Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Warning: This story contains disciplinary spanking

A/N: Sorry for the delay you guys, I have no excuse. Thank you so much for your patience (not like you had a choice :P) and for your amazing reviews! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 11: Give Me What I Need

Esme's POV:

I was feeling a lot of conflicting emotions as I waited for my husband to finish cleaning himself up. I was angry with him over the situation we found ourselves in, but also sad because I could see how guilty he was feeling. I wanted to smack him upside the head for being so damn stubborn, while at the same time hug and comfort him. I wanted to laugh at his antics with Jasper, but I also wanted to yell at him for acting like a child when he should be doing more important things.

I closed my eyes and took many slow and steady breaths. I was going to have to let go of my anger before I could have any sort of conversation with Carlisle. My anger clouded my judgment, and I was apt to worsen the situation by saying things I did not mean.

Thank God for Alice. My talk with my daughter had been very enlightening and helpful for this situation. I was certainly glad she had warned me of what my husband was going to ask, because I would have been completely blindsided otherwise. I clearly remembered his only chastisement, and though I sometimes teased him about it, I knew he absolutely hated every second of it and had no intentions of ever suffering through such pain and humiliation again. I never expected he would need to be, and I wasn't sure he needed it now.

Actually, what I really wasn't sure of wasn't whether I felt he didn't need or deserve it, it was if I could really deliver. That punishment had not only been incredibly hard on my husband, but on me as well. It had taken me a long while before I'd been able to forgive myself for how harsh I'd been with him, especially considering the amount of emotional distress he'd been under at the time. Seeing how long it'd taken him to heal hadn't helped either. I swear it took an entire week before he could sit without wincing and then another week before he felt no discomfort at all. Could I do that again? Did I really need to? Was I up for it? I was already emotional and worn out from Jasper's punishment, so the thought of delivering another chastisement, especially one to my husband was painful to even think about.

I let out a sigh, shaking my head of these thoughts. Let's just take things one step at a time. Talk to the man first, and then figure things out from there. Figure out how guilty he's feeling, what exactly he's guilty about, and why he feels punishment is needed.

I nodded to myself, noting as my husband came out of the shower and began to dry himself off. I couldn't help but hungrily rove my eyes over his chiseled physique before forcing myself to look away. No Esme, I scolded myself, now is not the time for pleasure. It was with great difficulty that I managed to avert my eyes, and it was only when I heard a quiet hiss of pain escape his lips that I looked back. He was wearing only boxers now and clutching his injured wrist. In an instant I was right by his side, looking over the injury.

"I thought Alice had sealed the wound," I remarked concernedly, noting a slight tear in his skin, venom leaking out. He was currently soaking up some of the venom with a wash cloth, as he looked at me and motioned towards the medicine cabinet. "She did, now could you please get me a fresh bandage?"

I quickly did as asked. One of the few medical items we always kept stocked in the house was bandages for occasions such as these. When I walked towards my husband, I gave him a stern look before asking, "If Alice sealed your wound, Carlisle, then why is it still leaking venom?"

"Well, it sort of tore," he answered vaguely before bringing the wrist to his mouth and giving it a quick bite. His eyes tightened momentarily and then relaxed when he released his wrist. He reached out a hand to take the bandage from me, and I rolled my eyes before motioning that I would wrap his wrist.

"When and how did it tear?" I pressed as I applied the dressing, having a very good idea of the answer, but wanting him to say it.

Carlisle sighed as he responded, "When Jasper and I were wrestling. It was an accident."

I shook my head, feeling very much like I was scolding one of my sons as I said, "It was an accident that could have and should have been avoided. You knew you were injured, Carlisle Cullen, so what exactly were you doing rolling around in the mud with Jasper? You are always telling the children and me when injured to relax and not do anything to further aggravate our injuries, yet there you were roughhousing out in the yard. That's not exactly taking it easy, is it Doctor?" My husband was biting his lower lip at my scolding, his shoulders slightly hunched as he gave me an apologetic look. He was the very image of a repentant boy, and I had to fight back a coo.

"No," he replied contritely, "It isn't. I will endeavor to take better care of myself from now on, I assure you."

"Good, now finished getting dressed," I stated, giving his cheek a pat before walking towards our lounge area. I quickly picked up all my books, drawings and blue prints, placing them in a neat pile on the table against the wall. Looking at my fireplace I then placed a few logs in it before lighting it up. It wasn't like we needed the warmth, but the fire somehow brought comfort to both Carlisle and me.

