'Call her'

Daniel repeated this in his head as his finger hovered over redial. Earlier that morning he'd picked up his phone and dialled her number but never hit the call button. Now he was periodically hitting the redial button every time he let the phone reset. He'd felt awkward when he'd gone to her about Jack yesterday. He still didn't understand what Jack was thinking. Janet hadn't spoken to him; she'd just looked at him with wide almost frightened eyes and listened to him as he told her about Jack.

This was ridiculous, he hadn't done anything. He'd scared her. He'd let himself lose control and had frightened himself over it. But Jack was the one who should be fighting himself over calling Sam. Not him over calling Janet.

He just wanted to apologise; properly.

The way she'd treated him in Jacks kitchen had really gotten to him. He knew it was because she'd thought he'd done it but he knew his actions in the infirmary had had an effect on her. She needed this apology almost as much as he needed to apologise.

'Call her'

He pressed the redial button again and pressed call. He bit his lip nervously as he listened to the ringing. A long moment later she answered.

"Fraiser" she spoke into the line, sounding frustrated

"Janet" Daniel spoke into the line as he rubbed a sweaty palm on his pants leg "can I meet with you"

"Daniel I'm sorry but I can't really talk, you've caught me at a bad moment" Janet told him sounding rushed, as if she was running or walking very quickly at that moment.

"Just hold up" Daniel asked as he listened to the sound of her locking a door, probably her house

"MUM!!" Cassie called and Daniel heard the distinct honk of a car.

"Daniel I really have to go, I've just left the base for a few hours and I need to drive Cassie into town and be back in time for SG6's return."

"This is important" he replied lying back feeling let down. Strange as that was. He felt heavy and you could hear it in his breath.

"Are you alright?" she asked and waited for a response. He froze not knowing what to say. "I'll call you when I get back to base" she told him as he heard her car door slam and then all the background noise went dead. "I need to speak to you anyway"

"I'd rather not do this over the phone" he seemed almost to plead with her. He could feel his nerves getting to him and felt emotion building inside his chest.

"Okay, I'll come see you when my shift ends, will you be on base?" she asked starting the engine. Daniel dropped his head back

"uh no, I'll be at home" he replied expecting Janet to smirk but instead she just hung up.

Daniel ended the call and dropped the phone on the floor beside him. He stared up at the ceiling feeling frustrated and confused. He'd felt a strange overwhelming emotion pumping through him. It was only a phone call.

He needed to get some air.

He stepped out onto his balcony and looked out over the railing down at the drop below him. He didn't know how long he'd been staring down at it. He couldn't remember much from when he'd stood here, intent on letting himself take that drop. Jack had told him the whole story but it didn't help. He imagined the kind of mind set he'd have to have had in order to think of this. He probably felt similar to what he felt now. Guilty, confused, frustrated, betrayed.

That was one thing he did feel a lot. Betrayed. Betrayed by Jack for what he did, Betrayed by Sam for not turning to him, Betrayed by Janet for thinking he could have done that. Mostly just betrayed by him self, for getting like this. This wasn't supposed to affect him so much. This was their problem. Jack and Sam, this happened to them, not him. Then why did he feel so overwhelmed by a phone call? Why did he hate himself? Why did he feel like all the happiness that had been in his life had been ripped away when Jack raped Sam? Why did he feel like he understood what might have been going through his mind when he'd last stood out on this ledge ready to jump?

Everything was falling apart and no one would let him pick up the pieces.

Sam was frightened of him. Jack was torturing himself, by himself. Teal'c seemed to have stepped back, silently letting things occur naturally and be there for Sam. And Janet was avoiding him in awkwardness. She hadn't even apologised for thinking it was him.

How could she. Didn't she know him at all?

He didn't know what to do. He was torn between these feelings of rage and the feelings of guilt. He wasn't there for Sam and she won't let him. He doesn't know if he can be there for Jack, his friend who betrayed all that he trusted in him when he did that. Teal'c was fine by himself, he always was. But he could at least apologise to Janet, and be there for her. This had to be affecting her.

None of this made any sense. He was so tired of it. He was so tired in general. He just wanted it all to go back to how it used to be. He just wanted it all to go away.

His pulse was racing. He knew he was getting worked up.

He stepped over the railing.

He didn't know why, he was curious. He'd been here before but he couldn't remember. He couldn't understand and now he might. These sensations he felt were so strong. He felt heavy with regret from so many things. Maybe if he just stood here, it'd make sense.

The air was cold against his skin, blowing his clothes with the force. He'd at first hung on to the railing and looked down at the drop, imagining what it'd feel like. Then he lifted his arms in the air, feeling the wind against him, swaying him slightly with its force.

Suddenly he felt a slim arm around his waist.

It made him jump; if the arm hadn't been latched on he probably would have lost balance.

"Daniel don't" a familiar voice pleaded with him as a second arm gripped his torso "It won't solve anything" her voice was strangled with the weight of crying. When she'd come in he didn't know.

"Sam?" he asked as he turned to look down on her panic stricken features

"Come back over the edge please" she begged him; Daniel nodded and climbed over the railing back onto the balcony. He fell into Sam's arms as he did and she welcomed the powerful hug with a distraught need to hold him.

"I wasn't going to…" he started but she cut him off as she rubbed his back.

"Shh Daniel its ok, I understand" she told him reassuringly

"I just wanted to know how it felt" he continued "everything seems to be falling apart and I thought I understood what it was that had driven me there last time" he told her while she rubbed slow circles along his back, holding him against her. "I'm so confused"

"It's alright Daniel" she assured him "I should have known this was affecting you"

Daniel pulled back from the hug at this and looked into her red eyes.

"No Sam, you have every right to be distracted." He told her "you shouldn't be the one helping me; I should be there for you"

"Daniel, I know I pushed you away" she took his hand in to her own "I was just scared. I was coming over here to see you about all of this; I'd stopped at a fuel station when Janet called me. She said you'd called her and she was worried about the way you'd sounded on the phone" Sam explained "I should have come sooner"

"Sam" Daniel cut her off and cupped her face in his hand to catch her full attention "come inside" he smiled in a way that told her he understood.