12 days of Codfish event day 5
Disclaimer: I do not own hetalia.
You know one of Portugal's rules (number 88) was to not team up with Canada and Japan? I decided to write that plot bunny for fun. Blame all of this on math class boredom. Human names are used as there are no cultural references
Note: This is pure crack. Also, there is some slight England/Portugal but nothing major. Take everything with a grain of salt.
"You have your black pants," Kiku whispered to the other midnight-clad figures. Kiku, Matthew, and Maria were in a hotel room in the U.N. the other nations had managed to piss all three off, which in itself is impressive. Maria had discovered that one of the hotel owners was Portuguese, and had talked him into giving up a map on who is staying in the room. In front of them was three enormous bags of fish guts, assorted so no one can pinpoint exactly whose fish it is.
"For once being nearly invisible is useful!" Matthew said excitedly. "I call dibs on Alfred!"
"We were going to give you Alfred anyway," Maria reminded her fellow invisible trio member.
"Use these in order to get into the rooms," Kiku handed them each a set of lime-green plastic cards meant to look like the hotel keys, and then a red card. "One set is fake, but the other will get you into the rooms and lock them behind you. That way when they discover our prank they can't escape and warn the others," Kiku explained. The three nations got up and raced to their assigned wings.
In order to get revenge on Yao and Im Yong Soo Kiku apparently also had to prank Ivan. To tell you the truth Ivan had not offended him this time, but the Japanese man guessed Maria had put him on the list to be less suspicious. Putting on his mask, Kiku stealthily slid the card through the lock and opened the door. Snoring away, Ivan laid with his face smashed against the pillow. Grinning, Kiku snapped a picture, without flash of course.
The trio had decided that while dumping the guts on the person would be more satisfying, they could get caught on the first try. Instead, they would open up the suitcases and dump the fish in there, and then close it to trap the smell. Kiku yanked Russia's suitcase out of the closet, and gutted the case.
Unsurprisingly, Yao's room was next door. The cheapskate that tried to change rooms, but the closest he could find was five dollars more expensive. Japan swung the door open to find Yao slumbering even with his phone ringing to some song from Mulan. Smirking, Kiku lifted up his brother and set him next to Ivan, careful to make sure he didn't wake up. After dropping off his little present Kiku left to go use his ninja skills somewhere else. After taking another picture of course.
Matthew strolled into his brother's hotel room, holding the fish guts in one hand and Kumanju in the other. Kumakjio had drawn on some blankets so they looked like ghosts to scare Alfred. After dumping the fish guts, the two hung the sheets all over the room, turning the fan on for good measure. Grabbing a ketchup bottle, he squirted some everywhere. Satisfied, he locked the door and headed to France's chamber.
Even though Maria was handling the Europeans, she had reluctantly agreed to let Matt prank Francis. The other day Francis had insisted on only speaking French with the Canadian, and had reprimanded him whenever he said a word only spoken in Quebec. "Why is it my fault, you're the one who taught me French," Matthew muttered.
Matthew snatched the vase of roses, chucking it out of the window. Slipping the blanket over Francis's body, (that will always be disturbing) the Canadian managed to gut all five of his suitcases. Happier, he left with the bag of guts slung over his shoulder.
Maria had a sadistic smirk on her face, identical to Francis's smirk. Anyone who faced it would probably interpret it as Run-or-face-the-consequences kind of smirk, generally different from Ivan's hello-this-is-my-pipe smile. She had just put Gilbert in Elizabeta's room, soiling both of their clothes with the fish. Before that she had moved Heracles into Sadiq's room. Next were Ludwig and Feliciano.
To her surprise, they were already in the same bed. There were two beds in the room, but overnight Feliciano must have gotten scared and crawled into Ludwig's bed. Stifling a laugh, Portugal snapped a photo and completed that part of the prank.
Less surprising was the next room. Antonio and Lovino had also rented the same room under the excuse of saving money, but Lovino was in a separate bed clutching a stuffed cloth tomato. Carefully she moved Lovino onto her brother's bed, tugging his hair curl for good measure. Blushing, the Italian moved closer to Antonio. Smiling, Maria subtly threw Antonio's axe and Lovino's gun out the window. Carefully, Maria moved onto the last room.
Snoring softly, Arthur rested with his wild blond hair covering his eyes. Maria smiled for a second in the doorway, and then blushed when she realized what she was doing. The suitcase sat at the foot of the bed, and Maria cautiously bent down and poured in what was left of the fish guts. After she closed the suitcase she straightened, and without hesitating she moved Arthur's hair out of the way and kissed him on the forehead.
One Mississippi, Two Mississippi…
Oh crap what did I just do? she thought in horror. In his sleep, Arthur smiled and turned over to his side. Blushing deeply, Maria stumbled out of the room, dropping the key in the process. Trying to still be stealthy she raced to Japan's hotel room and printed the photos she took out. Grabbing a cup of espresso she watched the cameras that had been set up, waiting for a nation to wake up. She had at least a few hours.
"What are you doing in my room aru!"
"AHHHH! THIS HOTEL IS HAUNTED!"
"Mon Dieu! What happened to my beautiful rose and robes?"
"Get out of my room Gilbert!"
"I can't! Someone locked the door!"
"Uh, Lovino, what are you doing in my bed?"
"Shut up! The squirrels must have moved me!"
"What the bloody hell happened to my jacket!" Maria blushed at the last furious yell, turning away from them. Fortunately, the other two invisible trio members knew her enough not to prod. In the video, Alfred blasted through the door, screaming. Once he realized he was away from the ghosts, he stormed down the hall and into the elevator.
"How are the security cameras?" Matthew asked, leaning over Kiku's shoulder. A few more buttons and on the large television live video from the corridors appeared. "Great, he is going to the main desk," Matthew said panicking.
"Guys, I have a back-up plan," Maria said taking a canister out of her purse. "It's lavender. I'll just say I spritzed you guys with it, so that's why you don't smell." Before the two could protest she had used half the bottle.
"Maria, while I enjoy lavenders isn't this too much?" Kiku asked, trying desperately not to inhale too much of the substance.
"I hate wasting it, but we need it to be more believable," she apologized, after using the rest on herself and then dumping the bottle.
"But what about the guts?" Matthew coughed, waving his hands to rid the fumes. "I got some on my clothes, but it's not going to be believable. Besides, we're all dressed like ninjas."
"We can say we stopped to buy some. Change into normal clothes," Maria raced into the bathroom, while the other two changed into regular clothes.
"YO DUDES!" Alfred's loud voice crackled through a PA system. "WORLD MEETING IN THE HOTEL RESTAURANT IN ONE HOUR!"
"We are so dead," the three said at once.
Looking back on it, I think Japan was OOC in this, but in my defense I have never worked with writing him before.
Also, this is a two-shot, so I will continue this. I just felt the need to end it there.
I really only ship PruHun of the canon pairings I wrote here, but the rest were just for pure comedy.
As always please review!