A/N: Well, so much for that 'prequel to Making Changes' thing. I wrote another convo between Fritz and Brenda about her future. Not that it might not have gone the other way, but I thought a slightly different conversation might be better, especially since I wrote the other before the episode aired and obviously didn't know about the reprimand or DA's job offer.
Thank you all again for reading and the reviews. I'm thrilled to death that people are actually reading my stories. I was worried no one would since Brenda/Sharon or Sharon/Flynn is so prevalent. (I have nothing against the pairings, it just made me wonder if there was simply no interest in Brenda/Fritz stuff anymore.)
Part 4:
Brenda slept most of the day away. She hadn't really slept well in weeks, since even before her mother died. Physical and emotional fatigue had finally caught up with her, and she crashed. She woke up a couple of times during the day, and Fritz got some food and water into her then tucked her back into bed. Then he'd hold her hand or spoon in behind her with his arms around her until she fell back asleep. But even though he was tired too, he didn't fall asleep himself.
Fritz was restless and agitated. He paced the house as he looked for something to occupy himself. He'd tried to read, to watch tv, but he couldn't focus. He didn't have to clean, since her squad had cleaned the place and scrubbed down the kitchen the other night. He didn't have to go to the store, or even cook anything. Tao's wife Kathy had sent him over with enough food to feed an army. All he had to do was heat stuff up.
It had been nearly two days and he still felt like he was shaking half the time. The fear he'd felt when the DC officers first notified him of the incident was still with him. As was the pull for a drink. He finally picked up the phone and called his AA sponsor. They spoke for a long time, with Fritz telling him everything that had been going on and how he felt about it. His sponsor eased him off the edge, but suggested he maybe go to a meeting. Fritz didn't want to leave a note and have Brenda wake up alone or wake her up to tell her he was going to a meeting. He knew she'd feel guilty and blame herself, and he didn't want to put that on her.
"I can't turn this into being about me. And I won't leave her right now," Fritz said.
"Well, you can't take care of her if you don't take care of yourself. Just think about it," his sponsor replied.
They hung up then, and Fritz knew he was right. He'd wait a day or two, then make an excuse and go to a meeting. He didn't want to lie or deceive her, but she always felt like she was the one driving him to drink when he went to a meeting. She didn't need that right now. And he'd just feel guilty for making her feel guilty.
He felt better than he did before he made the call though. And he realized he felt calmer when he could see her. So he settled into a chair in the bedroom and aimlessly surfed the web for awhile. Thank God for Netflix, he thought as he found something that could partially hold his attention. But being that restless for most of the day can be exhausting, and by 9:00 he decided to just go to bed. He slid under the covers next to her and put an arm around her. She settled closer to him without waking. The physical connection to her calmed him even more. I should just keep her in my arms all the time, he thought as he sleep overcame him.
Hours later, a thump from somewhere in the house startled her awake.
"Fritz!" she whispered urgently. "Fritz!" She shook him awake.
"What? What's wrong?"
"I heard something. Like someone's in here."
That woke him up. He reached for his gun in the bedside table. "I'll go check. You stay here."
Weapon drawn, he went to check each room. There was no one there. The doors and windows were all shut tight. Joel was on his nightly prowl though, so Fritz assumed he'd just knocked something over, which was not an unusual occurrence.
He went back to the bedroom.
"It's ok. No one's here. Just Joel the mighty hunter."
"Are you sure? What about the doors and windows?"
"Closed and locked." He watched as she got up and started turning on lights. She looked terrified.
He guided her back to the bed and put his arms around her after he laid back down. He held her close, rubbing her back, trying to ease the tension he felt in her body. She was so jumpy, starting at any noise, even the sound of the air conditioning kicking on. Finally, he got back out of bed and pulled her up.
"Come with me."
He took her hand and led her room to room, turning on lights as they went. "See? No one here but us." She was trembling the whole time.
"I'm sorry I'm being so stupid," she muttered.
"Hey, hey, you're not," he said as he slid his arms around her waist. "You went through a traumatic experience. It's not stupid or irrational to be scared. It would be strange if you weren't."
She nodded, but tears had formed in her eyes.
"Hey, it's ok." He hugged her tight. She held on just as tightly. "We're safe, honey. I'm right here, and I won't let anything hurt you.
She got back in to bed with him and cuddled up close. She listened to his breathing even out as he fell asleep. She slid a little closer to him, and when he tightened his arms around her in his sleep, she finally felt safe enough to fall back asleep herself.
The next couple of days were filled with phone calls. She spoke frequently with Raydor, about Rusty and her suspension, and a member of her squad called every so often, trying to pretend they weren't checking in on her.
During a phone call with Raydor, Brenda finally mustered up the courage to ask the million dollar question. "Am I going to be fired?"
"Possibly, but not likely. You have nothing in your record of any excessive force toward suspects. Not here in LA or in Atlanta or DC. And considering you've dealt with some of the worst humanity has to offer for nearly two decades, that's pretty impressive. I've also argued that your success rate should count heavily in your favor. And you'll probably hate this, but I can also play up an "emotional strain" angle, what with the leak in your division and your mother's recent death. There will have to be some disciplinary action, but more along the lines of an additional suspension rather than termination. I'm doing everything I can."
