A/N Sorry about the lateness of this chapter. My uncle died on Thursday, and I've been rather sick, so it all just didn't add up to having a chapter done. To make up for it, this is a longer chapter than normal, and I'll have another short out soon. Thank you for your patience. Also, you will be seeing more angst as we go. Ami and Zane are both damaged, and you see more of it in Ami this chapter. Yes, there will be angst, but yes, I do believe in happy endings, don't worry.
The room was scattered with clothing; a shirt draped carelessly over the chair at the desk, several pairs of pants and a skirt tossed onto the desk itself, and various items littered over the floor. Ami watched in amazement from her bed as Rei pulled out yet another outfit, discarded it with a shake of her head and a frown, and dove back into her closet to find something else.
"Rei," she braved tentatively, "I had an outfit picked out, and I only have the one swimsuit, so…" The violent violet glare that shot her way stopped Ami mid-sentence. "Or…you could pick something out for me to wear, that would be good, too…please don't kill me."
"Ames, sweetie, I love you, but you can't keep wearing that tired old one-piece! You just wear that bikini I gave you, okay? I know it'll fit, and it's so cute! You'll look great! But, we need to find something you can wear over it to look all sexy and hot for any studs we might see on the beach." Rei smirked at her, and raised a brow suggestively. "Right?"
Ami nearly choked. "Rei! You know I don't date anymore! I have no interest in your so-called studs!"
Rei regarded her solemnly, the fire in those deep amethyst eyes concerned. "I know you don't date anymore…but I don't know why. Why aren't you interested, Ami?"
The chill of memory seeped into her being, and she turned her head, unwilling to meet Rei's gaze. "Have I ever told you why I took up photography?" It was easier to fiddle with the fabric on the edge of her bed than look at the woman now beside her. "In photography, you're capturing the moment. There is no past; only the one, single moment that you have in your hands. There is no future. Just the now. It's contained within itself, with no reasons, nothing. It just is. That's why. I don't want the past, I don't want the future, I just want to exist in the now with no strings, no attachments other than those that have already bound me. The memories I hold, the possibilities before me, none of those matter so much as just right now, just living through this. That's all I want. Just to live through it."
She was startled when arms encircled her, and only then realized that there was a tear running down her cheek. A small movement and she had the tear poised on her finger, a glazed, cold look in her eyes. "I'm tired of being betrayed. I won't go through that again; not ever." Ami pushed up and out of the arms around her, and started to stride out of her room, the latest outfit from Rei dangling from her hand.
"Ami… You used to be so much more forgiving…what happened?" Rei reached out to her in a gesture of pleading, looking for the girl her friend once was.
Ami looked down at her fist, only now noticing that she had dug her fingernails into the palm, the edges forming pale crescents. "Forgiveness only allows people to betray you again. That was a lesson I won't soon forget, as you should know."
The wince from Rei almost made Ami regret her words, but then she turned and fled to the bathroom, clothes clutched in trembling hands. Once in the seashell decorated room, she leaned against the door and shattered. The memories she had suppressed for so long came crashing back, overfilling her heart with searing pain.
Rei, telling her that she thought she might know someone she'd like to meet, and that he was a great guy, and maybe he could take her mind off her mother for while…it was worth a shot, right?
Whispered words of love and loyalty that she was all too willing to listen to, sweet venom that dripped into her ears and over her yearning heart. He was exactly what she thought she wanted, and she felt as if she could sing, like in that silly musical Cinderella, "I have found you, I have found you…"
Crying in the rain as she walked home from the confrontation, her soul reft from her by his cruel, bitter words, asking her how he could want anyone so cold, so frigid, when he could find so many others warm and willing. Her own broken pleading echoing in her ears with his ruthless massacre of her very heart.
His arms, solid and comforting as he apologized, told her that he was wrong, that he'd never felt for anyone like he felt for her. Accepting him back, glad to not be alone anymore, willing at that point to take anything over the loneliness that had squeezed the breath from her.
