Chapter 5

Light startled when he felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket letting him know he had a text; he certainly wasn't expecting to hear from anyone. He pulled the phone out of his pocket, stole a quick glance at L who was sipping at a pineapple juice and staring towards their next ride, then looked at the text.

"As you probably know, Ryuzaki is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I have done some research. Please call when you have a moment to be alone. Whammy." Light sighed and nodded; he did know and now it seemed he didn't have to try and sneak researching on his laptop. He smiled to himself, Watari on top of everything yet again.

"Is something wrong?" he heard from behind him and he quickly slipped his phone back into his pocket.

"Watari reminding me to make sure you have sun screen on," he checked him over, "I don't believe you put any on before we left did you?" L noisily sucked on his straw as he stared at Light.

"We didn't have time, but as of yet I feel no ill effects from the sun," Light sighed and shook his head.

"You wouldn't until it starts to burn and then it's too late," he looked for the nearest concession stand, "Come on, I'm going to get some and you're going to put some on your face and neck before you look like a lobster," he ignored the pout that was aimed at him as he led his charge to the stand. Once it was purchased they made their way to the nearest men's room where Light instructed L to wash his hands before putting the sunscreen on.

"Now just put it on your face and neck since it's the only part of you that's showing and I don't know how you stand it in this heat," Light told him as he squeezed some into L's hand. L looked at the goo in his hand as if he wanted to crawl out of his skin and get away from it. Light stared at him impatiently.

"What's the problem?" he asked and L merely looked at his hand and back to Light. Suddenly the way L held all things as if someone had blown their nose on it suddenly occurred to Light and he sighed, "Fine, I'll do it!" he said taking the lotion from L's hand with his fingers and beginning to spread it on L's face. He just hoped that no one else came into the bathroom for the next few minutes. L grimaced as Light spread the coconut smelling lotion over his face and then smiled as he saw the expression of determination and slight annoyance on Light's face as he worked on him. Then as Light's hands began to spread the lotion on his neck it was if a siren went off in his head, all reasoning and reality left his mind and suddenly Light's expression turned into a hateful sneer, the eyes going from caring determination to red evil, the gentle touches turning into a killer's chokehold.

An alarm bell went off in Light's head as soon as he began to spread the lotion on L's neck but he realized it just a moment too late. Once again he saw that horrible fear register in L's eyes, watched him flail away from him falling against the bathroom wall, one foot lifting to push him away.

"L! It's okay, it's okay!" Light called to him as he watched him fall against the wall, aware of others coming into the public restroom and forgetting to use L's public name. He went to the frightened detective slowly, taking his shoulders and making him look at him.

"You're okay, it's me!" he said softly and watched as L's eyes came back to normal slowly, the fear gradually fading away. L stared back at Light for a few moments and then looked around at where he was. He stood up straight and walked quickly out of the bathroom, Light following behind just as quickly. L walked to a nearby bench and sat down, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them in obvious distress. Light sat next to him, knowing he couldn't hold him as he wanted to in public like this, but knowing he had to do something. He put a hand on L's shoulder as he talked to him quietly.

"I'm so sorry, I should have realized that would be a trigger," he said while L continued to stare down at his feet.

"It is not your fault, Light. If anyone should apologize it should be me; I'm ruining this vacation you have worked so hard to provide for us," L answered.

"No, you're not ruining anything," Light said softly, "I know you're aware of what you're suffering from, and it's something we just have to ride out until you get past what I…what Kira did to you. But it will pass L, and I think as long as I'm careful about staying away from your throat we'll keep this from happening," he leaned closer to the ear he knew was hiding behind the black hair, "I love you," he whispered and ran his hand up and down L's still slightly trembling back.

L finally lifted his face from his knees and looked at Light. He couldn't tell him that it wasn't just the touching of his neck that would make him flashback; sometimes just looking at Light would begin it but he was able to control that; it was the touching of his neck that he couldn't control. Somehow that contact would override all mental fail safes he had in place and he would be lost in fear. Light was correct in that eventually it would fade, he just didn't now how long it would take and that worried him more than anything else. He took a deep breath and smiled at his partner receiving one in return.

