Been a while, huh? Yeah, I suck, I know...writer's block is a bitch...here's the next installment...I'm not really sure how I feel about it...I was honestly scared to write it, but I couldn't resist, since it's been an idea I've had since I started writing GrimmIchi and it fit so perfectly with this song...anyways, enjoy:)

Warning: contains charater death

Title: Things That I Have Done
Song: This Is How I Disappear by My Chemical Romance
Genre: Tragedy/Romance
POV: third person

To un-explain the unforgivable,

Drain all the blood and give the kids a show.

By streetlight this dark night,

A seance down below.

There's things that I have done,

You never should ever know...

Monday, July 8, 2013; Session three-12:52 p.m.

"My first kill, huh? It was when I was thirteen. I killed a girl at a busstop. She didn't bother me; didn't have a problem. I had an urge and I acted on it. What do I remember the most? The look in her eyes. That's what gave me the satisfaction; knowing, and having her know, that I held her life in my hands and there was nothing she could do about it. I guess you could say I felt like God, if such a thing exists. Do you believe in God, Dr. Kurosaki?"

"I can't say I have an opinion either way, Grimmjow."

"You think I belong here, don't you? You think I'm crazy?"

"I think you need help. I don't think you're crazy."

For a second, all was quiet as the two men, doctor and patient, stared each other down. The air seemed to palpitate with tension, a tension that neither of them could explain. Ichigo stared into the piercing blue eyes of the blue-haired man in front of him, feeling himself being drawn in.

Avert your eyes, Kurosaki, he thought to himself. Don't let him pull you in.

"Would you like to continue, Grimmjow?"

"Che. Whatever." Grimmjow directed his gaze out the window. He couldn't stand people like Dr. Kurosaki. Always thinking they could save everyone.

"So your next kill...something changed?" Ichigo probed. This was his third session with Grimmjow, and the first that he'd been successful in getting the older man to talk.

"Yeah. The look wasn't enough. Next it was the blood. Killed a trucker at a gas station. Slit his throat then gutted him like a fish. Pulled his intestines out; they really are as long as they say, you know? That's when the scent really hit me; it was like euphoria. I dipped my hand in it, watched it run. Felt like...you know the last two minutes of fucking. You're balls deep, hitting the walls, you can feel it coming and then...boom! It's like light's exploding behind your eyes, body convulsing, heartbeat slowing, all you wanna do is have a cigarette and go to sleep. That's what it felt like."

Grimmjow watched as Ichigo pushed his glasses up on his nose and scribbled something in his notes. His first two sessions, he'd just quietly observed the psychiatrist. He was a gorgeous young man; Grimmjow found his large brown eyes to be the most attractive thing about him. Attractive yet disturbing. Grimmjow had never felt anything, really, but the doctor's eyes stirred emotions within him. He didn't like it.

"Unfortunately, our time is up. Your next appointment is on Friday." Ichigo stood, extending his hand. Grimmjow stood as well.

"Yeah." He grasped Ichigo's hand in his own and smiled ferally. "Next time, I'll tell you about losing my virginity."

Ichigo refrained from rolling his eyes as he crossed the room, pushing a button on the wall that was connected to an intercom system.

"He's all yours, Kenpachi." There was a loud buzzing, and then the glass doors of the interrogation room slid open. A large, eye-patched man strolled menacingly into the room. Grimmjow did not refrain from rolling his eyes.

"Let's go, Kitten," Kenpachi teased, as he snapped shackles onto Grimmjow's wrists with more force than necessary. The blue-haired man ground his teeth at the nickname, his eyes shooting daggers at his one-eyed guard. He turned back to Ichigo before he could be drug from the room.

"See you on Friday, Dr. Kurosaki."

Ichigo did not look up from the paperwork he'd began filling out.

"Goodbye, Grimmjow." He listened as the serial killer's snickering faded away as he was taken back to his cell.

Ichigo sighed as he took off his glasses and ran a hand through his bangs. Of all his patients, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez was the one he just couldn't figure out. The man was the definition of enigma; he was a killer, a cold-blooded murderer, but he had no reason to be. He had an excellent childhood with good parents and a loving household. So what was his motivation to become such a monster? Ichigo knew there had to be a better explanation than "had an urge and I acted on it". He just had to dig a little deeper. He would help Grimmjow, just like he helped all his other patients. It would just take time, just like anything else.