Taking a breath, I smoothed my blouse before sitting down in my chair. Carlisle came out a few seconds afterwards in a grey t-shirt and black sleep pants. It was night time, but I figured he was also anticipating my agreeing to his request and wanting to be prepared. I fought back a tired groan. I didn't want to agree. In fact, as of now I had no intentions of agreeing. There had to be another way. I was not at all prepared to deal with the emotional turmoil punishing Carlisle would bring from either one of us.

My husband sat himself down on the couch, looked at me and remarked, "You don't seem very angry with me anymore." I could hear the question in his tone along with a good dose of wariness. I couldn't blame him. I had been quite snappish with him today.

With good reason, a voice in my head grumbled. I ignored it as I responded, "I am still angry, Carlisle, make no mistake, but I am more saddened and disappointed now than anything."

"Understandable," he quipped with a nod, "I have failed our family and you have all the right in the world to be furious with me."

"You failed no one," I disagreed tiredly. "You messed up quite atrociously, I must say, but it was not a failure. A failure would have been had you not recognized what you'd done, but I know that is not the case."

Carlisle pursed his lips momentarily, his shoulders sagging now and a look of deep guilt in his eyes as the weight of his actions settled on him. I withheld a sigh at this sight. I could see now why he would feel the need to ask me to punish him. I hadn't seen this level of guilt in his eyes since he lost control with Emmett. This was not a good sign. At least he wasn't running or going through mood swings, I couldn't help but think.

"Esme," Carlisle spoke gravely, "you and I both know what I did, there is no use in beating around the bush or hashing out how bad the consequences were. Look at ourselves and our kids, and there are the consequences. We're all a mess. My actions…no, my inaction led to this, and to make things worse we've been like this for months. We've all been unraveling for months, and I saw it, but I just ignored it. That is what my worst crime was. I wasn't oblivious to what was happening, love, but I did nothing."

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask, feeling my anger and disappointment mounting. It was one thing to have not been aware, but another to have been aware and have done nothing at all.

"I don't—I'm not—I guess I just didn't want to acknowledge how badly I messed up when I moved this family from Forks. I told you, no, I promised you everything would be fine and that it'd turn out alright, but I have never been more wrong. I didn't want to admit my mistake, so I did nothing like a coward, hoping somehow that things would right themselves," he confessed, his shame filled eyes falling to the ground.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I contemplated his words, fighting down my anger. The fact that he knew and did nothing because he didn't want to admit his mistakes truly rankled me. This was not at all how my husband was or ever should be.

"So this is why you've avoided being home," I remarked, leveling him with a cool gaze. "This is why you've been avoiding me."

I shook my head at him in disbelief. "Carlisle, words cannot even begin to express how disappointed I am with you. I can't—I don't even know what to say to you." I paused for several seconds to collect myself, deliberately ignoring the woebegone look on Carlisle's face before speaking once more.

"Your damned pride Carlisle is what your problem is," I hissed exasperatedly. "You thought you had everything under control, or at least that is what you led us all to believe. You wanted us all to believe that everything would turn out just fine and that we shouldn't worry, but it turns out you never really believed any of that. You were just too damn prideful to admit you had screwed up! How could you let this happen, Carlisle? How could you allow your pride to keep you from coming to the aid of your family?"

My husband cringed, visibly shrinking away from me with every word I said, his eyes wide and full of pain and guilt, but I wasn't finished speaking. "I have done everything I could to try and help this family, but it's failed. I tried to talk Emmett and Rosalie into coming home on multiple occasions, but have you? I tried also on multiple occasions to get Jasper and Alice to open up to me, but they never did. How many times did you try?"

Carlisle looked momentarily surprised by what I'd said before his look of guilt intensified. He didn't answer me, but he didn't have to.

"I wondered why my children, who'd always felt they could tell me anything stopped talking to me, and now I know why," I informed him, tears of anger and frustration welling up in my eyes. "They wouldn't open up to me because they were afraid of hurting me. They've all been furious with you, and they didn't want to risk hurting me by telling me this."

