Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is standing naked in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. Enter Annette from Joey's room, yawning.
Joey: Morning.
Annette shrieks.
Joey: What?
Annette: WHY ARE YOU NAKED?
Joey: Because it's Thursday!
Annette: So?
Joey: So, Chandler and I had this tradition while he was living here, called Naked Thursdays. Every Thursday, we'd just lounge around, clothes free.
Annette: What if someone came to the door?
Joey: Remember the stories of Ugly, Naked Guy we told you?
Annette: Yeah.
Joey: Let's just say, UPS wasn't the only one delivering packages.
Annette cringes.
Joey: Come on, give it a try. You might enjoy it.
Annette: Oh, all right.
Annette strips off her nightshirt.
Annette: You're right, this IS pretty fun.
Enter Ross, panting.
Ross: I heard a shriek, is everything all right?
Annette shrieks again, runs into Joey's room, and slams the door. Ross looks at Joey.
Ross: Naked Thursday?
Joey: Yep.
Theme song and title sequence plays.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Scene opens in Central Perk. Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Mike and Chandler are sitting in the chairs at the end table. Ross and Rachel are reading magazines.
Monica: Ross, can you pass me the sugar?
Ross reaches over to the table, grabs a salt shaker, and hands it to Monica, while continuing to read his magazine.
Monica: THANK you, brother. The doctor said I needed more sodium in my diet.
Ross: Uh huh.
Monica shakes her head, and grabs the sugar dispenser. Phoebe turns to Rachel.
Phoebe: Rachel?
Rachel: Huh?
Phoebe: I'm going shopping today at Bloomingdale's. Wanna join me?
Rachel: Uh huh.
Phoebe: I'm gonna donate everything I buy to a fashion-blind person, and sell all your purchases to a traveling carnival.
Rachel: Uh huh.
Phoebe: And then I'm gonna rampage through the store, and destroy all the fur.
Rachel: Uh huh.
Phoebe shakes her head.
Monica: What are you two reading that's so fascinating, anyway?
Ross: Scientific American.
Rachel: Vogue.
Monica: Where's Emma?
Rachel: Mom.
Phoebe: Why aren't you at work?
Ross and Rachel: Day off.
Monica stares at Ross. Enter Joey and Annette, holding hands.
Joey: Hey, guys.
Chandler: Hey, naked people.
Joey whirls around and glares at Ross.
Joey: You TOLD them?
Ross: Uh huh.
Joey: Ross!
Mike: Joey, he and Rachel are too into their magazines to be paying attention. Just ignore them.
Annette giggles.
Annette: I gotta clock in, hon.
Joey: Yeah, and I gotta get to the set. I get to kill a coma patient today.
Annette kisses Joey.
Annette: Have fun. I'll see you tonight.
Joey: Bye.
Joey heads for the door.
Monica: Oh, Joey. Chandler and I are having a costume party this weekend at the house, so if you wanna get something on your way home…
Ross: Just don't get Flintstones.
Annette: I wouldn't recommend Indiana Jones for you either, PROFESSOR.
Ross and Rachel bury their faces in their magazines. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is standing in the kitchen, dressed in a policewoman kiss-o-gram outfit.
Rachel: Ross, come on! We're gonna be late!
Ross (from bedroom): I'm not coming out!
Rachel: Please?
Ross (from bedroom): No!
Enter Joey and Annette. Joey is wearing a bed sheet. Annette is dressed in a jump suit, with an inflatable proton pack.
Annette: You guys ready to go?
Rachel: No, Ross won't come out of the bedroom. He thinks he looks ridiculous.
Joey (to the door): Don't worry, Rach. I'm sure his outfit isn't that bad.
Rachel: Uh, Joey? I'm over here.
Annette grabs Joey by the shoulder and turns him around.
Joey: Thanks, Ross.
Rachel looks at Annette.
Annette: He can't see a thing.
Rachel: Joey, why didn't you cut some holes in that thing, so you can see?
Joey: Annette won't let me. It's one of the sheets off our bed.
Annette: You are not cutting holes in our good sheets! We have to SLEEP on these!
Joey: Then how am I supposed to see?
Annette: Sonar.
Rachel: Honey, come on! I promise no one will laugh at you!
Ross: Fine! But if anyone laughs, I'm leaving!
Enter Ross in a Roman centurion outfit. Annette starts laughing.
Annette: Nice outfit…chicken legs.
Ross: That's it; I'm getting the dinosaur costume from the shop!
Rachel: You are not! Monica said we were doing themed costumes this year, and you said that I could pick the theme! Now stop complaining, we're gonna be late!
Ross: I said DINO themes! DINO!
Rachel drags Ross out the door. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is running around the kitchen, dressed as Raggedy Ann.
Monica: Chandler! Are you ready yet? The guys will be here soon!
Enter Chandler, dressed as the Tenth Doctor.
Chandler: All set.
Monica: Why are you dressed like that?
Chandler: Because if I run around naked, people tend to stare at me.
