Cassie found herself forced into the back of the couch as far as she could physically manage, clinging to the throw rug for dear life.
Beside her, crammed into the same three person couch were her three school friends, each peeking up at the TV screen, afraid to look and yet unable to look away.
It was the inevitable horror film climax, the lone surviving character, inches from safety and yet even closer to death as they crawl through the darkness in utter trepidation. The undead creatures breathing echoes through the room and then sudden shrill screams escape the characters and all four girls mouths simultaneously, as the creature pounces.
Once the climatic fight had ended and the movie wrapped up, the girls ejected the film and switched on the lights, shaking and laughing at each other over the lunacy of their fears.
In mid post movie conversation, Cassie paused, wondering exactly what time it was. She glanced over into the kitchen and read '8:47' on the microwave display. She sighed, expecting her mother to have, at the very least, called by now and then she quietly parted from the group in search of the house phone, intent on checking up on her curiously tardy mother.
---
It was late by the time Daniel and Janet had finished their meals and gotten back to Daniels apartment. Daniel had ushered Janet into his lounge room with his hand subtly pressed against the small of her back.
Janet hadn't thought much of the gesture at the time but now as they stood on Daniels balcony, looking out over the night life of Colorado Springs, sipping hot coffee and simply talking, she began to wonder if there wasn't more to his light touches and lingering glances.
It was cold out up here and so it seemed natural and comfortable to lean against each other, soaking up each other's warmth, but Janet couldn't help but wonder and even silently hope that Daniels gaze falling to her lips frequently was out of a desire to kiss them and not because they were turning blue.
Her breath hitched as he licked his lips and placed his left hand on her right shoulder.
"Are you alright?" he asked interrupting her unprofessional line of thought, bringing her attention back up to his eyes to read evident concern "you look flushed"
"Uh, do I?" she asked looking away from him sheepishly, feeling her checks warming with embarrassment.
"Do you want to get out of the cold?" Daniel spoke letting his hand slide from her shoulder across and down to just between her shoulder blades. The action spread warmth across her back and brought them another inch closer. She could feel his hot and surprisingly fresh coffee scented breath against her cheek.
"It's not really the cold that's bothering me" she smiled, unconsciously bringing her left hand up to push a thin strand of hair behind her ear while staring appreciatively at his chest. Daniel's hand now dropped to her waist as he gently turned her towards him prompting her to look up and see the flattered grin he had planted upon his lips. Janet couldn't help but role her eyes at him and bring the now warm coffee in her right hand up to drink, distracting him from the apparent obvious effect he was having on her.
"come on, I'll make a fresh pot" he insisted as he brought his hand back from where it rested on her waist to his side and turned back towards his balcony door, pulling and holding the door open for her to step in before him. She smiled, graciously accepting the kind gesture and moved to place her mug down on his coffee table before snuggling down into the inviting soft warmth of his couch.
Daniel pointed towards the kitchen, raising his eyebrows at her as if to ask if she wanted another cup and she shook her head, allowing him to leave the task for later and to sit beside her, placing his own mug down as he did.
"So…" Daniel spoke, rubbing his cold hands together "was I good company?" he asked, not really having anything else appropriate to say.
"Over dinner?" she asked clarifying his question, when he nodded she smiled placing her hand on his "it was lovely"
"Well…" he coughed clearing his throat and looking down at her hand resting over his "I'd like to uh…" his voice started trembling now "I mean if you would like to…" he brought his eyes up to hers "… we could do this again, sometime?" he smiled nervously and Janet seemed only to stare at him in amazement for what seemed like forever before she finally shook herself from her shock and smiled brightly up at him.
"Definitely" she grinned, squeezing his hand in reassurance. Daniel drew in a deep breath and spread a confident smile across his face.
Janet again rolled her eyes at the poor archaeologist and reached for the coffee on the table but was stopped as Daniel's hand touched her cheek, bringing her attention back to him as he studied her facial features as if searching for permission. Janet followed his gaze drop from her eyes to her lips once again and couldn't help but start to blush, licking her bottom lip and letting out a drawn out exhale.
Daniel leant down and in, stroking her cheek softly with his thumb as he brought his hand around to cup her face and then closed the rest of the distance, pressing his lips to hers softly, cautiously at first until she pursed her lips against his, inviting the intimate gesture, parting her lips slightly, allowing him to deepen the kiss.
Janet pulled Daniel closer just as he began to pull away, needing their lips to remain locked as she felt her pulse quickening and her breath growing hot and heavy with desire. Daniel reacted by bringing his free hand behind her back, pulling her closer but at the same time lowering her until she was pressed against the cushions behind her as they began feverishly tugging at each others clothing, seeking the warmth of hot bare skin.
Just as Daniel had slipped a hand up the back of Janet's shirt and Janet had started pulling his sweater up, Janet heard her bag vibrating from behind the cushion she was pressed into.
They both froze and Janet cursed bitterly inside her head as they broke the kiss. She reached over her head digging her hand into her bag and fishing out the pestering phone that appeared to be ringing.
"Hello?" she sighed into the mobile as Daniel slid his arm out from under the back of her shirt.
"Mum?" Cassie demanded from the other end of the line "why haven't you called? It's almost nine."
"Oh, sorry Cassie" Janet winced looking at her watch "I guess I lost track of the time, I'll be home shortly" she promised and Cassie hesitated.
