Here it is, the next installment of Panic! at GrimmIchi's Chemical Romance...this one's a bit on the dark side...no one dies or anything, so don't get too freaked out...Ichi's also OOC, but I needed him to be a certain way for this to work...anyway, enjoy:)

Title: You're the Only Hope For Me
Song: The Only Hope For Me is You by My Chemical Romance
Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
POV: first person-Ichigo

If there's a place that I could be

Then I'd be another memory

Can I be the only hope for you?

Because you're the only hope for me...

Habits. You kind of form them before you even notice it, right? Like for example, I have this habit of biting my lip when I'm extremely angry. I also smell my food before I eat it. And I have a habit of sleeping with my socks on too.

Small things though, that's what habits are. Once a simple habit starts to control your entire life, then it's become an addiction. Addiction is being abnormally tolerant to and dependent upon a stimulus that is physically or psychologically habit-forming.

My addiction started when I was thirteen. I went to summer camp with my younger sisters. Of course we were in separate groups, so I was alone. I wasn't the most sociable child ever, so I was alone most of the time. Our group leader's name was Sosuke. I thought he was pretty nice when I first got there. He made me feel comfortable even though the other kids were constantly fucking with me and generally getting on my nerves. I'd always go talk to Sosuke about their shit and he'd handle it. Then one day, we went swimming in the lake. I separated myself from the group, but Sosuke volunteered to watch after me so that I wouldn't get my shit fucked up by some random woodland creature. I was fine with it at first, but then it was nighttime.

Sosuke said we could stay out as long as I wanted because he was an adult. We just sat talking for a while. I could feel him getting closer and closer to me. The first time he only touched my thigh and I didn't think much of it because we were laughing about some stupid shit that my friend from home Renji had done. But then his touches got a lot more personal and soon he was palming my private area as he whispered in my ear that he wasn't going to hurt me. He didn't hurt me; I wasn't in pain, and what he was doing felt really good. So I told him that. I'd never experienced sexual pleasure before, so all the sensations he gave me were new and exciting; it was like getting high. And you know what they say, after you get that first high, you gotta do more to try to get higher. Well, that's what I did.

Of course, Sosuke got in huge amounts of trouble for fucking me, but that goes without saying. I was thirteen years old, after all. But just because he couldn't take me higher anymore didn't mean that someone else couldn't. So I started fucking whoever wanted to fuck me. And when I actually started to pay attention to my fellow humans, I realized that I was quite fuckable.

Gender was not a factor. I sought only pleasure, and pleasure could be obtained whether my partner had a penis or a vagina. Looks didn't matter either. You don't have to be beautiful to have sex. That's a common misconception that a lot of people have. But I'm rather enlightened when it comes to this subject, so you should probably take some notes.

By the time I was nineteen, I'd had too many sexual partners to count, three burn cases, one case of the clap, and no babies, but I guess I was just lucky. Also, I wasn't dumb. I knew how to use fucking condoms, but I wasn't about to pass up the pleasure if I didn't have one.

In the highly unlikely situation that I didn't have a partner, masturbation was not off limits. I sometimes masturbated three or four times a day, even if I did have sex with someone. It was never enough.

The addiction only got worse when I went to college. I ended up flunking out of med school because I spent all my time fucking people or watching porn. My dad was disappointed, but what could he do? He didn't even know I was addicted to sex. How could he? I looked completely normal on the outside. It was my insides that were fucked up. But no one could help me. There wasn't a magical pill that I could take that would make me not want sex anymore. Unless they like reverse-engineered Viagra.

When a behavior becomes maladaptive, the only person who can change it is you. So I decided to go to one of those dumb ass sex addict meetings I'd always laughed at in movies. Once you hit rock bottom, the only place you can go is up, as long as you try to go up and don't wallow around in your bullshit.

The first meeting was uneventful, you know the whole deal,

"My name is Ichigo Kurosaki, and I'm a sex addict."

and all that noise. I listened to other peoples' stories. This one girl woke up in a bed underneath a pile of men; it was as if they were her teammates and they'd just won the Super Bowl. I opted out of telling any of mine. Those people were not entitled to know my fucking business.

It wasn't until five meetings later that everything changed. The group leader, Yoruichi, got all of our attention to begin the session.

"Attention, everyone. We have someone new joining us tonight. C'mon in."

I played with my phone completely uninterested. It's what I usually did. Fuck all that sharing nonsense.

"Would you like to introduce yourself to the rest of the group?" Yoruichi asked.

"My name is Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, and I'm a sex addict."

Well of course this motherfucker was a sex addict; he sounded like it. I looked up through my bangs. Yep, he looked exactly like what sex is; raw, untamed, and magnificent.

I averted my gaze as his electrifying blue eyes raked over the small group and landed on me. It seemed as if he was saying to himself, "target locked", as a disconcerting smile spread across his face. Of course this was the night that the person who usually sat next to me didn't show up. The man called Grimmjow sauntered over and sat right next to me. Damn, if he didn't smell fantastic.

I hadn't had sex in three weeks. I'd decided to quit cold turkey, and I'd thought I was doing a pretty good job, but instead I found myself becoming aroused just from the sound of his voice as he asked,

"So what's your name, gorgeous?" I looked over at him tentatively. He was basically breathing every particle of my air. I thought I was going to suffocate. But I didn't mind.

"Ichigo."