Monica: We said we were doing themed costumes this year!
Chandler: This IS my theme!
Monica: What, Irritate Your Wife and End Up Sleeping on the Couch?
Chandler: No, this matches the TARDIS in the front yard for when I hand out candy to the trick-or-treaters.
Monica: We're not handing out candy this year!
Chandler: We're not?
Monica: No!
Chandler: Why not?
Monica: Because I didn't have a chance to buy any this year!
Chandler: I better shut off the porch light, then!
The doorbell rings. Monica glares at Chandler.
Monica: You better hope that's not a trick-or-treater.
Monica walks to the foyer, and opens the door. Enter Ross, Rachel, Joey, Annette, Phoebe, and Mike. Phoebe is dressed in a princess costume. Mike is dressed as a knight.
Rachel: Hi! Sorry we're late.
Monica: That's okay. You made it, that's all that matters.
Rachel: That's…strangely nice of you.
Monica: What? I can be nice!
Ross glares.
Monica: Okay, fine. I'm mad at Chandler.
Joey (to coat rack): You look great, Mon. Love the costume.
Monica: Uh, Joey…?
Annette grabs Joey's shoulder, and turns him toward Monica.
Joey: Thanks, Ross.
Annette smacks Joey upside the head.
Joey: Ow!
Annette: That was ME, you dunce!
Monica: Joey, why don't you just cut some holes in that thing, so you can see?
Joey: Annette won't let me.
Monica: Why not?
Annette: He ripped the bed sheet from off the bed! I am NOT gonna let him cut holes in it! We sleep under that thing, you know!
Monica: He's gonna hurt himself running into walls!
Annette: How is this different for him than any other day?
A pause.
Monica: Good point.
Phoebe: Where's Raggedy Andy?
Monica: If he's smart, he's getting his raggedy butt upstairs to change into his raggedy costume.
Monica grabs Joey's shoulder.
Monica: Come on, Joey. Let's go get you a sheet you can cut some holes in, before you hurt yourself.
Monica leads Joey out. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's hallway. Monica, Rachel, Annette, and Phoebe are standing outside of Monica and Chandler's bedroom.
Monica: Honey, come out!
Chandler (from bedroom): No!
Monica: Chandler, get out here!
Chandler (from bedroom): No! You can't make me!
Enter Ross, Joey, and Mike.
Ross: What's going on?
Annette: Chandler won't come out. He thinks he looks ridiculous.
Chandler (from bedroom): I do! And SOMEONE put too much blush on my cheeks!
Rachel blushes.
Monica: See, this is why I don't let you do makeovers for me.
Rachel: You have high cheekbones!
Annette: And you stuff your bra!
Rachel: Shut up, butt jiggler!
Ross: Chandler, come out of there! We promise not to laugh!
Chandler (from bedroom): Fine, but the first person who giggles is gonna find a sonic screwdriver crammed where the sun don't shine!
Enter Chandler in a Raggedy Andy costume. Everyone stares, as Chandler glares at them.
Chandler: Don't anyone so much as SNICKER.
Annette giggles.
Annette: Wow. Your cheeks are redder than a rose.
Chandler: AND we're changing.
Monica grabs Chandler's arm.
Monica: Oh, no you don't! You said we could do themed costumes, and this is the theme I picked!
Chandler: But-
Monica: No buts! If Ross can show up in a leather skirt, you can go downstairs with blush on your cheeks for one night!
Chandler: Fine. But if the neighbors show up, YOU get to explain to them why I look like your father-in-law.
Monica drags Chandler downstairs. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's dining room. Monica, Rachel, and Annette are walking between the kitchen and dining room, carrying out snack foods. Ross, Chandler, and Mike are sitting in the living room, watching a movie. Phoebe and Joey are standing by the table.
Monica: Incoming!
Enter Monica with a tray in her hands.
Monica: Annette, you got the punch bowl?
Annette (from kitchen): Are you kidding me? This isn't a punch bowl, it's a freaking cauldron!
Monica: It keeps the theme, now get it out here!
Enter Annette and Rachel, both carrying a punch bowl shaped as a steaming cauldron.
Annette: Okay, easy! Easy, now! We drop this, and we're gonna be eating flies for the rest of our lives!
Monica glares at Annette, as Annette and Rachel set the punch bowl on the table.
Monica: Okay, so we have a damsel in distress and a knight in shining armor, a ghost and Ghostbuster, Raggedy Anne and Raggedy Andy, and I'm guessing Ross and Rachel are supposed to be Amy Pond and Rory Williams.
Rachel (to Ross): See, I TOLD you people would get it!
Ross: Tell that to the cab driver who was staring at your legs the whole way over!
Rachel: Oh, like the girls coming out of the coffee shop weren't staring at yours while we were waiting for the cab!
Joey: If you got it, flaunt it.
Rachel and Annette glare at Joey.
Monica: So Phoebe, do you have a name picked out for your princess costume?
Phoebe: Yep. I am Princess Consuela Banana Hammock!