"And I love you," he whispered back, wanting to hold Light right now, he so needed to feel his arms around him but knowing it wasn't possible at the moment. He unfolded his legs and stood up looking around.

"Now, where is that coaster you were telling me about?" he asked and Light got to his feet, pulling the map from his pocket.

"We have to walk this way," he said pointing at the map, "To get to the Asia part of the park first," he turned and stared into L's eyes, "You up to it?" he asked and L nodded, only his eyes still betraying his recent fright which would only be noticeable to Light.

"If that is a challenge Yagami-kun, you shall lose," he answered using a title he hadn't used in years for Light, making the auburn haired young man's eyes widen in surprise.

"So this is another contest between you and me? You know I'm better at these rides than you," he countered and L merely shrugged and headed in the direction Light had pointed out. Light watched him for a moment, noticing his trademark hunch was a little more pronounced now but that was where L always held his stress and he knew it. He took a deep breath and deepened his resolve to see L through this and then sprinted to catch up with him.

When they reached Asia, L took in the surroundings with amazement. He couldn't believe such care had been taken in creating the villages that were supposed to be at the foot of the Himalayas. Light delighted in watching L inspect everything in the village that had been created. It looked as if it had been picked up out of the actual Himalayas and dropped it in front of them. They both marveled at the recreation of Mt. Everest in front of them, watching as the coaster moved through the mountain and disappeared inside a dark opening, they could hear the screams from where they stood. Once in line they were swept into what was supposed to be a travel agency, preparing you for your journey to Everest.

"Light, the artifacts are brilliantly reproduced," L said to him as he studied the walls and tables, "Once again I am impressed," he said and Light agreed, once again enjoying watching L enjoy.

The next room they went into was supposedly a supply store where one would get ready for their trip up Everest. The third area was a Yeti Museum filled with artifacts showing evidence of the creature's rampage and attacks, footprints, bite marks on equipment, etc. L chuckled at the supposed evidence and footprints.

"What…you don 't believe in the Yeti?" Light asked him and received a stare that would have withered lesser beings. All it did to Light was make him laugh as he backed up a few inches putting his hands up defensively.

"I was just kidding!" he said and L snorted at him turning back to look in front of him as they got closer to where the ride actually began. The coaster itself looked like a railway car and this time they were about the third seat in. L looked over at Light with a small smile.

"The Light Yagami I first met would think something like this was beneath him," he said and Light thought a moment and nodded slightly.

"The Light Yagami you first met didn't have time for this kind of silliness; after a certain age my upbringing didn't allow for this and then I was a teenager, it was school and then cram school and then I found the …well…it didn't mean there wasn't a part of me that didn't enjoy this, I just didn't have the time so I never thought about it anymore. What about you? The detective I first met barely cracked a smile."

"I suppose I have the exact same answer, there was no time nor reason for this kind of silliness as you say. I did wonder what it would be like on occasion as a child but they were fleeting thoughts when I would run across information regarding amusements," he reached for Light's hand as it sat on the young man's lap and squeezed it, "We have both changed with age it seems," he added and Light laughed.

"You make us sound like two old men," he complained, "But I don't think it has anything to do with age." L cocked his head to one side.

"What do you think it is?" L asked and Light leaned closer to him.

"Both of us have been able to relax in a lot of ways since we've been together but the most important reason we're not like that anymore is…" and he leaned closer to L's ear, "constant hot, sweaty sex!" he whispered and delighted in L's expected sudden blush as he removed his hand from Light's.

"Sometimes I miss the old Light who would never say anything like that in public," he said, the upturned nose rising into the air. Light laughed at him, his hand sneaking towards L's inner thigh.

"You know you don't mean that," he said and squeezed L's thigh dangerously close to his crotch.

"Light! This is not.." and the rest was lost as the ride lurched forward into life. As the coaster began to move along the track, Light looked at L and could see his excitement beginning to grow in his eyes.