Sighing, Ichigo put his glasses back on and began to fill out Grimmjow's patient report. It was blatantly obvious that the man was a sociopath, but Ichigo felt like his case went deeper than that. He knew there was more to Grimmjow than his ethereal appearance and what he'd become. He would just have to find out what that was.

Grimmjow stared at the ceiling of his cell, unconsciously biting his lower lip. It was a tick he'd always had when he was deep in pensivity. What was he thinking about? Who would be the better question. Dr. Ichigo Kurosaki, of course. The good doctor was a mystery Grimmjow would never solve.

"What're you doing up there, Sexta?" the watery voice of his albino cellmate called in inquiry.

"Thinking," Grimmjow responded, distantly.

"What about?"

"Kurosaki. He pisses me off." Grimmjow gritted his teeth as Shiro's distorted laughter rang throughout the cell.

"Piss you off or turn you on?" he asked, once he'd sobered. Grimmjow tsked, but didn't respond otherwise. "You're not fooling me, Sexta. We all know Kurosaki is hotter than hell. Why do you think people waste their time in therapy?"

"Because we're forced to since this is a mental institution as well as a prison," Grimmjow stated, matter-of-factly.

"Well, there's that, but be serious, Grimmy. We're in here because we're criminally insane. Most of us aren't gonna get outta here, because no amount of therapy or medication can change what we are. Insane. Most of us just go to therapy for the meds and the eye candy; Kurosaki provides both."

Grimmjow closed his eyes as he thought about what Shiro had said. The image of Dr. Kurosaki immediately materialized behind his closed eyelids. The effervescent orange hair, smooth sun-kissed skin, and lithe sensual frame he knew hid under the white lab coat the doctor always wore, were already enough to pull Grimmjow in. It was those eyes; the kindness, the compassion, the light in those soft brown eyes is what pulled him in the most. Ichigo seemed to actually care about people. That's what pissed Grimmjow off. There's no need to care about people, especially when they're people like him.

I don't need his fucking sympathy, he thought to himself.

Yes, he would make Dr. Kurosaki see that he couldn't save everyone.

Friday, July 12, 2013; Session four-12:26 p.m.

"How about we pick up where we left off on Monday, Grimmjow?" Ichigo inquired. The session had begun almost half an hour before and Grimmjow had yet to say one word. Ichigo held the icy azure gaze and maintained an outward air of professional nonchalance, though inwardly he squirmed.

"Have you ever been in love, Dr. Kurosaki?" Grimmjow suddenly asked. Stunned by the unexpected and personal question, Ichigo didn't respond for a short time. Finally, after gathering his scattered thoughts, he pretended to take notes as he answered Grimmjow's question,

"No."

Grimmjow looked at the doctor incredulously.

"Never?"

"No."

"Not even a crush?"

"That's not the same as being in love."

"Same to me."

"Well, I'm not you."

A long stretch of silence followed Ichigo's response. Grimmjow smirked as Ichigo cleared his throat.

"So, no girlfriend?"

"No."

"Boyfriend?" Ichigo paled visibly and Grimmjow chuckled.

"Let's get back to you, Grimmjow."

"Alright. Do you find me attractive, Dr. Kurosaki?" Ichigo stared blankly at the other man, careful to keep his emotions in check. Grimmjow, not concerned with who may or may not have been watching their exchange, continued. "You want me to fuck you, don't you?"

"Grimmjow-"

"Wanna feel my dick hit your g-spot when I'm pounding into you..."

"Grimmjow-"

"Feel my sweat on your skin while it mixes with yours...are you close?"

"Grimmjow!" The doctor yelled, flustered and annoyed. "I think that's enough."

"But you haven't even been satisfied, Doc."

"I said enough," Ichigo said, sternly. Grimmjow threw his hands into the air in defeat.

"Alright."

"I will not allow you to make a mockery of my work, Grimmjow. I want to help you, but I can't do that unless you want to be helped."

"I never asked for your help," Grimmjow responded, with a shrug. He watched Ichigo with intent as he waited for the other to respond. How does that make you feel, Kurosaki? he thought, snidely. The young doctor's eyes softened and he sighed.

"I know. But I'm offering it to you anyway. I know there's more to you than what's on the surface. I'm willing to help you, if you'll allow me."

Grimmjow met Ichigo's eyes. He was being genuine; he really thought he could help Grimmjow. The blue-haired man barely held back a chuckle of amusement. Help me? Yeah fucking right.

"Now, can we continue from where we left off on Monday?" Ichigo asked. Grimmjow shrugged and looked out the window. It was raining. He hated rain.

