I do not own any of it.
It Doesn't Change Anything
Harry was in a bad mood. It was Thursday night and he was sitting in his office at the ministry going over reports.
They had lost him.
Carrnon had just vanished. They didn't know where he had gone, or when he would show his face again.
Harry had received the lecture from Kingsley and Harvey about responsibility in the Auror world. They had laid into him nicely about failing his mission. And now all Harry wanted to do was go home and find a way to contact Ginny.
She could take his mind off of this.
He knew he was great at his job. He knew that Carrnon would have given the slip to any of his team. But he was the leader of the team and therefore he had let the entire team down.
Ron and Randle would never let him hear the end of it.
He sighed as he finished his last report. He left the ministry feeling miserable. Ginny was probably already asleep, so he shouldn't owl her. He was going to go home to an empty flat.
When he walked in, the first thing he noticed was her scent. It was still there from the last time they had been together. It made him miss her more.
Then he walked into the bedroom. He saw her in their bed. He had long ago stopped thinking of it as his bed. After all, she had spent almost as many nights in it as he had.
Her head was back and she let out a slow moan. He smiled as he watched her stroke herself to the edge.
His mouth started to water and he felt his pants tighten.
She moaned again, ending with his name.
His smile widened, knowing that she came here to pleasure herself while she thought of him. And that she looked so damn sexy doing it.
It proved that she needed him. Now, if only he could get her to admit that.
Her breathing got heavier. He decided he should let her know he was there. Stripping his clothes, he walked over to the bed.
She didn't jump when he placed his hand over hers and stroked with her, her brown eyes just opened and stared into his green ones. She gave him a small smile as he replaced their hands with his mouth, his tongue stroking her gently, dipping into everything he had been missing.
Slowly, patiently, he stroked her to the edge. When she got to there, his tongue stopped.
"Now, Harry." She panted as he positioned himself at her opening. "Now."
Harry's lips were so close to hers, he could feel them when she talked, he stared into her eyes, seeing the desire, the need for him in them.
"You came here tonight because you needed me. I need to hear you say it."
He saw the fear in her eyes at his request. He knew she didn't want to need anyone, but he also knew she needed him, and he needed to hear it. "I need you, Ginny. Every moment I am not with you. Give me what I need from you."
He watched as tears formed in her eyes. "I need you." It was barely a whisper, but he would take it. He slid slowly into her, building her up again. And again.
She lay awake later that night. She was snuggled against Harry. She didn't know how to handle him. Not anymore anyway. Had he told her that he loved her? No, no, she imagined that. Why was she imagining hearing that from him? He managed to go and complicate the good shagging system that the two had going. And she wasn't sure if she wanted it complicated or not.
She felt something for him. You couldn't be this close to someone and not feel something for them. And she felt more for him than anyone else she had been with. But she had fallen for him before. And it hadn't worked out.
Although, she thought, she hadn't allowed it to work out. But maybe this time, it would work itself out. Maybe they could build a life together. Or maybe he would end up running off again, like he did during her sixth year. And like he did after Auror training. One thing she understood about him is his need to stop the bad guys. And that was the one thing that would always hurt her. That he could just take off, and not come back for so long.
Could she have a serious relationship with a man who might up and leave for years at a time?
"Why aren't you sleeping?" Harry asked her as he tightened his grip on her.
"Just thinking. Why aren't you sleeping?"
"Because the girl that is supposed to be sleeping next to me is restless. What's bothering you, lover?"
Her heart fluttered at the name. She knew she would tell him. No one was able to get things out of her like he was. "It's just, you keep changing the rules on me. It's starting to make my head spin."
"Gin, I haven't changed any rules on you."
"What about tonight, and Friday night? You have made me need you when I haven't needed anyone else." She rolled over so that they were lying on their sides facing each other. Their legs where twisted together.
He laughed lightly, and stroked his hand up her arm. "I haven't changed any rules. We are still friends. I haven't touched another woman. And I haven't told anyone. Well, Kingsley, but he figured it out on his own. I never agreed to not romance you. And you have needed me for a while, I just made you realize it."
"Well, I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with it. I was under the impression that this was sex between us." She lifted her head off the pillow to glare at him.
"It is sex between us, that's what we agreed on. Are you telling me it is more than sex for you?" He used all of his strength to keep the hopefulness out of his voice.
"No, its not. But most lovers don't send flowers. And how did you know that calla lilies are my favorite?" She huffed out and laid her head back down, looking at him.