The coaster went up one incline and as they braced themselves for what they thought would be a plunge downward, they were slightly disappointed when the coaster merely had a small drop, and began to pick up speed as it wound through the tracks. L huffed at the disappointment.

"So far I am not impressed," he said and Light rolled his eyes.

"Give it time to get started Ryuzaki," he said just as they rounded a corner and began what looked like an appallingly high climb. L looked around the landscape as they could see the entire park from the height they were at, and again at the recreation of the snow covered mountains of Everest and again at Light as the coaster reached the top and started it's decline. Although the drop was not deep, it propelled the coaster forward and faster, careening into a dark tunnel which when they came out of it, led them to what appeared to be the end of the track which had been twisted and ripped up from the ground. The coaster came to a halt and L looked over at Light.

"Is this part of the illusion or has it met with an accident?" he asked and Light shook his head.

"I'm sure it's just part…." And he stopped as the coaster suddenly kicked into gear..backwards..going much faster than it had forward. He laughed as L's hair flew forward, slapping the detective in the face, his eyes stretched almost comically wide until he could no longer see him in the darkness. They were propelled backwards in complete darkness, twisting and careening downward until they stopped and saw the shadow of the Yeti to the side of them. The other riders began screaming as they watched theYeti rip up some more track while growling at the riders. The coaster sprang into life again, this time going forward and out of the tunnel at a heightened speed, nearly turning on it's side as it sped out and then into another darkened tunnel where the actual Yeti was waiting for them, growling and reaching down from his perch above them as if to try to scoop them up. The entire coaster seemed to be screaming as they whizzed past the huge creature and out the other side of the tunnel and coming to a stop at the station.

"Well, did that meet your expectations?" Light asked him as they were released from the coaster. L didn't answer until he was out of the ride and walking back outside, hands deep into his pockets.

"It did become quite exhilarating after the slow beginning," he answered, "It was quite clever how they masked the changing of the tracks with the shadowy vision of the Yeti."

"Of course you would analyze it but I agree. The stop at the supposed broken track did the same thing as you notice when we went backwards it was a totally different ride from when we approached it," Light answered and L nodded and then looked at him flashing a big smile.

"That was more exciting than the one at Tokyo Dome!" he said and Light smiled back at him, gratified to see that the strain of his last episode had completely left his face. He looked at his watch and realized it was definitely time for lunch.

"Would you like to have something to eat?" he asked and L thought a moment, thumb coming to his mouth.

"If it is agreeable to you, I would prefer to go back to the hotel and eat there on the balcony," he said and Light nodded.

"Whatever you want," he said and checked the map for the directions to the gate and the bus area.

"I do wish to come back here before we leave, according to the signs we have passed there are other areas to view animals native to areas being represented," L told him as they walked together.

"We're here for ten days, we can come back as many times as you want Ryuzaki," Light told him and L nodded.

"I must thank you for thinking of this, it is someplace I never would have imagined coming to," L said and Light sighed happily.

"I am really happy you're enjoying it, I had hoped you would but I wasn't sure," Light answered and looked around as they neared the gate and the buses, "I wasn't sure I was going to like it really, it definitely is not my normal idea of a vacation spot, but I thought it would be good for both of us to go outside our normal zones for several reasons."

"I am sure I know what the reasons were and I agree now that I am here," L said thoughtfully, "Although I was against it when you first told me."

"No, really? I never would have guessed," Light said laughing and L chose to ignore him as they reached the area where the buses were, easily finding the one that would take them back to their hotel.

When they arrived back L immediately went back to his spot on the balcony, taking his laptop with him to tell the boys and Watari of his morning. Light took the opportunity to call Watari back about what he had learned. He walked into the bedroom and pulled out his phone.

"So you're able to be alone?" Watari asked him when they had connected.

"Yes, he's on the balcony right now talking with the boys. What is it you've discovered, Watari?"

"First, let me ask you a couple of questions. Has he been experiencing nightmares?"