His eyes widened slightly before he closed them, letting out a groan as he buried his head in his hands. His muscles were taut as he tightly gripped his hair. I felt very little sympathy for him in this moment until I smelt the tears. He made absolutely no sound, but the smell was undeniable. I must admit, I was beyond shocked that he was actually crying. Carlisle rarely cried, and I knew that he must've been feeling absolutely racked with guilt to be showing this much distress. My anger quickly diminished, my heart going out to him as I walked over to the couch, knelt in front on him and gently forced him to look at me. My heart further melted when I saw his tear-stained face and utterly pitiful expression.

"Esme, I'm so sorry," he whispered dejectedly, his voice cracking, and I quickly shushed him, pulling his head down until it rested on my shoulder. I caressed the back of his head as I felt several tears fall onto my blouse. It took him only a minute though to regain his control, lifting his head off my shoulder and wiping away at his tears with an embarrassed look.

I remained kneeling where I was, my hand resting on the back of his neck as he kept his head bowed.

We could really talk about everything that was wrong with this family and everything he should have done all day, but there was really no need. He knew what I would say and I knew what he would say. He'd messed up, plain and simple. I knew that. He knew that. He was terribly sorry and it wouldn't happen again. That was all there was to it.

With that in mind, I ducked my head so that I could look into Carlisle's desolate eyes as I asked, "What do you need from me?"

I felt as the muscles on his neck tensed, his eyes turning nearly panicked as he looked at me. I wondered briefly if he was actually going to ask me, but the panic was quickly stifled and replaced with stubborn determination. There was my husband, I couldn't help but think in fond amusement, the stubborn man who always did the right thing, no matter the consequence.

"Esme, love," he began hoarsely, "I have behaved in a manner unbecoming of my position. I would offer to step down as leader of this coven, but I know none of you would accept, and I know that wouldn't really make things better. I deserve to be punished. I need to be punished," he said, giving a nervous swallow. "Would you…," he trailed off for a moment, taking in a few shaky breaths to gain his courage. I knew what he wanted to ask, and I could have taken mercy on him, but that would be too easy. He needed to ask me this on his own. "Will you offer me absolution? Will you spank me?" he asked in barely a whisper, his eyes now closing in shame.

It was a serious blow to his pride to ask this of me for numerous reasons. One, he was admitting to having seriously messed up. Two, he was asking for help. Three, he was asking for a spanking, a humiliating and painful punishment. It was with these thoughts in mind that I didn't even stop to consider his question before I told him, "If it is penance you are in search of, then I will provide it."

This was going to hurt both me and him terribly, but if this was what he needed to forgive himself and begin to repair the damage that was done, then so be it. I needed my husband and the father of my children back as soon as possible. Things had been spiraling out of control for too long and this family needed its patriarch to pull us back together.

A sigh of relief escaped from him as he shot me a thankful look. The expression didn't last long though before it was replaced with clear anxiety. He didn't even attempt to hide from me how nervous he suddenly was, and while I hated to see him like this I was happy to see how far he'd come in these many years. There had been a time when he would hide all his negative emotions from me, but he'd gotten much better at being open with me.

I stood up at this point and ran a soothing hand through my husband's hair. When I released my hold on him I stepped back and took a deep breath, beginning to steel myself for what I was about to do. I didn't want to do this, not at all. I hated what was about to happen. I hated that he felt he deserved this, and I hated that I also felt he deserved this. I hated that things had gotten so bad that this sort of punishment was necessary.

I was hurting already. My heart was literally already aching and the punishment had yet to begin. Punishing Jasper had been difficult enough, so how was I going to push through? I hadn't expected this. I really, really didn't want to do this. Could I put it off? No, that would only make things worse. I needed my Carlisle back as soon as possible. He still had issues to discuss with Alice and I could only imagine how the anticipation of this punishment would weigh him down if not delivered today.

It was no use stalling anymore. If this was what it would take to get my husband to not only learn a lesson, but to forgive himself then so be it. After this he would definitely be getting his sore rear end in gear in repairing the damage done to this family.

Okay, it was time to get down to business. No more delays.

"The belt you used on Alice," I began, "where is it?"

Carlisle gave the barest of winces before answering, "I flung it into the hallway right outside her room." Very well, I thought, I will retrieve the belt and get the children out of the house. I did not wish to further humiliate my husband by having his children hear his punishment, and truthfully, I knew they wouldn't want to hear it anyways.