"She was six years older than me," he said. Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"Who?"

"The first girl I slept with. I was sixteen, but she thought I was older. All the girls were after me, but I was never really interested. She basically jumped me at a party. I wasn't supposed to be there anyway, so she offered me a ride home. After we fucked, I killed her."

"Why?" Grimmjow turned to Ichigo with a passive look.

"Because I wanted to. Should I have another reason?"

Ichigo didn't know how to respond. So he didn't.

"The six you carved onto her lower back. Was it because of the age difference between you?" he asked. Grimmjow shook his head.

"Nah, just a coincidence. The six comes from this." Ichigo watched as Grimmjow stood and lifted his shirt. He caught a brief glance of the blue-haired man's Adonis-like figure before the other turned around, revealing a gothic six tattoo on the lower right side of his back.

"I see. Where did the tattoo come from?" Ichigo asked, glad to finally get past the nonsense that Grimmjow was spouting before.

"My. . .father," Grimmjow responded through clenched teeth. Ichigo made note of the tone of the other man's response. So maybe Grimmjow's childhood wasn't as great as he'd previously thought.

"You want to tell me about it?"

"Not particularly. I think I'm done talking for today, Dr. Kurosaki." Grimmjow glared out the window. He really hated rain.

"Well, we still have about fifteen minutes together, so if you feel like talking again-"

"I hate the rain," Grimmjow practically whispered. "I hate it."

Ichigo arched a brow before adding more notes into Grimmjow's file.

He hates the rain.

"Why do you hate the rain so much, Grimmjow?" he asked. The blue-haired male returned his gaze to the doctor. A slow smile crept across his lips as he leaned forward in his seat. Ichigo involuntarily drew back in his own.

"Why are you squirming, Kurosaki? You want me, don't you?" Ichigo let out another sigh. Back to the nonsense again. "C'mon, just admit it, and you can have me."

Ichigo almost groaned. Almost.

"Grimmjow, not only is the notion that I harbor feelings for you ridiculous, it is also against the rules."

"You always do what you're told?" Grimmjow asked, and Ichigo could hear the mockery in his husky voice. Grimmjow's eyes lowered to half mast when he saw the young doctor's knuckles turning white from the grip he had on his clipboard. Though it pissed him off the the doctor was still somewhat maintaining his composure, that slight crack in the otherwise ever-professional façade was enough to turn him on. "Well I'll admit it for the both of us. I want you, Dr. Kurosaki."

Ichigo's eyes widened and he felt the last of his composure haul ass out of the room.

"What kind of game do you think you're playing, Jaegerjaquez?" he snapped, leaning forward so his accelerated breathing ruffled the strands of blue hair that hung over the other man's forehead. Grimmjow smirked before leaning in so his lips brushed against Ichigo's ever so slightly; the doctor's breath hitched.

"'From childhood's hour I have not been, as others were - I have not seen, as others saw - I could not bring, my passions from a common spring -'"

Ichigo furrowed his brows and leaned back once more.

"Is that. . .Edgar Allan Poe?" he asked. Grimmjow smiled an almost sad smile.

"'From the same source I have not taken, my sorrow - I could not awaken, my heart to joy at the same tone - and all I lov'd - I lov'd alone -'"

Ichigo looked incredulously at the man before him. Just what was Grimmjow getting at? The doctor flinched when Grimmjow stood abruptly from his chair and used his arms to trap him. Ichigo felt his throat drying up; this was the first time he was genuinely scared of a patient. And he'd treated Shirosaki. He watched Grimmjow watch him, the electric blue gaze flickering over Ichigo's form almost appreciatively. His breath hitched once more as Grimmjow leaned forward and pressed his lips against the doctor's. The kiss was soft, almost gentle as if it was something Grimmjow had pondered before hand. Ichigo did not respond to the kiss until Grimmjow pressed harder, swiping his tongue across the orange haired male's bottom lip. The doctor parted his lips slightly and allowed Grimmjow entrance into the warm cavern. The kiss lasted for a few more moments before Grimmjow pulled away.

Ichigo looked up at the handsome man through his long eyelashes. Grimmjow stared down at the younger male with a nonchalant expression. He watched the faint blush spread across Ichigo's cheeks, wishing for all the world that something could change his mind about what he was going to do.

"Grimmjow, what. . .what is this?" Ichigo asked quietly. The blue haired male sighed and returned to his seat.