"He had one hell of one right before we left, but he hasn't had one since." Light answered, "He does seem to be having difficulty sleeping now. His major problem right now seems to be triggers that send him back to that moment where…Kira was trying to kill him. Anytime I accidentally touch his neck…he completely disappears into that moment and he's terrified of me until I can call him back. I can't tell you how much it kills me to see that."

"I can just imagine. From what I've read I imagine that probably just looking at you causes him some distress but apparently he is able to control that part." Light started at the statement. Just looking at him would cause L distress? It made sense, but it tied him up in knots inside.

"Watari, what can I do? He's upset that it keeps happening and I try to reassure him that eventually it will stop, but is there anything else?"

"The good news is that since his symptoms began so soon after the event, it is thought that they may not last longer than three months…." Light groaned.

"Three months? Watari I don't think he's going to survive three months of this, he's fighting it but I can tell it's depressing him…"

"I know Light but you know it has to take it's course. All we can do is be extremely supportive to him, we can't falter in that. Give me a moment he is trying to connect to my computer." Light told him okay and thought about L having to deal with this for the next three months and he nearly cried for him, the pain of guilt stabbing him again. He paced back and forth across the bedroom while waiting for Watari to return.

A few minutes later Watari came back to the phone and Light voiced his fears.

"I know I have to be supportive and I intend to be but I'm so afraid he's going to eventually withdraw from me so he doesn't have to worry about reliving it again."

"That is a definite possibility Light, and if it begins to happen then perhaps we would need to get him medication."

"He's never going to take anything Watari, you know that," Light told him and he heard Watari sigh again.

"Yes, I know it would be difficult."

"Try impossible," Light sighed himself and ran a hand through his hair. This was his fault, he did this to L and he would have to fix it.

"Does he talk about what happened at all, Light? It might help if he talks about it, looks at it and in so doing takes control of it instead of it controlling him." Watari suggested and Light shook his head.

"He told me earlier only that he was having the difficulty and why, but not actually talking about the incident. Watari, do you think he holds it against me? Even if he doesn't mean to, perhaps he blames me and he has to get it out?"

"That could possibly be a part of it, Light. He knows it was not you really, not the part that he loves and loves him, but it was still a part of you. Holding in that feeling certainly can't help anything." Light nodded to himself; somehow he had to get L to talk about it, about how he truly felt about the situation and the anger he probably felt towards Light that he was trying to hide. He knew it was going to be painful for both of them, but if this is what it would take to help L get better he'd have to do it.

"Okay, thank you Watari. I know what I have to do now."

"Caution, Light. Do it carefully, if you approach this the wrong way it could cause irreparable damage to your relationship."

"I know, I know. Don't think I'm not terrified of this, but if this is what has to be done.."

"Let me read on it some more before you try it; I'll discuss it with a doctor or two and get their input on just how to approach it."

"Fine, I would appreciate that, Watari. I…" he stopped and turned to look towards the door, somehow he had just felt that L was standing there and he was correct. He was staring at him, his head cocked to one side, his eyes wide and questioning.

"Has he discovered you?" Watari asked when the silence went on longer than he felt it should have.

"Yes, so I have to go. Thank you, Watari,"Light finished and closed his phone. He stood up and walked to L in the doorway.

"Is it possible that you were discussing me?" L asked him and Light nodded.

"Trying to get a little more information on your situation L, that's all. Finding out how I can help you." L's eyes took on a look of annoyance before he turned his back on him.

"I came to ask if you had decided what we were going to have for lunch, I did not expect to find you dissecting me," he said walking away and Light followed him into the main room, grabbing his arm to stop him from moving.

"I wasn't dissecting you L, please don't take it that way. I love you, I just want to help you." He pleaded and L pulled his arm back.

"I don't require your help, Light. I need to work through this on my own. I believe you've done enough." L stopped as the words came out of his mouth, surprised at what he'd just said. He turned and faced Light and could see that the words had hurt him.

"I did not mean to say it that way, I'm sorry," he said and Light shook his head.