"Carlisle, remain here, I will be back in a moment," I informed him, flashing out of the room and towards Alice and Jasper's room. I slowed my approach before arriving, wanting to give them time to clothe themselves if necessary. I arrived, pleased to see them both dressed and clearly expecting me. Thank God for Alice, I thought ruefully.

"You know why I'm here," I said, and they both nodded their heads, their expressions concerned. "I think it best if you both go out for at least two hours to allow your father and me to take care of some business, alright?"

"Yes, ma'am," Jasper responded, giving his wife a pointed look. She clearly was not happy with what I'd decided, but before she could say anything Jasper wrapped an arm around her and began to guide her out of their room. I turned my gaze away from them now and began to search for Carlisle's belt. When I failed to find it, I suddenly understood the exchanged looks my two miscreants shared.

"Hold it right there, you two," I called sharply as Alice and Jasper were at the top of the stairs. They froze, but did not turn around, and I knew they were responsible for the missing belt. It was an adorable gesture, and the mother in me couldn't help but coo. However, the mother in me was not in charge right now. I was Carlisle's wife right now and his second in command, and I needed that damned belt to impart a lesson on my headstrong mate.

"Give me your father's belt this second before I decide to perform a few practice swings on your misbehaving backsides," I told them, making it very clear with my emotions that I was not in a gaming mood. They received the message and under two seconds I had both of them standing in front of me with Alice tightly gripping the belt. I held my hand out for it, but she shook her head, giving me a distressed look.

"Mommy, please don't use this on Daddy, it really hurts," she said. "He's really sorry and doesn't deserve it. Daddy is a good boy and he's already learned his lesson," she said with utmost certainty. While there was a part of me that warmed at her defense and mentally laughed at her referral to her daddy as a good boy, I was not in the mood for any delays like this. This punishment was hard enough as it was without having my well intentioned children trying to make me look like the bad guy.

"Alice Cullen, you hand that belt over right now before I follow through with my threat," I warned, giving her a stern look. She gave me a wide, pleading look as her eyes filled with tears and wringed the belt in her hands, still refusing to obey me. My anger flashed and I was truly considering laying into my disobedient child when Jasper interfered, taking the belt from his wife's grasp and holding it out for me. I grabbed a hold of it, but he refused to let go. Giving the southerner an unimpressed raised eyebrow, he gave me an apologetic look before saying, "Just don't be too hard on 'im, Mama, alright? He's not got an easy job being in charge of a bunch of dumb teens like us and he's bound to make mistakes like the best of us. He knows what he's done wrong, so he really don't need much to"—

My heart was breaking at their pleading, so I cut my boy off before he could convince me to not go through with this at all. "Jasper and Alice," I spoke, giving them kind looks, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it is unnecessary. How harsh I am will be completely up to Carlisle."

Neither one looked pleased with my words, and in fact their concern seemed to increase. I understood why though, as with the guilt Carlisle was feeling he was unlikely to forgive himself easily. "Your father will be just fine, I promise you," I assured them. "When you get back you can come and see him whole and well, understood?"

They exchanged one last sad look with each other before nodding their heads at me. Jasper released the belt into my hold and the both of them headed towards the stairs. I waited to hear them leave the house and enter the woods before making my way back to my bedroom. When I entered it and closed the door Carlisle gave me a curious look.

"That took longer than it should have," he remarked, a bit of anxiety leaking through in his voice.

I gave him a sympathetic look as I replied, "Alice and Jasper were refusing to give me your belt." His eyes widened, and he looked torn between embarrassment, amusement, appreciation, and disbelief.

"I take it they lost that battle," he commented wryly, glancing at the belt in my hands.

I nodded my head mutely, suddenly feeling quite unsure about all of this. Did I really need to use this on him? Did he really need this? Was there some other way of dealing with his guilt? Looking at my frazzled husband I decided to just plain out ask him.

"Carlisle, this is the one and only time I am going to ask this, but I need to know: Are you absolutely sure about this? Do you really feel this is what you need? Consider carefully, my love, because once I start I will not stop until I feel this punishment has completed its task," I spoke.

"Esme," he sighed, giving me a concerned look as he said, "you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I know how much I'm asking of you, especially considering the emotional strain punishing Jasper has already put on you."

I shook my head at him, somehow not surprised that he would take my question the wrong way. I ask him if he is ready, and he thinks I am really trying to say I can't go through with this. "We are not talking about me, we are talking about you. I am here for you, and I have already agreed to go through with this, so do not concern yourself with my feelings. Now, please answer my question."

