Feelings aren't meant to be seen on objects or echoed in an empty field. It is simply impossible. Inanimate things cannot feel, for one, and they cannot express themselves.
And yet.
And yet they are described as though they are humans. As though they can experience the happiness, the pain, the raging emotion that fuels the human soul. But they cannot, for they have no souls. They are merely objects, tools of creation made to aid higher beings accomplish a task that they cannot do themselves. They were extensions for human parts.
Rin knew this very well. She stared down at her hand; a gun was gripped weakly as blood dripped down from her arm. Screams rang out around her as her brother's sobs and mother's screams bounced around in her mind.
"...Mama?" The words barely slipped past her lips before she could register the scene in front of her. Her mother's eyes stared straight into hers, a wordless plea for Rin to do something. But what?
She looked back down at her hand. The gun was no longer there. Instead, her sweaty palm was pressed hard against another's sweaty palm.
Len.
His name barely registered into her mind. Her grip on his hand tightened and before she knew it, her feet were taking her away from her mother.
What?
She didn't want this.
Go back go back.
But she couldn't go back.
Go back go back!
Len was screaming next to her as she tugged him along wordlessly, her eyes streaming with tears as trees rushed past them.
GO BACK GO BACK!
She was getting covered in scratches. Len was probably getting covered in scratches too. She reminded herself to get Mama to kiss the scratches. To kiss the pain away.
Pain pain go away.
GO BACK MAMA'S STILL THERE SAVE HER SAVE HER
Mama wasn't here anymore.
MAMA MAMA MAMA SAVE MAMA YOU'RE USELESS USELESS HOW COULD YOU
She could hear Mama scream somewhere in the forest.
YOU LEFT HER YOU COWARD COWARD ONLY SAVE YOURSELF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE SELFISH HORRIBLE
There was a river ahead of them. They were close. So close. Len was crying. He didn't move easily. Rin had to drag him.
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT
There. Right there. Mama would be so proud of her she saved Len and her she did it Mama Mama Mama praise her oh but where's Mama Mama look the light like you said Mama Ma-
DEAD
Dead. Mama screamed and the world went red for her. Was it red for her or for Mama? Rin didn't know.
Rin didn't like the color red.
DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU
They were close. So close. Mama promised they would be safe once they reached the light.
DEAD FOREVER AND ALL BECAUSE YOU WERE SCARED
Hush Len the light was right there hush now, it's okay. Don't cry it's okay now.
YOU RAN AND TURNED YOUR BACK ON HER LIKE A COWARD
She reached out towards the light. Safe safe like their mother promised.
SPINELESS
COWARD
The light. It was right there, right there. She reached out, her fingertips just brushing it. Len was still crying next to her, his sobs soft as he tried to sink into his despair. Not yet Len not yet, she will say. They were nearly there, nearly there.
She grabbed onto the light, and just like that, she woke up with a start.
The teen sat up in her sad excuse for a bed, combing her bangs away from her face as she looked around their room. Len was still asleep. They didn't have to wake up for another few hours. She sighed and got up from her bed, walking towards their little closet and pulling out a uniform.
She went into the bathroom and changed. It was simple in design: black, tough fabric that was supposed to be near-untearable (yeah right) with a muted yellow stripe that ran down the shoulders onto the sleeves, and her and Len's number were printed on, in her case, the right sleeve. A white, bolded 02 identified her and her brother, the stitched numbers standing out more on the black than the yellow. She stared at her reflection, frowning at the bags under her eyes. Soldiers needed to be well-rested. However, with the help of the nightmares that plagued her every night, she was the least well-rested soldier on the team. She groaned and splashed some water on her face before leaving. At this time, there had to be at least one person on duty, keeping a look out while the others slept.
There was only one place to go. Her feet stepped lightly on the gray concrete, barely making a sound as she walked towards her destination. She came to a stop in front of a door, opening it and entering the room without a word. Kaito looked up from his seat, a gun perched at his side as he stared Rin down.
"...it's a bit early for you to be up."
"I know." She took a seat next to him, staring out into the desolate area in front of them. The charred remains of buildings stood out against the dirt and encroaching plants, the faint remnants of a once thriving community destroyed and broken.
"Was it a-?"
"It's none of your business." He closed his mouth and followed her stare, looking out into the graveyard of buildings. They went through this exact conversation every day, and Kaito found it routine to ask her the same things every time. It stopped being a question of concern, and instead became habit for him to ask, "Was it a nightmare?" Not once had she given him the answer he already knew. But what was he to expect? Rin hardly opened up to any of them. She only spoke to Len, and maybe Miku if she felt like humoring her sisterly concern for them all. They sat together in silence, the wind howling outside the walls of the room. Rin reached forward through the glassless window, letting the air brush her fingers gently. Kaito relaxed in his seat and looked up at the small clock on the wall.
