- THE WORDSMITH'S FLOWER -
A/N: Thank you for reading up to the last chapter of this small story about an alternative path to Sei's love life. That's really all it was about, to be honest: I started this story because a kind reviewer pointed out, very fairly, that I all do seems to be Youko x Sei and Sachiko x Yumi, which are all in all fairly conventional pairings that are starting to grow old unless they are done creatively or in a new and exciting way.
This story was an attempt to rectify my creative bias, and at a personal level, also to explore whether I was able to engage any readers with a new way of writing. Hope you enjoy it! :)
- Final Draft -
- A Novelist's Pride -
She remembered this MOS Burger joint. This was where she had her first date with Sachiko, and where Sachiko had her first ever serving of junk food. That was quite a few years ago. She had never quite gathered the courage to ask whether Sachiko still ate here, alone, when she wasn't with Yumi. Perhaps the former Red Rose had always wrinkled her nose in disgust at the powdered fries (no way they could be real potatoes), the pulverized patties of bovine bone and flesh, and the overdose of liquefied sugar that was a Pepsi drink. Perhaps she only put up with all this when she was with her.
Yumi lifted her gaze from her tray and looked into the deep, contemplative eyes of her former grande soeur. How beautiful she looked, as she matured further into adulthood and the world of work. Life whizzed past them at frantic speed, the clock ticked away their time on Earth agitatedly, but Sachiko handled everything Father Time threw at the soeurs with unruffled grace and acceptance. She didn't even use as much makeup as Yumi now – although it was true that Yumi had become more mindful of her own beauty since letting her hair grow longer.
"You haven't sought my counsel for some time now," said Sachiko, looking rather liberated in a white summer blouse. Her smile seemed a bit more relaxed and kinder now that she had graduated and was no longer bound by the soeur code. Yumi couldn't blame her. Sometimes, the expectations of accomplishments weighed even heavier than the actual attempts to accomplish them.
She glanced outside the door, glimpsing a black car with black suited bodyguards. "I'm sorry, onee-sama. Things have been really busy at school… and at home."
"I thought you had no use for me anymore. Although, perhaps, that should be the way for all petite soeurs – to leave the nest of their big sisters, just as I let go of Youko-sama. I will always love her, and I know you will always love me. But you came to tell me that you wish to make your own way now, didn't you? You want me to guide you, but no longer direct you."
Yumi swallowed. She could never hide anything from her, could she? "Is that asking for too much?"
"I suppose a petite soeur should always have high demands from her onee-sama," came the reply. Sachiko eased herself into the seating opposite to Yumi. the latter could sense a hint of gentle reproach in Sachiko's voice, but the tenderness of the rebuke seemed to indicate that the former Red Rose had long accepted that their ties had changed. They would always be bonded, but now Rosa Chinensis wished to bond with others… to bond with a certain wordsmith in particular.
"Is she good to you?" asked Sachiko quietly.
"Yes," said Yumi, marvelling at how Sachiko could still almost read her mind. Even her body language could not escape Sachiko's scrutiny. "We already had some arguments in the past, and no doubt we'll have many more. But what is love? It's like literature and art: the triumph of hope over reason."
"Does she make you laugh?"
"Always."
"Does she make you feel good?"
Yumi giggled shrilly. It seemed so out of character of Sachiko. But she truly, deeply appreciated how thorough the Ogasawara heiress was in determining her happiness. "I've been a good student of Maria-sama, onee-sama. I will not give myself to anyone until I know they're the one for me."
Sachiko nodded in approval. Even in this most intimate moment of intercourse, she still had that classical aloofness that fascinated Yumi so long ago. "I have nothing more to say. I love you, Yumi. Go. Go be brave, and be true to yourself."
She beamed proudly. "I am here for you, always. I am your onee-sama in perpetuity. If Sei-sama becomes too much for you – and she probably will sooner or later – give me call. You can enjoy a break at my summer mansion, or we can simply have a burger here again. Sometimes, even lovers need distance from each other, so they can return to each other afresh."
In the past, Yumi might have wanted to cry at such profound, selfless love from her onee-sama. Even in her dealings with Sei, perhaps she had behaved a bit too emotionally from the outset. But now, she spoke with Sachiko as an equal, as someone who also had been a Red Rose. "Thank you, onee-sama." She slowly rose from her seat, walking past Sachiko and touching her arm lovingly. "I'll e-mail you later for another date. Something less serious next time."
