Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Warning: This story contains disciplinary spanking, so don't read or flame if this offends you.

A/N: Carlisle has a heated chat with Esme and then an enlightening discussion with Jasper. Enjoy!

Chapter 10: Tell it Like it Is

Carlisle's POV:

I felt my heart lighten a little as I watched Alice race up the stairs to Jasper. No doubt they would have a joyful, loving reunion. I on the other hand expected nothing of the sort as I sought out my own mate. Walking by my office I noticed she was still inside, sitting on the couch with her head in her hands.

While what I really wanted to just rush in and pull her into my arms, I knew that wouldn't go over well at this time, so instead I decided to just give a quiet knock on my own door to alert her of my presence.

Esme gave a snort of amusement not even bothering to lift her head to look at me before dryly stating, "Carlisle, this is not only your home, but your office so really there is no need for you to knock. Just come in."

I gave a brief smile at her words, before going to close my door behind me. As I did, that was when I noticed a large crack on it, the epicenter looking suspiciously like a handprint. "What happened to my door?" I couldn't help but asked in bewilderment.

That definitely garnered my wife's attention, for she finally decided to look at me with an apologetic expression. "I'm sorry Carlisle, I misjudged my strength. Jasper was readying to run out that door after you when I decided to slam it shut. I was trying to make a point with him, but I used a little too much force. I'll have it replaced as soon as possible, don't worry."

I gave a mute nod, really having no idea what to even say. It wasn't as though I was attached to the door in anyway, and her explanation made sense. At least it wasn't my desk. My desk was nearly as old as me, and I'd had it for nearly two centuries already. It was the only piece of furniture I held onto as we moved from place to place, and I was rather attached to it.

I left the doorway and walked towards Esme deciding to sit in the armchair across from her rather than on the couch with her. I really didn't need Jasper's gift to feel the tense atmosphere in here.

"How did it go?" I ventured to ask. "Alice told me he took it better than we expected."

My wife let out a sigh, and I felt saddened at the weariness and guilt in her eyes. She was beating herself up over this punishment already and I ached to comfort her. This is why I didn't want her to do this. This is why I never wanted her to spank any of the children. She took these punishments so much harder than I did.

"Esme, please tell me what happened," I asked after she failed to answer me. She finally looked me in the eyes and seemed to collect herself before recounting what happened. Apparently it had started out just as badly as we'd expected, but after my wife's show of dominance as my son tried to leave, the boy seemed to have regained some sense. I wasn't sure if either one of them realized, but I knew exactly what happened in that moment. I'd known Jasper had never held Esme in the same regard as me. He loved her dearly, yes, but when it came to her as an authority figure he never held the same level of respect for her as he did me. In that little moment though, Esme had shown him exactly how authoritative she could be. Just because she didn't like to display her dominant side as often as I did, did not mean she was incapable or lacking in any regards. She just had too big of a heart to be able to come down hard on her babies as often as I did. That is what must've changed Alice's visions.

My wife then went on to explain their conversation, and I found myself quite intrigued and even slightly envious of my wife as it seemed she had managed to get to the root of our soldier's problem when I had failed so many times before. At the same time I also felt pride in her for how she had dealt with our boy, and pride in Jasper for finally opening up.

"When it came time to deliver his spanking, he fought me a little," Esme informed, giving me an unidentifiable look as she said, "his problem was much the same as yours. He'd never been disciplined by a female and his pride suffered. He told me he was afraid I was incapable of being on hard on him as you, but really it was just pride."

Her tone was angry and disgusted, but with the way she was currently staring right at me, I knew those emotions weren't directed towards Jasper but at me; and I also knew we weren't quite talking about his punishment anymore either so much as were talking about what I'd done. Although, I wasn't sure pride had anything to do with my mistake, she seemed to think differently.

"Esme," I decided to say, "Can we please talk about what happened earlier today?" I felt perhaps this might be the easier topic to address rather than how I'd essentially allowed our family to fall apart.

"What is there to talk about?" she asked back frostily, and I had to fight back a cringe at not only the anger in her eyes, but the hurt.

"I'm sorry, I should not have spoken to you in that tone. I know I promised you I never would"—I attempted to apologize, but she cut me off, saying, "Tell me something Carlisle, and don't you dare lie to me. Do you regret at all the punishment you gave Alice?"

I blinked, caught off guard by this question, not quite understanding why she asked. "No," I answered honestly. "I gave her exactly what she deserved. Why do you ask? Do you feel I was too"—

I didn't get to finish my question as she once more cut me off. "What I feel or think doesn't really matter, does it," she stated more than asked. "You do as you please because, of course, you always know best."

I frowned, feeling hurt and angry that she would think such things. Hadn't I proven already how much I valued her opinion? "How can you say such things, Esme? You know how much I value your opinion."

