Yeah... I meant to post this ages back... but then my net died around the same time all my assignments were due... my apologies.

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Janet glanced at the phone curiously, listening to the dial tone echo from the speakers, thinking it purely unusual behaviour for Sam, though Sam's behaviour couldn't surprise her given everything that had been and was still happening. Janet shook her head, hung up the phone and lifted herself from her living room couch in search of the overexcited teenager she had flippantly cursed at whilst on the phone.

"Cassie?" she called out as she approached the front door where her daughter had run through only moments ago. She waited for a response but instead heard a mass of giggling. She smiled as she opened the front door to see Cassie and her three school friends at the gate, busily dragging overnight bags and plumb pillows across the icy driveway as they seemed to be feverishly discussing everything they had planned for the evening.

"Hi girls!" she called out to the four of them, wondering just what kind of trouble they'd be inadvertently conjuring up with their plans. Cassie looked up at her for only a moment before grasping a large bundle of sleeping bag and hurriedly led her friends into the house.

"Hi mum, bye mum" she laughed as she pushed past with the oversized bundle and raced inside. Janet laughed it off and turned to follow the girls in, stopping only when she heard a faint cough from behind her. Glancing back to the far left of the porch, she found Daniel, leaning against the railing, staring up at the setting sun.

"Oh sorry Daniel, Cassie didn't tell me you were here" she blushed as she walked over to him, wondering just how long he'd been standing on her porch.

"I asked her not to" Daniel replied shortly and then glanced away from the pretty sky to her confused features "I uh just needed some time to think" he explained but frowned as this only served to crease her brow further in confusion.

"Cassie's having a few friends here tonight I see" He quickly changed the subject, provoking a smile from the baffled doctor.

"Uh yeah, it's apparently been her turn to host a sleepover for a while and with me working all the time, she hardly ever gets to have friends over." Janet explained

"So now that you have a day off…" he prompted

"She's taken up the opportunity to hold a 'semi-supervised' sleepover" Janet finished with a smile and then leant against the railing with him.

"You're not supervising them?" He asked, not seeming as interested as his question suggested, in fact seeming more deflated then anything.

"Uh no, I'm going to leave the house to Cassie for a few hours, I'll call to check in on them at some point and I'll be back at the end of the night but Cassie's a smart girl, I'm sure they'll be fine" Janet finished explaining, noting that his mind was definitely elsewhere "what's up?"

Daniel looked up almost startled by the question and took a long moment to consider it before glancing back down at his white knuckles, grasping the rail.

"Uh, besides the obvious?" he joked, dropping his head to one side.

"Are you okay?" Janet's genuine concern managed to strike a note and Daniel's shoulders shook with a great weight. He let a strangled laugh out in pain, trying to ignore the ache inside him and shook his head. The display of obvious anguish that Daniel showed drew a gasp from Janet's lips. She closed her eyes and gently placed a reassuring hand on his closest shoulder.

"Have you eaten yet?" she asked provoking a strange glance

"Uh…" he paused trying to think back over his day, he wasn't sure but he knew he hadn't had anything for a while "No, not yet" he managed to reply, dropping his hands from the rail and bringing one up to take his glasses off.

"Come on then" she smiled "there's a nice quiet Italian diner down the road that should still be open, we can have that talk you wanted to have" she offered, relieving his confusing and prompting a small smile.

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The road was slick. The past few days of what appeared to be, if not a monsoonal downpour, an endless trickling, was now easing up. The streets had become coated in a thin layer of ice, dampened by the bright heat that came with clear skies.

Sam drove with the windows down, letting the chilled breeze wash over her as she seemed to almost speed down the quiet, slippery streets of Colorado Springs. The drive, however, was anything but short; whilst the route was a familiar one and her foot was growing heaver on the accelerator, she was also becoming increasingly reflective and her mind absent. Foolish, she knew, but it couldn't be helped as far as she was concerned. She reasoned that in the midst of what should have been rush hour, the roads were surprisingly empty and she was a skilled driver anyhow.

Curiously, her thoughts were not on Jack for once but instead on Daniel. Janet's proposed heart to heart, she suspected, would be very Daniel centric as she was sure all of this was stirring up Janet's feelings towards the troubled archaeologist. Her precise thoughts were focused on that evening, where Daniel had confessed that while he'd never intended to come close to jumping, he had almost wanted to. He had been driven by his desire to seek out that undiscovered dark part of his subconscious, that part which had pushed him there before, when he was at his lowest, effected by the light. She thought it strange; she had half expected Jack to be the one she find in that situation, given what he'd done to her, Sarah's death and given the state he'd been in after his son had died.

It was growing darker and Sam was still a while off home, she wasn't sure she wanted to go there and deal with Janet's probing. Janet meant well, Janet was just worried about her, only wanting to make sure she was going to come out of this as the same old soldier Sam; but Sam simply couldn't help but want to be alone, she longed for a little piece of nothing, not having to deal with feeling feelings and not having to explain those feelings just to give her worried friends some peace.