"Well you don't have to rush, I mean we're okay here, I was just… worried" Cassie explained
"Awe, well thank you for your concern Cassie, I'll be home really soon" Janet assured her "and I expect whatever mess you girls have made to be gone before I get there" Janet added grinning at the groan that brought about "oh and Cass…"
"Yeah" Cassie waited impatiently for another chore.
"I love you" Janet smiled looking up at Daniel who seemed a bemused mix between frustrated and curious.
"I love you too mum" Cassie replied but before she hung up she made one little tiny demand "Oh bring home ice-cream, pleeeeeaaaase." She quickly pleaded "love you, bye" and then hung up before Janet could respond.
"You've got to go?" Daniel asked pushing back to lift his weight off of her.
Janet bit her lip looking up at him guiltily "I'm sorry" she winced as she dropped the phone into the bag behind her.
"No, Its okay" he shook his head "You can't leave them alone" he smiled, sitting back and letting her get up.
She quickly gathered her things and readjusted her clothing as Daniel slowly stood from the couch. Once she'd gathered everything she turned back towards him and smiled up at him expectantly.
"So…" he spoke running his hand through his hair "Dinner?" he asked smiling down at her.
"Tomorrow at 7, ok with you?" she asked, grinning back at him as he straightened his sweater and prompted a grin in return.
"I'll make reservations somewhere" he agreed and then leant in to give her a short sweet kiss goodbye "drive safely" he squeezed her arm and frowned as he expected her to leave but instead received an amused and expectant look. "What?" he asked genuinely confused.
"We came here in your car" she explained, grinning childishly.
"Oh crap, right" he slapped himself lightly "Sorry, I'll just grab my jacket and keys" he apologised and then hurried off into the kitchen, leaving her to watch him go, shaking her head at him.
---
9: 32 flashes on the digital alarm clock beside my bed where I now lay, curled on my side clutching the bottle and pillow to my chest as I rethink that night. I close my eyes and the first images I see are of her breasts, naked before me. The first image is from today, she's on top, taking control. Her eyes are open, staring down at me as she moves. I lift my hand and touch her cheek. She closes her eyes and kisses my hand softly, relishing in the sensations.
The second image inevitably comes from that night on the planet. Again her breasts are exposed, her arms up above her head and my hand firmly clasped over her mouth. I'm on top this time, pinning her down heavily. I'm pushing her into the ground so forcefully that I expect her to break. Expect her perfect body to shatter like porcelain under my weight. But she's soft and supple, only bruising instead. My eyes are closed as I force myself inside her, I can only just hear her muted cries under my hand as I thrust. In my head I'm not there, it isn't happening, it's not even her. In my head I'm not thinking, just acting and can't stop. I grip her shoulder for leverage, needing to go deeper. I let go of her mouth and she pleads with me to stop, whispering in my ear, desperately.
I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling, trying to push the nightmarish memory back from the forefront of my mind. Wishing it was only a nightmare, wishing I hadn't been capable of that, wishing I hadn't been capable of hurting anyone that way, especially Sam.
I sigh heavily, bringing the bottle to my lips and draining another mouthful out of it. I swallow down the sweet liquor bitterly, as I try to remember the rage that had been boiling inside me. I didn't care about anything that day, emotionally stripped by the morning's news, only angry and frustrated. I wanted to get off that planet and stop having to act like I was fine. I thought I had been handling it ok but something about that planet just fuelled my anger and clouded my judgement. My thoughts were becoming increasingly irrational and then when Sam brought up… Charlie… I snapped. All my anger turned to her. I wanted to shoot her, wanted any excuse to shoot something. But then in looking at her, glaring, I saw those features, beautiful features. I wanted her, desperately. I needed to satisfy a long standing hunger for her body and in my irrational state, I wasn't going to let her stop me.
I sit up, feeling dizzy, my room spinning in my peripheral vision as I try to focus on something solid. My feet find the floor and I push up off the bed, slowly standing as I swallow back a wave of nausea. I stumble towards the bathroom and look into the mirror at myself. I stand leaning against the doorframe, drunk, holding a partially empty bottle in my hand and staring into my eyes, wondering where the monster inside them came from. Surprisingly the worst of all of this wasn't on that planet, but on base, in the observation room. Janet had looked up at the glass even though the room was supposed to be empty and I'd instantly known it was Carter. I walked in, not to confront her, but to apologise, as feeble of an attempt that it would have been. Still affected by that planet, I had actually hoped she would be ok, that she would just be pissed at me and that I could apologise and we'd simply stop speaking to eachother for a while until we fell back into the routine and forgot all about it. But when I'd caught her hiding from me, frightened beyond belief, I'd wanted to shoot myself then and there.
Today, I hoped, was a sign of change, of forgiveness. I'd hoped that what we shared meant the trust was back and we could both start to move on and forget about it. But then seeing the look of regret on her face when she was leaving this evening shattered those hopes. Today has been a very long, emotionally draining day.
I go to lift the bottle back up to my lips, intent on guzzling down more poison but hesitate looking at the volume of fluid left. I've been a drunk. Who knows what emergency might go down at the base that I would be called in for. I'd be discharged on the spot if any of them knew the gravity of my behaviour lately. I'm a drunk and rapist, a monster disguised as a soldier. I hurt everyone I love, making it impossible to feel anything. I'm numb to the world, reckless and resentful.
--
Sorry this has been so insanely late... I actually wrote this much ages ago but had intended to include a little piece on Sam in this chapter... but have decided to post this much now and include the Sam piece in the next chapter... provided there are still people interested in this story. Many thanks to all those who have been patiently waiting on my extraordinarily tardy posts. I apologise profusely.