Nursery Rhymes Chapter 2: Breathe, a big time rush fanfic

Breathe

James knew that the decision was ultimately Katie's. It had been a week since the conversation on the bus, and things had gotten really tense between them. He was concerned that she wouldn't want him to be there. The brunette boy shook his head and changed into his costume anyway, looking back to see if Katie was there. She wasn't. She had left with her mother the night before, saying she wanted to go home.

He knew what that meant.

Plastering a fake smile to his face as he stepped out of the dressing room, he looked down when the reporters bombarded him for questions.

Who is she?
Do you love her?
Is she a singer?
How did you meet?
How far along is she?
Are you only getting married because she's pregnant?

He didn't want to answer the questions. The boy was thankful that Logan intervened and told him the show was about to start and they had to go out for their last act. He looked away for a moment before brushing his hair from his eyes and climbing onto the stage. It was the first time he'd noticed the set list.

I bet you didn't notice
First time your heart was broken
You called me up and
We talked till the morning
The time that you were stranded
I was there before you landed
He was a no-show
I made sure you got home

Katie pushed her hair back and sat on the chair in the waiting room, watching women filter in and out. Some where there laughing, some where there with boyfriends, some were just paging through magazines like she was doing right now. Either way, she was sure this was going to end badly.

Her phone rang but she didn't answer it. She let it go straight to voice mail and went back to reading the magazine.

I've been right there
For every minute
And this time
Is no different
What ever happens you should know

James froze on the stage holding the microphone. He had to perform, it was a concert and his part was key to the song. He didn't know what to do. His body began to move, but his brain shut down. What were his words?

He heard Gustavo shouting in his earpiece about doing the damn show and worrying about Katie later. He wanted to worry about Katie later, but his head wouldn't let him. Biting his lip, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. His voice was soft as he began to sing, as if singing to his child.

You're not alone girl
Look over your shoulder
You don't have to wonder
You know, you know, you know
You're not alone Girl
I'll be there to hold you
I'll stay till it's over
And you know, you know, you know
You're not alone

All the days that you were stressed out
Feeling like pulling your hair out
They were all missing
But I was here listening, yeah
You gotta believe in me
Even if you can't see me there
I'll catch you when you fall

Suddenly Katie felt more scared of her decision. She climbed up onto the table, her heartbeat a million miles an hour. She was waiting for the nurse to come back, but for some reason, she wasn't sure the nurse would be back. The equipment that surrounded her was terrifying. It smelled of metal in the room. Diagrams filled the walls, and she suddenly felt closed in.

Cause I've been right there
For every minute
And this time
Is no different
Whatever happens
You should know

James began to tremble again. He wanted Katie there; he needed reassurance that she was okay. Jennifer said she had an appointment today, and that's why she had to go home. Suddenly his mind began to run through all the appointments that Sarah had. His heart began to beat faster, his breathing a little shorter. Logan pulled him aside during a small break where Kendall sang and began asking if he was okay.

James would nod and say he was fine, but deep down, he wasn't so sure. "I need to hear her," James whispered quietly. "I need to hear Katie's voice and know she's okay. I'm worried. Her mom said she had a really important appointment today, I fear something may be wrong with her or the baby."

"James," Logan spoke fast but efficiently. "Maybe we should get you off stage. You're looking really pale."

For the first time since kindergarten, James began to whimper softly. "I want to go home."

I'll be here for you no matter what
Comes around the corner
As long as I am breathing
You won't have to worry no more

Katie knew that the doctor wouldn't be in any time shortly, so she began to study the diagrams on the wall. She began to wonder if she could really go through with this – being a mother and going to school. She only had a few more months of school left, but she would also be due around the same time school was over – if not before. She stared up at the ceiling, her thoughts racing.

The doctor came into the room and cut to the chase. "Katherine Knight? I presume you're here for an abortion?"

Katie nodded slowly, her voice cracking. "Yes,"

The doctor nodded slightly. "Would you like to see the baby first?"

Katie rapidly shook her head. "No."

You're not alone girl
Look over your shoulder
You don't have to wonder
Because you know
You're not alone Girl
Look over your shoulder
You don't have to wonder
You know, you know, you know
You're not alone girl
I'll be there to hold you
I'll stay till it's over
And you know, you know, you know
You're not alone

You're not alone
You're not alone
You're not alone
You're not alone
You're not alone

James voice cracked when he got to his lyric portion of the song, his fear growing more and more evident. He closed his eyes and finished the song, thinking of Katie the entire time. "Bet you didn't notice, the first time your heart was broken, you called me up and we talked till the morning…"

When the song was finished, he dropped the microphone and ran off the stage, shoving passed reporters. He didn't bother to stay and make sure that everything was okay. He didn't bother to stay and wait for the end. He began running as fast as he could.

James arrived outside the office building that Camille told him Katie was at. He looked up at the name on the door and his heart nearly stopped. No. Panic clutched at his heart. She wouldn't. He entered the office and looked around. She wasn't there, but her car was in the parking lot. Where would she be? He ran to the office, short of breath, and began speaking quickly. "I need to see Katie Knight."

"I'm sorry." The nurse replied. "She's already in her appointment."

He shook his head. "You don't understand, I need to see her." He began again, a bit slower this time. "Please let me back there."

The nurse shook her head again. "I'm sorry, I can't. It's personal. This is her decision."