My wife's expression turned angry, her eyes flashing as she snapped, "Then why is it you felt the need to order me to not interfere? You did not issue a request, you gave me an order I could not refuse. That is not how this relationship works, Carlisle Cullen! You should have stopped what you were doing that instant and talked to me as my husband! I understand Alice seriously overstepped her bounds. I understand she deserved to be taken down several notches, but our daughter was not the only one who overstepped their bounds in that room," she hissed icily, and I stiffened, not at all appreciating what she was implying.

"I was in complete control of myself, and don't you dare suggest otherwise," I retorted in growing anger. "I in no way abused that child, and you saw that for yourself!"

"Alice was trembling with fear, begging you not to"—she was arguing when this time I cut her off.

"Begging me not to whip her, but what did you expect her to do?" I asked with a snort of disbelief. "Of course she didn't want to be whipped, nobody ever does. It hurts. It hurts a lot, but that is why it is my worst punishment. I want the kids to be afraid of my belt because the situations that will subject them to it are ones I really want to avoid. You know very well I only use it as a last resort, and even when I do I give them very few licks with it."

"You gave Alice ten with it," she stated as she shot me a glare. "You have never given any of the children that many, and after the spanking you'd already given her, that was too much."

"She received exactly what she deserved, and if you'd stop accusing me for five seconds I could tell you that they were ten of the lightest swats I've ever given with that belt. Of course, to her already tender backside I'm sure it didn't feel like it, but I could've been harder on her," I defended, suddenly furious at the way she was attacking me. I wasn't one to deny my wrong doings, and I knew that I hadn't been too rough with my daughter. The fact that she felt I had infuriated and hurt me deeply. It was as though I had lost her trust, and I wondered when that had happened.

Esme let out a sigh before saying, "I'm glad to hear that, but I'm still not happy with how rough and cold you became with her. The reason I intercepted when I did was because I wanted you to step away from the situation enough to reign in your anger a bit. Alice was absolutely terrified and panicking as you dragged her to the bed. How do you think she would have taken that whipping at that point? Would you still have gone as light if I hadn't interfered when I had? Alice told me that after I left you seemed to calm down some, at least enough to assuage her terror and make sure she knew exactly what landed her in that position. If I hadn't tried to stop you, could you honestly say you still would have done that?"

My mind whirled as I considered her words, and I was quite horrified when I realized the truth in them. She was right. If she hadn't interfered I would've whipped my girl despite her obvious terror, and that would've been a horrible mistake. I'd felt I was in control at the time, but I hadn't quite realized how close to the edge I had been. I'd stepped into the role of coven leader at that point, and it was a role I very rarely ever took on as it was all too easy to lose control. I'd been furious with my daughter, and while it was nothing compared to how I'd been with Emmett, it could've easily reached that point. When Esme had tried to stop me, I'd without thought ordered her not to interfere. The shock of what I'd done to my wife brought me back to myself, and I hadn't even realized it.

I laid my head in my hands briefly and gripped my hair tightly. I'd like to think that even if Esme hadn't done that that I would have been just fine, but now I didn't know. I didn't like not knowing.

"Why did you leave if you felt I was going to overdo it?" I eventually asked, looking over at my wife.

She'd seemed to have calmed down somewhat as she replied, "Because I saw the look in your eyes after you issued that order to me. You were horrified by what you'd done, but more importantly you were yourself again. You were my husband and father to my children, not my coven leader. You further proved that when you asked me to go look for Jasper. I trust my husband, but I don't quite trust my coven leader."

I flinched at those words as I said, "We're the same person."

"In a way," Esme replied with a slight nod of her head. "But when you take on the role of coven leader you allow so much of your vampire self out that I fear you won't be able to control it."

"I can," I declared in sudden confidence. "I can control that side of me." I wasn't going to let her doubt get to me. I knew myself, and I knew that I wouldn't have taken it too far with Alice even if Esme hadn't interfered.

"I hope you're right," she replied.

We sat in an uncomfortable silence for several moments, each staring into the other's eyes before I decided to speak. "I am deeply sorry that I hurt you with my actions, Esme. I had no right to speak to you in the manner that I did, but," I felt I had to add, "You need to trust that I know what I'm doing, and that I know my limits. I swore to you after what I did to Emmett that I would never cross that line again, and I meant it. You should have more faith in me."

Esme narrowed her eyes at my words as she responded in a cool tone, "You're right, Carlisle, I should have more faith in you; however, look where that faith has landed us. Look at where my faith in you has put this family." And with those words, she stood up and just left my office, clearly feeling this discussion was over.