"Yes you did mean it that way and you have every right to. I am the one who caused this, I didn't mean to and I wasn't in my right mind, but every time you look at me you still see the face of Kira don't you?" L stared at him trying to decide exactly what to say and decided on just saying it straight.

"Yes," he said quietly, "I still see Kira each time I look at you. I try not to Light, but I do. I have to constantly remind myself that he is not there. I am sorry." He told him and then turned away. Light went to him and turned him around, making him stare at him.

"Look at me L, I want you to just stop and look at me. Look into my eyes and prove to yourself that there is no Kira; only me and that I love you so much. Tell me you can see that." L stared at him, his eyes boring deeply into him. He nodded slowly. He remembered a time during the Kira case when Light had asked almost the same question, but at that time L had told him he believed he was staring into the eyes of a murderer. This time, however, it was different.

"Yes, I can see that, Light when I concentrate. But at first glance, whenever I just turn to see you…"

"I know, and I understand. But you must tell yourself every time you look at me that I'm not Kira, not now or ever again. Make yourself believe it." He reached forward and took L into his arms, holding him tightly, L's head falling on his shoulder.

"I love you Light and I know you are not Kira, I know you will not hurt me. But…"

"Your mind keeps telling you otherwise, I know. You have to let yourself completely trust me, L. Later we'll talk some more about this, about what happened. But right now, I want you to just concentrate on trusting me, about how much I love you. Can you do that?" He felt L nod against him and then slowly pick his head up off his shoulders, a completely different look in his eyes. Where Light had seen what was close to dispair, there was now a sudden hardness. He then felt L's hands move under his shirt and begin to caress him. He looked at him slightly confused and L smiled predatorily at him.

"Prove to me how much you love me," he nearly growled and pressed his mouth against Light's, the kiss was hard and demanding and Light took it, moaning at the severity of it, kissing him back just as hard and allowing L's equally demanding tongue into his mouth. He realized that L had something to prove, had to release the anger he was feeling and he would let him. L's hand had gone behind his head, holding him steady as he continued to attack his mouth. He left his mouth only to move down his jaw line and his neck, biting and sucking the tender flesh into his mouth as Light's hands clutched his shoulders and held on.

L pushed him towards the large couch, practically ripping the shirt from him as he pushed him down. He barely gave Light time to kick off his shoes as he reached for his belt and began to remove his pants, throwing them away from him and onto the floor.

Light couldn't remember a time L had been this aggressive; although he had recently began to dabble into different things like handcuffs and blindfolds, he had never been like this. Light couldn't help but be aroused by it, and wondering just exactly what he was in for. Whatever it was, whatever L wanted, he would do it.

He didn't wonder for long as L was on him, his hands roaming everywhere, stopping at his hardening cock and stroking him until he was so hard it almost hurt. Then L leaned down and took him into his mouth, sucking hard as his hands roamed Light's chest, finding and massaging his nipples, pinching and pulling them until they were standing at attention.

"God L…" he cried out, eyes closed, as L continued to work on but stopped short of letting him come. He whimpered, opening his eyes to see L smiling down at him and shaking his head.

"No not yet," he whispered and licked up Light's chest, his mouth going to his nipples, licking one at first and then suddenly biting down on gently, making light cry out and push up against L, clutching the pillows on the couch. L left him alone to pull out of his own clothes and was immediately on him again. He continued to lick and bite down Light's body, leaving marks of passion along his chest and down his stomach; Light moaning loudly as each mark was made.

He then straddled Light on his knees, moving forward until his cock was at Light's mouth. Light eagerly took L into his mouth, licking and then swallowing him into his throat as L leaned against the arm of the couch, his hips pushing himself deeper into Light's throat.