He frowned, clearly not happy with my words, but when I just shook my head at him once more he said nothing. He let out a sigh before morosely saying, "Esme, while I may not have abused any of our children, what I did was no less serious in my eyes. I essentially abandoned them and you. I acted like an ignorant child, not like a father or husband or leader should. My guilt is tremendous," he explained, and I could hear that in his voice and see that in his face and posture. "Just look at how you've all been suffering"—

"You have suffered as well," I felt the need to interject. "You did not spend all this time happily ignoring what was going on."

"I have suffered," he agreed with a half nod, "but what I've been through is nothing like what the children or you have been through. I should've done something to stop all this long ago. I should never have made this family leave Forks. I should have tracked down Edward as soon as I realized he'd left and dragged him back home. I let him make this mistake, knowing full well it was wrong, as I hoped he'd learn something from this; but that has yet to happen. I let this go on too long and he's nowhere to be found, suffering all alone." He shook his head angrily, disgusted with himself.

"Rosalie and Emmett left because they couldn't handle all the stress, and I let them go without a fight. I should have tried to talk to them and convince them to say, but I was so wrapped up in myself I felt it would be best if they just left. I was so wrong, so very wrong about that. I should have fought harder for them. I should have made more of an effort to help them, or at least show that I was aware of their suffering, and that I cared." He paused for a few seconds, tousling his hair in frustration.

"When Alice and Jasper came back from Mississippi I knew they were keeping something from us. I knew there was something wrong, but I hoped like a fool, that they would handle it on their own, or at least come to me or you if they couldn't. I didn't push them like I should have, and that is an error I have made time and time again. This isn't the first time I have made this mistake, Esme. I have also wronged you. I haven't been there for you like I should have. I've left you alone. I've attempted to comfort and assure you, yes, but I never really talked or confided in you. I need this punishment so that I can learn to be a better father and husband. I need this as a reminder of what happens when I childishly attempt to hide from my own mistakes." Carlisle's gaze was earnest and pleading as he looked at me, and I let go of every bit of doubt I had. After hearing his words, I knew this was what he needed. I just hoped he was ready because I was not planning on stopping until I felt the lesson had been learned.

I gave him a single nod, hardened my heart and walked over to the couch. Carlisle immediately stood up and moved out of the way, allowing me room to sit down.

Giving me a grimace, he remarked, "I suppose you want me over your knees again?"

I barely refrained from laughing at his expression and clear unhappiness. Oh, darling, I couldn't help but think, I am about to light your backside on fire but you're more worried about the position you will be in. Patting my leg, I responded sternly, "I will not risk you having a flashback so you can salvage a bit of your pride. This position worked well last time, and I am sure it will work well today. A little humiliation will do you some good. Just be happy I sent the children away."

His eyes widened momentarily at those words before he nodded his head. Closing his eyes briefly, he then pushed down both his pants and boxers before settling himself over my knee. I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him forward a little so that his upper torso would rest on the couch. He promptly crossed his arms and buried his head in them, and I heard the quiet groan he gave. I massaged his back for a few moments to help him relax a little before deciding to begin.

Swat! Swat! Swat! Swat!

My hand came down light but fast, barely any break between each swat as I peppered his entire backside. This part of his spanking was only a warm up to prepare him for the belt. I had to be careful not to overwhelm him for fear of triggering a memory. As expected my husband remained completely still and silent. I knew his backside had to be stinging, but this sort of pain was nothing to him. I had to remember to talk to him and put him in the right mind frame because pain alone would not push him to breaking point.

I continued to bring down my hand for a few more minutes, slowly increasing the intensity until I saw him begin to fidget a little. I stopped at this point and rubbed his back in comfort before picking up the belt. His entire body tensed when he heard the clinking of his belt buckle, and I winced, staring at the dreaded object in my hand like it was vicious animal that needed to be put down. This thing was definitely going to be destroyed once this punishment was over.

I gave my head a quick shake to get back in the right frame of mind. Focus on the matter of hand, Esme Anne, I scolded myself. I noticed sadly that my husband's breathing rate had increased, another indication of how nervous he was. Let's just get this over with.