James began to tremble with rage. "I'm the father of her baby!" He shouted.

"It doesn't matter. Once that door locks, no one can get in but the doctor." The nurse replied, her voice a low growl. She dealt with people like this all the time; James was nothing new. "I can't let you back there."

James waited until one of the doctors came from the room and shoved passed him. He ran through the halls, his feet dragging him places he didn't want to go. He didn't know where he was going. He didn't know what was going to happen. He was almost terrified to see what would meet him on the other side. What room was she in?

He froze when he saw security running towards him. He didn't have much time. Stopping outside the door briefly, he saw Katie sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest. He shoved the door open and stared at her, panting to catch his breath. "Why is it always a chase and an argument with you?" He growled. "Why couldn't you just listen?"

She looked up at him with puffy eyes, her voice broken when she began to cry again. She couldn't stand to look at him. She'd made her decision.

Security burst through the doors and grabbed him by the wrist. He shoved them away and took a step forward. "Katie, don't do this."

"I already made my decision," She whimpered softly. "I'm sorry for not including you."

He could swear that if his heart could break, it just had. His breath caught, he couldn't see much passed the haze of tears. "Katie…" He tried to wriggle away from the security guard that grabbed his arm, but they tasered him until he fell to his knees. "Katie, I love you. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. Even they couldn't stop me." He closed his eyes, his head bowing in shame. "I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough. I'm sorry I felt like our child deserved a chance. I'm sorry that you didn't love me enough to include me in your decision. But most of all, I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough reason to keep you from doing it."

As security dragged him down the hall, he fell limp in the man's arms, defeated. He wasn't going to fight them; he got his answer. He didn't hear her whispered words as he left the room. He didn't hear her say she was sorry.

At least a month passed before James arrived back home. Katie was locked in her bedroom, where she'd been hiding out since the day at the clinic. Jennifer didn't speak or look at James when he came into the apartment. The rest of the group barely recognized him. He looked away. "I need to see Katie."

"James, the answer is going to be the same as the first fifty-seven times you called. She doesn't want to talk to you right now." Kendall answered slowly. He tried to sound calm, but his rage was pretty evident. "She doesn't want to talk to you, James. I'm sorry."

Jennifer looked at him from the kitchen, shaking her head. "Katie is fine, if it's any consolation. Had you waited around a while longer, I'm sure you would have known."

"I don't care if she's fine. I know she's fine. I saw her." He growled, obviously a little bit drunk. "I need to talk to her."

"You're not allowed," Kendall answered. "James, I'm sorry. I can't let you see my baby sister. She's not happy with you right now. Right now, honestly, none of us are. Where have you been for the last month?"

"Home." He answered simply.

Jennifer looked at him, shaking her head. "This is your home. Where did you go?"

"To visit my dad in prison," He replied bitterly. "Because seeing him was the only thing worse than what Katie did."

Kendall froze and looked at James, his eyes widening. "What Katie did?" He turned to his mother. "Mom, what did Katie do?"

"You're mad at me and you don't even know what she did?" James screamed in defeat. "What is wrong with you people?"

Katie stood at the 'balcony' to her room and watched James. He didn't see her; he didn't see the tiny item she was carrying. He didn't see her shirt barely fit, or that her jeans were a little tighter than usual. He didn't see her puffy eyes.

She came down the steps and stopped beside Kendall, looking at James. Kendall went to reach an arm out so James couldn't touch her, but Katie pushed him away. "It's okay," She whispered, more for her reassurance than anything. She handed James the picture and looked down at her feet. "I thought you'd want to see her."

"Katie I-"

"I know, you're sorry for the way you acted." She answered slowly, looking up at him, brown eyes searching for answers. "I don't hate you for the way you acted. You're the reason I stopped the doctor."

"What?" He whispered voice low. "You…you didn't?"

"No," She answered. "I didn't. And had you waited, you would have known. You called me, James. I got a voicemail from you after I went into the office. I heard you talking to Logan during your song." She looked to Logan and smiled. "He told me what happened, and I'm sorry I made you worry. You shouldn't have had to. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that to you or Bridget. Don't feel like it was your fault I want in there. I was being selfish. I wanted my old life back. Mom actually pointed out that I didn't have much of a life." She looked down sadly. "Though I do have to go to school looking like this – it doesn't matter to me. How many people can say they're carrying the child of James Diamond?" She laughed softly, but it was cut off by him planting his lips against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed back.

"Thank you," He whispered softly after pulling away. "Thank you for a thousand reasons to keep fighting."

"A thousand? I only gave you two." Katie laughed a little.

James gently rested both his hands on her slightly larger stomach and smiled, kissing her forehead. The image of the sonogram stuck out between his fingers. "You gave me a thousand," He mumbled showing her the picture. "I love you, Katie. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering or questioning your motives. Please be more honest with me."

"I was going to wait until the concert was over," She answered sadly. "I was going to call and surprise you with a picture…but since you didn't come home, I couldn't even do that."

"I won't run away again, I swear. I want to be here with you for every single step, every single doubt, every worry, every tear, diaper, shoe, word, song, everything." He pulled her closer by her belt loops. "Everything, Katie."

"Even the morning sickness?" She asked ironically.

He smiled and wrapped his arms possessively around her. "Even the morning sickness." He merely blinked when she threw up on his shoes. "I deserved that."

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