Finally realizing that he would never change when she saw him with the sparkling brunette on his arm. Running until the pounding of her blood overshadowed the sound of his mocking laughter. Breaking down until she could fall no further, retreating until there was only a shade of the trusting girl she had been, and swearing that no one would ever do this to her again.
She caught the sob before it was fulfilled, and stuffed the virulent memories back into the corner of her mind. The calm that wrapped around her was brittle and icy, but it was enough. She used it to get through dressing and getting out the door, and no one commented on her silence, though she garnered a few strange looks from Usagi and Makoto. Minako seemed a bit distracted, and Rei refused to meet her eyes, which was just as well. Now if only she could hold the mask until it was time to go home…and if only she wasn't distracted by a certain strawberry blond who just might have the ability to get past her armor…
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Zane was excited. He had his best looking swim shorts, his most flattering white button-up shirt that emphasized his tan skin, and some of the hints that Rei had given him up his sleeve. He would win her, he knew it! He refused to look at his reasons, focusing only on how he would do it. He would be charm itself this afternoon, impressing her with his intellect and witty sense of humor. He would use anything in his arsenal to snare her.
"Zane! Are you ready yet?! We were supposed to leave half an hour ago! The girls will be waiting! Dammit, it you're not out here in the next five seconds we're leaving without you, do you hear me!?"
He chuckled at the aggravation in Jad's voice, then sauntered out, his towel flung over his shoulder in a very debonair way. At least, in his mind.
"I'm ready. Let's get to the beach."
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Makoto cornered Rei as everyone started setting up the blankets and umbrellas, shaking out her emerald blanket right next to Rei's crimson one. "Rei," she murmured, "what's wrong with you and Ami? I haven't seen her look like that in two years, not since Urawa. What did you say that made her so cold again?"
Rei glared. "Why does it have to be something I said?" At Mako's wry glance, Rei sighed and hung her head. "Look, I just want her to be happy, that's all any of us want, right? Well, I was trying to help her look cute for this afternoon, 'cause Zane is going to be here and I know for a fact that he's interested, and it's not like Urawa, I swear, it's not, Zane's been my friend for a long time now, he's been there for me and Jad all the time, and I know him! He's a good man, Mako, and I think they'd make a good match of it."
Now it was Makoto's turn to sigh. "Rei…I know you mean well, but don't push her. You're right, we all want her to be happy, but if you push her the only thing she's going to see is you shoving her into another relationship, and she won't be able to see how this one could be different. If you want them to have a chance, stay out of it. Okay?" She smiled to take the edge off her words. "Besides, I thought we left matchmaking to Mina?"
Rei gave a reluctant chuckle. "Yeah… I guess you're right, but I just wish…"
"She would find what we have now? So do the rest of us, hun." Mako glanced over at where Ami was opening her sunshade and sighed again. "But who are we to tell her how to find it? She'll work her way there. She's stronger than she thinks."
"Yeah." Rei nodded, and turned to look at Mako with a wry smile. "I just hope she realizes that soon."
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The sand was warm as she buried her toes in it, the slight breeze ruffling her short hair. The scent of the ocean was rich in the air, and Ami drew in a breath with pleasure. A seagull cried overhead, a pale shape against the perfect blue of the sky. She let the breath out gently and closed her eyes.
"She's sorry, you know."
Blue eyes flew open again and looked at the blonde now seated next to her on her blanket before turning resigned. "I know, Usa."
Usagi wrapped her arms around her knees, her own clear blue eyes on Ami. Her bikini was a cheerful yellow with white daisies spattered over it, and Ami had the inane thought that it was just like her personality; bright and lovely. Usa gave her a small smile and continued, "Then why don't you forgive her?"
That earned a startled look. "Usa… I do. It's not Rei I can't forgive." Ami turned her face away, discomforted by this sudden interest. "Please, can we not talk about this? We're supposed to be having fun, right?"