Chandler looks at Mike.
Chandler: And I take you're Sir Crapbag?
Mike: Nah, I let her have this one for tonight.
Joey: Uh, Phoebe, you DO know what a Banana Hammock is, right?
Phoebe: Uh huh. It's the name I chose for tonight.
Joey: I mean, besides that.
Phoebe: Oh. No, what?
Joey leans closer and whispers. Phoebe gasps.
Phoebe: I am now known as Princess Consuela Green Forest!
Monica: Well, Princess Green Forest, you better get over here before Joey eats all of the food.
The doorbell rings.
Monica: Who could that be?
Chandler: Probably trick-or-treaters.
Monica: Didn't you turn the porch light off?
Chandler: No.
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: I have candy for them…in my Doctor costume.
Monica: You are not going upstairs to change!
Chandler: And YOU'RE not picking the costumes anymore!
Monica: What? I pick good costumes!
Chandler: No, you don't!
Monica: Name one time I didn't pick a good costume!
Ross: Now or when we were kids?
Monica: Shut up, chicken legs.
Chandler: Bunny costume.
Monica: It was cute!
Chandler: It was PINK!
Rachel: Uh, guys?
Monica: You called yourself Bugs!
Chandler: It was pink!
Monica: Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy are classic!
Chandler: They're DOLLS!
Phoebe: Guys…
Monica: It's a theme!
Chandler: It's a DOLL!
Annette: Hey! Nerds!
Chandler and Monica turn to glare at Annette. Annette points at the doorway. Chandler and Monica turn around to see Joey standing in the doorway, with a group of costumed children in front of him. Two adults stand behind the kids, looking nervously around.
Chandler and Monica: Hi.
Boy: Mom, look! They have cookies!
Woman: Zack, remember your manners!
Monica: Uh, Joey? You wanna explain?
Joey: These are the trick-or-treaters at the door. I didn't know where the candy was, so I let them in so they wouldn't be cold, while I went to find it. By the way, it's a real pain turning the doorknob.
Annette: Did you try turning it with the sheet again?
A pause.
Joey: Dammit!
Man: Uh, we can see you folks are having a party. We don't wanna intrude, so we'll just be going.
Monica: Oh, no, no, no! Please, you're welcome to stay.
Woman: Oh. Um, thank you.
Monica: I'm Monica, by the way.
Man: I'm Brian, and this is my wife, JoAnn.
Brian points to the kids.
Brian: This is Zack, Johnny, and Ashley.
Monica points to Ross.
Monica: That's my brother Ross, and his fiancée Rachel. The princess by the table is our friend Phoebe, her husband Mike, Mike's cousin Annette, the sheet next to you is Joey, and the soon-to-be-dead Raggedy Andy trying to sneak upstairs is my husband Chandler.
Greetings are exchanged.
Johnny: Mom, can we have some cookies?
JoAnn: Ask Monica.
Johnny: Monica, can I have some cookies?
Monica: Only if your mom says it's okay.
Johnny: Augh! Do they TEACH moms how to talk like this?
Annette: We can't confirm or deny that.
Johnny stomps off. Scene ends and opens in the hallway of Monica and Chandler's house. Brian, JoAnn, and family are standing on the porch. Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Mike, Annette, and Joey are standing by the curb. Monica and Chandler are standing in the doorway.
Brian: Well, this was definitely fun. And a lot safer for the kids than dodging traffic.
JoAnn: It was nice meeting you all. I hope we can do this again sometime.
Monica: So do we.
Brian and JoAnn turn to leave.
Brian: By the way, Chandler, who's TARDIS, is that in your yard?
Chandler: Mine.
Brian: You built it?
Chandler: Yep.
Brian: That's impressive!
Chandler: Thank you. Joey thought it was real, and tried to fly it. Remind me to show you the video of him running into the doors.
Brian laughs, and walks off with JoAnn and family. Chandler puts his arm around Monica.
Chandler: All in all, it was a great night.
Monica: It was. But you're still not picking the costumes next year.
Chandler glares at Monica. Credits roll.
CREDITS SCENE
Scene opens in Joey's bedroom. Joey is lying in bed, clutching his stomach and moaning. Annette rolls over, and groans.
Annette: What now?
Joey: Tummy hurts.
Annette: I told you not to eat all the lady fingers at Monica's party.
Joey: But they were good!
Annette: And that's why you have a stomachache!
Joey: Like yours was any better, after the hot dogs…
Annette glares at Joey. Joey chuckles, and then clutches his stomach and moans. Annette gets out of bed.
Joey: Where are you going?
Annette: Times Square. The traffic noise there will be quieter than you are.
Annette grabs a pillow, and walks out the door.
(A/N Yeah, I know updates are few & far when compared to last season. It's because I'm trying to balance this against accelerated college courses, & everything else I have going on in my life. I'd rather take longer to finish these to give you guys a good story, than rush it & give you crap. So I'm asking for your understanding on this. If you can't or won't be patient, then I can't do a thing for you.)