"Please do," said Sachiko, smiling up at her before turning to Yumi's unfinished fries. She heard the MOS joint's door open and close as she finished her Sprite. She left her fish burger untouched. She looked back at the glass door to the joint, and closed her eyes. She should have felt heartbroken, or in pain, or even a tad wistful. Maybe she would collapse in tears on her bed later, but she highly doubted it. It was much more likely that, in a few months or even a few years, she would suddenly realize she felt a gentle void in her heart. That void was not something to be avoided – rather, it was a mark of maturity that every adult needed to bear: the mark of loss, change, and impermanence.
She had lost Yumi in one way, but time would tell if she gained anything else. No matter what, her true test as a former Red Rose would be to accept, without resentment and with love, this loss. And by Maria-sama, she would pass this test.
She bit her lip, exhaling audibly. Her hands had tensed. Her heart hurt, but at the same time, she could feel it expanding, as if it was becoming more generous, and embracing more of the world.
"Goodbye, my sweet Yumi.
"And please take care of her, Sei-sama."
Lillian College, English Literature Department
"I'm shitting myself."
"Hey. Mind your language." Youko shot Sei an irritable glance as they stood waiting outside the latter's professor's office. "You've completed an amazing novel and you're still behaving like this? Give me a break." She rolled her eyes. "I never thought you could actually put together such an eloquent, emotionally-charged erotic dark fantasy. It's completely unlike you. I've never seen you so invested in… work." She chuckled. "Sorry if that was insulting."
"This novel is sick. Depraved. Almost ridiculous. It's pretty much just a two hundred-page long fantasy of Yumi-chan." Sei stared down at her fingers, which still felt sore from months of feverish typing.
In a way, I'm glad this is just an intern program, she thought to herself. She could be a bit more daring because of this. It was a strange feeling. Ever since she started studying literature, it was as if she had become a braver person.
Yes, that was it. She had gained more courage since becoming a writer: courage to face up to Yumi's love and respond to it, courage to make peace with Shiori up in her chapel by the cliffside. She thought of Shimako, who was so loyal, so strong: Noriko would protect her from heartbreak. Sei had utter confidence in her former bouton's petite soeur. Their intimacy was different to the one Sei had enjoyed with Shimako. That was a good thing. Rosa Gigantea could never love Noriko in the same way Sei loved her, and Noriko simply could never behave like Shimako to Shimako herself! It was best to just let love grow as it willed.
Where was she going with these random thoughts? She didn't know. Was she happy about her acceptance of Yumi's love, or even about her new, most-likely-to-be-published book? She couldn't say for sure. But she did take some comfort in the fact that even if she were to conclude that she was actually unhappy about her path, she couldn't be in turn unhappy about that reality. These were her choices, for better or worse. And she would gladly own them until she died.
She suddenly snickered to herself, and Youko raised an eyebrow. "Careful. Your supervisor will come out any time with the editors' decision from Bungeishunjuu. Don't want her thinking you've gone crazy."
"Somehow, I can't help thinking that this was all your fault," grumbled Sei.
"What?"
"You know, my so-called sessions with Yumi-chan. My whole book. It is what it is because you started it all."
"How rude. Don't blame other people for falling in love. Own up to your feelings and take responsibility." Youko's eyes shimmered. "Yes... that is the only hallmark of being a truly mature person. Not how successful you are, not how rich you are. But whether or not you'll be a responsible person in this irresponsible world." She slowly cupped Sei's face, which was a rather surprising move on her part. "I want to be the last thing you think of before you take Yumi-chan on your first date."
Sei found her gaze moving towards the roof, away from Youko's lips. "Always the one with the self-importance."
"Allow me at least to leave you with something that will invoke… regret in you, for choosing her and not me."
"You speak of Yumi-chan like a rival," mumbled Sei. "Unusually petty of you."
"No," murmured Youko, "I see her as someone much more respectful. A sister, a fellow woman. She's come a long way, and you've now taken her hand for the next milestone. If you'll let me walk alongside you unobtrusively…"
Sei's eyes also began to glimmer, as she stared at the girl who had been her rock for so many years. "Don't you dare leave me. Not you, not Shimako, not Kei. Geez, I'm just dating her. It's not like I'm going to shut myself away from y'all."
"You're right. What was I thinking?" Youko turned away, trailing her hand away from Sei's cheek. "You've actually gained some common sense. It doesn't feel as good as I thought it would."
Sei smiled sadly, squeezing Youko's arm. "I'm sorry."
The professor's door suddenly creaked open, and Sei released Youko as the bespectacled lady emerged from her office in an old-fashioned, yellow frock. "Congratulations to you, Satou-san," she said, clasping her hands together. The editors have told me that they will publish your final draft as part of their English-language portfolio. The royalties will go to you as promised in the internship contract, although Bungeishunjuu can't guarantee sales. This was a unique initiative for literature students in our university. I hope you'll feel encouraged by this breakthrough and put the skills you've learned here to good use after graduation."