I stood up as well, wanting to lash back at her before managing to reign in that childish desire. Her words had been like a stab to the heart, but she was right. Her faith in me had been terribly shaken. She had trusted me to keep this family together and safe, and I'd failed. I wondered how long she had been keeping these words and emotions locked up. We'd been a bit distant with each other over these past several months, each of us buried in our own work, but she'd given no indication to harboring such anger towards me up until I punished Alice. I didn't understand, and I wasn't about to go ask her either. I was suddenly afraid to approach my wife, not sure I could handle anymore of her anger.

I looked about my office, letting out a low growl of distress. I was starting to feel enclosed and trapped. My anxiety kicked up a notch, and feeling a sudden need to escape these restricting quarters I headed towards my balcony.

Jasper's POV:

I made my way to where my dad's office was and was surprised when I saw no one inside. My brow scrunched in confusion as I knew he wasn't in his bedroom. Using my gift I attempted to see if I could feel him, and when I could I was surprised to feel it coming from above me. My brow furrowed in confusion. I glanced over towards his balcony at this point and noted the opened doors, and suddenly his location became very clear. He was on the roof.

I could say I was surprised by his location, but truthfully I wasn't. As civilized as my father was, he liked his open spaces. He didn't like bein' cooped up inside for too long, which is why in every house we owned his bedroom and office always had huge windows and a balcony. Emmett and I were the same way, really, and I guessed it had ta do with our human lives. All of us as humans spent most our time outside in the open air workin' or playin'. The only time you spent inside, really, was for school, eating, and sleeping. I knew Dad was upset and stressed right now not just because Alice told me but because I could feel it. He'd probably started to feel trapped in here and escaped to the outside to clear his head. I certainly understood that need as I'd done it myself a number of times.

Taking a breath I stepped out onto the balcony and swiftly began climbing up towards the roof. When I got there I easily spotted my dad lying down with his eyes closed. I noticed for the first time that the bottom hem of his shirt was not only untucked but torn, and I also noted the white bandage on his wrist, marking the spot where my beloved had bitten him. He looked unkempt which was very unlike my father, but only further served to accentuate that something was botherin' him. Since he didn't acknowledge my presence I wasn't sure if he was aware I was here, so not wanting to startle him by approaching, I instead called out, "Permission to come on the roof, sir?"

I smiled when I heard him give a brief chuckle of amusement before he called back, "Granted." I made my way over to him and watched as he sat himself up, bringing one knee to his chest and wrapping an arm around it. "Mama put you in the doghouse?" I teased, but evidently this wasn't the time for such jokes because his face fell slightly while his emotions became distressed.

"Sorry," I told him apologetically, and he just waved his hand dismissively letting me know he wasn't upset with me. I sat down next to him, barely stifling a groan at how sore my bum suddenly felt.

"Not what you expected from her, was it?" Dad asked out of the blue, and I looked to see him giving me a knowing look.

"No," I responded in embarrassment. "She's tougher than she looks."

"Yes, I am well aware," he responded, and I had no doubt that he really did.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted before, Papa," I decided to say. "I was horribly disrespectful to ya, and I don't see how ya can forgive me. I displayed no trust in ya and I openly defied you. Truthfully, ya have every right to give me another lickin' for my deplorable behavior."

I felt frustration and increased sadness come from my father before he spoke in a calm voice. "Jasper, your mother already punished you for your behavior, and I have already forgiven you."

"But how can you?" I asked disbelievingly. "The level of disrespect I displayed was"—

"Appalling," he interjected, "yes, I know, I was there. But you have already apologized and been punished, so there is no need to continue to beat yourself up over this. Truthfully, son, while appalling, your behavior wasn't really a surprise. I know how you get when Alice is in trouble."

I frowned as I said, "That doesn't make me feel any betta, Papa. In fact, I feel worse."

"Well," Dad said, giving me a semi-apologetic look, "it kind of wasn't meant to. I don't like to hurt you son, physically or emotionally, but I feel that perhaps if I'm completely honest with you right now, then maybe you'll start to work a little harder at controlling that temper of yours."

I felt trepidation at his words, afraid of what he was going to say, but also feeling that I deserved to hear whatever he had to say.

Carlisle looked away from me at this point, setting his chin on his knee as he stared off into the distant. His emotions were being cut off from me, and I realized he was trying to minimize as much as possible the damage his words may cause me. "We have known each other for over 60 years son, and yet you still are distrustful of me."

"I do trust ya," I started to say, but he gave me a silencing look before resuming his former position.

"Your mother told me about your talk, and I wonder son, why it has taken you so long to admit this. I wonder why time and time again you lose your temper with me when I do something you don't approve of. I wonder why you always feel you need to defend Alice from me, always assuming that I've been to harsh with her. You want to know what I think, Jasper?" he asked rhetorically. "I think you don't trust me, at least not fully. After all these years you are still waiting for the other shoe to drop. You are still waiting for me to screw up. And not only do you not fully trust me, but you lack respect for my position, because why else would you so often question my decisions? I'm not just talking about today, mind you. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, Jasper, but I'm sure you've felt the way you have hurt mine."