A soft pat on her knee twisted her head around so that she could look at her best friend as Usagi spoke. "Yeah. So when are you going to start having some fun? Ames, let it go. It wasn't your fault either. You can make mistakes…I mean, look at how long it took Mamo and me to finally get together!" Her silvery laugh was contagious enough to draw an answering one from Ami. "Hun, let go. If you fall again, so what? You know we'll catch you and help you back to your feet. That's what we're here for, after all."
Ami slowly nodded. "Yeah…"
Usagi beamed at her, sunshine personified, then gave her a tight, warm hug. "Think about it, okay? I know it isn't something that you can just decide on, especially since it's you, our little brainiac. We just want you to find whatever it is you're looking for, Ames. Love ya." With that she bounced off too fast for Ami to reply, leaving confusion and bemusement in her wake.
"Well," Ami said to herself, "that's Usa for you." She gave a small, private smile. And I suppose I can think about it. After all, ignoring it hasn't worked very well, so maybe if I just dip my toes back in the dating pool... She let go a miniscule sigh, hardly above a whisper, and closed her eyes, contemplating Usa's advice.
"Hey, are you afraid of the water or what? Don't you wanna swim?"
Annoyed at being interrupted in her thoughts yet again, she looked up before she thought, only to be confronted by playful eyes the color of the deep forest. "Ah..." She clutched instinctively at the tiny shirt that Rei had given her, trying to cover the even tinier bikini. Her one thought as she stared up into Zane's smiling face and tried not to ogle his chest, which was bared by a very flattering shirt that was all the way open, was Oh, shit, talk about getting thrown in the deep end...
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Zane watched as she set up her little sunbathing spot and as Usagi talked and laughed with her, but he couldn't stand it anymore when he saw her little smile appear and disappear. He didn't know what was going through her head at that point, but he hoped that he could tease that smile back to her lips at least once. Just to see. Maybe to taste. He shook his head slightly. Bad Zane, bad Zane! But the grin that surfaced at the thought wouldn't go away. Oh, well, he thought, maybe if I'm lucky. He remembered Rei telling him that Ami loved to swim, and wondered why she wasn't already in the water. A little bit away Kenta and Minako splashed happily, the couple chasing each other up and down the beach.
Zane had to suppress another grin; Kenta really loosened up around his lady-fair. He didn't think he'd ever seen the platinum-haired barrister so relaxed and...boisterous, in the entire time he'd known him. Of course, that'd only been for about
month. He smiled as he recalled exactly when he'd met the stoic attorney; Rei had needed to be picked up for some girl-thing or other, and Minako and Kenta had come to get her. His first impression of the man had been more of a whoah, intimidating, than anything else. His second impression was shit, helluva stare on that one! All in all, Kenta made a very...impressive impression. Still, Kenta wasn't who he wanted to contemplate at this time.
He headed over to her and took a moment to drink in her presence once more. He didn't know why, but every time he was near her he felt...not intoxicated, that was too formal. More...sloshed. Smashed, dizzy with something he didn't want to name. He wanted to touch her, kiss her, crush her to him so that she became more a part of him than his own skin. He wanted...dear god, he wanted. Terrified of that overwhelming need, he clamped down on his passion and pasted on his most roguish smile. Play it off, boy, play it off, he reminded himself, telling himself that he could certainly distance himself from any woman; after all, hadn't he kept his heart shut away tight after Marja?
"Hey, are you afraid of the water or what? Don't you wanna swim?" He tossed out the challenge casually as he tried desperately to hide his roiling emotions. Her eyes were wide and bluer than the ocean as she stared at him. He indulged himself and ran his own eyes over her as she gaped. A dark green half shirt that buttoned up the front ineffectively attempted to cover the black and green bikini top underneath, while a short sarong hung about her hips and revealed the barest hint of the swimsuit bottoms it was supposed to hide. Quite a tasty little morsel, to his mind.
He mentally shook himself and brought himself back to the task at hand: the enticement of this little nymph into the water. She couldn't seem to grasp her speaking skills very well, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. "Come on, little naiad, let's go play in the ocean!" Her wrist felt delicate under his palm as he snagged her, lifting her to her feet in one smooth movement. She stumbled against him, and he relished her warmth against his chest for a moment before righting her and leading her towards the waves.