"Carlisle," I spoke, finding it difficult to keep my voice strict, "I am going to be using the belt now, and I feel it necessary to warn you that I will not stop until I am absolutely certain you have forgiven yourself. How long this lasts and how painful this will be is all up to you, so if you are going to be stubborn just know that this experience will only prove more heart-rendering for the both of us, understood?"

"Yes, but what if I can't forgive myself?" he had to ask, and I really wanted to let out an exasperated groan. "Carlisle Cullen," I began my voice turning frosty, "If you cannot forgive yourself then I will of course be forced to stop when I feel you can handle no more. That will mean, however, that we will have to repeat this dreaded affair tomorrow night, and I promise you now I will make you very, very sorry if I have to go through this torment once more."

I felt as his body gave a shudder, and I was confident he would only need this one punishment to forgive himself. He could be stubborn, but he would not be that stubborn, and he wouldn't want to have to go through this entire ordeal more than once.

"I'm rather certain I will already be very, very sorry after this punishment," Carlisle muttered petulantly, and I had to bite my lip to keep down my sudden desire to laugh. Knowing though that this was far from the right moment, and that I really shouldn't be allowing him to take such a tone when in this position, I raised the belt and brought it down without warning three times in quick succession. Carlisle's entire body jolted from the shock and he actually let out a yell of surprise and pain before uttering a few curses. I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow at him as I shook my head.

Bringing the belt down another three times right on his sit spots, I scolded him. "Carlisle Cullen, you know better than to use such language, especially when you are in such a vulnerable position. You are not one of the children and should have better control over that tongue of yours." I started to bring the belt down now in a steady rhythm, not too hard, but not too light either. "I ought to wash your mouth out with soap the second this spanking is over."

"I'm sorry," my husband gasped out, his hands clenching and unclenching from the sudden pain he was under. "You're-you're absolutely r-right *hiss* and it w-won't ha-happen again, I promise!"

"It had better not, because if it does I will follow through with my threat," I chided firmly. "Honestly, Carlisle, you would never accept such language from the children, so how dare you."

"I'm sorry, Esme," he repeated once more in remorse, and I decided to let it go. We had more important matters to be dealing with than a slip of the tongue.

Crack! Crack! Crack!

I avidly watched my husband's reaction, noting right away when his slight struggling ceased and he began to freeze. I immediately stopped spanking at that moment, softly caressing his hair as I began to speak. "Do I have your attention, Carlisle?" I asked, wanting to make sure his mind was firmly in the present.

His breaths were coming out in short gasps and it took him a few moments before he responded with a tense, "Yes."

"You know why you are in this position so I will not waste time having you repeat it all," I began to lecture. "What I am going to do is express to you how disappointed and hurt I have been by your behavior."

His breath hitched at those words and I felt it was safe enough to resume his spanking.

"I'm sorr—*hiss*," was his response when I brought down the belt to the middle of his rump with a loud crack. I was upping the ante and his entire body tensed as he no doubt noted.

"You have let this family down in a way that I never would have imagined from you," I scolded sharply, the belt coming down twice more on the same spot. A very quiet gasp escaped him, and I watched as he further tried to bury his head in his arms.

"You have behaved in a manner unbecoming of your position, and if it weren't for the obvious guilt I can see you feeling I would have felt forced to temporarily take over this family and coven until you got your head on straight. Is that what you would have wanted?" I questioned strictly.

"No, Esme!" he shouted, and his body began to wriggle as his enflamed bottom tried to avoid the harsh sting of this belt. I just tightened my hold and brought it down twice on his upper thighs. His body jolted once more, another quiet gasp escaping from him. His body was still tense and I knew I would have to push harder to get him to let go.

"How many times, Carlisle, how many times do I have to tell you that you do not lead this family alone?" I pressed angrily. "How many times are you going to push me away when things become too difficult for you? How many times do I have to remind you that we are a partnership and that we will handle things together?!"

"I—ouch!—I know this!" he yelled out, and I felt a flash of anger in me. "You know this? You know this?!" I snapped, bringing the belt down hard on his sit spots once more, causing him to let out his first real yell of pain.

"Arrghh!" he hollered, and I very nearly dropped the belt in shock as I hadn't been expecting such a sound from him. The last time I had spanked him he had let out only gasps of pain, only letting out one yell of pain before he gave in and began to sob. Shocked as I was though, I quickly regained my composure and continued on with his punishment. He had yet to give in, and I had warned him that I would not stop until he let go and forgave himself.