I listened to what he said, upset that he felt that way, and angry with myself for being the cause. I could see why he would think all this, but it wasn't true. I did trust and respect him.

"Papa, I swear I do trust you and I do respect you, please, you gotta believe that. None of what I've done is because of you, it's because I can't always control myself," I explained, maneuvering myself to where I was crouching down in front of him, so I could make sure he was looking at me. "I have neva trusted nor respected any person in my life as much as I do you, and that's the god honest truth." I looked him square in the eye as I said this and willed him to see the sincerity in my eyes and tone. I would've used my gift, but he knew I could lie with my gift and I didn't want there to be any doubt. He stared right back at me, his look calculating yet revealing nothing of what he was thinking or feeling. When he stayed silent I felt it best to continue speaking.

"I got serious issues with my control, you know that. I spent about the first ninety years of my vampire life doing as I pleased and makin' no attempt whatsoeva to control my instincts. Then one day I immerse myself in a world that's all about control, and y'all make it seem so darn easy, but I've neva been able to control myself like y'all seem to. I still struggle with my thirst, having more near accidents than I've eva cared to admit to you. And not only do I struggle with my thirst but I struggle with controlling all my vampire instincts. So much of my life I had to rely heavily on those instincts to stay alive, but now I don't need 'em and I don't know how to turn them off."

I felt relief when I finally began to see emotion in my father's eyes, especially when those emotions were compassion and understanding. "I know you're my dad," I continued to speak, looking away briefly in shame, "but I still can't stop myself from seeing you as my coven leader. I know you rarely allow yerself to embrace that role, but when you do, yer rather frightening," I admitted, and I felt guilty when I saw his eyes turned pained. That's not what I was aiming for, but I had to continue speaking. "Don't feel bad or nuthin, Papa, you do what ya gotta when you need to, and sometimes you gotta come down on us as our coven leader and not our father, but I-I'm always in the back of my mind slightly worried that when you do step into that role that you'll be like Maria."

This time my father was unable to hide his emotions because I felt his pain and agony at what I'd said. His eyes were closed and his hand was pinching his nose. He was hurting desperately, and I cursed myself for choosing this time to be honest with him. I'd basically told him I trusted him, and then kind of told him that I didn't. Way to go Major, brilliant pep talk.

"Papa, please don't feel bad, I'm sorry, I really am. I don't mean ta feel this way, but it's just—I got a vampire memory, and I ain't eva gonna forget what life was like in Maria's coven, and in my heart I know ya'd neva be like her, but my head don't always listen to my heart," I stated, putting my hands on his shoulders. He opened his eyes, and I could tell he was trying to pull himself together, but it wasn't working. I couldn't stand this. I couldn't stand seeing him fall apart like this.

"Let me help you," I begged, "Let me use my gift to help you, Papa, cuz I can't stand watchin' you suffer like this." I knew better than to force my gift on him, so I asked, hoping to God he'd agree. It seemed God was listening, because after takin' in a shaky breath, he nodded his head. I responded by immediately wrapping my arms around him, letting him feel my love and pride in him while at the same time wrapping the both of us in soothing waves. My dad returned my hug full force, letting out a sigh of content when my gift did its magic.

"I love you and I'm so sorry my words hurt ya. That was neva my intent. You are the best father and leader I ever coulda asked for, and I wouldn't trade you for anyone," I declared strongly. "Now please stop beatin' yerself up over my damned issues."

"I love you too, Jasper," my father finally was able to say, and now I felt his love and pride for me. "Thank you so much for telling me all of this, I needed to hear it, and thank you for the help." We hugged each other for a few more moments before letting go. I was extremely gratified to see my father looking a little more upbeat. He was still obviously sufferin', but he didn't look ready to break down anymore.

"I'm sorry," I couldn't help but repeat one more time, and Dad shook his head before ruffling my hair a little. "Stop apologizing for telling me how you feel. Apologize instead for keeping this to yourself for so long. I really wish you would have told me this sooner, soldier, because I could've helped you."

"I'm sorry for keeping this from ya," I said, "but I just didn't think there was anythin' ya could do. This is something I gotta deal with on my own."

"No," Dad disagreed, "this is something you never have to deal with on your own. Son, your control is amazing," he stated, and I gave a snort of disbelief. "It truly is," he insisted. "What your issue really is, is your self confidence. You don't believe you have good control, and that is what causes you problems. You're also afraid of your vampire self when you shouldn't be. You're constantly trying to deny it and what you are because you think it's wrong, but that's only made things worse for you."