"'In our endeavors to recall to memory something long forgotten, we often find ourselves upon the very verge of remembrance, without being able, in the end, to remember'."

Ichigo let out a sigh of his own. When the hell had Grimmjow become so intelligent and philosophical?

"What does that mean, Grimmjow?"

"It means, Dr. Kurosaki, that I can no longer remember how to feel. . .and that there are things that I have done that I'd rather forget."

The doctor's gaze softened once more. Grimmjow could sense the pity, the sympathy, the patronization, and he hated it. He hated how it made his heart ache and caused him to long for the doctor's touch, his scent, his taste. He hated everything about the current situation. He leaned back in his chair and looked out the window again. He hated the rain.

It was then that Grimmjow's decision was made. He was going to kill Ichigo Kurosaki.

Three months later...
Friday October 4, 2013 Session forty-12:06 p.m.

Grimmjow smiled almost pleasantly at the doctor, who smiled cordially in return. A lot had changed since that session three months ago.

"Your hair is much longer now," Ichigo stated as he situated his glasses on to his nose. Grimmjow smirked and pulled the long blue tresses over his right shoulder.

"You like?" he asked, causing the doctor to let out an amused chuckle.

"Sure. I like it if you do. Now, can we talk some today? Perhaps about your father?"

Grimmjow's smile fell and his eyes narrowed.

"He wasn't my father. Neither of them were my parents. I was adopted." Ichigo nodded his head, adding the new information to his notes.

He was adopted.

"How old were you when they adopted you?"

"Six." Ichigo's eyes widened. Grimmjow just shook his head.

"The tattoo? Your father did that to you?" the doctor asked in mild shock. Grimmjow chuckled.

"Among other things, but tell me, Dr. Kurosaki," he said as he stood slowly, trapping the doctor in almost the same manner that he had three months ago. Ichigo met Grimmjow's gaze with a look of determination. "Is this really what you want to discuss right now?" Ichigo felt his resolve crumble as the icy blue gaze seemed to hypnotize him.

After that first kiss, Ichigo had refused all of Grimmjow's advances. It wasn't that he didn't want the other man, but he knew it was just. . .wrong. Not only was Grimmjow Ichigo's patient and an inmate in a mental institution for the criminally insane, but the man was a serial killer. He'd killed thirty-nine people, for no other reason than that he wanted to. He wasn't exactly one to bring home to the folks, but there was indeed some sort of attraction. Finding his voice once more, the doctor answered in a whisper,

"No."

"Good, Doctor. Now, tell me," Grimmjow said, reaching down to palm Ichigo's groin. The orange haired male sucked in a shaky breath. "What is it that you want?"

"Lock the door," Ichigo whispered once more. Grimmjow raised an eyebrow. Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Do you want Kenpachi to come in here?"

Grimmjow shuddered at the thought and crossed the room to lock the door. Once the task was complete, he leaned against the door, eyeing Ichigo bodily. The doctor stood, squirming under the intense gaze. Ichigo removed his lab coat slowly, meeting the blue haired man's eyes. Grimmjow pushed away from the door, his stride a slow almost prowl. Ichigo kept his eyes on the taller male as he loosened his tie. Grimmjow reached Ichigo, pulling him close to his strong muscled body. His lips ghosted over Ichigo's as he seemed to be taking in the doctor's scent. Grimmjow surprised Ichigo when he began to speak against his lips.

"'Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before'. . ." Ichigo gasped as Grimmjow lifted him up effortlessly and dropped him down on his desk. "'But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token, and the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"'. . ."

Ichigo shuddered as Grimmjow's cool fingertips ghosted over his taut abdomen. The older man smiled softly.

"You are so beautiful. . ."

"Grimmjow. . .I need you," Ichigo moaned, softly, pushing himself up so that he could attach his lips to the other man's. The kiss was slow and sensual, everything it had been the first time and more. "Please. . ."

Grimmjow pulled the doctor's slacks off, lowering the smaller male's boxers along with them. Ichigo shivered slightly as the cool air caressed his overheated erection. The coolness however was soon replaced by the warmth of the blue haired male's large hand. Ichigo jerked upwards involuntarily.

"'This I whispered and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore?" Merely this and nothing more'. . ." With the quiet murmur of his words, Grimmjow stroked the writhing male beneath him to full hardness. He leaned forward placing light kisses along Ichigo's jawline. "'Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before...'"