Sei smiled (it had been a long time since she smiled at an authority figure). "Thank you. I think being an impoverished, struggling writer suits me." She raised her hand to her forehead, melodramatically closing her eyes. "But at least I'll have plenty of doe-eyed fans beating down the door to my shabby, shoebox flat for a chance to sit on the lap of this tragic, misunderstood, unappreciated wordsmith – "
"Oh stop it. Couldn't resist the snide joke, could we?" tittered the professor, as Youko laughed. "Please come in to discuss with me the publication schedule. Mizuno-san, my apologies – is it possible if you could excuse us?"
"Of course, Professor," said Youko, bowing and turning to walk back down the long corridor. She stole a glance back at Sei, who had already disappeared inside her teacher's office. It somehow felt redundant to congratulate Sei about her very first novel, to be released by a respected publisher no less. She was sure Sei was excited about all that, but as with so many things Lillian, there were much deeper things going on than just school or careers. There were the emotions and ties that threaded together the lives of the girls and women.
That was the true constant, even with such great changes as Yumi becoming Sei's favoured.
Youko smiled to herself and began her long walk back to the bus stop, lonely footsteps echoing through the silent hallway.
In the end, Bungeishunjuu decided Dreaming Snow would be celebrated as an example of what a joint internship program between Lillian University and a publication company could achieve. Not only that, but the arts and letters students finally could answer the jabs of their hard sciences counterparts that they, too, had practical programs that could boost their careers.
Sei wasn't sure how much money she would make from this venture: she had only applied for this internship out of boredom and a faint sense of responsibility. She knew Youko's law internships paid much better, and that she was on her way to great influence and money. Lucky girl. The best she could do was to continue doing what she loved most and was best at: writing.
It was a hot and humid day, and the sun shone down as intensely as the feelings Sei was keeping within. She tapped her knuckles gently on the front door of the Fukuzawa household. It opened, revealing a smiling Yumi in a tank top and summer shorts. Sei blinked at how quickly she had come down from her room.
"You brought a change of clothes, right?" asked Yumi.
"Yup. I've told Kei. She just rolled her eyes and told me to enjoy myself."
"And a copy of Dreaming Snow?"
"Yeah. Yes I have, Rosa Chinensis. It's been a long time since I had a sleepover as a first date. It's kind of childish and sexy at the same time."
Yumi fell silent for a few moments, before opening her mouth to speak again. "I told onee-sama."
"I know. That was very brave of you."
"I want us – everyone – to be like as we were before. I know things can't be exactly the same, but I want them to respect our choice." Yumi was glowing. "Is something on my chin, Sei-sama?"
Sei shook her head. "You've really grown up. I might have to start chasing you."
Yumi giggled, flicking back her long brown hair and wrapping her arms around Sei. The cicadas droned at a distance as the wordsmith and her flower tripped over each other's embraces and into the latter's home. The door quietly shut.
We are left with only their receding footsteps upstairs and the distant memories of Lillian Gakuen… as each of its students and alumni continue on their individual but interconnected ways.
The future is uncertain, just like the fragility of a flower. It will always be uncertain, and Yumi and Sei need to make peace with that if they are to grow. But to love and be happy amidst the incomprehensible flux of life – perhaps that's the only lesson worth learning.
- THE WORDSMITH'S FLOWER -
- THE END -
(Another) A/N: Thanks for accompanying me to the end of my first Yumi x Sei story.
Many years have passed since I first started writing here (2008), and obviously you – and I – have reached many milestones since. Each time we do so, we leave behind a little piece of ourselves with the stories we've finished.
I still remember starting writing Marimite fanfics in 2011, and they were easily some of my fondest times writing on this website. I don't think I've devoted as much time to a single series before. I've left behind a bit of myself in the words and imagination that created my Marimite series or oneshots. I believe the same goes for every writer and reader, and there are obviously plenty of writers far more prolific than me. I can't help thinking that that is the most poignant part of fanfiction: it's just a hobby, but we really do invest our heart in its creation and participation. It's a statement of how much we love whichever fictional characters and how much they teach us about ourselves (sometimes more so than real people!).
Marimite's characters make my heart ache even to this day. When I feel a connection for these fictional people, I know they have done their job as manifestations of literature and art.
Thank you for reading my story and final thoughts, and see you soon!
- with warm wishes from Buddhacide -