I was confused now, not understanding what he was saying. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"You are a vampire, Jasper, and that is nothing to be ashamed of," he declared firmly. "Your instincts aren't something to bury or be afraid of. They are a part of you and if you try to deny them or ignore them, then that only makes it easier for them to take control. You are stronger than this, and I've seen it time and time again. Just look at how well you do in school, son. Not only do you handle your own thirst, but you handle your siblings' thirst as well. You feel what they feel yet you have never lost control."

I felt taken aback by his words, never having looked at it like that. "When you're not over thinking it, your control is perfect. It's only when you doubt yourself and start to become afraid that you tend to lose control. You stop fighting and allow yourself to fail because that's what you expect is going to happen."

"Okay, so maybe I am stronger than I thought, but that still don't explain how I am always lashin' out at ya when Alice is in trouble," I argued.

"That's a slightly different matter," Dad responded. "From what you've told me and what you told your mother this is more than just a matter of you losing control of your instincts. You've always harbored a fear of Alice being hurt. You felt we punished her as roughly as we do you sometimes, and you doubted your own mate's strength. Also, as you just admitted you've been afraid of me losing control with her," he said, sadness entering his voice.

I opened my mouth to apologize, but he just tapped my chin firmly as he said, "Don't apologize. You have every right to worry because of the past you've led, and because I did once lose control."

"I still shouldn't doubt you. That was a onetime thing, I know it was, and I know you'd neva hurt any of us," I rushed to say, and he gave me a small smile before responding. "I know, Jasper, and as you already told me, you know in your heart that I wouldn't, but your mind is another matter; and that's okay, I understand."

"You shouldn't have ta understand. I do you a great disservice by feeling any bit of doubt in you." I had to argue, and Dad just sighed.

"You can't always help what you feel, Jasper, you know that. Once again, as you told me yourself, your past experiences influence you, and unfortunately I doubt they will ever stop just as all our pasts influence us. I will never stop fearing that I will turn into my father, and nor will I ever stop fearing that someday I will be alone again. Traumas are hard to overcome, and all you can do is learn to deal with it, or at least have someone who can knock some sense into you from time to time. Esme is quite skilled at getting me to see reason, as I'm sure Alice is with you. And you always have the rest of the family if Alice's methods aren't enough for you," Dad remarked seriously.

I absorbed his words, taking them in slowly as I started to sense the truth in them. I finally just gave a single nod to my father to show my acceptance of what he said.

"Back to your protective instincts with Alice, this isn't really you losing control. You have truly felt fear for her, irrational as it is, so that is why you have always reacted as you have. After the talk you had with Esme and now me, I hope that you will use that brilliant head of yours and temper down on those instincts," he told me.

I bit my lip, fearful that I would let him down and fearful that I still wouldn't be able to control myself. "What if I can't stop myself," I had to voice. "What if the next time ya spank Alice I still react the same?"

"You won't," Dad stated, and I gave him a confused look as I asked, "How do you know?"

"Things are different this time," he answered.

"Not that different," I retorted. "What if I fail? What if I can't control myself? I don't wanna let you or Mom down again, but like I said, I'm not good at"—

"And there's that self doubt," Dad interrupted. "You have to stop that. You have more control than you think, and you do yourself a disservice by thinking so negatively. You need to learn to have faith in yourself, and if that doesn't work, then have faith in me. I believe in you. I have the utmost confidence in you. You will not fail," he told, and I could tell from the look in his eyes and his emotions that he really believed what he was saying. I felt my confidence build, but I still couldn't get rid of all my doubt.

"What if I'm hopeless though, Papa?" I questioned, and he closed his eyes briefly letting out a long sigh. When he opened them he gave me a long scrutinizing look, so long in fact that I began to fidget from the intensity of his stare. He was thinkin' about something, but what that something was I had no idea.

"I really wish you would have just believed me son, because you're not going to enjoy what I'm going to do to end this apparent lack of control of yours," Dad finally announced, looking rather disheartened.

I felt a sudden sense of foreboding as I asked, "What are you going to do?"

"You'll have to wait and see," he answered cryptically, once again looking quite weary. "Consider it my portion of your punishment for your behavior today, and before you ask, no, it's not a spanking."

My mind raced to try and figure out what he could be talking about but I came up clueless. "When is this going to happen?" I asked, feeling suddenly quite anxious.

"In a few days," he answered, and I had to ask back, "Why not now?"

He just shook his head, a sad smile on his lips as he said, "Because it can't." What kind of an answer was that, I thought in bewilderment. Why was he being so cryptic? Why not tell me what the punishment would be? And why put it off? I hated having to wait for a punishment because I would end up dwellin' on what I'd done and just making myself feel worse. He knew this, but maybe that was the punishment, or at least part of it. Arrghh! I wish he'd just tell me!

I frowned, crossing my arms and giving Dad an irritated look that turned into a glare when he began to laugh softly. "Are you pouting, soldier?"

"No," I retorted hotly, quickly morphing my expression into a calmer one.