"So, you are all flustered because I sent you flowers? I thought you would like them." He picked up her hand and entwined their fingers. "I knew you would be fretting before the match, and I wanted to let you know that you didn't need to. I was just trying to comfort you. And while I was gone, well, I missed you and wanted you to know. And I knew that was your favorite because you said so, when we were at dinner with Ron and Hermione one time. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable; I will stop if you want."
"No, you don't need to stop. I'm just not used to it." She snuggled into him. She didn't know what her feelings were yet, but she knew she didn't want him to stop what he was doing.
He was relieved at that. He wasn't sure if he could stop. However, something that he had been thinking about for the past week was nagging at him again. He sighed. He needed to ask her, there was no other way. "Gin, I was wondering about something." He started. He wasn't completely sure that he wanted to get into this at all, let alone while they were twisted together in their bed.
"What is it?" She snuggled closer to him.
Where to start? He wondered. "I was talking with Kingsley last week about our previous relationship."
Ginny stared up at him. "Previous relationship?"
"The one we had for a few weeks at Hogwarts." He couldn't believe this. How could she not remember those wonderful weeks? "Did you forget?"
She rolled her eyes at him. "Of course I didn't forget. I'm just surprised it came up between you and Kingsley. Shouldn't you two have, you know, more important, world saving issues to talk about?"
Harry let out a soft chuckle at this. "Not really. Kingsley's way of relaxing is pestering me about my life."
"Really? That doesn't sound very relaxing."
"I know, but he enjoys it for some reason."
"So why were you talking about our past relationship?"
"Well, he was wondering why we didn't get together after the war. He was under the impression that you were waiting for me and I didn't come for you."
"He was?" She didn't elaborate any further, but Harry could see her mind working.
"Yeah, He said that your parents told him that and I was wondering how they would get that impression."
"He did?" She asked.
"Yes, why would your parents tell him that?"
"Oh, Harry, I thought we were past all this. I mean it was so long ago, does it really matter?"
This surprised him. She didn't deny that she had been waiting for him. Could what he thought the last seven years be wrong? "I'm not asking because we are not past this, I know we are." He squeezed her hand. "I'm asking because I need to know. I mean, I don't spend time thinking about that conversation, but I do remember pretty clearly that you told me you didn't wait for me."
"I remember that pretty clearly, too, Harry." She sighed and adjusted her shoulders a bit.
"So why would your parents think that you were?" Harry pressed. Something wasn't right here, he could feel it. She had told him she had found someone else while he had been gone. He couldn't blame her for that. He had never asked her to wait. To be honest, he hadn't expected to be alive to return to her.
"Do we have to get into this now? We have such a good system going, do we really need to ruin it?"
"I don't want to ruin it Ginny. This isn't breaking any of the rules you are so fond of either. I just need to know what you aren't telling me. That conversation is the basis for our friendship, Ginny. I need to know what was true and what wasn't."
"If I tell you, is it going to hurt our friendship?"
Harry looked at her. What was she not telling him? He didn't think she could hurt him any more than she had that day. If he could still be her friend after that, whatever this is shouldn't wreak that. "Of course not. That was years ago. I just want to know the truth."
"Okay then. I guess my parents told him that because I was waiting for you while you and Ron and Hermione were gone, and they knew that."
"Wait." Harry said, stunned. "Wait. You were waiting for me. Waiting for me, like, like a girlfriend would be waiting?"
"Yeah. Just like that because I didn't believe you at Dumbledore's funeral. I didn't think you wanted to break up, so I just let you assume you dumped me, but I still considered you my boyfriend. I thought you knew that. Stupid of me, I know."
"You considered yourself my girlfriend that entire time. Ginny, do you realize how dangerous that was? Merlin, I never realized that. You did wait for me." It took him a moment to let that sink in. The words that had caused him the most pain of his life were a lie. And then he realized that she lied to him. "Why did you tell me that you hadn't?"
"I don't really want to get into this now, Harry. It's just going to put a strain on both of us."
"Tell me, Ginny."
She stared at him for a moment, but he just stared right back at her. "Fine." She took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. "Do you remember what it was like in the few days after you defeated Tom?" She asked him.
"Vaguely, it was a little crazy." He was watching her face intently. Where was she going with this?
"Crazy isn't even close enough. There was so much to do, and you were at the center of it. Everyone wanted to be near you and hear what you had to say on so many issues, I could never find you by yourself."
"I know. I remember that. I was so tempted to grab you and take you off to a hotel somewhere so we could be alone for a night."
She smiled at this. "Maybe you should have, it might have changed my decision."
"So you didn't want to get back together with me because you couldn't get me on my own. All you had to do was ask during that week, we would have been by ourselves in about five seconds. I wanted so bad to be alone with you, Ginny."