Light listened to the deep, throaty sounds L was making above him and realized he'd never heard L sound so animalistic before. It was if in order to fight off how weak and powerless he felt against his own mind, he was making it up in raw almost savage passion. He reached up and grabbed L's hips to try to keep from being choked as L was thrusting into his mouth harder. Just as Light thought he was about to explode into his throat, L pulled out of his mouth, leaned down and kissed him deeply. L ran his hands through the sweat dampened auburn hair, his delicate fingers tracing down to Light's face, tracing every contour as if he were trying to implant his image on his finger tips. Light kissed and sucked at his fingers as they traced across his mouth.

"I love this face," L whispered as he continued to touch him, "I don't want to be afraid of it anymore." He kissed him again and moved down his body.

"You won't be for long, we'll fix this," Light promised as L kissed down his body again, stopping to once again take him into his mouth. Light moaned as L worked on him again for a few minutes and then once again removed him from his mouth as he changed positions. It suddenly dawned on Light that neither one of them had thought about lube, but he wasn't about to interrupt L at the moment, he'd be fine. He closed his eyes again and waited but what he felt was not was he expected. His eyes flew open and he watched in surprise as L lowered himself onto his cock. His head fell back against the couch as he was slowly engulfed into L's tight warmth, both of them moaning as he did so.

"L…" Light called out to him as he was completely lowered on him. L's head was thrown back, his eyes closed as he got used to what he'd just done. He leaned forward and stared at Light who stared back at him in complete surprise.

"I am in control in this position," he whispered as he slowly raised himself up and then just as slowly lowered again, causing Light to moan again. L raised and lowered himself again, and with each time it felt better and better and he began to speed up. Light began to slowly meet L's movements, until they had set up a decent rhythm, L staying in complete control. Light reached up and caressed L's nearly hairless chest, careful not to go too close to his neck. L leaned forward and attacked Light's mouth again as a shudder went through him and he increased his pace.

Light had never had this done to him before and the sensation was driving him faster towards his orgasm than he wanted it to. He let his hands fall to L's waist, holding him as he continued to move up and down on him, both their bodies glistening with sweat and the glow of passion. He let one hand fall in front of L, grasping his cock and pumping it as his pace continued to quicken.

Once Light had touched him, L lost all coherent thought, all he knew was the incredible pleasure rushing through his body, that was beginning to tremble with his oncoming orgasm. He refused to let it happen until he knew Light came first; he would control some part of his body if he couldn't control his mind. He felt Light begin to push harder into him each time he dropped down onto him and leaned forward, his weight on his knees as he continued to pump his hips up and down. He heard Light call his name over and over just as he felt him thrust up hard into him and felt his warm essence shoot into him and at that moment he allowed himself to release into Light's hand, crying out Light's name as his body shook with the force of it causing to fall forward onto Light.

For several minutes the only sound in the room was their labored breathing as they spiraled down from the shared ecstasy. L suddenly sat up from Light's body and looked down at him, slight surprise showing in his face as he noticed the many marks on his body.

"Light…I…did I hurt you?" he asked and Light shook his head, a grin coming to his face.

"No, but I won't be going to the pool without a shirt for a couple of days. L all this time we've been together and I never knew you could be such an animal!" L looked away as he crawled off of Light and sat up on the couch, drawing his knees up to his chest.

"I'm not sure I know exactly what came over me, I apologize if I got carried away," he said and Light sat up and wrapped his arms around him.

"I know what you were feeling and it's okay. You didn't hear me complaining did you? I don't know about you but I enjoyed the hell out of it!" he said kissing L's back. L finally looked at him and smiled sheepishly.

"I must admit that was quite…enjoyable. I feel strangely relaxed." Light laughed behind him.

"Nothing like a round of aggressive sex to relax you," he said and stood up reaching his hand out to L, "Come on, let's clean up before we order lunch." He suggested and L nodded taking his hand.

"I do love you Light, you do understand that what's happened doesn't change that?"

"I know that L," he answered and kissed him softly, "Now come on, I was hungry before we left the park and after what you just did to me I could eat one of those zebras out there." He stopped long enough to pick up his clothes from the floor. L looked at him skeptically before walking with him towards the bath.

"I doubt that would meet with your rather particular tastes," he said seriously making Light laugh again.