

"Carter" Jack spoke as he closed the door and unconsciously locked it. Sam shuddered as she heard the door lock, locking them in here; together.

"Sir" she started but her congested, hoarse throat made the simple common word sound strangled. Jack drew in a deep breath looking up at her in surprise. He'd heard it in that word. She'd been crying; A lot.

He looked down in guilt as he let out a drawn out breath.

"Carter I…" his heart pounded as he stood stiff and frozen

"Sir, can I be left alone please?" she asked not caring how tragic her voice sounded.

Jack winced at the sadness in her voice as she tried to collect herself and appear like the strong soldier in front of him. Facing away so he couldn't see her face and speaking slowly to get the words out clearly.

"We need to talk about this" Jack explained his presence as he managed a step forward.

"Sir, please" she asked matching his step as she moved away. Her heart pounding in her ears. Jack paused, his whole demeanor dropping as she moved away in fright. He felt like an ignorant child cornering a bird in a room that it'd gotten trapped in. The child only curious and wanting to help but the bird fearing for it's life, seeing the child as an enemy trying to kill it.

"No" Jack stated, denying the request.

Sam wiped her eyes as best she could as she sucked in a deep breath.

"Fine, I'll leave" she exhaled moving towards the door quickly but Jack slammed his hand against the door holding it closed and cutting her off.

"Sir!" she seemed to growl as she took a step back letting out a long drawn out exhale of breath to try to calm herself.

"Carter we work together…" Jack started but Sam cut him off with a rage filled stare

"Yes! We work together. I'm your second in command. I answer to you. I know that fact and it's hard enough having to stand up to that code in near honesty as it is but there's nothing honest anymore. Nothing sacred. Nothing true. No trust. No comfort. No joy." Sam attacked him in an outburst "we can't talk this over sir. This won't go away. We can't just apologize and hope it will all go away… you raped me" she dropped her head clutching her stomach as if the pain were physical.

"Jack you…" tears overwhelmed her once again as she began hyperventilating and lowered herself to the floor. Jack took this as his cue finally and in a concerned haste, he closed the distance between them and pulled her into his arms. She pulled away in a panic but Jack held a firm grip, holding her pressed against his chest.

"Shh Carter, it's alright. Just calm down. Breathe" She was reluctant but succumbed to the need to be held.

"It's ok Carter, No one's going to hurt you" he whispered softly into her ear with his chin resting on her shoulder and his lips just barely touching her ear as he stroked her arm reassuringly "Just relax" he told her in a lulling tone. "Trust me, this is not going to happen to you again" he assured her as he rocked her gently, swallowing guiltily as he stared into his thoughts of concern.

"I'll never hurt you" he promised kissing the back of her neck gently.

"Never again"

---

I AM SOOOOOOO SORRY-Ducks-
I should have completed and posted this chapter a LONG time ago. There is NO excused. I just didn't get around to it.
So many of you have gone out of your way to try and get me to write more.
Thanks btw ;P
I hope… hope hope HOPE!
To get more of this updated soon. A lot more.
-Fingers crossed-
With any luck it'll be finished by the end of these holidays.
Sorry again. You're all so dedicated :)