Dad just shook his head, giving a brief smile before saying in a serious voice, "Since we are both being honest with each other, Jasper, I would like to bring up something that's bothered me for some time now."

I gave him a curious look as I waited for him to continue speaking.

"For as long as we've known each other you've had this tendency to stop calling me Dad whenever you're angry with me. Now, I want you to know that you don't have to call me that if you don't want to. I know you view me as your father, and I won't be offended if you choose not to. However, what I ask is that you pick a name and stick to it," Dad spoke, giving me a somewhat stern look. "If you want to call me Dad, then call me Dad, and if you want to call me Carlisle, then call me Carlisle. Don't do as you did today, calling me Dad at one point and then Carlisle at another, uttering my name as one would a curse word. I don't like it, I don't appreciate it, it's disrespectful, and it's hurtful."

While I hadn't been expecting him to bring this up I really couldn't say I was surprised. When I slipped to calling him by his given name I did it as a way to distance myself from him and how much he meant to me. I didn't want to think of him as my father, so I called him Carlisle. And to make things worse, I'd childishly utter it like an insult just to hurt him. I felt deeply ashamed of myself for the childish action and found it difficult to meet Dad's eyes anymore.

"I'm sorry, Dad, I-I am terribly ashamed of myself for doing that. I wish I could say I didn't realize what I was doin' or that I didn't mean nuthin' by it, but we both know that ain't true," I responded in regret. "I was trying to justify my actions to myself by demeaning yer position in my life while at the same time put you down. It was a horribly immature thing for me to do, and ya have my word that it won't eva happen again. You are my father and I will call and treat you with the respect you deserve."

"That's all I ask," he responded with a kind smile, and I knew that I was forgiven. Giving me a clap on the shoulder he then said, "Now as much as I enjoy your company, son, isn't there someone who would be enjoying it more than me?" he asked somewhat teasingly, and I let out a small laugh.

"Well, yeah, but she's busy talkin' with Mama now, and I needed to talk to you," I answered, confused when I saw him frown. "Alice is talking with Esme?" he pressed, and I could feel that he wasn't happy about that, which made me wonder if he knew the reasoning behind my pixie's visit. I nodded my head, and although I felt a flash of betrayal, it was gone as quick as it came, along with any displeasure. He no doubt has just talked himself out of jumping to conclusions.

"So did we cover everything you wanted to talk about yet, or is there something else you wanted to discuss?" Dad then asked, and though his tone was curious I could feel the barest hint of wariness from him. He was starting to guess as to what else I wanted to talk about.

"Something else," I answered, recalling the second reason I'd come here. I was to help him overcome his guilt so he wouldn't feel the need to ask our Mama for a whippin'. Truthfully even before I came up here I didn't think I'd succeed, but after our little chat I was rather certain I wouldn't. I understood completely how he was feeling, and I knew with the level of guilt he was experiencin' that mere words weren't gonna cut it. I'd love to tell him that he wasn't at fault for our situation, and that everything was just dandy, but that'd be a lie. Truth was, unfortunately, that he had messed up. Not as bad as he was allowin' himself to believe probably, but he'd allowed this family to fall to pieces. He had to be tearin' himself apart at that thought, and his guilt had to be so bad that he couldn't deal with it on his own. If he was considerin' asking my mother for a chastisement, then I didn' think there was much help I could be because clearly he already knew that forgiveness would only come with punishment, and that wasn't something I could give him.

I had my dad's full attention now, and as I shifted a bit on the roof, settling down onto my knees I wasn't so sure how to go about this without throwin' my Alice under the bus. There really was no way, unless I didn't bring up his desire to seek out my mama for punishment. I could say I felt his guilt or that I knew something was really bothering him. Hmmm. Yeah, that would work best.

"I don't wanna overstep my bounds, Dad," I started respectfully, "but I can't help but have noticed how out o' sorts you seem to be today, and not just because of the all the fuss me and Alice have kicked up. I know I've said plenty o' hurtful things today, and so has Alice, but the level of pain and guilt you are feelin' just don't make sense to me. What's wrong, Papa?"

Dad narrowed his eyes at me for a bit before letting out a huff of breath and running a hand through blonde hair. I gathered he'd done that motion a lot today as his hair had a permanently slicked back look to it, only a few strands falling in front of his face. "First off, you've overstepped no bounds. You felt that I've been distressed and you have every right to ask," he told me, and I nodded my head, wondering if there was a 'but' in there that meant he wasn't going to confide in me. It certainly seemed like it from the way his lips were pressed together and the conflicted look in his eyes.

"Tell me something, son," he eventually spoke, his amber eyes meeting mine, "what has been your opinion of me these past few months? Do you feel I have lived up to your expectations of me as not only your father, but leader as well, or have I fallen short of the mark?"