Carlisle's POV:

I could not stop the holler I let out as she attacked my sit spots. It bloody well hurt! My poor backside felt like it was literally on fire, and I knew it was only going to get worse. I didn't feel I'd been punished enough yet, so I was refusing to give in.

My one concern was that I hoped I would give in before Esme felt I could not handle anymore. I really, really did not want to do this again tomorrow night. Not only would it be incredibly painful but I couldn't stand putting my wife through such distress once more.

"What is it you think you know, Carlisle Cullen?" my wife chided sharply, the belt coming down like a hot flame. My mind went momentarily blank and I clenched my teeth tightly to keep from screaming out once more.

"I know-I know that I can t-talk to y-you!" I stammered, barely refraining from yelling out in pain.

Crack! Crack! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, OOOWWWWW! I was thinking over and over. This hurt terribly, worse than last time, and I had no one to blame but myself. I had to let go of this guilt, but I felt what I did this time was so much worse. I hurt everyone by my inaction. This family had nearly fallen apart, and it was only thank to Esme and the strength of my children that it hadn't. Their continued faith in me that I would make things right had kept them going, and how had I repaid that faith. By doing nothing!

"Then why didn't you trust me?" my wife asked, pain and frustration evident in her voice as she momentarily paused the spanking. My breaths came out in loud gasps and tears were threatening to fall, but I forcefully held them back. "Why didn't you listen to me?!"

"I don't—I don't know," I gasped out, my voice thick with emotion, "I'm so-so sorry!"

"I have told you this many times before, love, but you have got to realize that you are not alone," she stressed, bringing the belt down again on my aching behind. I jumped, letting out a yell before clamping my mouth down on my clenched fist.

"You have a family here that depends on you, yes, but that doesn't mean you can't depend on us," she lectured, her voice losing the anger and beginning to just sound tired. "I love you, Carlisle, and the children love you. We all need you as a father, husband, and leader, and you cannot afford to let us down as you have. If you are struggling and need help, then talk to me, and if we two can't work something out, then we talk to the children. It is not a weakness to ask for help. How many times have you told us all that? How many times must we reiterate back to you before you get that through your thick skull?"

I couldn't help but writhe on my wife's lap, unable to contain my shouts anymore as the pain became too much for me, both physically and emotionally. Tears were beginning to fall, and I knew I was one more push away from a breakdown.

"This family needs you Carlisle," Esme stated in a desperate plea. "I need my husband, the children need their father, and we need our leader. You have what it takes to bring this broken family back together again, and I implore you to do it soon before it becomes too late."

Her simple plea and the heartbroken, weary tone in which she said it was the final straw for me, and after letting out a few more pained shouts I began to sob. I gripped my hair tightly, burying my head into my couch as I let out all the guilt of what I'd done and how badly I had let down my family. I let out another yell when I felt my boxers and pants being put back in place, unable to stop my tears as Esme helped me to my feet.

"Oh Carlisle," my wife spoke soothingly as she ran her hands through my hair and down my tear-stained face, "everything is alright now. You are completely forgiven and we can put this behind us." I nodded my head, unable to look at her as I desperately tried to contain my sobs.

"Come, let us go rest on the bed," she spoke, wrapping her arm around my waist and half-carrying, half-leading me to our bed. I immediately collapsed onto it face down, shoulders shaking from the effort I was putting into remaining silent.

"Stop that Carlisle, you must let go," Esme scolded gently as she pulled me towards her. She wrapped her arms around me and brought my head down onto her chest, and I eagerly returned the embrace, desperately in need of her comfort and reassurances. "I mean it, Carlisle, you need to let go of all this guilt or we can go right back over to that couch and continue this," she threatened, and I couldn't help but begin sobbing once more, the thought of enduring anymore punishment actually frightening the last bit of fight in me.

Esme held me close, running her hands through my hair like I loved and humming her special lullaby as I cried out all my pent up emotions. I felt and smelt her tears as she too began to let out her own pain and I just tightened my hold on her, choking out "I'm sorry" and "I love you" over and over again until she shushed me.

It took some time before the both of us managed to regain control of ourselves, and when we did we still continued to hold each other, just relishing in each other's presence.

"Thank you, Esme," I eventually spoke, lifting my head at giving my eternal beloved an appreciate look. Her eyes were soft and full of love as she stared right back.