"Thank you Captain. I appreciate it."
"Well, you might not when I tell you what the city attorneys had to say."
Fritz walked in a little while later to find Brenda pacing agitatedly in the living room. She had her "angry face" on. "What's wrong?" he asked.
Brenda relayed what Raydor had told her about the city attorneys insisting on a formal reprimand which would go in her permanent record.
"I don't want this, this black mark on my name. Like the "Johnson Rule" isn't bad enough! I'm already upset enough about bein' suspended. Do you know how humiliatin' it was to be asked to turn in my badge and gun?"
Fritz nodded. He'd had to do it himself once upon a time. He took her hand and squeezed it.
"You'll get them back, honey."
"Maybe I don't want 'em back."
She sighed, then sank down onto the couch, her ire draining out of her. Fritz sat on the coffee table facing her and took her hand again.
"There's a job openin', at the DA's office - Chief of the Bureau of Investigation. I've been offered it."
"Is that something you'd want?"
"Well, I'd be Chief, so there's that. No one like Pope or Taylor tryin' to tell me what to do all the time. And I wouldn't have to be some bureaucrat. I could still do some investigatin', if I want."
"Sounds like a pretty good deal to me."
"But what about my team? How can I leave them? They're not just my employees they're, they're…" she trailed off as tears filled her eyes and she choked up.
"They're family," Fritz finished.
She nodded.
He sat next to her on the couch and put his arm around her. She sank into him and leaned her head on his shoulder.
"You know what they good thing is about family?" Fritz continued. "They never leave you. I don't know if you know, but your guys stayed here with you that night. They even cleaned up everything so you wouldn't have to look at it. So even if you're not working together every day, they will still be your family. You don't have to give them up."
"They said I could appoint someone to be liaison with the LAPD. I could take David with me."
"I think that would be good, for both of you."
She wiped her tears and cuddled more into his side.
"What do you think? Of me maybe takin' that job?" she asked him.
"Me?"
"Well, yeah. This affects you, too."
This was a change. Usually she just charged ahead with her decisions. He was thrilled she was letting him in.
"Well, the protective husband in me is all for having you safely behind a desk instead of a gun. But the supportive husband just wants you to be happy. Could you be happy not being a cop?"
"I'm not that happy at work right now. I'm feelin' like I'm bein' boxed in. And I don't think I can work for Taylor. He's an even bigger pain in the you-know-what than Pope. And the bein' a cop part, that's not so important to me. Well, it is, but what's really important is gettin' justice for victims, puttin' the perpetrators away. I can still do that at the B of I. And, I wouldn't have to listen to the "bad men" so much anymore or be under so much pressure to get everythin' done right away to make an arrest, cuz they'll have already been arrested. Heck, I might even be able to work more normal hours, get home at a decent time in the evenin'. "
"Well, I like that."
"I want to spend more time with you."
"I definitely like that."
"Well, I'd hope so. But sometimes I still can't believe you didn't run screamin' long ago."
"Well, I love you. You're stuck with me, honey."
"Good," she replied as she kissed him.
They talked long into the the evening, debating and weighing the pros and cons of the LAPD vs the DA's office.
"It sounds like you've pretty much made up your mind," Fritz said as they were going to bed.
"Yeah, I think I have. It's hard, though."
"Change always is."
Shortly after they fell asleep, a nightmare plowed through, waking them both when she screamed. He calmed her the way he always did, with a warm hug, gentle hands stroking her hair and back, and softly spoken words of reassurance and love.
She pillowed her head on his chest as he hugged her, and she listened to his heart beat as he fell back to sleep. After awhile, she raised herself on one elbow and just watched him sleep, She still couldn't quite believe she had someone so completely wonderful in her life. After all she'd done, she really didn't deserve him, but she was so grateful to God and any other higher power that he was here. With her. Loving her, no matter what.
She lightly caressed his handsome face, and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips. He stirred, and woke.
"Brenda?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."
"What is it?"
"I was just thinkin' how much I love you. How lucky I am to have you."
"The feeling is mutual, you know," he said as he turned on his side to face her and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"I do know. And I'm so glad."
They kissed, softly at first, and then it became more intense. She slid her hands under his t-shirt and began to try to pull it off.
Despite the fact that his body was responding, he pulled back. "Wait, wait a minute. Your ribs…"
"It'll be ok - we'll just be careful." She claimed his lips again.
They undressed each other, Fritz being so careful with her it made her heart ache. He placed kisses on all her bruises, and when he got to the ones on her throat, she felt him tremble. "I could have lost you…"
She cupped his face in her hands and tilted it up slightly so she could make eye contact. "I'm right here. You haven't lost me. You're stuck with me, honey."
He smiled as she repeated his words from earlier. "Thank God."
Their lips met again, and soon their bodies joined. As always, it felt like coming home. After, they lay entwined, still softly kissing and caressing, until they each slid into a peaceful slumber. There would be no more nightmares tonight.
TBC...