When he glanced back at her, her cheeks were flushed, and her mouth was tight, though not as if she were mad. More, it looked like she was trying to hide a smile, which made his cheeks dimple. Her laughter rang sweet and breathless as she gave in. Zane felt a brief pang as she pulled away, the heat of her skin under his hand a distinct loss. However, he was more than happy to release her when he saw that she'd reclaimed her hand so that she could shed her shirt and sarong. The scraps of cloth were now fluttering towards the beach as she waded out and then leapt into the waves. He stared for a moment, trying to see where she'd gone, then grinned as she surfaced, still laughing, a respectable distance away in the water.
"Alright sprite, have it your way! I'm coming in after you, though!" He tossed his shirt carelessly after her clothes, then plunged into the ocean to give chase.
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Ah… Comfortable in her element, the water surrounded her with a silken embrace as she slipped through it easily. Ami had always loved to swim, but somehow being in the ocean always made it better. The pulse of the waves, the caress of the water, all of it added up to one thing; bliss. She'd almost forgotten how it felt to be carried away on the soft swell of a wave, or to feel weightless and free. And I would probably have stayed up on the beach if it hadn't been for Zane… In point of fact, she saw as she surfaced briefly, her liberator was currently trying to follow her out. She giggled, the sound burbling up out of her before she could help it.
Being in the water had infinitely lifted her mood. She felt washed clean, rocked in gentle arms. The ocean had the ability to clear her head of all negativity; a fact for which she was profoundly grateful right now. She frisked in and out of the waves, playing like a child. Her body twisted, turned, twirled as she frolicked, joy suffusing her body at the touch of the water. Her laughter bubbled out of her again as Zane clumsily tried to keep up with her, and a spark of mischief ignited.
"Too slow, landbound!" she teased him as she flipped an indolent hand his way. "Never gonna catch me!" She dove under, curving her body around his briefly, then shooting off when he tried to grasp at her. Water sparkled as she threw her head back and shook her hair out of eyes that now gleamed. His laughter warmed her, the rich sound peaking in her chest. They played "chase me, catch me," for a bit, before Zane surrendered and flopped down at the edge of the ocean, wavelets lapping at his feet. Ami burbled another laugh at that, and gamboled a bit more before coming in to sit next to him.
"Thanks," she murmured as they sat and watched the others playing or lounging as the whim took them. When he glanced at her, green eyes curious, she met his look and continued, "For getting me out into the water. I'd almost forgotten how good that feels."
His grin stopped her heart briefly. "No worries. You looked like you needed some fun." His friendly face went a long way in restoring her mood, which slightly unnerved her. Too much, too fast…
She let her gaze fall, allowed her eyes to wander once more to the ocean. "I did. Thank you, Zane." His quiet acceptance of her words was enough to soothe her.
After that moment of candor, Ami was relieved that he didn't push for more, but was content to settle into a rather tranquil conversation of small talk. As they spoke, the sun crept slowly lower in the sky, unnoticed by them both.
"Ami! Zane! C'mon, we're all going out to dinner!" The call from Minako startled them both, and they turned as one to look in amazement at their friends gathered behind them, all grinning. Ami glanced at Zane, a blush faint on her cheeks, and noticed with a slight smile that his own cheeks were slightly colored as well. Apparently neither of them had paid attention to the time.
"We're coming along." Ami looked up as Zane rose and extended a hand to her. "Right, Ami?" Emerald eyes danced with amusement as they shone down at her.
She smiled up at him slightly, and placed her hand in his. His double meaning was rather obvious, but she was in a good enough frame of mind to not object, especially since she wasn't sure he was wrong. So, as he lifted her to her feet, she answered him in kind. "Right, Zane."
Well, maybe the deep end isn't so bad…she thought momentarily, before Usa and Mina linked arms with her as they walked off, chattering. She let the thought fade as her friends carried her away, their voices mixing and harmonizing happily. At least I can swim…