"I wish I could say it was my pleasure, but…," she trailed off and I grimaced, understanding how hard this must have been for her. "Just tell me it worked, love, and that we can move past this," she spoke, and I immediately nodded my head as I gave her a reassuring look.

"It worked," I responded, giving her a kiss on the lips. "You were marvelous, giving me exactly what I deserved and needed."

She looked momentarily relieved before a hint of distress took over her. "Carlisle, are you sure I wasn't too hard? This punishment was worse than last time. How sore are you?"

"Don't do that," I urged, lifting myself up further so that we were eye level with each other. "You warned me from the start that my punishment would end when I gave in. Everything I received is no one's fault but my own."

Esme placed her hand on the side of my face, her eyes still troubled and with a hint of exasperation as she remarked, "You are so stubborn."

I gave her a weak smile as I said, "I know, but please do not beat yourself up over this. I more than earned this, and I deserve every bit of discomfort."

She sighed, leaning her forehead against mine before giving me a loving kiss. Breaking apart, she gave me a small smirk as she quipped, "Well, I can't argue with that logic."

I smiled more widely now, glad to see the guilt leave her eyes. This was by no means the last time we would have this same little argument, but for now she seemed alright. I leaned my head back down on her chest and she idly played with my hair as she once more hummed her lullaby. I was beginning to drift off into 'sleep' when I heard the approach of Alice and Jasper.

"Ali, we should really let'im be right now. I doubt he wants ta see us, and he an' mama are probably doin' just fine without us," Jasper told his wife, speaking in a manner that suggested he had said this several times already.

"They'll have time for make-up sex later ("Alice!" Jasper had exclaimed)," my little angel declared fiercely. "I haven't looked into either one of their futures so I have to know that Dad is alright and that Mom isn't beating herself up."

My wife and I exchanged amused glances at our children's argument.

"They're just fine, Alice, trust me, I can feel both of their emotions now," Jasper argued futilely. "We should really just wait and give them some time alone."

"Absolutely not," Alice retorted in determination, "I have to see with my own two eyes, and you can either stay here or join me."

I heard my soldier heave a sigh of defeat before replying, "Of course I'm comin' with you, darlin', don't be ridiculous."

Our little vampires entered the house at this point and I couldn't contain my laughter when Alice shouted, "Mom! Dad! Jasper and I are coming up right now so if you're doing anything that would possibly scar our young impressionable minds, then I suggest you stop now!"

"Alice!" Jasper hissed in complete exasperation, and as Esme and I began to laugh, we heard him mutter loudly, "I'm glad you two are findin' this amusin'."

We heard a soft knock at our bedroom door now, and I rolled my eyes as Esme went over to let them in. I quickly yet carefully rolled myself over, barely containing a loud groan as my backside touched the mattress. Placing my arms on the bed I deftly lifted myself up and practically jumped off the bed before abruptly finding the breath knocked out of me when my daughter rushed to hug me.

"Oh Daddy, are you alright? You look terrible! How bad was it? How sore are you? Do you want me to get you some ice? It helps some, and oh, you poor thing you've been crying! It's alright, Daddy, nobodys mad at you and we all love you very much, isn't that right, Japer? Everythings going to be just fine now, just you see," she babbled, giving me a tight squeeze every few seconds before looking up at my face. She was clearly worried about me and quickly working herself up, her eyes shining with unshed tears and guilt as though she were in any way at fault for the position I had landed myself in.

"Alice," I sighed, easily lifting her up in my arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, and I winced at feeling her shoes land on my aching bottom. "I am just fine, my little one," I assured her, "and of course everything will be just fine. I'm done sitting on the sidelines and waiting for things to fix themselves. I will bring our family back together, I promise you."

"I know you will, Daddy," Alice stated with confidence into my ear before giving my cheek a kiss. Looking towards Jasper, I held out an arm for him and he hesitated briefly before coming over and wrapping his arms around me.

"Glad to have ya back, Papa," he whispered sincerely, and I pulled him close as I sent my love and appreciation to him. "Me too," I responded before then looking towards my tearful wife. I motioned with my head for her to join us and she flashed over, wrapping her arms around both her babies and me.

A/N: Hurray! Daddy is back! Way to go Esme, you sure knocked some sense back into that bull-headed mate of yours!

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