And goes on

Alex rolled on her side but something was in her this. This something was big, warm and smooth. First she wondered what happened but than she smelled Bobby's sent and had to smile. So last night wasn't a dream.

Their love making last night was awesome. She never had a lover like Bobby who was so gentle and affectionate; he was giving not one bit taking and knew what he did. She had heard in the squad that Bobby was a sex good, but she never imagined it to be so fantastic. There was no word which could really describe how good last night was. Bobby ruined her for every other man. There could be no one beside him after that night.

She snuggled up against him and felt like his arm automatically wrapped around her waste. She felt so safe, so loved and right in his arms. But what if he would be scared like so often when someone came near him? What if he pushed her away again, like he always did? He would break her heart if he would leave her.

She had dealt good with her husbands dead, but Joe wasn't Bobby. She loved Joe, but not the way she loved Bobby. If he would be alive, she would leave him for Bobby, without any doubt. She just married him because he asked and because he was a great man. She didn't think that she would meet a man who loved her so much again and said yes. But then she didn't know that she was going to meet Bobby, her one and only true love.

She had to break his heart if she wanted to keep hers. Yes, it was selfish but she just couldn't live if the pain he would cause if he would leave her. She wasn't strong enough so she thought that if she would end this right now it would hurt less.

She lifted herself off the bed but a strong hand grabbed her gently around the waist and she was met by his strong muscular chest. Not that this was a bad thing but she was about to break his heart and she would rather do it without needing to explain things to him.

Since the suspension he lost all the pounds he had gained. He looked like the Bobby she met almost eight years ago although he had more grey had now but that didn't matter to her. He still looked sexy as hell.

Everything about him was great, and not just great but also big. She heard the rumours about him being big but when she saw him she thought that they understated this fact. First she thought that he might hurt her but he was so loving and caring, so gentle, that nothing mattered any more and although it hurt a bit when he had entered her she had never felt better with any man. He truly was a sex-god.

"Hey, beautiful."

He nuzzles her neck kissing her softly and slid his fingers over her body, sending tremors through her whole body with the slightest touch.

"I had a wonderful dream tonight. I dreamed that there was this beautiful woman. I loved her so much I couldn't find any words to describe it; I loved her so much it even hurt sometimes. But a miracle happened, because this woman loved me back. And when I woke up I found her right here in my arms."

His whisper made her dizzy and she wanted to stay here with him for ever. She loved it when he was so charming. Of course she hated it when he was charming towards other women but when he said such things to her, her heart melted. She didn't want to leave him but she saw no other solution. Of course he sensed her discomfort and began to worry.

"Something wrong?"

His eyes were full of worry but also love and he smiled up to her when he striated himself to have a better look at her. She could see how happy he was and for the first time he didn't try to hide his emotions of her. He trusted her completely, letting her see him totally vulnerable. And although it hurt so much that she this would be the only time was too afraid of the consequences.

Suddenly she pushed herself away from him, grabbed her clothes and quickly throwing them on. Bobby sat up in his bed and watched her with a stunned expression in his eyes.

"Where are you going? We have the day off."

"I have to go, Bobby."

She hoped that he would understand that he would not ask why and that he would let her go so that every thing could get back to normal. But it was never easy with Bobby especially in a situation like this.

"Okay…but we could have lunch together later. You said you have a new movie how about we watch it later?"

He thought she had to go because of her family, an appointment, something. He didn't want to think that she would leave. His Alex would never hurt him. So he thought.

"I can't Bobby."

"Do you regret it?"

He whispered and she stopped outing her blouse on and looking him in the I. She didn't regret it, of course not. This was the best night she ever had.

"It was a great night, Bobby. But I can't give you more than that."

She stepped out of the room but heard him jump out off the bed and then she felt his presence behind her. He had put a new pair of boxers on and stood shirtless behind her.

"I thought you love me too."

She could feel his breath beside her ear. Tears were running down her face and she closed her eyes trying to get her control back.

"I never said it."

She felt his hands on her shoulders and he turned her around so he could see her but she refused to look at him.

"I know you love me. It is in your kiss, in your touch, in your voice and in your eyes. Don't break my heart, Alex. I couldn't take it from you, Alex, I just couldn't"

She drew a deep breath in and looked up at him fighting the tears and willing no more to fall 'till she was away from him.

"I don't love you."

She could see in his eyes how she destroyed everything. She destroyed his world, his faith, his whole heart and life. He could see how in this moment she took everything away from him, killing him. She was at the door and reached to open it when she heard him whisper.

"Why? Why did you use me?"

"You needed someone to rely on."

"You just took the one reliable person in my life away."

He turned and went back in his bedroom closing the door quietly behind him. She wanted to leave him and now she had driven him away. She hoped that it wasn't for ever. The tears she was fighting so hard were falling now and little did she now that the man whom she ripped his heart out was crying too.