She couldn't help but want so desperately to bottle everything inside and pretend that everything was as it always was. She'd let so much of herself out already, wasn't it enough yet? Couldn't they just forget about it? Even now she wished she'd never admitted anything to Janet, never let it slip. Especially now, as she was becoming increasingly aware that Jack seemed to have made up his mind; he was putting in for a transfer, regardless of how things turned out between them.

What happened was a mistake, she was sure of it. Originally she had high hopes, wanting to skip so many of the recovery steps through the act, hoping to wash away the ugliness with something meaningful; and it was meaningful, and tender, beautiful even, but it wasn't quite what she'd hoped. Her anxieties still loomed over her, though she trusted him completely, she knew he too wasn't recovered. There was a darkness to him that wasn't there before and while she hoped it was just in her head, that she was simply seeing him differently because of what he'd done; she was afraid that she wasn't and that he was changed now, for the worse.

There is a park nearby her house; it isn't the sort where children play, but the sort to walk through leisurely. She often liked to run through this park, its vastness and seclusion providing a welcome distraction from the world, for her to run off her problems. She pulled up outside her house, stepping out of the car and walking the short distance with her coat wrapped firmly around her. She cast her gaze over the vast green park momentarily and then dropped her eyes to her shaking hands. She was so tired of this constant ache, she needed to breathe normally, she needed to smile honestly, and she needed to forget.

She drew in a deep breath of the cold air as she let her coat slip off her shoulders until it caught at her bandaged forearm. Taking in the sudden chill, she paused for a moment, considering turning back and heading into her house. She drew in another long deep breath, exhaling slowly as she approached a park chair a few feet to her side and then eased her arms out of the coat completely and placed it lightly on the chair. She sighed and kicked her shoes off, smiling minutely at the feel of crisp icy grass beneath her feet. She closed her eyes, relishing in the sensations and then as she sat down on the cold, damp bench, she opened her eyes again. The sun was setting on the far side of the Park and she found herself saddened by its beauty. She lent back against the bench, thinking over everything; she soon found herself shaking, not from the cold, but from the sickening feeling overwhelming her. Struggling to remain calm, she sunk her hand of her injured arm into her jacket pocket to retrieve her mobile; with her free hand she wiped away tears that had started to soak into her cheeks. She was suddenly and overwhelmingly filled with regret.

She regretted everything; everything she'd said, everything she'd done, everything she let happen. She let her emotions overflow with the regret and just sat there, not caring that she had barely any light left or that the snow was melting into her skirt and her feet were now freezing. She only cared that she had ruined what could have been special, and there wasn't a thing she could do to fix it.

Flipping open her phone, she keyed in a message that read: 'Sorry Janet, not tonight… I'm tired' and then after sending it, she gathered her things and headed inside.

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After Sam left, Jack lay back in bed for a while. He had stayed there, staring up at the ceiling for a long time, feeling terrible about wishing he hadn't slept with her. They'd moved too fast, she wasn't ready, hell, he hadn't even forgiven himself, how could he possibly expect her to have gotten over it.

The longer he lay there, the more he hated himself, for everything he'd done. How could he have been so stupid, so careless, and so rash? He'd made too many mistakes, alien influence or not, he'd fucked up, big time.

After losing Charlie he started losing the ability to care, to feel, to love. He stopped knowing what to say to Sarah, he stopped knowing how to ignore her blame; he stopped knowing how to treat her and how to help her through her pain. Sarah was right to blame him; Charlie's death was his fault, an accident he could have prevented. Charlie's death had made him numb and he stopped knowing how to love her.

He had never thought he could love again; if it wasn't for Daniel pulling him out of the hole of depression, he probably wouldn't have even noticed Sam. But when he did, he really did. From the moment he laid eyes on her, he had affection for her. With time that affection grew to an unbearable point. But now he couldn't do anything about it. His behaviour has resulted in losing Sam, just like Sarah. Two phenomenally different situations with exactly the same result. Only Sam wasn't dead, at least not physically. He doubted she felt anything other then pain right now, because of him. Just like Sarah.

Pulling him self out of bed, he stumbled towards the kitchen and fished a bottle from his cabinet, he didn't bother to read the bottle, he didn't care what he drank, he only cared that it was full. He resolved to deal with this issue the only way he really knew how, by making alcohol help him forget. He stumbled back into the bedroom, flicked on his bedside lamp and sat on the floor; bring the bottle, of what he now read to be Bourbon, to his lips and drew in his first big gulp.