Awww, Dad, I sighed internally as I caught the desperate look in his eyes. He knew that I wouldn't sugarcoat anything for him. He knew that I wouldn't lie to him, especially about something this important. It wasn't in my nature, and he deserved to know.

"Well, Papa," I began slowly, taking in a deep breath before fully facing him, "I have ta admit that I've been a might bit disappointed with the way things have been." Dad's eyes tightened slightly as he gave a single nod, but I got very little off of him in the way of emotions. Probably because he had already anticipated my response.

"Why?" he pressed, and I withheld a sigh, once more understanding his need to know.

"Leavin' Forks was an awful mistake. I know I'm partly to blame and that I was all for it, but after having seen how quickly our family fell apart afterwards," I grimaced, giving a shake of my head before saying, "it was the dumbest idea eva. How could ya have given in to Edward's demands so easily?" I had to ask, beginning to feel a bit of anger towards him. "It was almost as though Edward was in charge of this family rather than you the way he completely took control, dictating when we left, denying us the chance to say good-bye to Bella, and forbidding us from contactin' her or checkin' in on her. What gives, Papa? This is your family, not Edward's, but you bended to his will with very little fight, and I don't understand that." I paused momentarily, allowing my father time to defend himself.

"I agree with everything you've said, Jasper," Dad responded. "I made a horrible mistake when I gave in to Edward. The only reason I can give for having done it is that I was afraid he would do something rash or leave us for good if I didn't. I was afraid of losing him," he admitted shamefully. "That's no excuse, I know that, and I realize how awful this must seem from your point of view, almost like I value Edward above any of you, but that's not true."

"I know that, we all know that," I assured the man. But we all also knew that Edward held a special place in our father's heart. He was not only his first-born, but his first companion after centuries of aching loneliness. Edward was the first member of his family and had been there as Carlisle had first learned to be a father and then a husband. There was a bond between them that none of us would ever have. That didn't mean our bonds to Dad were any less strong, it was just very different.

"And I also realize how idiotic my actions were considering that not two months later Edward left us," Dad continued, and I felt anger and disappointment flare in him, no doubt directed towards my youngest brother. Good, I couldn't help but think.

"Em and Rose left cuz they couldn't handle how tense things were here, Edward left for who knows what reason, and I'm sorry," I said, "but I haven't been able to stop myself from thinkin' at times that you really didn't care about this family with how easily ya allowed it to fall apart. Mom, Alice and I have all been here, but we haven't been much of a family. Alice and I have been distant and avoidin' each other while you and Mama have been doin' the same thing. Moms angry with you, Dad, she has been for quite some time now," I stated, and he threw me a startled look.

"She has?" he gasped, looking caught off guard.

"It's been growing very slowly since we left Forks, but after today it's gone up several notches. She no doubt feels the same way I have and Alice has," I told him, knowing full well that I was doing exactly the opposite of what my mate had sent me here for. However, it wasn't entirely my fault. Dad asked for my opinion and I was honor bound to give it. If he was to learn from his mistakes, then he needed to know what those mistakes were. He knew that. I knew that.

I watched as he grappled with this new bit of information. I wondered how he hadn't noticed, but then I figured Mom must've been doing a helluva job of hiding it from him. Knowing my mama, she no doubt felt incredibly guilty for her thoughts, but after today it seemed that everythin' had changed.

"Thank you for your honesty," he eventually spoke, his voice a bit hoarse, "I needed to hear this."

I nodded my head to show understanding, although the look I was giving him was apologetic and concerned. I wanted him to know that I didn't want to tell him that, and that I hadn't wanted to hurt him. He seemed to get the message because he offered me a paternal smile as he gripped my shoulder. I know, his eyes seemed to say, and I relaxed only minutely because I could feel his self-hatred and guilt. I cringed slightly when I also felt anxiety and fear, and an all too familiar feeling of my stomach twisting with nerves. I knew where his mind had to be at that point, and I really couldn't help but send him a small dose of calm and love. His eyes snapped to mine the second he felt them, and I was glad to see appreciation rather than anger in them.

I felt the sudden urge to comfort him in some form or way, but what could I do to alleviate this level of guilt? Alice wanted me to talk him out of this course of action, but truthfully, if I were in his shoes right now no amount of dissuasion would work with me. I'd want penance just like him. Sorry Ali, I couldn't help but think, really hoping that she wouldn't be upset with me.

Seeing the continued look of misery on Dad's face, I sent him a larger dose of love along with a bit of confidence as I began to speak. "You know you messed up, Papa, ya didn't need me ta tell you that, but it's gonna be alright. We're all strong, and it'll take more than a little strife to keep this family apart. Emmett and Rose will come back, and even Edward will as well once he's done pulin' his head outta of his bum. Alice is doin' much betta now that she's talked with you, and I'm doin' just fine. Accept that you messed up, but don't tear yerself apart because of it. It ain't the end of the world."