"It's almost time for the others to wake up." He looked back at the teen, seeing her nod in acknowledgement. "Meiko's cancelling training today." Her head turned sharply to stare incredulously at him.
"Why would she do that? Training in important, and I highly doubt that it'd be a good idea for us to just suddenly stop!"
He shrugged.
"She thinks it's okay for us to rest for just today. We haven't been attacked in a few months, and there have been no sightings of the others, or of any other living person."
She gritted her teeth, before turning back to glare at the scenery.
"She's being stupid. We could be attacked today and we wouldn't be ready at all to face-"
"Rin," he grabbed her chin and made her stare him in right in the eye, "stop it. Everyone, including you, needs to relax for once. It's doing nobody any good to just remain paranoid and jumpy for months on end with no enemy to kill or capture. It's pointless and unhealthy for the mind."
She snarled at him and shoved his hand off of her.
"Whatever." She got up and started to leave the room, stuffing her hands into her pockets.
"Rin, where are you going?" he called out.
"None of your business!" As she walked away, she heard him sigh and mutter something about teenagers being difficult. Well fuck you too, she thought to herself, It's not like you cared enough to begin with. She wandered back to Len and hers shared room, sitting down on his bed and making him bounce up. He woke up with a grunt, sitting up slowly and rubbing his eyes.
"Rin…?"
"Morning, sleepyhead."
"What time is it?" He yawned and looked at the clock on the wall. "Fuck, it's only five, why did you wake me up?"
"Because," she grumbled softly, "I was bored and I didn't feel like talking to Kaito." Her twin laughed behind her.
"Hmm… I should get changed huh?"
"Nah," she laid back on his bed, laying her head on his legs, "you're not supposed to be awake for another hour. We can laze around in here for now." He stretched his arms upwards, sighing as he let them fall to his sides.
"Do you think Meiko will kill us for staying in here?" Rin thought for a moment before shrugging.
"Nah."
"Alright."
They stayed silent, enjoying each other's company. Len didn't have to ask Rin why she was awake so early. It was a unspoken knowledge that Rin suffered from nightmares.
She had moved on from waking up with horrified screams.
No longer did she have to crawl into Len's bed to calm down.
She just woke up now, and wandered around to clear her mind. Maybe pick a fight or two with Kaito. She had her emotions in check, more or less.
She rolled onto her side, looking over at Len as he too laid comfortably on his bed.
"So what now?" Len shrugged in response.
"Just wait until Meiko or Miku gets us, I guess."
"Yeah."
So they waited. It was uneventful and, quite frankly, very boring. However for the twins, it was a comfortable, quiet, and peaceful.
In short, it was nice.
Time passed slowly before a knock was heard on their door. Len called out to the person.
"Who is it?"
"It's Miku." Her soft voice floated through the door. "Are you both awake now?"
"We've been awake for a while now."
"Oh, alright. Well, Meiko has an announcement for us. Come out soon, alright?"
"Yeah." Her retreating footsteps were heard as they both sat up, stretching a bit before Len got up and went to the closet. Pulling out an uniform, he went wordlessly into the bathroom to change. Rin waited for him, combing her bangs away from her eyes.
Fuck hair accessories.
She didn't need them.
Len however, needed them. He came out of the bathroom, tying his hair up in a slopping ponytail combing his bangs back with his fingers. They flopped back over his eyes.
"Ready to go?" Rin nodded and got up, walking besides him as they left their room. As they approached the meeting room, they could hear loud shouting coming from inside. They looked at each other, unsure as to whether or not it was safe to open before the door was broken off its hinges, and Kaito came soaring out of it, slamming against the wall across from the room and sliding to the ground.
It looked like he was unconscious.
Maybe.
"Meiko! C-calm down!" Rin and Len peeked inside the room that Kaito had so majestically flown from and saw Miku holding Meiko back.
"That little asshat had it coming!" she growled out, straining from Miku's slipping grasp. Miku spotted the twins and smiled awkwardly.
"U-um! Just uh, give us a second! Meiko calm down!" Rin stepped in front of Meiko, staring her down and raising an eyebrow.
"We were supposed to have a meeting, right?" Meiko froze in her struggling, looking from Rin and then to Len. Miku dropped her arms, letting the brunette straighten up and clear her throat.
"Right. A meeting." She walked over to a table situated in the middle of the room and stood at the head of it, slamming her palms down to demand attention and respect from her subordinates. The twins rolled their eyes and leaned again the table, looking at her in a bored manner while Miku went out to drag Kaito somewhat back into the room. It turned out that he was unconscious. Meiko grinned at the lot of them as she leaned forward.
"Due to the unexpectedly calm times, I have now come to announce that today, we shall have some team-bonding activities!"
Everyone, except Meiko and Kaito, groaned.
Kaito remained knocked out.
A/N: Guess who's back motherfuckers.