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On base, Teal'c sat in Daniel's lab with the lights dimly lit. An obstruction of his privacy, he knew, but he doubted Daniel would mind. He held a USB that he'd kept for a few years now. On the USB was the only copy of a video file, security footage that Hammond asked him to keep, refusing to watch it himself. Teal'c had only watched the footage once, having seen it already in person. But with everything that had been happening, he felt compelled to watch it again. Daniel's computer recognised the USB immediately, allowing Teal'c to open the file with ease.

The footage started to play and he held his breathe as he watched Anise strap Jack to the chair, readying him for retesting. This time his eyes fell upon Sam, he could just see her through the observation room glass, but he instantly recognised her stance. She was nervous, but somehow he knew it wasn't because they were seeing if he was a Zatark, he knew it was more hope, anxious hope that he was going to admit what she wished he'd admit. After a few questions Jacks eyes began flicking up to hers, and the questioning became more detailed. He waited silently until Jack spoke the line he knew Sam would never forget: "I care about her, a lot more then I'm s'posed to'. He paused the footage there and looked closely at Jack's features. Letting out a deep sigh Teal'c closed his eyes and resolved to try and forgive Jack for this betrayal against Sam.

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The diner was empty, bar a sullen looking man sharing a pizza with a young boy who looked very bored; and a plain faced, overweight woman sitting in the back with only a piece of pumpkin pie as company. Daniel sat at a table close to the door, but not so close that they would be disturbed by people entering or leaving the diner. Janet eased into the chair opposite him and, after placing her bag down on the floor, crossed her arms in front of her and looked to him expectantly.

"Should we order drinks?" Daniel asked, avoiding the expectant look by picking up a menu.

"You'll have coffee" she spoke, placing her hand gently on the menu so that he put it down flat on the table between them.

"Food then?" He smiled cautiously and slipped the menu out from under her hand. A pretty blonde girl who looked about 17 skipped over, chewing gum loudly and pulled a note pad out from under her arm.

"You guys wanna order yet?" she asked cheerfully and Janet smiled at her

"Bring us a pot of coffee, we should be ready to order our meals when you get back" Daniel told her in an impartial tone that reflected nothing of his mood. The girl nodded before rushing off to make a fresh pot. Daniel went to open the menu but hesitated and placed the menu back onto the table.

"Alright" he cleared his throat, bringing Janet's attention back from watching the waitress leave, to him "I wanted to talk in person, because I wanted to apologise" Daniel admitted. Janet paused, thinking over his statement for a moment and then smiled as she realised "I don't really know what came over me…" Daniel began but stopped as Janet placed her hand over his gently.

"You don't need to apologise Daniel" she smiled "I understand; you didn't mean it" she assured him "actually, if anything I should be apologising for thinking it was you". Daniel smiled and turned his hand over so that their palms were touching.

"It was an honest mistake Janet, I don't hold it against you" he smiled as Janet's eyes fell to their hands. Daniel watched her pupils dilate and her head tilt to the left before looking up, not to his eyes, but to his lips, for a very brief moment, she dragged her tongue over her bottom lip and then exhaled heavily, pulling her hand away from his and looking back over to the waitress who was now bringing the coffee.

"I hope you like it strong" she smiled as she placed a tray down with the pot of coffee, two mugs and a small pitcher of cold full cream milk "Any idea's on what you want to eat?" she asked once she'd placed it down.

"Uh…" Daniel thought "You wouldn't happen to do a steak burger would you?" he asked grabbing the coffee pot and pouring it into one of the mugs.

"We sure do" she smiled scrawling the order down on the page "fries or salad?" she then asked after writing down the abbreviations. Daniel glanced over to Janet and out of fear of incurring a lecture on eating habits, he responded with 'salad'. "And you ma'am?" she asked turning to Janet

"The Tortellini with a garden salad side dish" she smiled and the waitress winced "We've actually run out of the Tortellini pasta, but the chef's 5 dollar special today is a really nice Ravioli dish, can I get you that instead?" she asked hopefully. Before Janet could reply, she felt her bag vibrate beside her foot and simply nodded to the waitress before bending down to retrieve her mobile. The waitress grinned and then skipped off to give the order to the chef, leaving Janet to read her message. Janet sighed, deflated after reading the message.

"SGC?" Daniel hazard a guess and Janet shook her head

"Sam. She's cancelled our evening plans" she explained "She's going to bed early"

"That's where you were going" Daniel stated as he brought his mug up to blow on the hot fluid.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to her about… everything." She smiled as she tucked her mobile back into her bag and then poured her own mug "Cassie won't mind too much though"

"Well…" Daniel spoke up "You know, you're always welcome at my house", Janet almost blushed "I mean, we haven't really talked, and I'm sure you're just as confused and frustrated with everything as I am. We could talk a bit about everything at my apartment; at least until you think Cassie's had enough unsupervised fun. " Janet thought about the suggestion briefly as she blew on her own steaming mug. Her eyes flicked up to his and she found his eyes on her lips. She smiled and placed down her mug.

"Thankyou Daniel, I'd like that."

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