My Black Crimson Rose says:: most italics are used to not only for thoughts, and the 'bucket list' but also as page breaks for different scenes... so if it kinda just cuts off the next paragraph you know why...

Don't be afraid to leave reviews, I love them, they make me feel good and want to type quicker so I'm not the only one enjoying this story. :P

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"Come on Max hit the ball!"

Have I ever told you that I suck at baseball? It's funny; my first boy-crush is on a guy who's the captain of the damn sport, and chucking the damn balls at me at that same time. One more out and then we would be back on the field, everything rested on me… the worst hitter in my gym class.

"Come on Max, don't get out!"

Thanks guys, really, those words really help. I rolled my eyes. The grip on the bat tightened as my hands grew slick with sweat. Kai's going to kill me. Kai was a power house hitter, always after me in the line up so 'he could clean up my mess', or that's what the rest of the team that I was placed on said. Kai would just shrug and pull a 'whatever'… but he would still kill me for not letting him get up to bat.

Michael tossed the ball in his hand teasingly, "I won't throw too fast, how's that?" he grinned adjusting his cap with the other hand. I nod; I'm going to die.

Hit a home run.

Kai shook his head, water droplets slashed against my face as we traveled to our lockers. "Sorry Kai," I say for the thousandth time after striking out.

The two-toned haired boy shrugs, "it's fine Max." Almost as if an afterthought he added, "What are you even doing taking gym? You can't hit a baseball, you're too small to play football and basketball, and you have hardly any hand-eye coordination to play tennis—look Max, if you don't work on one of these sports you'll never be able to pass."

As much as those words stung, they were true—for the most part. No one would pass me the ball in football because of my small size, basketball was the same. I sucked at baseball and tennis with the whole swinging at flying balls coming at you at record breaking speeds… I sucked. It's only a month into the new school year and I'm already failing a class.

I grinned, "I donno," I replied sheepishly. Kai rolled his eyes, shaking his damp hair at my answer. He was never one to pry into unimportant matters. "I'll see you at lunch buddy," I voiced to him giving the older boy a small wave as I separated from him to my locker.

"Hn," was the only thing he said as he continued his way to his own locker.

Understand Kai speak.

That last add on would take much longer than all the others, I would hope anyways. The senior English teacher spoke in front of the class, something I really should have been listening too but couldn't keep my eyes off the back of Michael's neck. His auburn hair was damp from the shower he must have taken at the end of gym, he didn't smell like sweat. "-you will pair off to complete this assignment," the teacher finished his teaching.

No way, maybe… maybe today was my day to finally pair up with him! I bit my lip as a shaken hand slowly started to reach out towards the brunette. "Michael, wanna be partners?" God damn it Eddy! I sigh as Michael left his seat to sit further ahead. Urg, so close! Forehead met desk as I quietly started to insult myself for not getting to him first.

"Do you have a partner? Max right?" I squinted up at the female, oh dear, a popular. I nodded, a large grin worming its way on my face.

"Yup, I'm Max. And no…" I smiled weakly.

The blonde pulled up a desk, "Kate," she smiled sitting.

At the moment I never realized how much I hated that girl. At that moment in time I hoped that the glances that Michael Parker was throwing me was what was in my dreams. Admiration and love was what I hoped those eyes looked at me with. A small part of me hoped; the rest shook its head at my childish hopes and dreams.

Kate became my partner in this English assignment. An assignment that I knew I would mostly complete by myself. When the bell rang I gathered my books, and pens. I was disappointed, disheartened. I was so close, yet so far away from talking with him. That's all I really want, just to talk to Michael Parker—maybe if I got that out of my system, then I'll be able to move on… you know?

"Hey, blondie!" the speaker placed a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around on my heels. I tilted my head back to get a better look at my captor. I couldn't believe my luck. The very boy that's been haunting my very thoughts was speaking to me. "It's Max right?"

I open my mouth to speak, vocal cords slack, and no words able to form in my head so I settled with a nod.

His hand left my shoulder to lay limply at his side. "So, you're paired up with Kate…" he trailed off, glancing over his shoulder every so often, "what did she tell you?"