"That's not why I didn't want you back, Harry. I finally got frustrated enough that I couldn't ever find you alone, I stole the Marauders Map and watched it until you were alone. I couldn't wait to kiss you, so I rushed to the charms classroom."
"Oh." Was all Harry could say. That was where the conversation that ended them had taken place.
"But when I got there, you weren't alone any longer. You were talking to Kingsley about some Ministry stuff. I didn't mind. I stood out in the hall waiting for you to be done."
She paused to take a deep breath and rolled onto her back still facing the ceiling. He wondered what made her change her mind.
"I overheard part of your conversation with him. He offered you the chance at your dream. I froze when I heard him tell you that you could head out for Auror training in Germany in a week. And then, when you didn't even hesitate to say yes, I was stunned. My boyfriend was going to be leaving the country for three years without even spending a week with me, without even discussing the options with me. The pain of you being gone the past year without ever contacting me sprang up, and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that again."
She stopped talking. Harry watched her as she stared at the ceiling, trying to take everything she had said in. "So you told me you didn't wait for me because I agreed to go to Germany?" He needed to have her clarify that.
"Yes. I wasn't going to be able to wait for you again. And I knew it. So when Kingsley left, I entered the classroom. You looked so happy. I knew it was because of the Auror training and not me. Merlin, when you hugged me I had everything in the world. But I knew that it would be gone soon. And I couldn't handle that. So I convinced you that I was over you. That I had moved on and I wanted to be your friend. You believed me and took off with Ron like I knew you would."
"Ginny." He wasn't sure what to say. He had always thought that she had had a boyfriend while he had been gone. He had spent many nights guessing who the bloke was and how to inflict pain on him. Now she was telling him that she had been hurting just as badly as he had been. "You could have told me this then. We would have been able to work through it. I wouldn't have been out of contact with you. Ron and Hermione were able to get through it."
"Well, I'm not as strong as Hermione."
"I beg to differ."
She smiled a little at that. "I realized that afternoon that I had been wrong at Dumbledore's Funeral." She looked over at him, hoping he would understand, but he just looked confused so she explained. "I had said something about you not being happy unless you were chasing Voldermort. Well, I realized it wasn't just him, you wouldn't be happy unless you were chasing bad guys. I couldn't live with that. I couldn't live with you always off for long periods of time." She looked back at the ceiling.
He rolled over onto his back to stare at the ceiling with her. It was a lot for him to take in. The woman he loved couldn't handle being away from him. Well, that wasn't the worst thing in the world. Although, his job required him to leave for extended periods of time. They would have to settle this at some point if he was going to convince her that she could love him.
They lay like that for some time, each thinking their own thoughts.
Harry had thought that she might have fallen asleep when she rolled over onto him. "You know, it is probably better that we didn't get together then."
He looked at her smiling face. "Why is that?"
"I don't think our teenage bodies would have been able to handle the physical attraction our bodies have to each other."
He laughed at this. "True…you can't deny we have that chemistry."
"We're okay, right?" She asked him.
"We're okay." He confirmed. "I'm glad I know now."
"It doesn't change anything. We both got over it a long time ago.
"Yeah." He didn't want to get into that. She might have gotten over it, but he had only buried it. He needed to change the subject before she could continue. "You know the wedding is a week from Saturday. The next week is going to be crazy. Do you think you will be up for our nighttime activities?" He asked her.
"Oh, I think I will be. We haven't found anything that keeps us apart at night. Although the Bachelorette party will probably go all night."
"It's the same night as the bachelor party, so I'm not going to be available anyway. Are you girls going to be having a wild night?"
"No. This is Hermione. I am surprised she didn't want to spend all night in the library!"
He Laughed at that. "So, after the wedding, I was thinking that, once we are done, we could come back here. I don't know, maybe snag some champagne and celebrate on our own. How about it?"
"I will be looking forward to it." She nuzzled into him
"I am sorry that I can't be your date."
"You are my date; it's just that no one knows that."
He kissed her shoulder. "You know, this secret thing is quite a turn on. Every time I see you when other people are around, I just want to grab you, drag you to a closet, and ravish you."
"Well, whatever does it for you, Ace." She patted his cheek
He laughed as he grabbed her wrist. Then his other hand skimmed down her torso. "Since you are awake…"
"Harry! Is that all you think about?"
"These days. Can you honestly tell me you don't want me?" He asked her as he flipped them so he was laying on top of her. He slid his hand between her legs to spread them. She was already wet. "Didn't think so." He whispered in her ear before he took her lips with his.