"Nice. You taste as good as you look?"

Oh he could so get it.

It was never a good idea to try to quit cold turkey.

I grunted as Grimmjow slammed me against his front door. He kissed me aggressively as he fought to unlock the door. I pulled my lips away from his and bit his neck forcefully. A low rumbling growl came from his throat as he finally opened the door and we practically fell inside the apartment. He pushed me against the wall, rubbing my semi erection through the fabric of my jeans. I moaned and bit my lip. I'd picked the wrong day to wear a belt.

It was a fight getting me out of my pants, but once Grimmjow had succeeded at this, he wasted no time wrapping his large hand around my weeping length.

"Oh, fuck, Grimmjow..." I almost sighed. It had been all too long since I felt this pleasure. I could feel myself being consumed by it once more. And I absolutely loved it.

I gasped as Grimmjow suddenly picked me up causing me to wrap my legs around his waist instinctively. He pushed three of his fingers against my lips and I sucked them into my mouth coating them with saliva. I agreed that there was no time for the fancy bullshit. I wanted him inside just as much as he wanted to be inside. I inhaled sharply as the first of his saliva slick fingers slid inside my entrance. Being honest, I wanted to skip the formality all together, but I knew that could be dangerous for both of us.

After a few more minutes of preparation, Grimmjow replaced his fingers with his hot thick erection. The initial penetration brought automatic tears to my eyes. I was mildly horrified when Grimmjow used the pad of his thumb to wipe them away. What the hell was he doing? He was supposed to be running me through, not trying to ease my pain like I was some fucking girl. I turned my head away from him.

"Just...fuck me..." I said, quietly. Grimmjow looked confused for a second and then he began to move inside me. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall. Soon short pants were leaving my mouth along with soft moans. Grimmjow repositioned his hips and my back arched from the wall as the sweet pleasure clouded my mind. "Grimmjow..."

The blue haired Adonis sped up the pistoning of his pelvis and I could feel my release taunting me, saying "this is what you wanted to give up?" I couldn't even fathom where I'd gotten the idea.

"Oh, fuck Ichigo..." Grimmjow groaned as my lips connected with his neck. I sank my teeth into his pulse point as my body trembled from my release. Grimmjow followed soon after, growling like some kind of animal as he filled me with his seed. For a while we stayed in that position until I felt like my legs could support me again. I released him from the death grip my legs had him in and Grimmjow pulled out of me.

The next few months were like this. Grimmjow and I exchanged numbers, and whenever I called him, he'd meet up with me and we'd have mind-blowing, spine-tingling, toe-curling sex and then he'd leave. But before I even realized it, I wasn't sleeping with very many people anymore. I was only really sleeping with Grimmjow.

I didn't understand. Had he become the center of my addiction, or was he my cure? In order for me to answer that question, I had to understand if I'd been addicted to the act itself or the attention I gained from the people I slept with. What exactly was I addicted to?

I knew for sure I liked sex. I liked the feeling of release. I liked the sounds that were made, the heat, the smells, the intensity of it all. I didn't like the sense of intimacy that always came with it. That whole "you're my one true love" thing that some girls did when you fucked them, or the "you're mine" thing that guys did, I hated that stuff too. I liked the freedom that came with sex. No inhibitions, no bullshit, just raw pleasure and release. Grimmjow gave me all of the stuff I liked about sex, with none of the stuff I hated.

Eventually, I could feel myself becoming attached to him. It was new and dangerous territory for me. I'd never been emotionally attached to anyone before. For me, sexual interactions did not create an emotional stimulus. But why? Why couldn't I feel something for someone I slept with before now? Was I just heartless, or did I just not sleep with the right person/people? I probably will never know, but what I did know for certain was that Grimmjow stirred emotions in me. And I kind of liked it.

I called him over one night. Of course he thought I wanted sex, and I did, but I needed to tell him about what was happening to me. I wanted him to know exactly how much I needed him, so he'd understand that I'd never be able to let him go.

"Grimmjow, how many people have you slept with in the past two weeks?" I asked. Grimmjow seemed to think a little too hard for my liking before he responded.

"Two, including you. Why?" It irked me that he'd slept with someone else, but I'll admit that I was glad the number was so small considering the history behind our relationship.

"I haven't slept with anyone except you for the past eight months." His eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. I could concur that it was some shocking information, seeing as we'd established from the beginning that I'd slept with more people than he could dream of. "I feel...something when I'm with you, something besides the pleasure that fueled my addiction. I feel...love."

He didn't respond for a second as he contemplated what I'd just confessed.

"So you're saying you're in love with me?" he asked, after what seemed like an eternity. I nodded slowly.

"Yeah. I'm in love with you, Grimmjow. And I think you cured my addiction. Unless being addicted to you counts." He remained silent for quite some time before he crushed me in a hug.

"I was lying. I haven't slept with anyone other than you since the first time we had sex." My eyes widened as I hugged him back. "You cured me too, Ichigo. I love you."

I guess you could say things are good for us now. Grimmjow and I live together, we've met each others' families, and we even got a cat named B.B. We still have a lot of sex, but only with each other. I have a new addiction now. Addiction is being abnormally tolerant to or dependent upon a stimulus that is physically or psychologically habit-forming. Grimmjow is my addiction.

That was one of the scariest things I've ever written...hope you all enjoyed...until next time:)

Patd06