I sighed, I knew it, this was all about the popular girl. I bet he had a crush on her. Long legs, butt and breasts… all what guys went for. Guess it doesn't surprise me all that much that he would be into her. "What her favorite makeup brand was, what colors she liked… I honestly stopped listening when she started to go into detail about what clothing brands she liked and the difference in those and the competitions," I was still talking to him, about all the wrong things, but beggars can't be choosers now can they?

Michael raised a brow, "did she mention me at all?" he inquired.

And there was the question. I shook my head, "nope," I stated. If the girl would have mentioned anything about the baseball captain I would know. The frown that drew his lips down crushed my heart, and this is why you don't fall for a straight boy Max. The senior looked like a kicked puppy; I had to do something to get him to smile again… "But, I could always be wrong. Like I said I stopped listening at the clothes part—she might have mentioned you," the smile was back.

"Uh… would you do something for me?" he questioned out of silence. My heart was in my throat, anything, I was tempted to say. The word was on the tip of my tongue as blood pumped quickly through my body at the increased speed of my heart.

"What?" still a one word answer, but this one didn't make me seem so fallen for him. Because you know… I'm not in love with Michael Parker—it's just a longing, you know like what all people get when you know you can't have something but it only makes you want that thing oh so much more. This was that same situation; and I know it would always linger, because there was no way in all the seven levels of hell that I was going to get Michael Parker.

The blush crept up his neck and to his cheeks, I didn't realize that jock's blushed too, as he formed the words on his tongue, "can you throw in a good word about me to Kate?" I sighed, of course, what higher power would make him confess feelings, that he didn't have for me, in the middle of the hall so we can go off skipping a happy, golly little gay tune before sucking face in front of all the cheerleaders?

"Yeah… yeah, I'll see what I can do, okay?" force that smile to widen Maxie boy, you're not in your room yet. Michael smiled, nodding his thanks. I don't know what it is with guys and their silent need for communication, I mean, yeah I'm a guy too but I never understood this.

Today was just not shaping out to be a good day, I had thought as I sat with my friends at our normal lunch table, a sandwich loaded with tons of mustard in hand as I listened to Tyson's latest fail. "Max, little buddy—" Tyson had drawled, trying to gain a few words of advice from me, but really, I can only bullshit for so many years, and days on end. I smiled, giving him a small shrug as I went back to my lunch.

Bring an extra sandwich to school… Tyson keeps eating my other half.

I'm not sure how I went from calm, smiling, hair flopping in face Max to red faced, angry, and swearing Max. I came up to a quick list of things that caused my sudden and very 'out of character' act that I'm performing this very moment…

It could be from the departure of my mother this morning, striking out in baseball, in which lead Kai to start questioning me and my abilities, the whole Michael Parker situation in English class and the hall, Tyson stealing the last half of my sandwich, and the overall fact that I was sick and tired of playing the role of the nice little gay boy.

For those just tuning in, I'm not gay! If you were to claim I was anything, please use the term 'Bisexual' to describe it. Please and thank you. Anyways, about the whole red faced, angry and swearing.

You know in movies were time seemed like it just stops when the main character finally lets out a huge tongue lashing, oh no no. I was not lucky enough to have a short pause to think about what was pouring out of my mouth, not able to watch in detail at the shocked expressions of the student body; I was only concentrated on Tyson's face. His mouth hung open, the stolen sandwich chewed and lay disgustingly in his mouth, eye bugged eyed. "You're so fucking stupid!" I shouted pushing my chair back, back to them before turning sharply. I wasn't quiet done with them. "Have any of you once thought anything about me? What, do you think I'm Mr. Fucking Perfect or something? Not once have you guys shut your mouth and asked me anything—you just assume! Well you know what? FUCK YOU!"

This was the time were the whole brain-to-mouth filter still was working. I never swear, and this was leaving a bad taste in my mouth and was making me look horrible in front of my peers. I shook my head, in an effort to calm myself, "I thought you guys were my friends…" I whispered before finally turning tail.

I feel like washing this vulgarity from my mouth with soap… liquid soap.

At least I can cross out one thing off my list…

Stick up for myself.