I smiled when I felt a slight uplifting in my father's emotions and the tremendously proud look he gave me. "All this from the boy who just a few hours ago wanted to pick a fight with me," he remarked with a smirk, and I let out a laugh as I gave him a shove.

"I have my moments," I responded, to which he muttered, "Few and far between."

"Hey!" I shouted at him in mock anger, knowing from his face and emotions that he was only teasing.

"Now don't go getting your knickers in a twist," he told me, and I couldn't help but burst into laughter at the absurd statement.

"Knickers?!" I gasped out between laughs. "Who says that anymore? Honestly Dad, Emmett's right about ya. Ya really need to get with the times, old man cuz women ain't worn knickers in a loonnngg time. They call 'em panties these days or has Mom not upgraded to those yet?" I bantered with a mischievous smile.

"Wow," Dad responded, giving me a wide eyed stare, "and that is where I end this conversation. Your mother's choice of undergarments is strictly between me and her, thank you very much," he stated, and I laughed at the bit of embarrassment I felt coming off him.

"Too right it will," I said with a nod, and this time he shoved me, causing me to land on my painfully sore rump. I let out a very undignified yelp which caused him to burst into laughter this time.

"Oops," was all he said, and I sported a wicked grin as I crouched down. Dad noticed my posture, and he held his hands up to me as a means to ward me off as he said, "Jasper, no, I swear to god if we damage this roof Esme will have both our—Hey!" he cried out as I pounced. I made sure to watch what I was doing because though my papa's words had been said jestingly, I knew Mama really would have both our hides if we were to, say, accidentally create a sunroof.

Dad and I quickly rolled down the roof and onto the ground, landing with a crash before breaking apart. We gave each other challenging smirks before I rushed him, knocking him down onto the ground once more and as I went to land a playful nip to prove I'd won this little bout he flipped me over. He sported a rakish grin as he said, "I prefer to be on top, how about you?" I couldn't help but let out a loud bark of laughter before returning his look with one of my own as I grabbed a fistful of grass and mud and smashed it on his face while yelling out, "I like it dirty!"

"Ugh!" he cried out, releasing his hold on me to wipe at his face. I used that time to get to my feet, but I didn't make it very far as Dad grabbed hold of my left ankle and slammed me into the ground, right onto the muddy water.

Now I was the one crying out in disgust as I wiped at my face and looked up at my father who was sporting a cheshire grin. "Do you like it rough, too, son?" he asked. I hadn't even time to form a response before someone yelled out, "I think you both like it a little wet," and I let out a yell when I found myself being suddenly sprayed with a hose. Judging from Dad's startled yell it seemed he too was being subjected to this torture.

When the water was finally turned off I was completely soaked and sputtering in disbelief as I stared at my gentle Mama who had the hose in her hand. She was smirking as my dearly beloved was holding a hand over her mouth, literal tears coming down her eyes from sheer mirth as she stared at me and our dad. What a sight we musta presented, I thought in both amusement and embarrassment as I stared at myself and then Dad.

"Boys," my mother called sternly, "if you are both finished playing, I believe it is time you came in and got cleaned up." Looking at me she then said, "You, my son, were restricted to your bedroom, if you will recall." She said this not really to scold but to remind me, but I still hunched down in sudden guilt, having momentarily forgotten that tidbit in my haste to talk with Dad.

"Yes, ma'am, you're absolutely right, and I'm sorry," I respectfully responded, bowing my head.

"Don't be angry with him," Dad spoke up, "he needed to talk to me." I snapped my head back up when I felt the sudden tension and stared between both my parents. Mom was leveling a cool look at Dad, but unlike before where I had felt mostly anger from her, I sensed now more sadness and disappointment than anything. Dad looked back at her, his face betraying nothing, but his emotions were wary and anxious.

"Carlisle, we need to talk," my mama stated, and Dad just gave a single nod, patting my shoulder before walking towards her. I stared at Alice, who had lost all amusement as she stared between our parents in concern.

"Come on, my southern belle," I called as took her hand in mine, "I think I might need some help with that shower." Alice gave me a startled look at first that then turned into a foxy grin when she saw what I had planned for her. I not only wanted to spend some quality time with my wife, but I also wanted to distract her. What was going on between our parents was between them now, and it'd be best if we left them to it. So, pulling her towards me we promptly raced away from our parents and into our bedroom, and I couldn't help but be glad that our bathroom door was at least still intact.

A/N: Ok, so both Ali and Jasper are on their way to recovery, but still not quite there yet. There is one more event that needs to occur before they can put this whole debacle behind them. As for my dear Dr. Cullen, his relief is not far. Esme is finally ready to discuss things now that she's calmed down, but will she be ready to give Carlisle what he feels he needs? Let's find out.

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