Ichigo whimpered as the killer's sharper than average canines sunk into the flesh covering his collarbone. He tangled his fingers in the thick blue locks, pressing the other man closer to his heated skin.

"G-Grimmjow. . ."

"'Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a faint and flutter, in there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore. . .'" Grimmjow gazed down at Ichigo's form with almost admiration. Ichigo met the other man's lustful gaze with one of his own. Grimmjow grip the doctor's thighs lightly, spreading them apart slowly. "'Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore- tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore! Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore'. . .'"

Reaching for the waistband of his pants, Grimmjow placed three of his fingers against Ichigo's soft lips. The orange haired male wasted no time taking the digits into his mouth and covering them in his saliva. Grimmjow smiled gently as he freed his erection from the confines of his underwear.

"'But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door. . .'" He sighed as he removed his fingers from Ichigo's mouth and inserted the first of the three into the doctor's waiting entrance. Ichigo groaned loudly, moving his hips ever so slightly against the invading appendage. "'Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore-'"

Ichigo's breath hitched as the killer's second finger slipped inside him, joining the first in stretching his entrance.

"'What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore meant in croaking 'Nevermore.'. . .'"

"Grimmjow. . .please. . ." Ichigo begged breathlessly as the third finger was inserted. Grimmjow watched Ichigo wriggle against his fingers, his body glistening with perspiration and his eyes squeezed shut.

His eyes. I hate his eyes, he thought. The doctor's beautiful brown eyes were what caused Grimmjow so much dissonance. If he opens his eyes, I'll have all the reason I need to kill him.

"'"Wretch!", I cried, "thy god hath lent thee- by these angels he hath sent thee respite- respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget the lost Lenore!. . .'"

Ichigo gasped sharply as Grimmjow suddenly thrusted into him, filling him completely. His eyes opened slowly and locked with Grimmjow's as he spoke,

"'Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore.". . .'"

Grimmjow's gaze narrowed as he started a slow rhythm in and out of Ichigo's tight heat. He stroked the soft skin of the doctor's lithe frame, focusing his touch on the skin of Ichigo's neck.

"'"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!- prophet still, if bird or devil! By that heaven that bends above us, by that God we both adore-". . .'" Ichigo arched upwards as one of Grimmjow's thrusts brushed against his prostate. "'Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, it should clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore. . .'"

Ichigo pulled Grimmjow down into a fierce kiss, biting the blue haired male's lip.

"'Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore.". . .'" he whispered, with a smile. Grimmjow frowned as he continued to move within him.

He thinks this is a game?

"'"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting- "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!". . .'" Ichigo cried out when Grimmjow suddenly lifted him upwards, violently pounding into him. "'Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hast spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!". . .'"

Grimmjow returned the doctor's body to the desk, wrapping his hand around Ichigo's neck. The doctor grabbed at his hand, gasping for air. Grimmjow grinned as his thrusts quickened and he felt his release nearing.

"G-Grimm. . .jow. . ." Ichigo choked out. Grimmjow closed his eyes as he tightened his grip around Ichigo's neck. He reveled in the choking sounds and the burn of the scratches that the doctor made at his hand. He opened his eyes once more, only to lock gazes with Ichigo. He frowned, and pressed harder against the doctor's neck.

"'Take thy beak from out my heart and take thy form from off my door!. . .'"

Grimmjow growled as he felt the heat pooling in his groin and Ichigo's struggling became weaker. He thrusted into the orange haired male a few more times before his essence filled him. He watched with a manic grin as the light drained from Ichigo's eyes. Those goddamned eyes. He released his grip on Ichigo's neck, slumping to the floor.

"'Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore.". . .'"

He started as the sirens rang loudly throughout the institution. His grin receded to a smirk as he glanced at Ichigo's unmoving form.

"See, Dr. Kurosaki? I told you you can't save everyone."

The door to the interrogation room slid open and Kenpachi along with three other guards stormed into the room. Grimmjow began to laugh dementedly as they fought to restrain him.

"You crazy fucker! What did you do?" Kenpachi yelled, his voice booming over the sound of the sirens and Grimmjow's laughter.

"'And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting on the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door. . .'" Grimmjow continued to struggle as the two guards forced him into a straight jacket. He howled maniacally as he was forced to the ground. "'and his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, and the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; and my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor, shall be lifted- nevermore!'"

Okay, so I'm sorry people die...and I'm sorry Grimmjow's crazy...and I'm sorry for taking so long to update...I'm just sorry -_- Thanks for reading...until next time,

Patd06