Chapter 23- All the things she said
The next morning Heath left a sleeping April to go and make some coffee and breakfast. It was nearly twelve o'clock but she had been completely worn out by the previous day. He hated to see the woman he loved hurting like that. April had been through so much lately and the next few days would be even harder for her. Heath knew that she had just lost someone that had been a huge part of her life for the past few years and he knew that he wouldn't be able to make up for that. He could be there for her, but he couldn't take away the pain this loss would cause.
While Heath was making coffee, there was a knock on the door and he went to get it. He was shocked to see Gina when he opened the door. She looked emotionally drained. Heath frowned. "I know it probably won't help in the slightest, but I'm very sorry for your loss. Xavier was a good kid."
Gina nodded. "Yes he was. Thank you. Is April here? I called over to Irene's a few minutes ago but Bianca said that she stayed the night here."
"She's still asleep and I know that you're hurting, but if you've come here to blame her-"
She shook her head. "No, I haven't. I promise."
April woke up to find that Heath was no longer in the bed next to her. She put on a dressing gown and went out to the kitchen to see if he was there. April was shocked to see him standing at the door talking to Gina. "Come in." She invited her former principal.
Heath closed the door behind her. "I'm going to leave you two talk." He said and disappeared into the bedroom.
"Would you like a coffee or something?" April offered apprehensively.
Gina shook her head. "No thank you. I've come here to apologise. I shouldn't have said the things I did yesterday." She said ruefully.
April couldn't believe that she had come to apologise with everything that was going on. "There's no need to apologise Mrs Palmer. You just lost your son; you don't need to be worrying about me as well."
"No, I couldn't leave things like that. I was wrong to blame you April. This was never your fault. You didn't make Xavier do what he did. I'm not trying to make excuses for the way I acted; I just hope you understand that Xave was the second son that I've lost. I was- I am, devastated." Gina said with tears in her eyes.
April nodded. "I know. No matter how awful I'm feeling now, I know you're feeling a million times worse. I can't even begin to imagine how terrible a time this is for you know. What you said made me think of how I would feel if I ever lost my baby... I completely understand. Don't worry about me. You need to concentrate on your own grief." She told her sincerely. April had been very upset about what her former principal had said the previous night but that was before she really thought about how she would feel if she were in Gina's situation.
Gina gave her a hug. "Thank you for your understanding, April. I meant one thing I said last night though; Xavier loved you. Which is why I want to ask you if you will say a few words at the funeral? You really touched my son's heart and I think it would mean the world to him if you did."
Tears were beginning to form in April's eyes again. "Of course I will do it. I always loved Xavier and I always will. I would be honoured to speak at his funeral. Thank you so much for asking me." She said sincerely and wiped the moisture from her eyes.
"I best be going. I'll be in touch about the funeral in the next day or so." Gina said as she headed towards the door again.
April showed her out. "I really am sorry Mrs Palmer. Please give my condolences to John."
Gina nodded and smiled weakly through her tears before walking out the door. April closed it when she was gone and threw herself wearily down on the couch. Losing Xavier felt as if it had left a massive aching hole in her heart. She put her head in her hands and started to cry again. It just wasn't fair that someone as good and kind as Xavier could be taken from them. Heath came back out of the bedroom and sat down next to April on the couch. He pulled his girlfriend into his arms and held her tightly. Heath had no idea what to say to her, but he also knew anything he did say wouldn't be good enough to ease her pain.
"He's really gone Heath. This isn't just some really bad dream. I wish more than anything that I could just wake up and none of this would have happened. I wish that I could just go back to yesterday and stop him from getting in that car." April sobbed against his chest.
Heath nodded and kissed the top of her head. "I know babe, so do I but there's nothing we can do to change what happened. We can't change the past and thinking about if we could isn't going to help. You know if we could we would have saved Xavier but we can't and dwelling on that isn't going to make the pain go away. It will only make it worse, believe me. When my dad left my mum, I spent months obsessive over what I could have done to make things turn out differently; over what I could have done to make him stay. And the answer I finally came up with was nothing. We can't change the way a person thinks or feels. The only thing we can do is try to move forward. It will hurt, but that's the only way to ever get out of this moment. It may seem like you'll be stuck forever but I'm going to help you through, I promise April."